Adventures With Cora Mills
by WitchyLove14
Summary: A series of adventures with Cora. Regina and Emma are together and experience adventures with Cora, since she is new to this world, is amused and terrified of some things, and likes to cause trouble. Language. Talks of sexy times. Fluff. SwanQueen. Cora is the biggest SQ shipper ever. THIS IS A CRACK FIC
1. Family Car Ride

**Hey guys, this was originally going to be a oneshot. But if you guys are interested I wanna make it into a series. A series of adventures of SwanQueen with Cora, since she's new to the world there is a lot for her to explore. **

**Let me know what you all think!**

**Please review!**

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This was going to be the absolute worst week of Emma's life. She just knew it. She had just wanted it to be a family vacation, consisting of herself, Henry and Regina. They had talked about it but then Henry let it slip to Snow and Charming and then that snowballed into inviting Cora as well of course.

So now family time would consist of the whole family… which meant no sexy times with Regina since they wouldn't be able to get away from them for more than five minutes.

_Fuck my life_. Emma thought to herself as she threw the last suitcase into the SUV. Since they've been married for over a year now and had been talking about adding to their family, Regina insisted on buying a larger safer vehicle. Which meant the hulking Red SUV that was currently sitting in their driveway.

After tossing the last bag in Emma turned to look back at the house. She could hear Regina's voice carry through the open door, making her chuckle.

"MOTHER YOU DO NOT NEED THAT!" Regina yelled out.

Silence.

"BECAUSE THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOUR DAGGERS!" Regina yelled out again, causing Emma to laugh.

She ran up to the house and peered through the doorway.

Cora had gotten an apartment just down the road from Snow and Charmings new home, which was just down the road from their mansion. Meaning the in-laws could stop in at anytime.

Cora was standing in the foyer with a confused expression on her face.

"But what if I need them?" Cora asked haughtily.

"And why on earth would you need the daggers?" Regina asked calmly.

"You never know! I won't be able to use my magic outside of Storybrooke!" Cora defended making Regina throw her hands up in irritation.

"Cora you don't need the daggers now both of you please drop it before my wife drops to the floor from a brain hemorrhage." Emma interjected.

Regina gave a grateful smile before heading up the stairs to get Henry.

"You can take one." Emma said to Cora quietly, making the woman smile brightly before picking her favorite and putting it in her purse, magicking the others away.

"Where are your parents?" Cora asked curiously.

Now here's the thing, even though Snow and James had managed to forgive and move on with Regina, Cora was another matter. Cora was trying, really trying, to show them she had changed, and it was working, it was just a slow process because Cora was… well Cora.

"Okay we are set." Regina said as her and Henry descended the stairs, her purse in hand and his backpack on his back.

"Great, we just need my parents to show up." Emma muttered with some irritation.

"We're here!" Snow's voice called from outside, making the foursome exit the house.

"Let me help Dad." Emma said rushing over to her father to help speed the loading process up.

"Regina." Snow said with a smile as she leaned in and gave her daughter-in-law a quick hug.

They pulled back and Snow ruffled Henry's hair before her eyes fell on Cora.

"Cora."

"Snow."

The two women stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments.

"You don't have to hug." Regina said dryly before walking to the car to help her wife.

"Yes you do." Henry spoke up with a devious smirk.

The two women eyed him suspiciously before glancing at each other, tentatively moving closer before awkwardly hugging.

Cora gave Snow a gentle pat on the back and when they pulled away she offered her a small genuine smile, making the young woman smile back.

"See, that wasn't so bad!" Henry chimed happily before rushing to the car and hoping in, taking the last row.

"Baby you driving?" Emma asked coming around to where everyone was standing.

"Yes. Who's riding shotgun?" Regina asked curiously taking the keys from her wife.

"Ma come sit with me!" Henry called from the back, making Emma smile before looking apologetically at Regina.

"Good luck." Emma said with a laugh before kissing her wife softly and hopping in to join Henry.

Regina turned and eyed her mother and in-laws. Her eyes fixed on James.

"No." Regina said pointing to him.

"Why not?" James asked.

"Because you are a horrible co-pilot."

"She's right honey." Snow agreed.

"And not you either." Regina said to Snow making the woman give her a hurt look.

"How come?"

"Because you are constantly yelling at me, 'Regina watch out for that squirrel', 'Regina watch out for that bunny.' 'Regina watch out for that bird that is a hundred miles from the vehicle.'"

"She has a point mom, you're way too intense about animals."

"THEY HAVE FAMILIES!" Snow defended.

"Yes and so do I and I'm sure my wife would not be thrilled if I murdered her mother for getting on my case about my driving!" Regina retorted.

"Looks like it's me then." Cora said with a smile before jumping into the passenger side.

"This is going to be a long drive." Regina muttered before heading to the driver's side and Snow and Charming entered the vehicle.

Regina slid in and started the car, before backing out she looked to her mother.

"You'd better not touch my goddamn radio."

"Why?" Cora asked in confusion.

"No offense Nana but your taste in music sucks." Henry piped up with a giggle, making Cora smile at her grandson.

"I've gotten better!" Cora replied coolly as Regina backed out of the driveway.

"REGINA THERES A BUNNY!" Snow yelled suddenly causing Regina to slam on the brakes and everyone jerk forward.

She turned around in her seat and death glared Snow, purple swirls flowing in her eyes.

"Sorry." Snow muttered to Regina, who promptly turned around and continued backing out.

"Yell like that again and I will hit the animal." Regina said firmly, making Snow gasp but kept her mouth shut.

They started the drive and quickly passed over the Storybrooke line before Regina turned the radio on.

She turned up the volume when she heard Sweet Home Alabama come on by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

"_Sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue, sweet home Alabama, lord I'm coming home to you."_

The music flitted through the vehicle causing Emma to hum loudly along with the music, making Regina smile as she glanced in the rearview mirror.

"Isn't there anything else?" Cora asked eyeing the radio.

"As much as I love classical music mother, your taste in it is absolutely horrendous." Regina commented idly.

"Emma did you bring your ipod?" Cora asked glancing in the rearview mirror.

"Ahhh yeah." Emma handed her ipod forward to her dad who in turn gave it to Cora. She plugged the device in and skimmed through the songs, smirking when she saw a song.

She pressed play, immediately singing along.

"_It's going down fade to Blackstreet  
The homeys got abby collab creations, Funk like acne  
No doubt I put it down never slouch  
As long as my credit could vouch  
A dog couldn't catch me, ass out  
Tell me who could stop with Dre makin' moves  
Attracting honeys like a magnet  
Giving them ear-gasms with my mellow accent  
Still moving his flavor with the homeys Blackstreet & Teddy  
The original rump shakers"_

Regina's mouth dropped open, almost swerving off of the road as she heard her mother begin rapping to the song, complete with gestures.

Once the chorus hit she started waving her hands in the air.

"_Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo  
(hey yo that girl looks good)  
Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo  
(play on play on player)  
Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo  
(you're my kind of girl)  
Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo"_

Regina continued to drive but she knew that everyone else in the car had the same expressions.

Cora finished out the song before sighing happily and scrolled through Emma's playlist.

"Oh this is a good one!" Cora exclaimed happily before pressing play and belting.

"_Hey hey, you you__  
__I know that you like me__  
__No way, no way__  
__You know it's not a secret__  
__Hey hey, you you__  
__I want to be your girlfriend__You're so fine__  
__I want you mine__  
__You're so delicious__  
__I think about you all the time__  
__You're so addictive__  
__Don't you know__  
__What I can do__  
__To make you feel alright__  
__( alright alright alright)__Don't pretend__  
__I think you know__  
__I'm damn precious__  
__And hell yeah__  
__I'm the mother fucking princess__  
__I can tell you like me too__  
__And you know I'm right__  
__( I'm right I'm right I'm right)"_

"Mother!" Regina cried out, surprised at her mother.

"What?! It's a good song!" Cora defended before scrolling again.

"Cora… you listened to these songs?" Snow asked surprised. James was still stunned to silence, and Emma had her mouth open in disbelief.

"Go Nana!" Henry called happily from the back, making Cora smile

"Yes, I may or may not have stolen Emma's ipod briefly… which I have to say dear, having a playlist entitled, 'Songs to fuck Regina to' is not tasteful."

Regina swerved the car at her mother's words.

"Ew gross." Henry piped up.

Emma didn't even bother to cover his ears; her mouth was flapping with an attempt to respond, to no avail.

"YOU HAVE A PLAYLIST?!" Regina yelled from the front.

"Emma!" Snow yelled disapprovingly before turning and facing her daughter.

"I did not need to know that." James said.

"I know you and my daughter enjoy the occasional romp, but would it hurt to make love to her?" Cora asked unashamed from the front.

Before Cora finished her sentence Regina threw Emma pair of sound proof headphones from her purse, indicating they be put on Henry, which she did just before Cora said 'romp'.

"Hey!" Henry cried out but Emma glared down at him.

"We do make love!" Emma defended from the back.

"I so do not need to hear this." James muttered.

"Regina?" Cora asked, waiting her daughter's input.

One thing about Cora, she was not shy about sex… Regina wasn't either by any means, but she saved that sort of thing for the bedroom, not for in front of her mother and in-laws.

"Yes mother we make love, with the occasional romp." Regina commented, a blush creeping up her face.

"Thank god I didn't want my daughter treating you like a sex toy." Snow chimed in, making everyone turn and look at her.

Cora turned around and gave Snow an approving look.

"This is the most awkward car ride ever." Emma whined.

"Tell me about it." James agreed.

"Mother are you done analyzing myself and Emma's sex life?" Regina asked, the blush still on her face but her voice held strong.

"Yes… for now. Let's play something from that play list." Cora said with glee.

"Yes please do, I want to hear what filth my daughter is listening to." Snow agreed.

"YOU JUST SAID SEX TOY WITHOUT BLUSHING AND YOU'RE CALLING MY MUSIC FILTH?!" Emma yelled outraged.

Henry sat in the back, his eyes watching the adults who were clearly yelling, but he was unable to hear what they were saying, so instead he pulled out his ipod before plugging the headphones in. Might as well listen to something.

"Oh this is a good one." Cora smirked and hit play and began to sing.

Come and put your name on it  
Put your name on it  
Come and put your name on it  
Your name  
Bet you wanna put your name on it  
Put your name on it  
Come and put your name on it  
Ba-ba-baby

"_It's not even my birthday, but he wanna lick the icing off, I know you want it in the worst way_," Cora sang happily, "_Can't wait to blow my candles out, he want that cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake_," Cora started to dance along with the song.

"_(Bet you wanna put your name on it)_" She added in a deeper voice, before continuing.

"_Ooh baby, I like it, you so excited, don't try to hide it, imma make you my bitch_" Regina looked horrified as her mother sang the lyrics.

"Really Emma?! Birthday Cake!" Regina yelled over the music and her mother's singing.

Emma smiled sheepishly before joining in with Cora. Eyeing Regina up front while she sang.

"_Girl I wanna fuck you right now, been a long time I been missing yo body_" Emma pointed up front to Regina, "l_emme lemme turn the lights down, when I wanna go down it's a private party oohh._" She caught Regina's eye in the mirror and winked.

"_And it's not even her birthday, but I wanna lick the icing off, give it to her in the worst way, can't wait to blow her candles out, I want that-_"

Emma and Cora took a breath before singing the chorus together

"_Cake, cake, cake, cake,_  
_Cake, cake, cake, cake,_  
_Cake, cake, cake, cake,_  
_Cake, cake, cake, cake,_

_Ooh baby, I like it,_  
_You so excited,_  
_Don't try to hide it,_  
_Imma make you my bitch_,"

Regina felt her face grow hot and she'd be lying if she denied she wasn't thinking about being bent over the couch while Emma was busy fucking her however she wanted. She'd be a rotten liar.

Regina swallowed thickly before Cora hit the pause button, stopping the music.

"We need to change the song, Regina's got a- what's the expression, 'a lady boner?'" Cora asked with confusion, causing Regina to swerve the car once more.

"BUNNY RABBIT!" Snow yelled out suddenly, making Regina swerve the car again in the other direction.

"DAMNIT SNOW!" The group cried out as they got back on the road.

"Regina do you have another set of those headphones?" James asked, he about had enough of learning about his daughter's sex life to last a lifetime.

"As a matter of fact I do." Regina pulled another pair from her purse and handed them to James.

James sighed happily as the noise in the car was drowned out.

"Okay something new." Cora said.

"Please do not pick anything else from that playlist." Regina pleaded to her mother.

With an eye roll and a sigh Cora agreed, skimming through more songs.

"Oh this one will be good!" Cora exclaimed, hitting play.

"_Jump out your car in the middle of the street_  
_Open up the truck let the base beat_  
_Go ahead, go ahead,_  
_You gotta walk up in the club bear-footed_  
_I like that booty you know where to put it_  
_Go ahead, go ahead._

_Now mamma you look so professional I'm followin' you sweatin' you_  
_I can't believe I'm doing what I'm doing_  
_What is wrong with my head go ahead_  
_'Cause baby I like how you're working it_  
_And watching you, you twarkin' it_  
_I'm trying get you out of this club and get you off in my bed_  
_Ohh, go ahead, yeah_."

Emma laughed as Cora sang through the song and Snow joined in shortly after. An amused smirk graced Regina's lips as she watched Cora dance as best she could in the seat. Snow in the back singing back up.

"_Now let me see the booty work, booty work,_  
_Booty work, boo booty work,_  
_Booty work, booty work, boo boo boo booty work,_  
_Go ahead, go ahead,_  
_Now let me see the booty work, booty work,_  
_Booty work, boo booty work._  
_Left cheek, right cheek, left cheek, right cheek_."

Cora continued singing and dancing, lifting her butt up off of the seat whenever the left cheek right cheek part came up.

By this point Regina was laughing hysterically as she glanced at Cora out of the corner of her eye.

"Such an entertaining brand of music." Cora commented pausing the song. She began sifting through more of the songs.

"I had no idea you would even like this stuff Cora." Emma commented from the back.

"I admit I was surprised at first when I listened to some of the music on it." Cora said turning around to look at Emma.

"I never knew you were this much fun Cora." Snow said with a laugh, seeing the woman in a whole new light.

"Yeah she got that stick out of her ass." Emma commented, making Cora quirk an eyebrow and Snow suppress a laugh, "What it's true!"

"I think my daughter could take some lessons from me." Cora added, looking to her daughter pointedly.

"I beg your pardon! I am perfectly fun." Regina commented stiffly.

"Baby I love you but you are sort of tightly wound… in public that is." Emma said slyly.

"She isn't like this in the sack?" Cora asked surprised.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, making the three other women laugh.

"No she's wild." Emma said seriously.

"Oh Emma I don't need to hear that." Snow whined.

"I'm surprised." Cora answered Emma, looking to her daughter who was currently blushing.

"Oh yeah, dirty talk, dominating, the whole nine yards."

"EMMA!" Regina scolded, her face as bright as an apple.

"IT'S TRUE!"

"NO SEX FOR A WEEK!" Regina yelled out, Cora and Emma both gasped.

Regina looked back at Emma through the mirror and smirked, pleased with herself.

"But, but, but…" Emma trailed off with a pout.

"That was rude." Cora said.

"Well she needs to not spew details of our sex life." Regina defended.

"I'm sorry." Emma said in a small voice from the back.

Regina didn't want to look in the mirror; she knew she'd see a pout and puppy eyes and she would give immediately.

"Gina." Emma tried again.

"Now you're just being mean." Cora commented, looking back and forth between Emma and Regina.

"Babyyyyyyy." Emma whined.

Regina finally glanced, groaning when she saw the adorable look.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said." Regina apologized, turning her eyes back to the road.

"Tell her you love her." Cora added.

"I love you." Regina said sincerely, her gaze holding Emma's in the mirror.

"I love you too." Emma replied happily, "What else you got playing Cora."

"Well I want my daughter to have some fun with this one." Cora said with a smile looking to Regina and hitting play.

_"They see me rollin_  
_They hatin_  
_Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty_  
_Tryin to catch me ridin dirty_  
_Tryin to catch me ridin dirty_  
_Tryin to catch me ridin dirty_  
_Tryin to catch me ridin dirty_  
_My music so loud_  
_I'm swangin_  
_They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty_  
_Tryin to catch me ridin dirty"_

Regina smirked and to prove a point she slouched her posture in the seat and leaned her arm over the steering wheel, gripping the wheel and driving with one hand while singing the song.

Cora let out a delighted laugh at seeing Regina goof off; Emma seemed quite pleased as well. Snow sifted through one of her bags pulling out a baseball cap and slapping it on Regina's head, off to the side of course.

Regina just went with it. She knew she looked absurd but it made Emma happy, and that was good enough for her.

Cora grabbed the other hat that was offered and put hers on in the same manner. Mother and daughter in the car, hats tipped to the side blasting Riding Dirty.

Cora grabbed one of Regina's pairs of sunglasses and slipped them on, handing the other pair to Regina.

Emma couldn't help herself, she handed her phone to Snow who maneuvered the best she could to get pictures of the two women.

Laughing when she saw the pictures and handing it to Emma.

The song died down and Cora removed her hat.

"Are there anymore songs like that that you plan on playing? Because if so I am leaving the hat on." Regina said with a laugh.

"I would but it appears we are here dear." Cora commented with a smile.

Emma's eyebrows raised in surprise, that car ride went much faster than she thought.

"We'll have to travel like that more often." Regina commented, taking her eyes off of the road for just a minute.

"SQUIRREL!" Snow shrieked out.

Regina swerved the vehicle for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"DAMNIT SNOW!"


	2. Don't Leave Cora In The House Alone

**Regina and Emma are together, but not married yet, this happens prior to their wedding. Because well…. I would like Cora to be at the wedding lol.**

**This is a short one. I'll work on the next installment tomorrow.**

**Please review!**

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"Follow me, I'll get you settled in." Regina said to her mother as they walked into the house and up the stairs. "There's a spare room here that you can occupy."

"Thank you darling." Cora said sincerely, "I really do want to be a better mother to you and I am so glad you're willing to give me the chance."

"Just don't disappoint me." Regina said seriously, her eyes conveying vulnerability before returning to normal, "The bathroom is just down here."

Regina led them back out of the room and towards the bathroom. Cora's eyes widened when she looked inside.

"What is that?" She asked pointing towards the toilet.

"That is our toilet."

"But it's…" Cora trailed off confused.

"Not a hole in a ply of wood?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"Yes." Cora said in amazement, "How does it work?"

"You lift the lid, do your business and then push this lever here. And please, do put the lid back down when you're done." Regina said to her mother before exiting the bathroom, allowing her mother to tend to her business.

"Honey I'm home!" Emma's voice called from downstairs, causing Regina to rush down.

Cora stared at the contraption with some hesitation before the need to pee became too great. She gingerly lifted the lid and examined the inside.

"Interesting." She mumbled before pulling her pants down and taking a seat.

"Welcome home dear." Regina said with a bright smile. Sure the blonde had been living with her for the past six months, but she still loved seeing her.

Emma smiled back and swooped Regina up for a kiss.

"Now what." Cora said to herself as she stood examining the toilet. Finally remembering her daughter saying something about a lever.

She tentatively pressed down on the lever, causing the water to swirl in the toilet and flush.

Of course, being Cora and not used to such a thing, she freaked out.

"FIEND!" Cora cried out, waving her hand out in defense and causing the whole thing to explode, water going everywhere in the bathroom.

"DAMNIT!" Cora yelled out as the water hit her, knocking her into the sink and making her freak out again, destroying the sink.

"Mother?!" Regina's voice called out in concern, quickly ripping the door open to find a very soaked Cora sitting in the middle of her flooded bathroom floor.

"You have GOT to be fucking kidding me." Regina muttered angrily as she looked about her bathroom, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY BATHROOM!" Regina yelled.

Emma just stood behind her and suppressed a laugh at Cora's disposition. She looked like a little kid sitting in the puddles of water that were increasing by the minute.

Regina waved a hand, making the water disappear. Another wave and she had a brand new toilet and sink.

"You've been in my home for ten minutes and you managed to destroy two things already." Regina scolded before walking away in a huff.

"Come on Mom." Emma teased before helping the drenched woman up. I would suggest a shower, think you can manage not breaking it?"

Cora mumbled something under her breath before nodding.

Emma got Cora a change of clothes and showed her how to work the shower, leaving her a towel and necessities before heading to find Regina.

While Cora showered Emma found Regina in their room, angrily reorganizing her drawers.

"Baby it was just a toilet and a sink, which you replaced. This is a strange world to her. You need to be patient." Emma said softly, taking the brunette in her arms.

"I know. It's just frustrating." Regina admitted, relaxing into the embrace. They stayed like that for a while until they heard a knock on their door.

After they called a 'come in', Cora entered the room tentatively, walking over to her daughter and giving her a hug before hugging Emma, bidding them both a goodnight.

**The next morning- Friday**

Cora made her way downstairs, finding her daughter just getting ready to head out the door for work.

"While I'm gone mother, please try not to break anything." Regina chided, giving her mother a smile and a quick hug before leaving.

Cora wandered aimlessly around the house, looking at different items before walking into the den, her eyes settling on a black box with a shiny front.

She sat down in front of the box pressing a button on the front, flying backwards when an image came on the screen.

She had to suppress the urge to blow it up, not wanting to piss her daughter off more.

"What the hell is that?" Cora asked eyeing the glowing box. Her eyes fell on a rectangular object with buttons, picking it up she pressed a few, making the channel change.

"Oh this is new." Cora said with glee as she continued to flip through the stations, coming across cartoons and some music, her eyes stopping when she hit a certain channel.

Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized what she was watching.

"This thing shows people having sex! This is hardly appropriate." She said to herself, her head cocking to the side, "I've never seen that done before."

"Hey Cora you down-AHHHHHHHHH" Emma yelped out shielding her eyes as she saw what Cora was watching.

"This shows people having sex! This is not appropriate!" Cora called out to Emma, her eyes still glued on the TV.

"Yeah that's because you're on the porn channel!" Emma said as she sat next to Cora and took the remote, "We had that child locked so Henry wouldn't see it, how'd you break it?"

"I just pressed some buttons, I think I'm hardly the expert here." Cora paused, "They actually show that?"

"Yeah… on the porn channel."

"What's porn?"

"You didn't have porn in your world?"

"What is porn?"

"It's people having sex on film."

"Oh."

"This is awkward."

"Indeed."

"Watch something else." Emma said flicking the station to something else not as graphic, before leaving the room.

Cora nodded and her eyes glued back to the TV, watching some show called Tosh.O.

A video clip played.

"_Don't make me snap my fingers in a Z formation, hip rotation booty sensation, elbow elbow, wrist wrist, double double, kiss kiss."_

"This is strange." Cora commented as she watched the child snap her fingers.

Another video came on the screen, causing Cora to immediately turn it up.

"_Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe." _

"This music is most uplifting." She said to herself before catching on to the lyrics and singing along.

Emma heard the noise from the kitchen and walked to the den, smirking when she saw Cora dancing in the room singing along to Call Me Maybe.

"_Hey I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe, it's hard to look right, at you baby, but here's my number, so call me maybe!" _Cora sang enthusiastically before taking her seat on the couch once more.

"Having fun?" Emma asked from the doorway making Cora jump up and fling her hand out, destroying Regina's bookshelf.

"DAMNIT!" Cora yelled as she eyed the broken shelf.

"Regina is gonna kill me." Emma said sadly as she looked at the books.

"I can fix that." Cora said pointing at the bookcase, waving her hand quickly as it repaired itself and the books returned to it.

"Can you fix everything like that?"

"No, not unless I'm familiar with it." Cora answered.

"How about some breakfast then?" Emma asked as Cora followed her from the room, leading her back to the kitchen.

"Breakfast sounds good." Cora commented as she followed Emma, watching her make some eggs and put some bread in a strange contraption.

"Hope eggs and toast is okay."

"What is that?" Cora asked pointing to the stove.

"It's a stove."

"It's different than what I've seen."

"It's modern, not stone age." Emma smirked making Cora scowl before walking to the toaster.

"What is this?"

"That's a toaster oven, it toasts bread."

Cora eyed is suspiciously, peeking into the toaster and getting a little too close.

The toast popped, flying up and hitting her square in the face.

"FUCK!" Cora screeched before flinging her hand out and causing the toaster to hit the far wall.

"DAMNIT CORA!" Emma yelled, grumbling as she finished the eggs and made her way to the broken toaster, "Regina is totally going to murder me."

"I can't fix that." Cora commented.

"UGHHHHHHHHHH" Emma groaned out, setting the toaster on the counter, Regina would just have to fix it when she got back.

Emma sat the eggs in front of Cora and grumpily dug into hers. She groaned loudly when her phone rang.

"Sheriff Swan." Emma answered, "Okay I'll be right there."

"Trouble in town?" Cora asked.

"Yeah. Just Leroy causing problems, he's still drunk from last night." Emma explained, "I'm going to go, please please do not touch anything you aren't familiar with."

"Okay mom." Cora replied with a scowl. Emma merely rolled her eyes before leaving.

Cora looked around the room wondering what she should do. Emma did say to stay away from things she didn't understand. But when did Cora Mills ever listen to anyone?

Cora headed into the kitchen and started rummaging through the cupboards, looking for ingredients to use to make a pie. She did enjoy baking… but she hadn't baked in close to 50 years.

She managed to find what she needed before she set out on her task, quickly making the pie and leaving a huge mess in Regina's kitchen.

"How to bake it." Cora mumbled, looking to the stove. She eyed the knobs wearily before turning the one switch to 'ON', followed by another that she put at 700.

"I think that's right." Cora mumbled again, sure that the 700 represented some sort of time.

She smiled pleased with herself and eyed the messy kitchen.

"I'll clean it later." She said with a chuckle before leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs.

She paused in front of Regina and Emma's bedroom, curious to see what the room looked like, before entering.

She eyed the room with a smile, it was very homey and very Regina, clothes littered in one section of the room, which she assumed was Emma's doing.

Cora walked about the room, stopping in front of a sliding door, moving it and smiling when she saw the walk in closet.

"Very nice dear." Cora commented as she looked through the closet, seeing one side belonged to Regina and the other to Emma.

She exited the closet before walking over to the nightstand, pulling out a drawer and her eyes widening.

"What is this?" She asked herself as she pulled an object from the drawer by the strap it was attached to.

"Oh gods." Cora muttered as she looked at the penis replica object. It was purple and attached to a black harness.

"What on earth?" Cora asked as she examined it. Tentatively stepping into the strap on and pulling it up to her hips, fastening the belt she looked at herself in the mirror.

"What the fuck are they doing?" She eyed the object on her hips and wiggled her hips back and forth, watching it move with her. She let out a chuckle before removing the harness.

She peeked back in the drawer and pulled out a couple pairs of handcuffs.

"You kinky bitches."

She eyed the drawer again, pulling out bottles of lube, one in particular catching her eye.

"Apples. No doubt who's that is." Cora muttered before pulling out another penis shaped object, one without a harness, but heavier than the other.

There was a button on it and she pressed it. Shrieking as the object began to vibrate in her hand.

She threw it into the air and watched it land on the floor with a thud, vibrating and moving across the floor with force.

"What sort of magic is this!" Cora cried out, searching for the offending object but not finding it.

Suddenly the smell of something burning hit her nose.

"Oh fuck." Cora ran from the bedroom in a bolt, heading straight for the kitchen,

"DAMNIT!" Smoke was billowing from the stove and she hastily threw the door open and began wafting away the smoke before grabbing a potholder and pulling the burnt pie out.

She clicked the knobs back to how they were prior to her baking disaster, never hearing the front door open.

**A few minutes ago**

Regina realized that she had forgotten a stack of paper on her desk at the house and was heading back to get them when she saw Emma heading back.

"YOU LEFT HER ALONE IN THE HOUSE!?" Regina yelled in the middle of the street, drawing the eyes of some of the citizens.

"Leroy was being indecent I couldn't let him roam around, not after he flashed Belle the other day." Emma defended, "She promised she would behave!"

"EMMA THIS IS MY MOTHER!" Regina yelled again, throwing her hands up in the air and stalking towards the mansion, not far away.

"I'm sure she is fine!" Emma tried to reassure. The mansion was still standing so that was a good sign.

The headed up the sidewalk and quickly opened the door.

"I smell smoke." Regina commented quickly before rushing up the stairs to check.

Emma ran to the kitchen, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw a disheveled Cora, holding a burnt pie in her hands.

They stared at each other for a moment before Cora held up the pie.

"I made a pie." Cora said softly with a smile.

"MOTHER!" Regina screamed from upstairs, in a poof she was in the kitchen, the smoke dissipating from around her as she held up the strap on.

"I can explain that."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY KITCHEN!"

"I made a pie."

"You-yo-I-pie?!" Regina was fuming her grip tightening on the strap on.

"Baby you're gonna hurt Swan." Emma said as she pried the toy from Regina's grasp.

"Swan?" Cora asked amused, "You named it Swan?"

"NOT NOW EMMA!" Regina yelled again, eyeing the burnt pie and then the rest of her kitchen.

Regina felt the magic crackle around her.

"I am going to go back upstairs and clean up the mess you made going through our drawers. You and Emma will stay down here and clean up this mess." Regina said through gritted teeth before swiping Swan from Emma and leaving the room tossing the toy away from her in the hallway.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your chances of getting laid tonight." Cora said sincerely.

"It's alright." Emma sighed as she eyed the kitchen, "You went through our sex drawer?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" They heard Regina scream. Cora suddenly remembered the vibrator she couldn't find and gave Emma a sheepish smile.

"You two are kinky aren't you?" Cora asked with an amused smile.

"Wha-I-no-we-"

"Save it dear, I saw the handcuffs, and the lube… and the toys." Cora said with a sly smile before beginning to clean up the kitchen with magic.

Emma blushed furiously and she felt a change in the air, immediately knowing it was Regina.

"YOU RIPPED APART OUR DRAWER!" Regina yelled in the kitchen.

"I was curious."

"I found Regal under the bed, vibrating away!"

"Regal?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow, making Regina's face flush.

"Don't change the subject!"

"You have a toy named Swan and the other is Regal?"

"What we name our toys is up to us!" Regina squeaked out.

"Mom! Emma!" They heard Henry call from outside the room, Regina quickly magicking the vibrator away.

"In here dear!" Regina called out.

Henry entered the room, a confused look on his face.

The three women turned to look at the boy, their eyes widening.

"Mom what is this?" Henry asked, holding up Swan by the strap, clearly confused.

"Neck massager, go upstairs." Regina said quickly as Emma grabbed the toy.

"But-"

"NOW!" Emma and Regina yelled.

Once Henry was out of sight they turned around to face Cora, yelling in unison.

"DAMNIT CORA!"


	3. Cora Vs The Microwave

**Okay guys next chapter is up! Hope you all like this one as much as the others! Please enjoy!**

**Reviews always welcome!**

* * *

It's been approximately two months since Cora Mills had moved in with her daughter and her girlfriend. Since then Cora had become accustomed to the majority of the household appliances, aside from a few incidents with a blender that had almost taken a finger off when she was examining it while on.

Regina had finally come around enough to entrust her with babysitting duty, which Snow and James had usually taken up. But Cora was adamant about spending more quality time with her grandson, even if it meant babysitting duty whenever Regina and Emma wanted a night to go out to dinner.

"Nana? What's for dinner?" Henry asked bounding down the stairs where he saw his grandmother in the hallway looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"What would you like for dinner?" Cora asked Henry with a smile, leading him into the kitchen.

"Ummmm how about hot dogs?" Henry said with a smile.

Cora merely crinkled her eyebrows.

"Hot dogs?"

Henry nodded.

"YOUR MOTHER ALLOWS YOU TO EAT DOGS?! Snow would not be happy with that information." Cora said seriously, making Henry giggle.

"No Nana, they're not made from dogs. That's just what they're called."

"If you say so… What do I do with these, hot dogs?"

"Mom usually puts them on the grill."

Cora visibly paled at the mention of the grill

_Cora eyed the stainless steel machine wearily, unsure of how to turn the beast on._

_Her eyes flickered to the knobs and the propane tank attached and her eyebrows scrunched in confusion._

"_Okay I think I release the knob on this here." She mumbled to herself as she twisted the knob on the tank, expelling the gas. Cora twisted the knob completely loose, smiling with satisfaction as she heard the hiss of the gas._

"_Now I light it." She mumbled in confirmation before pulling out a pack of matches, quickly lighting one and throwing it on the grill._

_Flames burst into the air, engulfing the grill… of course Cora panicked._

_She threw her arms out quickly, throwing the grill away from herself as it barreled towards Regina's apple tree._

"_Oh fuck." She muttered as she watched the grill hit the tree, completely setting it ablaze._

"_NANA IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?!" Henry yelled when he heard the explosion, rushing out to the yard, his eyes widening when he saw his mother's tree on fire._

"_GODDAMNIT!" Cora yelled as she quickly ran towards the tree, waving her arms frantically and expelling magic to extinguish the fire._

_A blackened tree stood in the middle of the yard._

"_Mom is gonna be sooooo mad." Henry said as he stood next to his grandmother._

"_Don't tell your mother." Cora said to Henry, about to wave her hand over the tree to repair the damage._

"_WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY TREE?!" She heard the scream from behind and turned to see a very pissed Regina rushing towards them, tears in her eyes as she looked over the tree._

"_What did you do to my grill?!" Emma yelled as she rushed over to the poor appliance. "Shhhh it's okay baby, mommy has you."_

"_EMMA IT'S A FUCKING GRILL!" Regina screeched, tears in her eyes as she looked at her poor tree._

"_I can fix that." Cora said and quickly waved her hand, making the tree good as new._

"_Regina fix my baby!" Emma called sadly, her eyes on her loyal grill._

_Regina just mumbled before fixing the grill and restoring it to its former glory._

"_There all better baby." Emma cooed as she lugged the grill back towards the house._

"I would prefer to avoid the grill at all costs." Cora said to Henry as she let go of the memory.

Henry gave an enthusiastic nod as he remembered the incident as well. Mom was not thrilled.

"You could make them in the microwave." Henry suggested.

Cora nodded and looked over to this… microwave. This was the only other household appliance she hadn't used yet, but she felt confident that with her grandson there she would make it work.

"Actually how about some hot chocolate first?" Henry suggested, thinking that hot chocolate would be an easier way to help Cora master the microwave.

"How do I make it?"

Henry went about pulling the ingredients out.

"First you put milk in the mug and then heat it, then you add the chocolate mix and mix it together, mom usually sticks it back in to heat it some more before she puts the topping on. I'm feeling marshmallows tonight." Henry finished with a smile.

"How does the contraption work?" Cora asked her grandson, following him to the microwave as he showed her what buttons to push.

The phone rang suddenly and Henry rushed from the room to answer it.

"Oh hey Jake." Henry answered before calling to his Nana, "Nana it's my friend Jake, think you can manage?"

"I'll be fine dear!" Cora called back, eyeing the ingredients before following Henry's instructions.

She sat the mug inside the microwave and shut the door, pressing the buttons and watching the machine light up and begin heating the milk.

She remembered Regina's advice.

"_Mother whenever you use something please do it calmly and give it a moment, I've had enough of you breaking things in my house just because they scare you."_

Cora grumbled at the memory and watched the mug spin inside the microwave.

"That wasn't very hard." Cora smirked to herself as the machine beeped and she removed the mug, quickly stirring the mix in before eyeing the marshmallows.

"Did Henry say to put them in before or after…" She trailed off as she tried to remember but shrugged, tossing a handful of marshmallows inside the mug. With a smile she put the mug back into the microwave and pressed the buttons, smiling in satisfaction.

She moved to the fridge and began rummaging for these 'hot dogs' when she heard a sudden pop.

Her head shot up but she didn't look away from the fridge.

Another pop.

"Uh Oh." Cora mumbled before turning her head slowly to look at the microwave, a white froth coating the front of the microwaves window.

"GODDAMNIT!" Cora yelled out, wrenching the door to the appliance open, stopping the heat.

She eyed the damage. Marshmallows were sloppily coating the inside of the microwave, drying quickly and sticking to the surface.

"Nana is everything-." Henry stopped when he saw the damage. "Oh boy."

"I can-"

"Fix that, I know Nana." Henry said with a sigh as he eyed the damage. "We can clean it after making hot dogs… just in case."

Cora nodded in agreement before gingerly handing Henry the mug of half exploded hot chocolate.

"Thanks." Henry said with a giggle as he grabbed the mug and took a swig, "Not bad."

Cora beamed and grabbed the packet of hotdogs.

"I'll figure this out, go enjoy your hot chocolate." She told Henry, he looked at her wearily for a moment before exiting the room.

Cora thought back to how they usually made things on the grill, she always noticed the shiny foil that Emma used and began rummaging through cabinets to find some.

"Ah ha!" Cora yelled happily, pulling out the box and ripping a small sheet of foil off, she placed it on the counter and sat four hot dogs down on the foil, wrapping them some to make them fit, before setting the foil in the microwave.

She examined the pack of hot dogs, looking for a time limit. She punched in 5 minutes on the microwave, smiling to herself in success as the tray began to rotate.

She turned her back for a second and heard a crackle, twisting around quickly and catching sight of the sparks flying within the microwave.

The foil caught fire suddenly as it continued to crackle.

"DEVIL!" Cora shrieked, forgetting Regina's advice; she flung her hand out, making the appliance explode, the door hanging on it's hinges and the aluminum foil still giving off occasional sparks and smoke.

"What happened!" Henry called running into the kitchen, looking at the destroyed microwave.

His eyes fell on the aluminum foil and he groaned.

"Nana you can't put aluminum foil in the microwave!" Henry scolded, looking to his grandmother.

"You didn't tell me that!"

"I thought you knew!"

"I have only been here for 2 months Henry!" Cora argued.

"Mom is gonna be mad." Henry sighed.

"At least the marshmallow mess is gone." Cora commented, making Henry raise an eyebrow, reminding her of Regina.

"Henry, mother, we're home!" Regina called happily, walking into the dining room and then the kitchen, her and Emma hand in hand and staring lovingly at each other.

"I hope you two had a good-" Emma's voice died in her throat as she saw the kitchen and the microwave. "Fuck."

She glanced worriedly at Regina, who was currently standing stock still, mouth agape as she looked at the microwave.

She closed her mouth and calmly straightened her posture, clearing her throat, she began,

"I am not dealing with this shit right now." She turned swiftly on her heel and walked from the room.

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" They heard her yell as the door to the den slammed shut.

Emma stared at her son and then to Cora, then to the microwave.

"I'm just gonna go buy a new microwave." Emma mumbled before exiting the house.

Henry carefully pulled out the aluminum foil and opened it, smiling when he saw the hot dogs done just right. He grabbed some buns and toppings before fixing them up for himself and his nana.

"Here you go." He said with a smile as he handed her a hot dog.

Cora smiled as she took a bite.

Totally worth it.


	4. Cora and The Death Trap

**Hey guys new chapter is up :) Hope you enjoy.**

**Thank you all so so much for the reviews and continuing to read this story. I don't know who of you have Tumblr but this lovely person from France created a cartoon drawing of the toilet scene in chapter 2.**

**Other ones have been created in response to other fanficitons as well.**

**Also, thanks again for the reviews and I will most certainly be posting a story about Cora and social networking. Because let's face it... that's hysterical. I have a few more ideas to tackle but there will def be many more chapters in this story. So just bare with me! :) Next chapter will probably be up tomorrow.**

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Emma stared blankly at the woman in front of her, attempting to process the words that she just said.

"You want me to… what?" Emma asked dumbfounded.

"I want to learn how to drive that strange carriage you call a 'car' from you." Cora said again firmly.

"Why?" Emma asked completely confused.

"Because I can't keep poofing around town, it's freaking people out." Cora said sadly.

She remembered just yesterday when she poofed into Granny's and was almost shot with her crossbow.

"Why do you want me to teach you?"

"Because Regina sure as hell won't." Cora said bitterly.

"Have you asked her?" Emma asked seriously.

**Flashback**

"_Regina, will you teach me how to drive?" Cora asked sweetly._

"_Absolutely not mother." _

"_Whyyyyyyyy." Cora whined._

"_Because you have consistently blown everything else of mine up, the last thing I need is you blowing up my Benz." Regina replied coolly, her eyes trained on her mother._

"_But Reginnnaaaaaaa." Cora whined again._

"_NO!" Regina said firmly again._

"_Pleasseeeeee." Cora pouted. Regina stared at her mother for a few minutes, taking in that sickeningly sweet look._

_"Why are you pouting?" Regina asked examining the look._

_"Because it works when Emma does it."_

_"Emma taught you how to pout?" Regina asked, raising an eyebrow._

_"She said it's full proof." Cora explained._

_"First Henry, now you…" Regina let out a sigh as Cora stuck out her bottom lip once more._

"_Fine." Regina caved, grabbing her keys and leading her mother outside to the car. "Get in." She said pointing to the driver's side while she sat in the passenger's side._

_Cora excitedly hopped into the car, her hands going to the steering wheel and playfully rocking the wheel back and forth,_

"_Vrooom Vrooom." Cora said happily as her daughter sat next to her with a raised eyebrow._

"_Yep, not happening." Regina said taking the keys and exiting the vehicle._

_Cora sat in the car, pouting, her hands still on the wheel._

"_Vroom vroom." She said sadly._

**Present**

"No." Cora answered, lying to Emma of course, but she didn't need to know that.

Emma let out a sigh.

"Fine. But we are taking the bug, Regina would shit if we took the Benz." Emma said grabbing her keys.

"You really expect me to drive that _thing_." Cora said with disgust as they approached her bug.

"WHAT IS WITH THIS FAMILY HATING ON MY BEAUTIFUL BABY!" Emma yelled in frustration, running to her car and rubbing a soothing hand on the side, "Shhhh baby it's all okay, mommy's here and she won't let anyone say anything mean about you."

"Oh for god's sake get in the car." Cora said with an eye roll, making a grab for the keys.

"Nope! I am driving to the school parking lot and there I will teach you how to drive." Emma said firmly.

Cora rolled her eyes but got in the car nonetheless.

"Hey Emma where you heading?" Her mother's voice flitted through the air causing the blonde to turn.

"Cora wants me to teach her how to drive." Emma said with a smirk.

"Mind if I tag along?" Snow asked hopefully, she wanted to spend time with her daughter, even if that meant sharing her with Cora.

"Of course, hop on in." Emma said with a smile as they entered the car.

"Hello Snow." Cora said curtly.

"Cora."

The drive to the school was quick and once Emma parked the car and shut it off she stepped out, Cora following.

"Alright, go ahead and get in the driver's side." Emma instructed, sitting in the passenger side while Cora slid in the drivers.

Cora placed her hands on the wheel and smiled.

"Vroom Vroom."

Emma just stared at Cora while she stared and smiled back, an un-amused expression on Emma's face.

"Okay do that again and we are done." Emma said seriously, watching Cora's face fall.

"Regina didn't like it either." Cora commented.

"What-?"

"What?" Cora asked quickly, realizing her mistake. Emma glared at her suspiciously before telling her what to do.

"Okay first start the car by turning the keys. Good. Now I want you to put your foot on the brake, that's the left pedal, good. Now you have to shift the car into Drive. Keep your foot on the brake." Emma instructed, watching Cora's moves.

"Now what?"

"Okay it's in Drive, now take your foot off of the brake." Cora did and the car started to slowly move forward.

"What is it doing why are we moving what is going on?" Cora asked frantically as the car inched forward.

"It's okay Cora." Snow said encouragingly.

"Cora just put your foot on the gas and give it a little it's alright. The right pedal."

Cora pressed down on the gas a little, making the car speed up to only 5 mph.

"WHAT IS THIS MAGIC WHAT IS HAPPENING OH GOD WHAT DO I DO!?"

"Cora just relax this is what its supposed to-."

"WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO GO THIS FAST!"

"Cora calm the fuck down!"

"WHAT DO I DO!"

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN WOMAN!" Emma yelled out as Cora continued to freak out as they moved at a leisurely pace.

"LET ME OUT OF THIS DEATH TRAP!"

Emma rolled her eyes before slouching back in the seat, hitting her head off of the side of the window as Cora continued to flip out while going 5 mph.

"EMMA HOW DO I STOP THIS MACHINE!"

"Put your foot on the brake." Emma said irritably.

"BRAKE?! WHAT IS A BRAKE!?" Cora shouted out, her eyes on the lot in front of them.

"BUNNY RABBIT!" Snow shrieked from the back, making Cora's eyes widen.

"EMMA I MUST STOP THIS VEHICLE!"

"CORA STOP THE CAR YOU'LL HIT THE BUNNY!"

"I KNOW SNOW!"

"STOP THE CAR!"

"I CAN'T" Cora yelled as she watched them inch closer to the rabbit.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Emma mumbled, busting out into a laugh as she watched her mother freak out over a rabbit that was at least 50 yards away, while Cora continued to flip about the speed of the car.

"Brake Cora." Emma said between laughs.

"BRAKE GOT IT BRAKE!" Cora yelled as she hit a pedal, sending the car flying forward.

"THAT WASN'T THE BRAKE!"

"CORA BUNNY RABBIT!"

The car shot out in speed, taking off to 25 mph and approaching the bunny at a fast pace.

"CORA!" Snow screamed from the back in fear. At the last second Cora swerved the wheel avoiding the rabbit.

"HOW DO I STOP THE CAR!"

"The brake Cora." Emma said again in irritation.

"CORA THERE IS A SQUIRREL!"

"I CAN'T STOP!"

"CORA!"

*thump*

"COOORRAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOO IT HAD A FAMILLYYYYYYY!" Snow cried from the back, tears springing into her eyes.

The continued to move forward and by this point Emma just rolled her eyes again.

"Cora stop the damn car already."

"I CAN'T!" Cora yelled out.

"PRESS THE LEFT PEDAL!" Emma yelled out, causing Cora to finally come to and slam on the brake, making the car come to a sudden stop.

Emma quickly put the bug in park and watched as Snow hopped from the car and rushed to the squirrel.

"I just ran over one of Snow's woodland friends." Cora said in shock.

"She has plenty." Emma huffed out.

"IT'S ALIVE!" Snow called out happily, picking up the creature and running back to the car, hopping in. "It just has a broken paw!"

"Mom get that thing out of my car it probably has a disease." Emma said with disgust as she eyed the creature.

"Emma it has a family it needs to get back to!" Snow said with a said pout.

"I'm not healing that." Cora said firmly.

"YOU'RE THE REASON IT HAS A BROKEN PAW!"

"IT'S A FUCKING SQUIRREL SNOW!"

"FAMILY CORA, FAMILY!" Snow yelled angrily shoving the squirrel in Cora's face.

"If Regina broke her hand would you fix it?!" Snow demanded.

Cora merely rolled her eyes and nodded.

"That's different, Regina isn't a filthy squirrel." Cora answered.

"I don't know about that filthy part." Emma said aloud with a smug smirk. Blushing when she realized she had.

"I'm going to ignore that." Snow said before turning back to Cora.

"I am not touching that."

"Alright come on, I'm driving us home." Emma said as she exited the vehicle, switching spots with Cora and driving back to the mansion.

They exited the car quickly and rushed into the house.

"Regina!" Emma called out.

A few seconds later Regina came waltzing into the living room. Her eyes brightening when she saw Emma.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly when she saw her girlfriend's expression.

"I need you to heal something."

"Someone." Snow corrected making Cora roll her eyes.

"Are you hurt?" Regina asked; her eyes widening as she began to look over her girlfriend.

"Not me baby." Emma said sweetly, loving her girlfriend's attention.

"Who?"

"Charlie." Snow piped up.

"Who is-…. Snow why are you holding a squirrel… and what is it doing in my home?" Regina asked eyeing the animal.

"Cora hit him."

"Mother why would you hit a squirrel!?" Regina asked shocked, imagining her mother chasing a squirrel with a bat or something.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Cora retorted.

"Emma was teaching her how to drive-."

"YOU WHAT!?" Regina yelled, her eyes looking accusingly to her girlfriend.

"She asked me to teach her-."

"AFTER I TOLD HER NO."

"Woah, she asked you?" Emma asked in confusion, looking to Cora.

"Did I not mention that?" Cora asked sheepishly.

Regina shook her head before looking back to the squirrel.

"Hold it out." She instructed Snow. Very carefully she touched the small mammal, willing its bones to heal and giving a small smile when the squirrel seemed to twitch happily.

"Thank you Regina." Snow said gratefully, "No thanks to you." She shot out at Cora.

Regina raised an eyebrow in response.

"Cora wouldn't touch the squirrel."

"HIS NAME IS CHARLES!"

"I thought his name was Charlie?" Emma asked in confusion.

"Its formal name is Charles. Charlie for short."

Cora eyed Snow with a strange look before speaking.

"You have problems."

"I love animals."

"Whatever it's weird." Cora said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Snow could you please take the squirrel-." Regina stopped at Snow's glare, "I mean Charles, back to his family?"

Snow nodded with hesitation before leaving Cora and Emma alone with Regina.

There aren't many times when an angry Regina frightens her… but ever since Cora had been living with them those times became more frequent.

Emma eyed her wearily.

"Sit. Please." Regina said with her Evil Queen smile, making Emma gulp as she took a seat, Cora sitting down next to her.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?" Regina yelled out.

"She wanted to learn how to drive!" Emma defended.

"SHE BLOWS EVERYTHING UP!"

"We didn't take the Benz!"

"Much to my dismay, I had to drive that death trap you call a car." Cora added haughtily.

Regina paused at this, looking to her mother with an angry glare.

"THE ONE THING YOU COULD'VE BLOWN UP BUT DIDN'T! YOU SET MY FUCKING APPLE TREE ON FIRE NOT LONG AGO BUT YOU COULDN'T MANAGE TO BLOW UP MISS SWAN'S GOD FORSAKEN BUG!?" Regina yelled out in anger.

"HEY!" Emma yelled back, standing up but sitting back down when Regina stared her down.

"I told Emma that I didn't ask you." Cora defended Emma.

Regina let out an exasperated sigh before allowing herself to relax slightly.

"I need a drink." Regina muttered before heading to her den for some apple cider.

"Ever since you got here you've done nothing but put me in the dog house." Emma whined to Cora.

"Perhaps you two should have more make up sex." Cora suggested.

"What is with you and sex woman?" Emma asked curiously.

"I haven't gotten laid in awhile." Cora commented idly.

"Maybe you should go to the bar and pick someone up." Emma suggested not thinking Cora would ever take that suggestion seriously.

"Perhaps."

**The next morning**

"Emma have you seen my mother this morning?" Regina asked in confusion. The woman's door was still shut but she was usually up by now, so Regina didn't even bother checking the room.

"No baby I haven't." Emma replied before wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. "Why?"

"I just wanted to apologize to her for snapping last night." Regina answered.

"Where was my apology?" Emma said with a smirk.

"You." Regina said kissing Emma softly, "Had your apology given to you last night." She whispered against her lips.

"Mmmm I sure did." Emma replied cockily.

"Perhaps we should check her room." Regina said worriedly, grabbing Emma's hand and leading her up the stairs.

"Mother." Regina called as she knocked on the door, opening it and walking into the room.

"OH FUCK!" Emma yelled out covering her eyes and turning around. Regina just stood with her mouth open.

Cora was currently propped against the headboard, her hands handcuffed and above her head; luckily another body was blocking the top of hers.

"Hello dear." Cora said in surprise, forgetting that she had magically soundproofed her room, she wiggled her fingers, un-sound proofing it.

"Hey Emma, Regina." The voice said, making Regina's eyes widen and Emma to turn back around.

"LEROY!?" The two women screeched out in unison.

Regina felt her knees grow weak and buckle, Emma's arms catching her as she blacked out and quickly pulling her from the room.

"You kids have fun." Emma said before rushing herself and Regina's body from the room.

"Regina is gonna be scarred for life now." Emma mumbled as she laid Regina down on her bed.

"Hey baby you okay?" Emma cooed as she gently eased Regina back into the land of the living.

"Emma?" Regina asked in confusion as she saw her girlfriend hovering above her.

"Hey baby you alright?"

"I had the strangest dream, I saw my mother in bed with Leroy."

"Yeaaahhh baby about that-."

"OH LEROY!"

Regina's face paled and Emma gave a sheepish smile.

"SOUND PROOF IT PLEASE!" Emma yelled out, the noises quickly dying out.

Regina's eyes rolled back in her head as she promptly passed out once more.

One thought on her mind.

_Damnit mother._


	5. Update Status: What's going on, Cora?

**Chapter 5 is now up, hope you all enjoy it!**

**Lovely thanks to my wonderful Beta, SassySaviorSwag. Check out her story entitled, Anniversary Party. Rated T under Emma S./Regina & Evil Queen. It's a beautiful story and super freaking cute.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged, so glad you all are enjoying this story.**

* * *

Cora eyed the laptop wearily, forcing herself to remember to keep calm and not destroy it whenever it made the start up noise. Regina already went through two and Cora had to beg to get the third… Keeping Regina happy was a priority.

She tentatively pressed the power button and watched the screen light up and patiently waited for the log in screen.

She smiled when she saw her little picture and name come up on the screen. Emma had customized it for her since Regina refused to.

_Welcome, Queen of Hearts_.

"Okay I just type in my password." Cora mumbled as she tentatively typed her password and hit enter.

Her desktop appeared and she smiled in success and opened up this 'internet browser' Emma had mentioned.

A few ads opened whenever she opened the Internet, her eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"What is, Facebook?" Cora mumbled as she clicked on the page.

"Hey Cora, how's the laptop working for you?" Emma asked with a smile as she entered the den.

"What is a Facebook?" Cora asked in confusion, "I see no face and this certainly isn't a book."

Emma chuckled before coming around to stand by Cora.

"Here I will set up a profile for you." Emma said with a smile as she began going through the necessary steps, filling out the forms for the woman.

"We just need a profile picture." Emma said after she explained the way Facebook worked. She brought up the camera on the laptop.

Cora gasped as she saw herself appear on the screen and Emma quickly grabbed the woman's hands, keeping them still.

"Relax, just gotta take the photo. Now smile." Emma said as she moved out of the way, clicking the camera button when Cora finally agreed.

Emma quickly added the photo and the familial relations for Cora, adding herself as her first friend.

"So I can update this, status as you call it? And everyone will know what I was doing?"

"Yeah pretty much." Emma confirmed as she started sending friend requests out to the people of Storybrooke, lastly sending a request to Regina.

"Regina has a Facebook?" Cora asked in surprise.

"Yeah she does. She isn't on much… Usually just to creep on what everyone else is doing." Emma said with a smirk.

"Emma! Why did I just receive a notification for a friend request by my mother?" Regina asked in confusion, walking over to Emma and Cora in the den, her eyes narrowing in on the laptop.

"She wanted one." Emma said as Cora nodding excitedly in agreement.

Regina smirked and accepted the friend request, as well as the familial request.

"Mom why do I have a request from Nana?" Henry asked in confusion, his head down looking at his phone as he walked into the den.

"Nana wanted a facebook." Regina said with a chuckle, Henry nodding happily as he accepted the friend request.

"Nana's with the 'in' crowd now." Henry commented happily, making the three women beam at him.

Cora quickly took a liking to Facebook, the majority of the town having accepted her friend request and even going as far as posting nice comments on her wall, much to her and her daughters surprise.

* * *

"Baby where's my mother?" Regina asked her girlfriend. She had been looking around for Cora for the better part of a half hour and still couldn't find the woman.

"She's in the kitchen." Emma answered before giving Regina a quick peck on the lips, making the brunette hum with approval before walking into the kitchen.

"Mother what are you doing?" Regina asked as she eyed her mother making something.

"I thought I would make a salad to go along with dinner tonight." Cora said with a smile, causing the brunette to return one.

"Oh don't throw the excess in the garbage can. We have a garbage disposal." Regina commented as she grabbed the excess off of the counter and put it in the sink, punching it down through before running some water.

"A garbage disposal?" Cora asked in confusion.

Regina merely nodded and flicked the switch next to the sink, making the sink give a harsh gurgling noise as well as the sound of something being completely demolished.

"CHIMERA!" Cora shouted and threw her hand out, blowing up the entire sink and sending water flying everywhere… as well as the excess vegetables.

A slab of wet lettuce landed on Regina's, now completely soaked, head.

Water flowed across the floor and pooled at their feet.

Regina let out a sigh and looked over to her mother, who was currently just as soaked and covered in excess vegetables as well.

"Why." Regina stated with a sigh.

"It sounded like a Chimera." Cora answered, looking at her daughter sheepishly.

"A Chimera."

"I thought you were in danger."

"Clearly I was… FROM YOU!" Regina snapped as she ripped the piece of lettuce from her head and stomped from the kitchen.

"What happened!?" Cora heard Emma yell, obviously seeing the very soaked Regina seething.

"MY MOTHER HAPPENED! IT SEEMS DESTROYING MY HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES IS A SPORT FOR HER!" Regina yelled before heading upstairs to clean up.

"Ahhhh shit." Cora mumbled looking at the water before magicking it away.

* * *

_**Update Status: What's going on, Cora?**_

_**Just broke the garbage disposal. Regina was not amused when I explained I thought it was a wild Chimera trapped inside the sink and feared for her safety… I am not allowed to use it anymore.**_

_**15 people like your status**_

_**Comments: (9)**_

_**Snow:**__ Cora you need to stop blowing up Regina's things…_

_**Cora**__: I am well aware of that Snow! These strange things startle me. It's inevitable._

_**Emma**__: You know what else is inevitable?... REGINA'S RAGE!_

_**Cora**__: Well calm her down!_

_**Emma**__: YOU DESTROYED HER GARBAGE DISPOSAL AND FLOODED THE KITCHEN!_

_**Cora**__: … I made a salad_

_**Snow:**__ That was very thoughtful of you Cora._

_**Cora**__: Thank you Snow. No one else in this household seems to appreciate it!_

_**Emma**__: JFC. I'm done._

* * *

Cora and Regina sat side by side on the couch, watching some program that was called "The Big Bang Theory"…. Whatever on earth that was. Cora was amused by the show but Regina didn't seem to have much interest, idly texting away on her phone.

She sat it down between herself and her mother on the couch and they continued to watch the show.

"I see the television doesn't startle you enough to blow it to bits." Regina said with an amused smirk.

Cora arched an eyebrow in mock annoyance, looking to her daughter before answering.

"I am getting used to it." Cora agreed.

"Thank god because I am getting tired of magicking back appliances every day. I just don't have the energy." Regina said with a smirk, her eyes looking down to her phone when she felt it vibrate.

Her mother's eyes glanced down at the phone, widening when she saw the picture of Emma light up the screen.

"EMMA!" Cora yelled out frantically, grabbing the phone. She had seen similar instances like this in the Enchanted Forest where people became trapped in objects and quite frequently, the way to rescue them was to quite literally break them out.

"I'LL GET YOU OUT!" Cora yelled as she hurled the phone across the room and at the wall.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, hopping to stop the woman but it was too late as her blackberry smacked the wall, a resounding crack echoing in the room as it smashed to pieces and hit the floor.

"EMMA! EMMA WHERE ARE YOU?!" Cora yelled as she ran to the phone, picking it up and examining the inside, suddenly confused by all of the wires, there should've been a portal.

Cora felt a sense of dread fill her stomach as she realized her mistake, swallowing quickly she slowly turned her head to face the oncoming wrath of her daughter that was radiating off of her in waves.

"Good news. Emma isn't trapped." Cora said with a small smile, holding up the severely broken blackberry.

Regina's eyes zeroed in on her broken phone and then her mother. She felt the crackle of her energy and quietly walked from the room.

"Regina?" Cora asked in confusion as her daughter left the room, she quickly got up from the floor and followed her through the house, finally exiting and heading into the back yard, a substantial distance away from her apple tree.

Regina stood stock still in the backyard; the magic still crackling around her, without any warning Regina let the magic flare.

The magic hit the ground, causing a huge explosion and making a large crater where Regina stood; sinking the ground she was on by at least twenty feet.

Cora almost lost her footing at the unexpected pulse of magic, quickly regaining her balance as she watched Regina breathe heavily for a few moments before relaxing considerably.

Cora stood still as Regina turned around and looked up at her from the crater, a pained smile on her face as she climbed out and stopped next to her mother.

"Please. Never touch my phone again, actually please refrain from touching anything that is strange to you." Regina said curtly before waltzing into the house.

"REGINA?! CORA?!" Emma screamed out, rounding the corner to the house and entering the back yard. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the crater.

Emma had been down at the station and became worried whenever she felt the earthquake rock the building slightly, fearing for Regina's safety and bolting from the station, not to mention Regina hadn't responded to her text. As she neared the house she was worried Cora had done something that caused an explosion and injured Regina in the process.

Now that she was back at the mansion she realized something did indeed happen that involved the two witches.

"Cora… why is there a crater in our backyard?" Emma asked cautiously as she approached the witch.

Cora's eyes were wide and she held up Regina's smashed blackberry.

Emma looked at the smashed phone and raised her eyebrows.

"What happened?"

"You 'texted' Regina and your picture came up and I may or may not have thought you were trapped and I threw the phone… It broke." Cora said in a small voice, no doubt still in shock.

"Why is there a crater?"

"Regina got mad."

"Regina did that?" Emma asked pointing to the moon crater in the yard.

Cora just nodded.

"She in the house?"

Cora nodded again.

"You gonna fix that crater?"

Cora shook her head.

"Why?"

"I'm not allowed to touch anything."

"Regina tell you that?"

Cora nodded.

"Okay then." Emma sighed as she left Cora standing in the yard, making her way into the house and finding a very irritated Regina guzzling down some of her apple cider.

"Hey baby, care to tell me how you made that moon crater in the yard?" Emma asked with a small smile as she walked up behind Regina and wrapped her arms around her.

"She broke my blackberry." Regina started, "I got mad and I may have released a pulse of magic that caused the crater."

"Your mother is in shock."

"Good." Regina said with a smirk before returning to her drink.

* * *

_**Update Status: What's going on, Cora?**_

_**Just broke Regina's phone. It lit up and it was a picture of Emma. I thought she was trapped inside so I tried to save her by throwing it against the wall. Turns out it is a portrait of Emma not actually her… Not allowed to touch phone anymore.**_

**20 people like your status**

_**Comments:**_

_**Snow:**__ Cora really?_

_**Cora**__: I am not familiar with 'cell phones'._

_**Snow**__: So you threw her phone against a wall?_

_**Cora:**__ It seemed logical at the time._

_**Emma**__: Regina is moping over the phone…_

_**Cora:**__ I'd hardly call blowing a hole in the yard moping._

_**Snow:**__ There's a hole in your yard?_

_**Emma: **__Regina got mad… So now there is a moon crater in our backyard._

_**Snow**__: WERE ANY ANIMALS HURT?_

_**Cora**__: Not to my knowledge._

_**Regina: **__No Snow no animals were harmed, and really Mother? You felt the need to make a Facebook status about that incident?_

_**Cora**__: It was status worthy._

_**Emma**__: I have to agree with that._

_**Snow**__: Wait… all of you live together and you're conversing on Facebook… why?_

_**Emma: **__…._

_**Cora**__: …._

_**Snow: **__Guys… is everything okay at home?_

_**Regina: **__Everything is fine Snow._

_**Emma**__: ….._

_**Cora:**__ …._

_**Snow**__: What is going on at home Regina?_

_**Regina:**__ Nothing. I simply just expressed a wish to be LEFT ALONE FOR A FEW HOURS._

_**Emma:**__ Regina won't let Cora and I near her and we aren't allowed to be near each other… So I'm currently sitting in the living room, Cora's in the den, and Regina is upstairs._

_**Cora:**__ She thinks it will teach us a lesson._

_**Regina**__: Please, teaching you two a lesson would not involve separation…_

_**Snow:**__ Maybe you guys should talk to Archie…_

_**Archie**__: I do offer family therapy sessions._

_**Granny:**__ From what I've been seeing of Cora's statuses I think that might be a smart idea._

_**Cora: **__We are not in need of therapy._

_**Regina**__: What we are in NEED of, is my mother to control her impulse to destroy every appliance in my home. I'm surprised she hasn't blown the house up yet… or herself._

_**Cora**__: I am quite capable of controlling my magic._

_**Emma**__: *snorts*_

_**Snow:**__ Really Emma… you had to type that?_

_**Regina**__: You are about as capable of controlling your magic as Snow in controlling her impulse to scream bloody murder for the lives of woodland creatures…_

_**Granny: **__Snow you might want to talk to Archie about that…_

_**Snow**__: About what?_

_**Emma**__: Your obsession with animals._

_**Snow**__: I am not obsessed… I just care deeply._

_**Regina**__: …_

_**Emma**__: …_

_**Cora:**__ …_

_**Granny**__: …_

_**Archie**__: …_

_**Snow**__: REALLY GUYS?!_

_**Regina**__: I believe we did not say anything._

_**Snow**__: You put dots._

_**Emma:**__ That expressed our silence…_

_**Regina**__: Therefore we didn't say anything._

_**Cora:**__ I have a question…_

_**Archie:**__ Snow why don't you come to my office tomorrow around 5:00?_

_**Snow:**__ Wait a minute! This was originally a conversation about Emma, Cora, and Regina needing family therapy sessions to deal with Cora's habit of destroying things._

_**Cora:**__ I have a question!_

_**Emma:**__ Yes but now it's about you_

_**Regina**__: And your more pressing animal issues._

_**Emma**__: Regina can I come upstairs now? *pouts*_

_**Regina:**__ No._

_**Cora:**__ questionnnnnnn_

_**Granny**__: It would be good for you Snow. And Regina just make up with Emma, it isn't her fault._

_**Regina:**__ …_

_**Emma:**__ Please baby?_

_**Regina:**__ Fine. You may come upstairs._

_**Cora:**__ QUESTION!_

_**Emma:**__ WHAT?!_

_**Regina:**__ WHAT?!_

_**Snow**__: WHAT?!_

_**Granny**__: WHAT?!_

_**Archie**__: Yes Cora?_

_**Cora**__: … what is Tumblr?_

_**Emma:**__ …. Stay away from that_

_**Regina:**__ I'm not familiar with it._

_**Snow**__: No idea._

_**Granny:**__ Tumblr?_

_**Archie:**__ I believe it is a sort of online blog site._

_**Cora**__: It is strange… but seems… magical._

_**Emma:**__ Cora stay away from it. Just trust me on this._

_**Cora**__: Why?_

_**Emma:**__ … because it's dangerous._

_**Regina**__: Emma it is an Internet site… I doubt it's dangerous. Are you coming upstairs or not?_

_**Cora**__: It seems lovely._

_**Emma:**__ It's like a drug… one day you just start out reblogging a few things and then before you know it you're checking it every few minutes and talking to people from far away and bonding over your love for fictional characters…. _

_**Cora**__: …._

_**Snow**__: …._

_**Granny:**__ …_

_**Archie**__: …_

_**Regina:**__ Emma… what happened?_

_**Emma:**__ I don't wanna talk about it._

_**Granny: **__…_

_**Snow: **__…_

_**Archie: **__…_

_**Regina:**__ … okay… soooo are you coming up? We don't have to talk about anything ;)_

_**Snow:**__ Not necessary._

_**Granny:**__ Get it._

_**Archie:**__ Emma I could interest you in a session as well._

_**Regina**__: Emma just arrived upst-_

_**Granny:**__ Well there goes those two._

_**Cora:**__ What is a 'gif'?_

_**Snow:**__ … this is beyond my language._

_**Granny**__: No idea Cora. By the way Leroy was asking for you today._

_**Cora:**__ …._

_**You have now logged out.**_


	6. Every day I'm Tumblring

**Okay guys, Chap 6 is now up. I hope you all like this**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING**

**It's the Tumblr one.**

**That should say enough hahaha**

**Anyways, hope you all like it, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**And I just want to tell you all that I love and appreciate your reviews, you guys are the best, this fanfiction has really taken off and I thank you all for your lovely words. Enjoy dears.**

* * *

"Emma I have to run to the office to catch up on some paper work!" Regina called from downstairs as she slipped her heels on, the blonde barreling down the stairs shortly after.

"Do you have to go?" Emma asked with a whine as she embraced her girlfriend and pouted.

"I do dear." Regina said sadly. It was Sunday and she should be home with her family spending time with each other, but she had a lot of paperwork to catch up on before the council meeting tomorrow.

"Can't you just do it tomorrow?" Emma pleaded; she wanted to spend time with her love instead of babysitting Cora.

"The council meeting is tomorrow and I have to have the paperwork done by then. I'm sorry beautiful." Regina said softly, capturing Emma's lips in a soft kiss and making the blonde hum in approval.

"Don't take too long okay?" Emma begged.

"I will try to get it done as quickly as possible I promise." Regina assured. They locked lips again, neither noticing Cora hanging over the side of the banister taking a picture of the two.

Cora turned around and quickly and quietly ran back up the stairs, hurling herself into her bedroom.

"I'll be back in time for dinner I promise." Regina said before giving the blonde one last peck and leaving the house.

"I don't wanna babysit Cora." Emma whined to herself, before realizing that she hadn't seen the woman all morning. She shrugged it off and headed to the den to catch up on some TV.

Meanwhile, Cora sat in her bedroom, Indian style on her bed with her laptop in front of her.

She smiled to herself as she scrolled through the pages of Tumblr, taking delight in seeing animated pictures called 'gifs'. It was truly a magical place and she could see why Emma said it was addictive.

Cora had managed to set up the page herself, even creating her own url.

_queenofhearts-cora-mills._

She soon found that the majority of the younger crowd in Storybrooke also had Tumblr's, much to her delight and surprise.

She emailed the picture she took of Regina and Emma to herself, smirking in success. Yes she had even mastered email.

She quickly clicked on the photo icon and added the picture.

She smiled as she looked at the happiness radiating off of both Emma and Regina. She began tagging the photo

#regina mills #emma swan #...

Cora trailed off her typing… wondering what else she should put when an idea hit her.

She had heard of these 'ships' before and knew that the majority of people had created cute names for their ships.

She beamed as she typed.

#swan queen

Cora smiled in success and posted the photo, continuing to scroll through her dash and laugh at the silly pictures of kittens.

* * *

Emma sat in the den, continuing to watch TV with Henry; she glanced at the clock and realized that it was almost dinnertime.

"Hey kid, we gotta figure out dinner." Emma said nudging the boy beside her.

"Emma I'm back!" Regina called from the foyer.

"In the den!" Emma responded, smiling down at her son.

"How are my loves?" Regina asked with a smile as she placed a kiss on the top of Henry's head, and then Emma's.

"Good, just watching TV." Emma replied.

"Where's my mother? She didn't blow anything up today did she?" Regina asked.

"Actually I haven't seen her all day. Her door is shut but… well I'm afraid to go in there." Emma admitted, shuddering as the image of Cora and Leroy entered her mind.

"I understand." Regina agreed.

"What are you two talking about?" Henry asked in confusion, looking at his moms.

"Nothing sweetie." Regina answered before looking back to Emma. "I'll go check on her."

"Thank you!" Emma said gratefully, watching her girlfriend exit the room.

Regina quickly made her way up the stairs and stopped outside of her mother's room. She knocked and when a 'come in' was heard she entered.

"Mother are you alright?" Regina asked as she took in the woman's less than poised appearance.

Cora's hair was a mess and she had her laptop sitting on the bed, not even bothering to look up at her daughter.

"I'm fine dear." Cora said with a dismissive wave of her hand, still not looking at her daughter.

"O-okay… well I'm going to start dinner." Regina said as she backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. "That was weird." She muttered before heading back downstairs.

Cora continued to scroll through the tags, discovering more and more each second.

She became particularly immersed in the Rizzoli and Isles fandom after she saw posts about it and decided to watch a few episodes. She also became interested in The Most Popular Girls In School when she suddenly began seeing pictures of Barbie dolls appearing with interesting quotes on her screen. After watching all 13 episodes she took a liking to the terms that were used.

Why Emma told her to stay away from this site was beyond her.

Her SwanQueen ship had taken off as well, many of the townspeople had already reblogged some of the photos. Yes she had taken a few prior to Tumblr, she couldn't resist, Regina's happiness was infectious and they were so cute together.

The town thought so as well, which was why she had accumulated so many reblogs and new followers in just a short amount of time.

"Mother, dinner!" She heard Regina call from downstairs. Cora looked at the time on her laptop, realizing an hour had already passed.

"The day sure flew by." Last she checked it was only 11:00 in the morning.

She gingerly shut her laptop and walked to the door, glancing back at it.

"Momma will be back soon." She cooed to the laptop before exiting the room and heading downstairs.

"Glad to see you finally came out of your room." Emma said with a smile as she finished up setting the table.

"It's awfully bright down here." Cora said as she squinted.

"Maybe if you had a light on in your room and took a break from that laptop you wouldn't have a problem." Regina replied with a smirk as she sat the lasagna on the table.

"You've been on the laptop all day?" Emma asked with a suspicious look. She eyed Cora and watched the woman falter under her gaze.

"What's it to you?" Cora asked hurriedly.

Regina glanced between the two women curiously, watching as Emma was clearly analyzing the other woman.

"You been Tumblin Cora?" Emma asked with raised eyebrows.

"You don't know my life." Cora answered quickly.

"Who do you ship?" Emma asked in a low voice.

Cora eyed her wearily before calmly responding.

"I do not know what you mean by 'ship'." Cora answered, she knew that Emma knew she was lying, but for the time being she let it slide.

"Is there something you two want to tell me?" Regina asked curiously.

Henry eyed the women, trying to figure out what was going on, after dinner he would see what Tumblr was, and maybe then he would understand.

Dinner was eaten with relative silence, Cora finishing first and dashing upstairs quickly.

"What has gotten into her?" Regina asked Emma and Henry.

"I think I have an idea… but we just need to wait and see." Emma said.

"See what?" Henry asked.

"You'll know… " Emma paused, "When it's time. You. Will. Know." Emma finished dramatically.

Regina and Henry shared a look before glancing back at Emma.

"Okaaayyy. Henry want to help me with the dishes while your Ma figures… whatever it is, out." Regina asked her son and he nodded enthusiastically before joining Regina in the kitchen.

Emma sat at the table glancing up at the ceiling.

_Soon._ Emma thought.

* * *

Regina walked towards Granny's for her morning cup off coffee, nodding to bystanders as she approached the diner.

She entered and took a seat at the counter, giving Granny her order.

"Loved the pics of you and Emma, Regina." Ruby said with a smile as she handed the woman her cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry?" Regina asked clearly confused, but Ruby hadn't heard her.

"Just so you know, you and Emma are my real life OTP totally ship it, so glad you guys are canon. By the way, SwanQueen, totally cute." Ruby said with a bright smile before running off to take someone else's order.

Regina left the diner confused.

"What the fuck is an OTP… or canon? Shipping? SwanQueen?" Regina asked herself as she walked towards City Hall.

Emma had a similar experience around the same time Regina had hers.

She had gone in to work early and had to deal with a disturbance near the library. Really just a scuffle between some kids that she had to break up, Belle had called it in.

"Thanks so much Emma." Belle said with a smile as Emma finished telling the kids to get to school.

"No problem Belle." Emma said with a smile and took in Belle's current expression, "What's with the face?"

"I saw the pictures of you two."

"Who?"

"You and Regina!" Belle said excitedly, absolutely giddy. "You two are so adorable together, and just so you know Ruby and I totally ship you and Regina. You're our real life OTP and you have that cute name!"

Emma felt her heart rate pick up.

"Name?" Emma asked calmly.

Belle looked confused for a moment before replying.

"SwanQueen." Belle answered.

Emma nodded and gave an 'ah ha' before waving to Belle and telling her goodbye.

Emma quickly ran to City Hall, ignoring Regina's secretary as she entered and bust through to Regina's office.

"People ship us." Emma stated bluntly, causing Regina to look at her in confusion, "Belle and Ruby ship us and on my way here I ran into Aurora and Mulan… they ship us. Leroy ships us, Archie ships us, and who knows whom else. The point is, WE ARE A SHIP."

Regina looked at Emma strangely.

"I have absolutely no idea what you just said." Regina stated, "And Ruby said something similar to me this morning."

"Whenever you are engrossed in a fandom of a TV show or people in real life, you sometimes 'ship' them. Which basically means that you want them together or love them together."

"I see." Regina said slowly, "So when they say they ship us they mean they like us being together."

"Yeah."

"What is an OTP?"

"One true pair."

"Canon?"

"It's like, it's actually happening, the people are actually together not just together in your head." Emma explained.

"And um, SwanQueen?"

Emma gave a small smile.

"That is our ship name." Emma beamed.

"We have a ship name?" Regina asked amused and then chuckled, "Well the title is certainly fitting."

"Based on the amount of people that are for sure shipping us and god knows who else, I'd say we have an armada."

Regina and Emma both laughed at that before Regina stood and walked to Emma, embracing her and keeping her close.

"What are these pictures I've heard about?"

"Apparently there are pictures out there circulating of us being cute." Emma answered.

"Hmm." Regina hummed thoughtfully, both women glancing down suddenly as Emma's phone vibrated.

"It's my mom." Emma said as she read the text message, smiling brightly and then laughing before holding the screen up for Regina.

_Emma, just saw the pics of you and Regina. Obviously I've seen you two act like this around us but they are quite adorable. I'm definitely onboard your ship, SwanQueen!_

Regina laughed before grabbing Emma's phone and texting Snow back.

_Snow, it's Regina. Thank you for supporting our 'ship', and since I am a shipping mood, I just want you to know that I ship you with woodland creatures. _

Regina handed the phone back to Emma with a pleased smirk, which just caused Emma to smile and laugh.

"So how are these pictures circulating?" Regina asked.

"I think I know." Emma answered.

Regina just arched an eyebrow before Emma requested Regina to magick them back to the mansion.

Once the smoke dissipated they stood in the foyer, Regina confused as she followed Emma upstairs, stopping just outside Cora's room.

"My mother?" Regina asked in disbelief with a chuckle.

Emma opened the door and sure enough, there sat Cora, still in her pajamas, laughing at something on the computer screen and mumbling to herself.

"Mother?" Regina asked confused.

"Yes dear?" Cora replied, not even looking up.

"Cora, get off Tumblr." Emma said gently, causing the woman to whip around and look at her in shock.

"Why?!"

"You've been shipping. It isn't healthy Cora."

"FUCK THE POLICE!"

Regina suppressed a chuckle and Emma shot her a glare.

"It's funny because you're sheriff." Regina answered with a smirk.

"You aren't helping." She said to Regina before turning back to Cora. "Cora you have a serious addiction, you've been blogging nonstop."

"But I like it." Cora defended.

"How many fandoms Cora?" Emma asked.

"I don't know what you mean." Cora lied.

"How. Many. Fandoms Cora."

Cora paused.

"I lost track." Cora answered honestly.

"Did you create SwanQueen?" Emma asked with a concerned smile.

"I ship you two." Cora stated, "So fucking hard."

Regina just laughed at her mother.

"What did this site do to you?" Regina asked finally.

"It changed me." Cora answered before looking back to the screen, "It's like magic."

"Mother you have magic."

"THIS IS BETTER!"

"Cora.."

"NO! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!"

"Cora it's alright, you gotta quit it, maybe wait it out and go on in moderation."

"NO!"

"Cora!" Emma argued.

"I'VE DONE MY WAITING!"

"Oh boy." Emma muttered making Regina look at her strangely.

"TWELVE YEARS OF IT!"

"Come on."

"IN AZKABAN!" Cora yelled out.

"Great she's a potterhead." Emma muttered.

"Mother are you alright?" Regina asked, still confused.

"What house?" Emma asked curiously.

"Slytherin." Cora answered with a smile.

"Of course." Emma laughed.

"You?"

"Gryffindor." Emma answered with a smile.

"Why are you discussing Harry Potter houses?" Regina asked.

"Regina, baby, I think this may be a discussion for your mom and I to have." Emma told her girlfriend, Regina nodding gratefully before leaving the room.

"So… what else you shipping these days?" Emma asked with an arched eyebrow, taking in Cora's disheveled appearance.

"Rizzles." Cora said in a small voice.

"That's a tough one. It's so obvious and the writers just won't make them canon." Emma whined out, sitting down on the bed.

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Cora yelled, flinging her hand out and magically breaking a vase.

Emma just laughed.

"I'll get it later." Cora said wistfully. "But you ship them?"

"I ship them so hard, it hurts." Emma admitted, patting Cora's hand in understanding.

"Why can't they just make them canon?" Cora cried out, suddenly very sad about this ship.

"I know Cora I know." Emma cooed as she hugged the woman.

Once Cora calmed down she pulled back from Emma, suddenly very serious.

"I just want you to know that I have dubbed myself Captain of the SwanQueen ship." Cora said firmly, making Emma smile.

"I did receive a disturbing ask though." Cora continued.

"Oh?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Someone in this town ships you and Hook, calling you two CaptainSwan." Cora said bitterly, making Emma laugh. "Make no mistake Emma… I will find this person."

"Cora it's alright, they are entitled to their opinion, and you of all people should know how much I love your daughter."

"I know… but still."

"I know Cora. But Regina and I have true love, it's meant to be." Emma said with a bright smile.

"When are you going to propose?"

Emma looked flabbergasted.

"I-what-you-how-wha?" Emma rambled out, making Cora chuckle.

"I know you're planning something dear, I can help." Cora said with a smile, which Emma returned.

"You're okay with me asking her?" Emma asked happily.

"Of course I am!" Cora replied with a smile, "I'm captain of this armada."

Emma just laughed before standing and walking from the room, after telling Cora to take it easy on Tumblr of course.

"How did the rest of the conversation go dear?" Regina asked from her seat on the couch.

"Good, Cora has someone to fangirl with so I think she'll be okay," Emma said sitting down next to Regina and wrapping her in her arms. "And she has dubbed herself Captain of the SwanQueen armada."

"Oh?" Regina asked raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"Yep, oh and she officially has a vendetta against some anonymous person that told her they ship CaptainSwan."

"Captain Swan?" Regina asked confused.

"A ship name for myself and Hook." Emma said amused, making Regina let out a low growl.

"Over my dead body."

"I know baby." Emma smiled and pulled the woman to her, kissing her softly, "I love you."

"I love you too." Regina whispered against Emma's lips, laughing when Emma laid them down on the couch and continued her kissing assault.

* * *

**A Few Days later…**

"Emma I allowed you to handle this the first time but now we do it my way." Regina said sternly, eyeing her girlfriend.

"Okay okay. We do it your way." Emma caved and Regina nodded in agreement.

Emma looked at Regina's attire quickly, smirking.

"What?" Regina demanded seeing Emma's gaze.

"You look good in yoga pants and tennis shoes." Emma said approvingly. Regina merely smirked.

"I will be in need of this attire. You'll see." Regina said simply, "Meet me in the foyer and have the door to the house open."

"Why?" Emma asked curiously.

"Just do it." Regina said before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Emma sighed and opened the door.

Suddenly she heard a shriek from upstairs and was about to run up when she saw Regina hauling ass down the stairs.

"RUN!" Regina yelled and tore out of the house like a mad woman.

Emma barely registered the demand when Cora flew by her, running after her daughter.

"COME BACK HERE YOUNG LADY!"

Emma ran out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her and chased after the two women.

Regina continued to run, ignoring all the looks that they were getting as she ran down the street, her mother on her heels.

Regina stopped abruptly and turned around to see Emma behind her mother.

"EMMA CATCH!" Regina yelled before tossing Cora's laptop up and over her head.

"FUCK!" Emma yelled as she barely caught the laptop, taking off in no particular direction with the laptop as Cora chased after her.

"EMMA COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Cora yelled from behind her, flailing her arms.

"REGINA!" Emma yelled out in fear, suddenly remembering that Cora had magic.

A purple cloud appeared in front of her and Regina grabbed the laptop, taking off around the block with Emma and Cora on her heels.

Regina ran quickly, her mother's anger and flailing arms blowing up trashcans and mailboxes as they ran down the street.

She saw Granny's Diner up ahead and continued to run, thankful she had been working out and surprised that her mother was keeping up.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" She heard Granny yelled as they ran by, Regina quickly hanging a right and running towards Dr. Hopper's office.

"GODDAMNIT CORA WATCH YOUR MAGIC!" Granny screamed as the sign to her diner was blown off the hinges.

Emma followed Regina closely up the stairs to the apartment, releasing a breath when they entered Archie's office.

Regina summoned a fireball and held it to the laptop in warning once Cora entered.

"Regina don't you dare." Cora warned.

"Sit." Regina said out of breath, nodding her head towards the couch.

"Why?" Cora asked, breathing heavily.

"You have an addiction, and you need help for it." Regina commented.

"Hello Cora." Archie said wearily, walking towards the group.

Cora was about to refuse but Regina held the fireball closer, making the older woman whimper in defeat and sit down.

"Now, you have one hour with Archie and then I expect you home for dinner. You will get this," She said gesturing to the laptop, "Back when you can control yourself better."

Regina felt something nudge her leg and looked down to see Pongo looking up at her, tail wagging.

"Hey cutie." Regina said happily and quickly patted Pongo on the head. She then gave her mother a stern look before gesturing to Emma to follow her as they exited.

"You could've told me about that plan." Emma said with a smile.

"Where would the fun have been in that?" Regina asked with a laugh. They laughed together as they exited the building, stopping when they heard a throat clear.

"Your mother gonna fix that?" Granny asked seriously, gesturing to the sign that was currently lying on the ground.

"She will be done with her session in an hour, after that I'm sure you'll be able to get her to help. Just tell her if she doesn't comply, the laptop gets it." Regina said with a smirk before turning down the street and walking away.

"God I love that woman." Emma beamed before running after her woman.


	7. Cora and the ring

**Chapter 7 is now up!**

**Just a quick note to everyone, I know in the first Chapter I had Regina and Emma married, and in these recent chapters they are just dating. I kinda wanted to do a back to the past kind of thing. Don't worry we'll get to the wedding soon ;)**

**Anyways, please enjoy.**

**And seriously you guys are the best, your reviews are always so sweet and wonderful and so funny. Some of you leave hysterical reviews and I find myself tearing up from laughter!**

**Please, reviews are welcomed!**

* * *

Cora sat at the table in the dining room, on Tumblr, of course. She was scrolling through her dash and answering questions here and there. Mostly from Emma who had been giving her particular trouble about the fact that she had stolen her laptop from Regina. She would go on Tumblr for a few hours and then place the device back where Regina had hidden it, she'd never know.

"As long as Emma keeps her mouth shut." Cora muttered to herself.

She continued to post pictures of SwanQueen as she saw fit, she was the captain of the armada after all.

She heard a click and quickly shut the laptop down and magicked herself to Emma and Regina's bedroom, quietly sliding the device underneath the bed where Regina kept it before magicking herself back in the kitchen.

She sat casually at the counter, plastering a smile on her face as she saw Regina walk in.

"You're home early." Cora commented looking at the clock.

"Lunch." Regina said with a smile as she moved to the fridge and pulled out the leftover taco filling from the night before, beginning to reheat the leftovers.

"Emma coming back for lunch as well?" Cora asked Regina with a smile, helping her daughter prep.

"She's supposed to be." Regina said with a smile.

Cora examined her daughter curiously.

"Is everything alright dear?" Cora asked sincerely.

Regina stiffened for a moment before turning to her mother.

"Emma has been acting strangely." Regina said.

"What do you mean?" Cora asked, trying to hide the panic she felt. If Regina found out she was Tumblring outside of the regulated time slot, her goose was cooked.

"Whenever we have a romantic moment she seems to get nervous all of a sudden, kind of fidgety." Regina explained, not noticing the look of relief on Cora's face.

"I'm sure she's fine dear." Cora reassured her daughter.

"Baby I'm home!" Emma's voice called from the hallway.

"See, she's fine." Cora whispered to Regina with a wink as she continued the taco preparations.

"What's for lunch?" Emma asked with a smile as she walked up behind Regina, wrapping her arms around the brunette.

"Leftover Tacos love." Regina replied, happily accepting the embrace.

"Okay lovebirds, move away from the tacos before your cuteness spews all over them." Cora said seriously as she shooed the women away, taking it upon herself to finish them.

"You sure that's safe?" Emma asked with a chuckle.

"I taught her, I think she can be trusted." Regina replied, causing Cora to turn around and look right at Emma.

"Yes, I CAN be trusted." She said seriously, making sure Emma got the point to keep her mouth shut about Tumblr.

Emma raised her hands in mock surrender before sitting down, being served two tacos from Cora.

"Mother I was thinking that while Emma and I are away during the day it would do you some good to get back into gardening." Regina suggested.

"Oh?" Cora replied as she bit into her own taco.

"That would mean she'd be using the lawnmower." Emma mumbled out with taco in her mouth.

"You can teach her how to use it." Regina said to Emma before digging into her food.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Emma said but was shushed when Cora gave her a death glare.

They finished the meal in silence and Regina quickly left, giving her mother a hug and Emma a fast kiss before heading back to work.

"You gotta quit this Tumblr stuff outside of the allotted time Cora. Regina is gonna find out sooner or later."

"Not if a little birdie keeps her mouth shut." Cora replied coolly.

"What are you gonna do? Rip my heart out?" Emma asked jokingly. She eyed Cora wearily when the woman just stared at her.

"You… you wouldn't do that right?"

"I don't know… will I need to?" Cora asked curiously.

Emma gulped.

"Nope."

"Good. I am glad we have reached an understanding. Now, show me this lawnmower."

Emma gave a relieved sigh and gestured for Cora to follow her out to the shed, where she pulled out the push mower.

"What does it do?" Cora asked intrigued.

"It cuts the grass, keeps it from getting too long."

"What if blades of grass scream whenever cut, but they are just too tiny for us to hear their horror?"

Emma stared at Cora.

Cora stared back.

"You gotta get off Tumblr late at night… shit gets deep." Emma said seriously.

She began to show Cora how to operate the push mower, going over each part of it carefully and giving an approving nod when she started it and Cora didn't blow it up.

"Well look at that! You managed to not blow something up." Emma teased and Cora beamed back nodding excitedly.

"This land has such strange wonders." Cora said happily before her face became serious.

"Emma… why have you been acting strange with Regina?" Cora asked seriously.

"What are you talking about?" Emma asked nervously.

"Regina has noticed… what's going on." Cora demanded. "Whatever it is we can work it out, this ship has to sail damnit."

"Cora relax the ship is sailing." Emma laughed, "I um… well here." Emma said nervously before pulling a box from her pocket and handing it to Cora.

Cora looked at the box curiously before opening it, gasping when she saw the ring.

A beautiful golden ring sat in the box, with a blood red ruby in the center and twin diamonds on the sides.

"Read the inscription." Emma said.

Cora examined the ring closely.

_To the Queen of my heart_.

Emma fidgeted nervously as she watched Cora.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Emma asked nervously.

When Cora looked up she had tears in her eyes.

"ITS PERFECT!" Cora yelled out, tears running down her face.

"Thanks." Emma breathed out taking the box quickly and watching Cora in amusement. The woman was having an emotional meltdown.

"OH GOD MY FEELS!" Cora continued to cry, accidentally allowing her emotions to get the best of her, her magic flowing from her and striking the lawnmower.

"SHIT!" Emma yelled, as the lawnmower took off on its own, flying across the yard.

"Oh fuck." Cora muttered as she and Emma chased after it.

"NOT THE ROSES!" Emma yelled as the mower ran over Regina's rose bed, chopping them all up.

"FIX THIS!" Emma yelled out at Cora.

"I can't!"

"Why not!?"

"BECAUSE I'M TOO EMOTIONAL! YOU JUST HAD TO SHOW ME THE RING!" Cora yelled back, attempting to grab the mower but failing, ending up on her face in the ground.

Emma dove out of the way just in time, her pocket suddenly feeling lighter.

"What the-." She cut herself off as her eyes widened.

The ring was gone.

"CORA I LOST THE RING!"

"WHAT!" Cora shrieked out, her terror making the lawnmower pick up speed, turning around and heading right for them.

Emma looked around frantically, her eyes falling on the black box a few yards away.

"NOOOOO!" Emma yelled out as she watched the lawnmower run over the box, a horrible grinding noise emanating from the mower.

Emma stopped dead in her tracks, just staring at the mower.

Cora managed to finally regain control of herself and shut the thing off, her eyes flickering to Emma worriedly.

About to tell her that-

"You… you sonofabitch." Emma breathed out, her voice deadly even as her eyes narrowed in on Cora.

Cora suddenly felt very small.

"Emma-"

"That ring was perfect." Emma said calmly, walking closer to Cora.

"Emma the ring-"

"And you managed to destroy it." Emma advanced more.

"Emma-"

"Don't." Emma said harshly.

Cora gulped.

"Run." Emma stated, before her eyes Cora took off like a bolt.

She ran around the corner of the mansion, Emma hot on her heels, while she screamed bloody murder.

She took off down the street, running right past city hall and her very shocked daughter who watched her mother run like a bat out of hell in front of her, followed by her girlfriend.

"Emma!" Regina called out worriedly, watching Emma chase after Cora like she would kill the woman. "Oh dear."

Regina magicked some tennis shoes on herself as she ran off down the street, keeping an eye on the women.

_This town is going to think we are insane._ Regina thought to herself as she watched ahead.

"Regina!" She heard her name called and turned briefly to see Snow run up alongside her. "Why is Emma chasing Cora like she wants to kill her!?"

"No idea!" Regina replied as the two women chased after Cora and Emma.

"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT CORA!"

"EMMA PLEASE BE REASONABLE!"

"YOU FUCKED UP MY PROPOSAL!" Emma shrieked out.

"Proposal?" Regina asked aloud to herself and Snow, the women sharing a glance as they came to a halt, watching Emma having cornered Cora against the front of Granny's diner.

"FUCKING HELL CORA!" Emma yelled out as a puff of purple smoke engulfed the woman.

Emma thought Cora would have disappeared but when the smoke dissipated, in her wake sat the cutest golden retriever puppy.

"Oh that's low." Emma muttered as she looked down at the cute puppy.

"Emma what is going on!?" Regina yelled, her and Snow rushing over to the blonde and… well puppy Cora.

"LOOK AT THE PUPPY!" Snow shrieked and grabbed Cora, picking her up and ignoring the dogs yelp.

Snow hugged the puppy tightly, petting Cora's head. At first she protested but then, well the petting was nice, and she allowed it.

"Why is my mother a puppy?" Regina asked haughtily, standing next to her girlfriend.

"Well played Cora… well played." Emma muttered eyeing the dog.

"Emma what is this?" Snow asked as she fingered the ring on the dogs collar.

Emma quickly stepped in close, looking down at her engagement ring for Regina.

Snow's eyes widened in recognition and she smirked, taking the ring from the collar.

"You sneaky little bitch." Emma muttered with a chuckle as she looked at puppy Cora.

She let out a small bark, clearly pleased with herself.

"WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? AND WHY IS MY MOTHER A PUPPY!" Regina yelled out finally, absolutely fuming.

Their little stunt had attracted a crowd, everyone from Granny's coming outside to witness the scene, not to mention some passerby's.

Emma smirked to herself and grasped the ring, turning to face Regina.

"I just want you to know that this is definitely not the way I planned to do this." Emma started.

Regina stared at her with utter confusion.

"What on earth are you talking about Emma?"

"Regina, we've been together for awhile now and I love you more and more each day and you are just my everything. I thought I wouldn't get to be doing this because of your mother but well… she truly is Captain of this armada." Emma chuckled out, glancing at the puppy.

Puppy Cora let out a pleased bark.

_Damn right I am._

Emma turned back to Regina.

"But as fate would have it… I guess this is the way I have to do this." Emma paused, "You are my world Gina and I love you with all of my heart. My heart has been yours since the day I arrived in town and I know I have yours. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and I will be the luckiest woman in every land if you agree."

Regina looked at Emma wide eyed as the blonde took a knee, holding up a gorgeous ring.

"Regina Mills, will you marry me?" Emma asked with a smile.

Regina's eyes watered as she looked at the blonde below her.

"Yes. Yes yes yes yes." Regina said happily. Emma beamed and she slipped the ring on Regina's finger, quickly embracing her and giving her a twirl before their lips connected.

Cheers and claps echoed through the street from the bystanders that witnessed the exchange.

Puppy Cora barked happily in Snow's arms, drawing the women's attention back to her.

"I want you to do me one favor." Emma said to Regina with a smirk.

"And what is that my love?" Regina asked with a smile.

Emma turned and looked at Cora, a devious smirk on her face as she whispered her request to Regina.

"Oh I can do that." Regina smirked before flinging her hand out at Cora and casting an enchantment over the puppy.

"Cora, for one week you are going to remain in puppy form." Emma said pleased with herself.

Puppy Cora's eyes bulged and she frantically tried to scramble from Snow's grasp.

"And you have to spend half of that week with Snow." Regina finished with a smile.

"Cora we are going to have so much fun." Snow said happily as she pet the puppy.

Cora whimpered in protest before turning her head to glare at Emma.

"It just looks cute when you act like a mad puppy." Emma teased.

_I am so peeing everywhere in the house. _Cora thought to herself as she accepted her fate.


	8. Troubles With Puppy Cora

**Chapter 8 is now here, hope you guys like it. This chapter centers around Cora as a puppy still, don't worry it's only for a chapter ;). I got a couple ideas from some posts on Tumblr, inspiring a few of the scenes.**

**Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews, they are always so sweet and crack me up! Especially when you all complain about getting weird looks for your inappropriate laughter.**

**Reviews are welcome and encouraged.**

**Also in response to a review I had received, this is a OUaT Crack fic… it isn't supposed to be in line with the story from Once. It is supposed to be ridiculous and fun… and if you don't like fun you don't like happiness… You cannot not like happiness. **

**That was a joke. Don't take it seriously.**

**Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing.**

**Oh and all lines in italic are Cora's thoughts/conversation.**

* * *

_**Day 1**_

Cora sat, irritated beyond belief, as her brown eyes followed Snow rushing around the apartment. The woman's joy was frustrating.

_Here I sit trapped in this god forsaken puppy form, it is still me, and all this woman can do is freak out over how fluffy and cute I am! _

Cora let out a little huff, causing Snow to stop what she was doing and approach the puppy.

"You got a hairball?" Snow asked in a small voice.

_Those are cats you twit!_

She let out a small growl and turned away from Snow. So far James was still unaware of the recent development.

The door to the apartment opened and in strode James, a smile on his face as he embraced his wife and kissed her.

"We have a guest." Snow said with a chuckle, her gaze shifting to Cora.

"A puppy?" James asked with a chuckle, "Hey there little fella." James cooed and moved to pet Cora, stopping when she growled and snapped at him.

"It's actually Cora." Snow added, watching James eyes widen as he took in the sight.

"Cora?" James asked surprised, picking the puppy up and holding her at eye level.

_Put me down or I will pee on you!_

Cora attempted to glare at James, but it seemed her cuteness outweighed the glare; considering the fact that James laughed and then sat her back down.

"Well she's much more tolerable as a puppy." James said with a smirk.

_TOLERABLE!? YOU IMBACILE!_

Cora trudged across the floor and towards the armchair, thinking she was big enough to get on top… turns out she isn't.

She stood up on her hind legs, shakily, and attempted to reach the top of the chair, all that before promptly falling backwards with a yelp.

_GODDAMNIT!_

"Cora you're too tiny for that. Here, use the doggy bed I got you." Snow said with a smile as she pulled the plush bed out in the middle of the living room.

Cora examined the bed, walking around it before climbing on top.

_This is quite soft…_

Cora grumbled happily and laid down on the bed, her eyes still trained on James and Snow.

A cloud of smoke appeared in the room suddenly, dissipating and revealing Regina and Emma.

"We thought we would stop in to check on my mother." Regina said with a smirk, her and Emma's hands intertwined.

Emma looked over to Cora and gave a satisfied smirk.

"We brought you a collar." Emma said as Regina held up the small purple collar.

"We even put a tag on it." Regina said as she walked over to her mother, sitting down on the floor and holding it up for her to see.

The collar held a heart shaped tag, her name engraved on the silver item.

_A heart… real cute girls._

Cora gave a little cough that was supposed to be a scoff.

"Hairball?" Emma asked.

_WRONG ANIMAL!_

Cora let out a sigh and stuck her neck out so Regina could put it on her. Once she had, Regina gave Cora a pat on the head.

"Well Snow, enjoy your days with my mother. Should be fun." Regina said rising with a smirk.

"Oh and Dad, mind taking over at the station for a few days?" Emma asked her father.

"Sure Emma, why?"

"Regina and I have some celebrations to attend to." Emma replied with a smirk before they were engulfed in smoke, effectively leaving the apartment.

James shrugged in response before heading off to the station, leaving Cora and Snow alone.

"Cora, I need to run out to the store, please stay put." Snow said to the puppy, smirking when she heard her give a low grumble.

Snow grabbed her purse and left the apartment, leaving Cora all alone.

_I'll show you, keeping me trapped in this form. Some thanks I get._

Cora thought to herself as she got up and ran through the house, straight into Snow and James' bedroom.

She let out a happy yelp as she walked to the middle of the room, piddling on the floor.

_HAH! _

Cora thought, satisfied with her handiwork, before running back into the living room. She spotted a pair of shoes near the door and happily ran to them.

I'LL SHOW YOU, LEAVING ME ALONE WITH THESE PEOPLE!

Cora grabbed a shoe in her mouth and began whipping her head back and forth, her teeth tearing into the shoe and ripping it.

She let out some growls as she moved on to the next shoe, tearing it apart with the same amount of glee. During her fun she didn't hear the door open.

"CORA MILLS!" Snow yelled disapprovingly, causing the puppy to stop shaking her head.

She looked at Snow with wide eyes, the shoe dropping unceremoniously to the floor.

"Cora you are in serious trouble missy!" Snow yelled before retrieving a spray bottle from the counter.

_Seriously, water?_

Snow squatted down and sprayed the water on Cora's face, making her yelp.

_FUCK THAT'S COLD! STOP, STOP IT THIS INSTANT!_

Cora writhed back and forth as the water continued to hit her face, Snow finally stopping after a few moments.

_I will have my revenge. _A very wet Cora thought.

* * *

**_Day 2_**

Snow decided to take Cora with her during her daily outing, not trusting her enough to leave her in the apartment where she would surely pee all over the place once more.

Cora's collar was attached to a matching purple leash as they walked down the street. More than one person stopping to pet her, which she begrudgingly accepted.

They were heading towards Granny's, clearly Snow wished to show her off to the people within.

_What a load of kymera shit._

Cora thought as she struggled to keep up with Snow, her little legs were not able to move as quickly.

Finally they reached their destination.

Cora eyed the stairs wearily.

"You can do it Cora." Snow encouraged, looking down at the puppy.

Cora raised her head and looked at Snow before tentatively heaving her little body up the first step, then the second, then the third, then the fourth.

She let out a happy bark when she made it up the last step, causing Snow to laugh as she opened the door to the diner.

"Hello everyone." Snow greeted as she led Cora inside.

"OH MY GOD IS THAT CORA?!" Ruby shrieked out, running over to them and quickly scooping Cora up.

"Look how cute you are! Look at the little collar!" Ruby chirped out, making Cora give a small grumble.

Ruby kissed the puppies face happily.

_YOU DID NOT JUST KISS ME!_

Cora was startled by something behind her; she glanced down and caught sight of her tail, wagging between her legs.

_WHAT THE DEVIL?! I AM NOT HAPPY TO BE CUDDLED!_

"Aww look! She's happy. Do you like getting lovins?" Ruby asked with a smirk before peppering kisses all over Cora's small face.

STOP THIS INSTANT! I SHALL PEE ON YOU!

Cora thought haughtily, still unable to stop her tail from wagging.

Peeing was her only threat… and unfortunately she didn't have to go right now.

_Damnit._

Ruby finally settled and was about to speak when Granny spoke up.

"Sorry Snow, but no animals in my diner." Granny said sternly.

"But its Cora!" Snow argued.

"Precisely." Granny replied with a smirk, giving Cora a wink.

Cora let out a bark in protest.

"Sorry Cora." Granny said with a laugh.

"Come on Cora, I'll tie you up outside." Snow said as Ruby sat her down on the floor, leading her to the door and to the stairs.

Going down would be difficult.

Cora eyed them wearily before tentatively hopping down the steps. She made quick work of them, forgetting that the last step had a steeper drop than the others, causing her to fall flat on her face

_OH FUCK, SHIT I GOT THIS_

and roll on her back, yelping.

_NO I DON'T I DO NOT HAVE THIS!_

Snow laughed at Cora, currently rolling on her back on the sidewalk.

_DAMNIT WOMAN, HELP ME UP!_

Snow bent down and rolled Cora onto her side, before loosely tying the leash to the pole near the steps.

"I'll only be a little while okay?" Snow said with a smile before heading back into the diner.

_This is bullshit._

Cora thought grumpily before eyeing the leash. An idea formed in her mind and she carefully began tearing at the leash with her teeth, attempting to free herself.

"**Need some help?"**

Cora turned abruptly and faced black and white paws; her eyes traveled upwards and there stood Pongo, looking down on her.

"_Actually yes. I want free." _Cora barked.

"**No problem, move your head to the side." **Pongo instructed.

She complied and stiffened when Pongo's mouth was biting at the clasp to the leash.

He backed away once it was free.

"_Thank you Pongo."_ Cora yelped out.

"**Anytime Cora. Tell my Regina I say hello!" **Pongo said before taking off down the street, back towards Archie's.

Cora took off like a bolt, running as fast as her little legs allowed, heading straight for the mansion.

* * *

"Oh god Emma." Regina breathed out happily as she finished coming down from her high. The blonde slid back up Regina's body, stopping when they were nose to nose.

"Engagement sex is hot." Emma said with a smirk before capturing Regina's lips with her own.

"Mmmm I agree. Very very much." Regina mumbled against Emma's lips, quickly flipping them over so she could return the favor.

"Mmmm baby wait." Emma said suddenly, stilling Regina's movements.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you hear that?" Emma asked, looking to her fiancée.

"Hear wha-." Suddenly Regina heard the noise.

The faintest sound of a young howl echoed outside the house.

Regina shot up from the bed, grabbing her robe on the way before throwing it on and opening the window.

There sat Cora, in the middle of the sidewalk with her head titled back and letting out the cutest howl.

"Mother?" Regina called out, feeling her body pushed to the side slightly so Emma could peer out.

"Cora what the hell?!" Emma yelled frustrated.

Cora let out another long howl, sounding sadder by the minute.

"Damn that's cute." Regina muttered as they looked down at her mother.

"She's interrupting our engagement sex." Emma said pointedly.

_I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR SEX!_

Cora thought angrily. She wanted to be changed back.

She let out another long howl.

"Mother you go back to Snow this instant!" Regina called down.

Cora howled again.

"She isn't going to go away." Emma muttered haughtily.

"If I so much as open that door she will run inside and hide." Regina replied, already knowing how her mother would act.

Another howl.

"Mother you go back to Snow right now or I will give you fleas." Regina stated firmly.

Cora cut her howl off.

"That seemed to scare her." Emma smirked.

_Bitches._ Core thought angrily before picking her plump behind from the ground, turning around and squatting.

"What is she doing?" Emma asked in confusion.

"MOTHER DON'T YOU DARE!" Regina yelled out.

Cora walked away from her newly released puddle and turned around, looking up at the window and at Regina and Emma's faces.

Even though Emma had been angry at first, she could tell she was holding back a laugh, Regina on the other hand…

"DAMNIT MOTHER THE GRASS IS RIGHT THERE!"

_Have fun cleaning up my pee bitches!_

She thought happily before running off down the street.

* * *

**_Day 3_**

Turns out Snow was not happy about her little escape, so much so that she was considering banning Cora inside the house.

Well that wouldn't do. She was already tired of being cramped in the apartment.

So she howled.

Snow ignored her for the better part of a half hour.

So she howled louder.

Finally Snow caved and allowed her to frolic outside. She took great pleasure in chasing some birds, much to Snow's dismay.

James had returned and was speaking with Snow about his day, giving Cora ample time to go have her own fun.

Her eyes narrowed in on an unsuspecting squirrel. She squatted down and slowly began stalking her prey, cautiously positioning herself on the backside of the animal, blocking herself from its view.

Once she was in range she pounced, landing on top of the squirrel and capturing it in her mouth. She gave it a few shakes, effectively knocking it out.

Satisfied with her catch she quickly ran back to Snow and James and sat at their feet.

They both looked down.

"Cora… what is in your mouth?" Snow asked wide-eyed.

She dropped the squirrel.

"OH MY GOD CORA MILLS YOU DID NOT KILL A SQUIRREL YOU DID NOT!" Snow shrieked out, eyeing the puppy.

Cora gave a happy yelp, her tail wagging.

"CORA THIS IS NOT OKAY IT HAD A FAMILY CORA! A FAMILY!"

_Yeah well so do I bitch, and here I am, stuck in puppy form. Thanks to 'said family'._

"Snow it's alright it is just a squirrel." James attempted to soothe, only causing Snow to whip around and look at him, eyes blazing.

"Just a squirrel James? JUST A SQUIRREL!" Snow shrieked.

Cora felt her tail speed up on its wagging.

"THAT SQUIRREL HAD A FAMILY JAMES!"

Cora looked down, eyeing the now awakening squirrel.

It's small eyes looked at Cora in horror, frozen on the spot.

_Get lost pipsqueak._ Cora vocalized with a bark, scaring the squirrel off and immediately calming Snow.

"You did that on purpose didn't you?" Snow asked Cora, letting out a groan when her tail wagged.

"See Snow it's all okay." James soothed.

"You're going home, right now." Snow said firmly, making Cora's tail wag.

* * *

"Snow?" Regina asked in confusion, opening the door to her home.

"Take her back." Snow said as she held up Cora, tail tucked firmly between her legs.

"What happened?"

"Oh multiple things; peeing in the house, destroying shoes, running away… Oh and not to mention CAPTURING A SQUIRREL AND FAKING ITS DEATH!" Snow yelled out, holding Cora closer to Regina's face with each statement.

"You really enjoy peeing on things don't you?" Regina asked her mother, the puppy meeting her eyes and giving a small lick to her cheek.

"Baby what's going on?" Emma asked in confusion, coming down the stairs in just a tank top and underwear. They had just finished up another round of lovemaking.

"What are my parents doing here?" Emma asked next, stopping when she saw Cora being held up in the air, "What'd she do?"

"She faked a squirrels death." Regina stated, making Emma smirk in amusement.

"Set her down." Regina said with a sigh as Snow sat the puppy gently on the floor, "Mother if you so much as even THINK about peeing in this house, I will send you to the pound."

Cora eyed her daughter before letting out a small growl, obviously displeased.

_First they take away my laptop, then my Tumblr, now I can't even pee for revenge._

Snow and James said their goodbyes, leaving the two women and the puppy alone.

Regina glanced at the clock; sighing when she realized Henry would be home soon, luckily for them he would be able to entertain Cora.

"Henry will be home soon. I'm sure you will enjoy playing with your grandson." Regina said with a smile before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.

Emma eyed Cora, the puppy looking up at her with brown eyes.

"You pee in the apartment?" Emma asked with a smirk.

Cora barked out an affirmative.

"And you faked a squirrels death?"

Another bark.

"I'll talk to Regina about changing you back. Since it was my idea after all." Emma said with a smirk before going back upstairs to put pants on.

Cora quickly ran up the stairs in the foyer before barreling into the kitchen. Sitting and watching Regina begin preparing dinner.

"Mom! Ma! I'm home!" Henry called from the hallway, rushing into the kitchen and stopping when he saw the puppy.

Cora looked to her grandson and let out a happy bark.

"Nana?" Henry asked with a smirk before looking to his mom, receiving a nod from her he reached down and picked her up. "You wanna go play?"

Cora let out another happy bark as her grandson carried her from the room and to the backyard.

_This puppy thing is all right._

* * *

**The next day**

Cora was sound asleep, curled up at the foot of Henry's bed, when she was roused from her sleep by the sound of soft groans.

Her ears perked up and she shook herself awake, carefully hopping down the stack of books Henry had set up for her for easy access.

She exited the room and walked down the hallway, stopping just outside of Emma and Regina's bedroom, their door slightly ajar.

She heard another groan and feeling instinct take over she pushed the door open; rushing into the room with a growl, ready to defend her family.

She slid to a halt when she saw her future daughter-in-law straddling her daughter, rocking her hips.

Cora let out a yelp and pounced around.

"CORA!"

"MOTHER!" Emma and Regina shrieked out at the same time, quickly positioning themselves differently and covering each other.

Cora let out another bark, her back still to the two women.

Suddenly she felt warm and a sharp growing pain, she shut her eyes tightly until it subsided. When she opened them again she let out a relieved laugh, Regina had lifted the enchantment.

"Thank goodness dear." Cora breathed out, "May I turn around now?"

"Yes mother." Regina replied, hugging Emma closer to her body.

"Why did you come barging in?" Emma asked with a pointed glare.

"I heard groans and on instinct I was afraid for you two." Cora explained, eyeing the two women.

"Well thanks for ruining it." Emma mumbled and received a smack to her arm from Regina.

"Mother, could you please leave so that Emma and I can get dressed?" Regina asked with a sigh.

"Of course dear." Cora replied walking to the door, she paused just before exiting, "Oh and Emma?"

Emma locked eyes with her.

"You ride like a man." Cora said with a smirk before exiting the room.


	9. Bonding Time

**Chapter 9 everyone!**

**Warning: There is drug use in this chapter... Drugs are bad kids. Don't do them, and if you do please do not do what Cora and Emma do... that is all.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Thank you all so much for reading! I love all of you.**

**Thanks again to my lovely Beta and BFF SassySaviorSwag :) Love ya girl.**

**Also if you have a tumblr, you should check out queenofhearts-cora-mills, which someone created for this fanfictions Cora, there is also an Emma (bitcheslovemagic) and Regina (enjoymyshirt). They are fantastic and are wanting to create this stories Storybrooke on Tumblr and I am so honored. So thank you all. :)**

* * *

"So, any thoughts on wedding plans?" Emma mumbled against Regina's lips with a smile.

They had just finished another round of lovemaking, still very much celebrating their engagement, even though it had been over a week.

"I have a few." Regina replied, tucking Emma's hair behind an ear as she looked up at the blonde on top of her.

"Care to share?"

"Big wedding or small?" Regina asked sincerely.

"Well you are a Queen…" Emma started before receiving a playful smack to her arm. "Honestly I think a big wedding would be great. We could have all of our friends and family there, the whole damn town for all I care."

"You're serious?" Regina asked with a laugh. Emma nodded in response, a goofy smile on her face.

"I want everyone to see you officially and legally become mine." Emma replied, peppering kisses over Regina's face, making the brunette giggle.

"Are you two done fucking?" Cora's voice sounded behind the closed bedroom door.

Emma's head fell to Regina's shoulder with a heavy sigh.

"Go away Cora!" Emma called out in agitation.

"No! This is absurd, I am happy you two are fucking like Snow's woodland creatures but Regina you have a town to run and Emma you have a town to protect from flashes of Leroy's junk." Cora replied with a firm voice.

"She is right dear." Regina said softly, earning a glare from the blonde. "We can continue this later." She finished with a whisper before kissing Emma sweetly.

"Alright Cora we'll be down in a sec." Emma called, moving off of her fiancée so they could dress.

"About damn time." Cora mumbled before heading down the stairs, she had already sent Henry off to school and assumed Regina was going in late due to her morning workout.

Shortly after Cora had poured herself a cup of coffee, Regina and Emma entered the room.

"Coffee dear?" Cora asked holding up a travel mug for Regina, after receiving a nod she poured her daughter her coffee before sending her off to work, leaving herself and Emma alone.

Emma scrolled through her Tumblr dash on her phone, yeah she had finally logged back into her account after abandoning it for a while, mainly just to monitor what Cora was saying about herself and Regina.

She scrolled through a few of the asks Cora had received and paused on one in particular.

"Cora, what is the Black Wolf ship?" Emma asked, her brow scrunching in confusion.

"That would be a ship of myself and Ruby." Cora said coolly, making Emma spit out the coffee she had just sipped on.

"You and Ruby?" Emma asked in surprise.

"Yes." Cora said simply, "She did kiss my face."

"WHAT?!" Emma shrieked out in disbelief.

"When I was a puppy dear, she thought I was quite adorable." Cora said with a smirk.

"You're old enough to be her grandma!" Emma exclaimed with a laugh.

"I don't need your ship hate." Cora replied with a smirk.

"Whatever Cora. You go for it." Emma laughed as she took another swig of her coffee.

"So what is on your agenda for today?"

"Well, I'm gonna head into the office, do the usual stack of paperwork and patrol. Why, what're you up to?" Emma asked, looking to her future mother-in-law.

"Nothing." Cora said nonchalantly.

Emma eyed the woman with a hard gaze before coming to a decision.

"How would you like to be my deputy for the day?" Emma asked with a smile.

Cora's eyes widened at first, before a large grin spread across her face.

"That sounds like fun." Cora replied.

"Great! Well then Deputy Mills, let's get to work." Emma said with a smirk. She stood from the counter and just turned her back when she heard the familiar puff of magic. She turned quickly, in time to see the smoke dissipate and leave a dressed for the occasion Cora Mills.

She looked like she came straight out of the show _Reno 911_, complete with aviators.

"Really Cora?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"Too much?"

"The aviators are a nice touch, but I think a button up shirt and jeans would be fine." Emma laughed out.

Another puff of smoke encased Cora and subsided, leaving her in a pair of blue jeans, white button up shirt, aviators, and a pair of brown boots, her hair pulled back into Emma's trademark ponytail.

"That'll do. Let's go."

* * *

"Emma I am slightly nervous about this." Cora admitted, sitting stiffly in the passenger seat of the cruiser.

"Why on earth are you nervous? Its just Storybrooke." Emma said with a laugh.

"I watch a lot of Law and Order. I know what happens."

"Cora, Law and Order and Storybrooke are two totally different things."

"You never know what could happen!" Cora defended as the cruiser drove down a back alleyway.

"Cora, trust me, this is Storybrooke. Nothing is gonna happen." Emma laughed out.

"EMMA SWEET JESUS WHAT IS THAT?!" Cora screamed out, pointing in horror up ahead.

"Cora it's a garbage truck… It comes every Tuesday." Emma pointed out.

"Oh. Right." Cora mumbled, calming once more.

"Just relax." Emma said as she exited the alleyway, heading towards the park.

"This is boring." Cora said with a pout.

"Hey you were eager at first."

"Regina does not pay you enough for this." Cora added.

"She pays me plenty." Emma defended with a smirk.

"In sex toys?" Cora asked, making Emma splutter and swerve the car slightly.

"I don't know what you mean." Emma lied, ignoring the flashback of Cora rummaging through their sex drawer a few months back.

"You have two new toys, don't play dumb." Cora said plainly.

"YOU WENT THROUGH OUR DRAWER AGAIN?"

"If you didn't want me to snoop you would've switched drawers." She pointed out before looking back out the window.

"God Cora could you NOT snoop through our drawers any more?" Emma asked exasperated.

"Perhaps if I got something fun at home I wouldn't snoop." Cora mumbled before smiling, "Look it's Ruby!"

Emma coughed as the smoke hit her face, dissipating quickly and leaving the puppy version of Cora in the seat.

Her little paws pressed the window button, moving it down so she could stand up and put her head out of the window.

Cora barked happily at Ruby as Emma slowed the cruiser, quirking an eyebrow at the puppy.

"Hey Emma!" Ruby called happily as she saw the cruiser slow, her eyes brightening as she saw puppy Cora, "Hey cutie!"

Cora barked happily, tail wagging and all as she stood up more.

Ruby picked her up from the car and cuddled her under her chin.

"She is so cute as a puppy." Ruby told Emma, making the blonde give an eye roll. Ruby peppered kisses over the puppy's face, smirking as she went.

Emma tentatively held up her phone, snapping a picture and keeping it to show Regina.

"Alright you two break it up." Emma broke in finally, causing Ruby to set Cora back in the vehicle and give a wave goodbye. The second Ruby disappeared; smoke engulfed Cora once more, revealing her as she was.

"Was that necessary?" Emma groaned out.

"The people want a Black Wolf ship, I shall give it to them."

"I want to know who these people are exactly." Emma grumbled as she continued to drive the cruiser.

"MY SHIP WILL SAIL!" Cora yelled out

"Cora I know I get it."

"WE SAIL AT DAWN!"

"Cora okay."

"EMMA WHAT IS THAT?!" Cora shouted suddenly, making Emma slam on the brake and stop the car.

"DAMNIT CORA WHAT NOW!"

"Is that a fucking Gremlin?!" Cora shrieked in horror, pointing to a lawn gnome in someone's yard.

"Cora… that is a lawn gnome." Emma groaned out, her head falling back on the headrest.

"Lawn gnome?"

"Yes Cora, it's for decoration."

"It's creepy."

"I know."

"It's ugly."

"I know."

"Can I break it?"

"What? No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fun sucker." Cora pouted as Emma started to speed the cruiser back up and away from the lawn gnome.

"Here is something interesting." Emma muttered as she gestured up ahead. A group of kids were gathered in the shadows of the building.

"It's children."

"Teenagers." Emma corrected before parking the cruiser just down the street and hopping out, Cora following.

"Hey!" Emma called out as they approached; sending a wave of fear through the kids and making them begin to scatter.

Cora waved a hand out, trapping them where the stood, much to Emma's delight.

"What are you guys doing out of school?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"None of your business." One teen spat out.

"Well as Sheriff it is my business." Emma replied with a smirk.

"Fuck the police!" One shouted.

"That is the mayor's job." Cora said haughtily, causing Emma to shoot the woman a look.

"What's in the bag?" Emma asked the one in front, taking notice of the plastic baggy hanging from his pocket.

"Nothing."

"Sureeee it is." Emma smirked before plucking the bag away, her eyes widening when she saw it. "Seriously? Pot!"

"Pot?" Cora asked confused.

"Weed." Emma replied without looking away from the kids.

"What is wrong with them possessing a plant?"

"Alright Cora let them go. You kids get back to school and don't let me catch you with this shit again." Emma said as Cora released the enchantment.

Once the teens ran off Emma and Cora walked back to the car, entering it and sitting in silence.

"So… You want to experience one more thing from this world?" Emma asked with a smirk.

"Of course!" Cora replied happily.

Emma reached into the glove box of the cruiser, pulling out some rolling paper

"Emma?" Cora asked in confusion as she watched Emma roll what looked like a cigarette.

She grabbed a lighter and held it to her lips, lighting it and taking in a drag.

"Try it." Emma said as she released the smoke from her lungs.

Cora looked at her in confusion before complying, taking a long drag from the joint.

Of course once the smoke hit her lungs she coughed.

"Sweet Oz what on earth!" Cora coughed out, expelling small puffs of smoke as she coughed.

Emma took back the joint and took another drag.

"Don't worry Cora, you'll enjoy it when it hits you." Emma said with a smile

* * *

It hit her all right.

Currently herself and Emma were sitting in a booth at Granny's, Emma laughing at random times for no reason at all, while she sat and stared with wide eyes at everything in the restaurant.

"I am so. Hungry." Cora said seriously.

"Cora you just ate three orders of fries." Emma laughed out, leaning over out of her seat slightly.

"I have an idea." Cora said with a laugh. Both women cracking up for no reason, "stop stop, I have an idea."

"What?" Emma laughed out.

"Let's visit Regina." Cora said with a smile, her pupils huge and dancing.

"She will totally flip."

"It'll be funny."

"Okay, but you're driving." Emma said with another laugh before they stood and paid, leaving the diner.

Cora took the driver side of the cruiser while Emma took the passenger seat.

"Wait wait, you want another hit?" Emma asked seriously before rolling another joint. After all she had scored a good bit from that baggy.

Emma handed the lit joint to Cora, smiling when her future mother-in-law took the hit without coughing.

Cora smiled as she puffed out the smoke, putting the cruiser in drive and speeding off down the street.

She leaned her head out the window of the cruiser,

"OUT OF MY WAY BITCHES!" Cora screamed as they flew down the street.

Emma laughed hysterically in the passenger seat before spotting Leroy up ahead.

"Cora, Cora, its Leroy." Emma laughed out, swatting at the woman's arm.

"Let's give him a scare." Cora said as she swerved the car, heading straight towards Leroy.

"HEY LEROY!" Emma yelled out of the window as they flew towards him, he barely jumped out of the way when they flew by, laughing hysterically.

"CALL ME MAYBE!" Cora screamed out as they passed, quickly rounding the cruiser around a corner and towards City Hall.

"Emma switch seats with me. I want to try something I saw in a movie." Cora giggled out, stopping the car and quickly switching seats with Emma.

"What do you want me to do?" Emma asked with a confused laugh.

"Drive along the sidewalk." Cora stated as she magicked a baseball bat in her hand and leaned out of the window.

Emma sped up the car and let out a laugh as she saw Cora dangling out of the window.

"HOME RUN BITCHES!" Cora yelled as she swung the bat, hitting a mailbox and knocking it completely off of its post.

"CORA YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Emma yelled out, suppressing her giggles.

"ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD!" Cora yelled before swinging at another mailbox. "Do you want to have a go?"

Emma chewed on her lip before nodding, stopping the car and switching spots with Cora once more.

Cora began to drive the car, picking up speed as Emma dangled from the window.

"BOOM MOTHER FUCKER!" Emma yelled has she took a swing and knocked the mailbox from the post.

"Nice shot dear!" Cora called as she drove.

"FOR NARNIA!" Emma yelled out as she swung once more, hitting another mailbox before ducking back in the car.

"That was fun!" Cora yelled happily as they continued on their way to City Hall.

Cora pulled up to the curb, driving over it and parking the cruiser.

"Good enough right?" Cora asked with a giggle.

"No one will even notice." Emma reassured as she exited the vehicle.

"Are you sure?"

"It'll be fine." Emma said as she looked at the cruiser, the whole damn thing was parked halfway into the lawn.

They ran to the building quickly, then up the stairs, stopping at Regina's secretary.

"Oh I'm sorry Emma, Regina just stepped out for a few minutes, and she'll be back shortly." The secretary said.

"We'll wait inside." Cora said, trying to suppress the fit of giggles she felt coming on.

They entered the room, glancing at each other and giggling.

"Okay okay stop stop." Emma breathed out between laughs.

"Emma emma wait wait." Cora laughed out before getting deadly serious, "Did you ever think this… what if our belly buttons scream whenever we put a shirt on because it's afraid of the dark?"

Emma just stared at Cora blankly.

'That is, SUCH a good point." Emma said in awe, "like seriously Cora. That is really deep."

"I saw it on Tumblr." Cora responded before giggling once more.

"Okay okay, we should totally hide and surprise Gina when she comes in." Emma said with a laugh.

"Okay you hide under her desk, I'm going to hide in the corner."

"Good plan." Emma said holding up her fist.

"What are you doing?"

"It's a fist bump." Emma replied, holding her fist up closer to Cora. "Tap it."

Cora tentatively held up her fist and bumped it against Emma's.

"Alright let's do this." Emma laughed out before running to Regina's desk, sitting underneath of it.

Not fully realizing the fact that the desk wasn't enclosed and she was clearly visible.

Cora ran to a corner, grabbing a lampshade off of one of Regina's lamps, and placing it over her head, standing stock still in the corner.

Also not realizing that she was completely visible.

"Mr. Burns it really is such a pleasure to finally have you visiting Storybrooke." Regina's voice flitted in the room from the hallway, causing Emma and Cora to giggle slightly.

"The pleasure is all mine Mayor Mills." A booming voice echoed as they approached.

"Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule, I'm sure being governor of Maine is quite taxing." Regina replied smoothly, her body finally coming into view as she entered the room.

The second she entered she had turned her back to the women, not noticing their presence.

"How would you like a glass of the best apple cider you've ever tasted?" Regina asked the man.

"That sounds delicious."

"I make it myself, hand picked apples from the tree I've tended to since I was a girl." Regina explained as she walked to the cart she kept her apple cider on.

Mr. Burns scanned the room, his eyes quickly falling on the blonde giggling quietly underneath the desk. His eyes then flitted to the woman whose face was hidden by a lampshade, her shoulders shuddering with laughter.

"Umm Miss Mills?" Mr. Burns asked tentatively.

"Yes?" Regina replied as she walked over to him and handed him his glass.

"Why is there a blonde under your desk?"

Regina's eyes shot to her desk, widening when she took in the state of her fiancée, giggling to herself underneath the marble table.

Emma placed her hands over her eyes, giggling.

"Miss Swan!" Regina seethed out as she walked up to her desk.

"If I can't see you, you can't see me Gina!" Emma giggled out.

"Gina?" Mr. Burns asked in confusion.

Regina heard a small bout of laughter come from the corner of the room, making her gaze quickly shift to her mother, standing in the corner with a lampshade on her head.

Regina had no idea how to even handle this situation, her first instinct was to scream at both of them but instead she put on her best smile and turned to face Mr. Burns.

"Mr. Burns, would you please wait outside in the hallway for a moment while I handle this?" Regina asked calmly, the man nodded mutely as he eyed the three women before exiting the room, closing his door on the way out.

Regina turned around quickly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" She boomed out, making Emma jump and smack her head off of the table.

"OW GINA!" Emma whined as she crawled out from the desk.

Cora took off the lampshade dejectedly, placing it on the couch before walking to her daughter.

"What is wrong with you two?" Regina demanded, her hand grasping Emma's chin and making the blonde look at her.

She took in Emma's appearance carefully; her eyes falling on Emma's severely dilated ones.

"You're high." Regina stated in disbelief before looking to her mother. "You as well?"

Emma nodded sheepishly and Cora gave another giggle.

"I cannot believe you two!" Regina whispered in a harsh tone, releasing Emma's face.

"I missed you." Emma stated with a pout.

Regina softened for a second before her gaze hardened once more.

"Magic yourselves out of here right now." Regina stated firmly.

"But but but." Emma started.

"Come Emma, we will have fun elsewhere." Cora stated with a huff before grabbing the blonde and magicking them away.

"What am I going to do with them?" Regina asked herself

* * *

"So what do you wanna do?" Emma asked Cora as they sat in the poorly parked cruiser.

"Let's listen to some music." Cora suggested as she turned on the radio, a well-known song coming on.

"_What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more." _The music flitted through the car.

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" Emma screamed out, her hands flying in the air.

"ME TOO!" Cora agreed loudly as Emma pulled the cruiser from their parking spot and drove down the street. Blasting the music as loudly as possible.

"WHAT IS LOVE, BABY DON'T HURT ME, BABY DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!" Emma sang loudly.

"WELL I DON'T KNOW, WHAT CAN I DO, WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY ITS UP TO YOU, I KNOW WHAT I WANT, JUST ME AND YOU, I CAN'T GO ON." Cora chimed in, screaming the lyrics as they drove, very very slowly down the street.

"WHAT IS LOVE, BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!" Emma sang out.

"WOAH WOAH WOAHAOH WOAH WOAH WOAHAOH WOAHAOH!" Cora screamed out, swaying back and forth in the seat.

"What is love, baby don't hurt me, no more." Emma sang softly to the tune

"Don't hurt me, don't hurt me."

"I want no other, no other lover, this is your life, our time."

"When we are together, I need you forever, is it love?" Cora sang in an equally soft voice, not realizing that they had parked the car at the mansion.

"What is love, Oh baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." Emma and Cora sang together.

"WHAT IS LOVE, BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!" They finished with a loud scream.

Another song began to play on the stereo, making Cora's eyes brighten.

"I KNOW THIS ONE TOO!"

"Sing it woman! Sing the song of your people!" Emma sang out happily.

"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, that is how I know you, go on." Cora sang deeply, putting meaning into the song.

"Far across the distance, and spaces between us, you have come to show you, go on." Emma sang the next verse, swaying back and forth in the seat.

"Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on…" Cora trailed off before sucking in a deep breath, "Once more you open the door, and you're here in my heart, AND MY HEART WILL GO ON AND ON!" Cora sang loudly, slamming her face against the window of the car and singing to a squirrel that was staring at the car curiously.

"That. Was so. Beautiful." Emma breathed out, tears springing to her eyes.

"Why are you crying!" Cora asked worriedly as she looked to the blonde.

"GINA HATES ME NOW!"

"She does not hate you Emma."

"SHE HATES MEEEE!" Emma cried out, making tears spring to Cora's eyes as they both sobbed loudly.

A tap on the window ceased their sob fest and they both looked to Emma's window, seeing Regina standing there with a concerned look on her face.

"Come out of the car." Regina said softly to Emma.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you hate me."

"Baby I don't hate you." Regina soothed, opening the door and pulling Emma from the car.

Cora exited the car as well and waddled over to Regina and Emma like a child.

"You don't hate me either?" Cora asked softly.

"No mother I don't hate you either." Regina assured, gesturing them to go towards the house, "How about I get you two some ice cream?"

"That sounds most delicious." Cora agreed as they entered the house, Regina moved them to the den and sat them down, leaving them to grab ice cream.

"See I told you she doesn't hate you." Cora scoffed.

"Says the woman that burst into tears as well." Emma replied haughtily.

Both their stomachs rumbled in unison.

"Here you go. Rocky road for Emma, and Chocolate Moose tracks for Cora." Regina cooed softly as she handed each woman the small tub of ice cream and a spoon.

She moved to the TV and turned it on for them before walking back over and giving each a kiss on their head.

She smirked as she shut the door, knowing they would be coming down from their high soon while she prepped dinner.

"We did some crazy shit." Emma stated with a blank stare as she came down from her high, finally realizing everything they did.

"Yes we did. I'm certain we ruined Regina's meeting with that governor."

"Ughhhh." Emma groaned out, forgetting about that guy.

"It was fun though." Cora commented, drawing Emma's stare.

"Yeah it was."

Emma's face paled.

"Oh my god we took off people's mailboxes."

"I suppose we did didn't we."

"Oh my god I am Sheriff and I fucking took out people's mailboxes with a baseball bat while I was high oh my god Regina is going to kill me." Emma muttered out.

"It's okay Emma, she may not even know it was us." Cora tried to reassure.

**Meanwhile…**

Regina finished dinner and realized she hadn't retrieved the mail for the day. Her mind was mostly in a fog as she had driven back home, not paying attention to her surroundings, especially when she pulled in the driveway and saw Emma's cruiser parked, and blasting Celine Dion.

Emma and Celine Dion was never a good combination, she tended to get emotional.

Regina smiled to herself as she walked out of the house and down the sidewalk. She stopped dead in her tracks when she took in the sight of her mailbox, badly beaten and completely off of its post.

"What the hell?" Regina asked out loud, picking up the scattered mail and glancing down the street, only to see three other mailboxes completely destroyed and laying on the side of the road.

**Back to Emma and Cora…**

"You're totally right, maybe she won't-."

"EMMA SWAN!" Regina's voice yelled through the house.

"Nope she noticed." Cora added, earning a death glare from Emma.

Regina came barging in the room, happy to see her mother and Emma looked normal and had come down from their high.

"Care to explain why our mailbox is destroyed, along with three others, and why there is a baseball bat in the cruiser?" Regina hissed out, eyes blazing in anger.

"Well you see…" Emma started.

"There is a very logical explanation." Cora finished.

Regina crossed her arms and began tapping her foot, waiting impatiently.

"I love you." Emma tried, putting on her best puppy pout.

"Not going to work Emma. This was completely irresponsible of you! You are Sheriff and you decide to get high whilst on the job and then go and destroy mailboxes?"

"Hey Cora contributed!"

"This is true." Cora agreed, looking between her daughter and Emma.

Regina lifted her hands to her temple and began to rub, trying to sooth the migraine she felt coming on.

"Baby I'm sorry. Cora and I were just having fun and bonding." Emma tried to reason, standing up and going to Regina, embracing her.

"Okay, okay." Regina caved, accepting Emma's embrace and letting the anger go.

They heard the front door open, assuming it was Henry since it was about the time he returned home from school.

The sound of his footsteps increased and he came barreling into the room with an excited look on his face.

"Mom, Emma, Nana, look look!" Henry said excitedly, running to the TV and switching the channel.

"Henry what is it?" Regina asked in confusion.

"They started talking about it at school and I got home as quick as I could. You're on TV Ma!" Henry yelled happily, turning to the news.

"_In other news, Sheriff Swan and Cora Mills, mother to Mayor Regina Mills, were spotted riding in the patrol car and taking out mailboxes of some of Storybrooke's citizens. No one knows the reason for the behavior of the two women. Here is some footage a bystander managed to take." _ The anchor finished speaking and the footage rolled, showing Cora hanging out of the window.

"_HOME RUN BITCHES!" _They heard Cora yell on the tape as she smashed a mailbox. The video cut to Emma, swinging a bat and yelling a very distinctive,

"_FOR NARNIA!" _

Emma and Cora turned to face Regina, very slowly.

The brunette's mouth hung open, staring blankly at the TV as she took in the scene of her mother and fiancée's behavior.

"Gina, I am SOOOO sorry." Emma pleaded as Cora ushered Henry from the room.

Regina turned to look at her fiancée; still slack jawed as she looked at the blonde.

"I will totally let you do whatever you want to me tonight. Anything you want." Emma rushed out, desperately trying to save her own life here.

Regina's eyes searched Emma's before a smirk graced her features, predatory and seductive.

"Oh I do believe this will be fun." Regina purred out to Emma with a wink before looking to her mother. "Just this once you're off the hook, Emma is more than capable of taking the blame for both of you."

Emma gulped in anticipation.

"Be a dear and go upstairs and get ready for me. You won't be able to walk for a week when I'm done with you." Regina whispered in Emma's ear.

Emma looked to Cora before bolting from the room.

"Proud of you!" Cora called after the blonde's retreating form.

Emma would enjoy her punishment and Cora got out of it scratch free, win win situation in her book.

* * *

**A:N/ Chapter 10 will be up tonight. I decided to give you guys a double update because you're that awesome.**

**Chapter 10 will contain quotes from The Most Popular Girls In School videos on youtube, I suggest you watch them first so when the quotes appear you get the reference. **

**Thank you all!**


	10. The Trampoline and The Armada

**Here's Chapter 10 as promised everyone, hope you like this chapter!**

**There are references to quotes used in The Most Popular Girls In School, so please watch those videos before hand, they are so funny!**

**I also owe credit to bitcheslovemagic on Tumblr, one of the quotes in here was her idea so thank you very much! :)**

**Reviews are always welcomed and encouraged, hope you all enjoy it!**

* * *

"Regina… I have a question." Cora started tentatively, clutching a magazine in her hand and shifting on her feet uneasily.

"Yes mother?" Regina replied, not looking up from her book she was currently engrossed in.

"What is a trampoline?" Cora asked curiously, drawing Regina's gaze to her own.

"Why do you want to know?" She replied suspiciously.

"Hey ladies what's shaking?" Emma asked with a wink, walking into the room with a smile on her face.

"My mother wants to know what a trampoline is." Regina answered.

"Why?" Emma asked suspiciously.

"Why do you both think it is a bad thing? It looks fun!" Cora replied with a huff, holding out the magazine.

"It's a toy basically, mother. You have fabric stretched across an open circle or rectangle that is supported by metal poles and springs. When you jump it shoots you into the air and then you come back down. You bounce." Regina explained.

"Why'd you wanna know?" Emma asked Cora.

"I want one." Cora answered.

"No."

"Absolutely not." Emma and Regina said simultaneously.

"Why not?" Cora huffed.

"Because mother, god only know what chaos will happen when you bounce, terrified, on the trampoline."

"Henry would like it."

"Really you're going to use Henry as a push for the trampoline?" Emma asked raising her eyebrows.

"Henry and I would both like it." Cora stated.

"No." Regina said firmly, "they're dangerous."

"Not the ones with nets." Cora defended.

"Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea Gina."

"What?"

"What?" Regina and Cora asked in surprise.

"Yeah, she can just learn the hard way." Emma stated with a shrug.

Cora gave a bright smile.

"I feel like I am going to regret this decision." Regina muttered before looking to her mother, "Fine mother I will purchase the trampoline."

Cora squealed happily before running from the room to tell her grandson.

"I swear she is like a little kid." Emma stated with a laugh.

"That she is dear." Regina chuckled out.

"You know the trampoline may not be so bad after all." Emma said with a wiggle of her eyebrows, making Regina give a predatory smirk.

"Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

"Oh yeah." Emma said with a smirk before capturing Regina's lips with her own.

They kissed passionately for a few minutes before pulling away.

"I have a feeling we may enjoy the trampoline more than she will." Regina muttered against Emma's lips.

"Oh I know we will." Emma replied.

"You two really are kinky bitches aren't you?" Cora asked waltzing into the room, having heard the last snippet of their conversation.

"You would know, since you continuously snoop through our sex drawer." Regina pointed out.

"Why do you do that?" Emma asked curiously.

"I get bored." Cora said with a shrug, "But now I will have a trampoline to entertain me."

Regina sighed and held out her hand, gesturing for the magazine that Cora was holding.

Once it was in her grasp she disappeared to the kitchen to place the order.

"Henry is quite excited to have a trampoline." Cora said with a smile to Emma, which made Emma beam in return.

"Looks like we're all gonna enjoy that trampoline." Emma smirked.

"Yes well do make sure you clean it after you two are done." Cora added, making Emma blush.

"Your trampoline is ordered and should be here in the next few days." Regina told her mother.

Cora squealed loudly once more.

"Must you do that?" Regina asked with a grimace.

"I'm excited."

"Yes but why that?"

"Would you rather me pee on the floor? Because that's what happened when I was a puppy."

Regina and Emma just stared at Cora for a moment.

"Did you have bladder issues as a dog?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"I just enjoyed being able to pee wherever I damned well pleased." Cora answered with an 'as a matter of fact' attitude.

"So mother how is the Swan Queen ship sailing?"

"The armada is strong as ever dear. I've been… taking care of those Captain Swan shippers… as well as the red queen and red swan shippers." Cora answered with a gleam.

"Mother what did you do?"

"Nothing dear… nothing to worry about." Cora answered distantly.

Emma and Regina shared a look.

"Soooo I heard a cheesy pick up line." Emma stated with a smirk, trying to change the subject.

"Oh is it one of your own?" Regina teased.

"Hey my pickup lines are good!" Emma scoffed.

"What is this pickup line?" Cora asked intrigued to hear what Emma had to say.

Emma cleared her throat before looking at Regina.

"Do you happen to have an extra heart? Because mine has been stolen." Emma finished with a smirk, making Regina roll her eyes at the ridiculousness that was her fiancée.

"WHAT EMMA SOMEONE STOLE YOUR HEART? WHO WAS IT THAT TOOK IT I WILL FIND THEM AND DESTROY THEM! THE ARMADA WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" Cora yelled out suddenly, startling Regina and Emma.

"Cora it was just-." Emma tried.

"WAS IT THE CAPTAIN SWAN SHIPPERS? THEY WOULD RESORT TO SOMETHING SO LOW!"

"Woah Cora it's not like that."

"WAS IT THE RED SWAN SHIPPERS!"

"No Cora no one actually-."

"THIS SHIP WILL SAIL DAMNIT!" Cora screamed loudly before pulling out a walkie talkie.

"Where did she get that?" Regina asked pointing to the walkie talkie.

"Crossbow, come in crossbow, Captain of the armada over." Cora said into the walkie talkie, earning blank stares from Regina and Emma.

"Crossbow here, come in Captain." The walkie talkie screeched.

"Is that Granny?" Emma asked in disbelief.

"We have a serious situation. I need you to round the troops. The ship sails at dawn I repeat the ship sails at dawn." Cora muttered into the walkie talkie.

"What's happened Captain?!" Granny yelled over the walkie talkie.

"Emma's heart has been stolen I repeat, Emma's heart has been stolen." Cora said into the device.

Regina finally shook herself from her shock and moved to grab the walkie talkie, which Cora effectively avoided.

"THE SHIP WILL SAIL CAPTAIN!" Granny yelled before the talkie went silent.

Cora slowly turned to face Regina and Emma and quickly embraced Emma.

"I will get it back Emma, if it is the last thing I do." Cora said firmly before running from the room.

"Anyway you can speed up the delivery on that trampoline?" Emma asked with a smile.

"Already on it darling." Regina smirked as she held the phone to her ear.

* * *

"Alright people listen up." Cora stated to the room, "We have to plan this attack very, very carefully. No one from the Captain Swan ship can know about this."

"Mums the word everyone." Granny said to the room, standing next to Cora.

"For those of you that do not know, I have declared Granny as my first mate." Cora stated.

"HEY WHY NOT ME?!" Snow belted out.

"Because you keep flipping out over the animals and it's becoming quite taxing." Cora explained before going back to the plan.

"So here's what we will be doing. We need to find out who the Captain Swan shippers are." Granny said.

"We need to smoke them out." Cora said with a sly smile.

"What about if we have someone go under cover?" Charming asked.

"That would work. It'll be dangerous though." Cora said to Granny, making the older woman shrug in agreement.

"I vote that Belle go." Granny suggested, causing Belle to stand and begin walking to the front.

"I VOLUNTEER, I VOLUNTEER AS TRUBUTE!" Ruby yelled out.

"Damnit Ruby this is NOT the Hunger Games!" Cora huffed with an eye roll.

"Well I don't think Belle will be convincing, and it should be me I mean aren't there some people that are shipping me with Emma and Regina?" Ruby asked.

"There are." Cora said eyeing her suspiciously.

"For god sakes woman I am not against you!" Ruby said haughtily.

"Can't be too sure." Cora muttered to Granny, who nodded in agreement.

"Hey! Don't think I don't know about your Black Wolf ship thing going around." Ruby stated with an arched eyebrow.

Cora fumbled for words.

"That's what I thought." Ruby said flirtatiously with a wink, making Cora blush.

"Who do we know of that are hardcore Captain Swan shippers? Besides Hook." Belle asked.

"Rumple." Granny stated. "I heard him in the diner the other day discussing it with Mr. Schmee."

"Didn't he get turned into a rat?" Cora asked in confusion.

"He got better." Granny stated.

"So, Ruby you will speak with Gold… discreetly might I add, about the Captain Swan ship. Once you get in good you can get to Hook, earn his trust, and then when the time is right. THE ARMADA WILL STRIKE!" Cora bellowed.

"Huzzaaahh!" James yelled out, causing everyone to look at him strangely.

Snow just eyed her husband and gave a disapproving stare.

"Mother what are you-." Regina's voice died off as she examined the room.

The room fell deathly silent.

"Why is half of the town in my basement?" Regina asked suspiciously.

"Damnit, who was watching the door?" Cora demanded to Granny.

"Bashful was supposed to be watching the door." Granny stated.

"No Doc was supposed to be watching the door, Bashful was on snack duty." Cora countered.

"Well then who the fuck was watching the door?" Granny demanded the room.

"AH HEM!" Regina huffed out loudly, making the room look to her once more. "Again, why is half of the town in my basement and mother why are you wearing a Pirate hat?"

"I'm Captain." Cora stated as if it was obvious.

"Hey Regina have you seen my-." Emma's voice died as she came and stood next to her fiancée, eyeing the room.

"GODDAMNIT WHO IS WATCHING THE FUCKING DOOR!" Cora bellowed out to the room.

No one said anything.

"Peasants." Cora muttered.

"Why is half of the town in our basement?" Emma asked Regina.

"No idea but mother is captain, even has the hat to prove it." Regina stated.

Emma's eyes widened.

"Regina we gotta go." Emma whispered.

"Why?"

"It's the armada." Emma whispered back.

Their eyes flitted across the room; truthfully half of the town was in their basement (which was quite spacious thanks to some enchantments).

"Our armada?" Regina asked with raised eyebrows, her eyes landing on Snow and James.

"The Swan Queen armada saileth." Emma muttered before pulling her woman from the room.

"Seriously someone go watch the fucking door." Cora hissed out, pointing to Leroy to go do the job.

"Alright so are we all in agreement with the plan?" Cora asked the room.

When everyone nodded she started,

"Let's all state our pledge." Cora said.

The entire room in unison began.

"We are the Swan Queen Armada, Our ship shall sail and will not sink, We ship Regina Mills and Emma Swan, We sail proud and true, We are not just a ship, or an armada… WE ARE A NATION! SWAN QUEEN NATION!" The room bellowed out.

"Meeting adjourned." Cora stated before pounding her gavel.

* * *

"Mother come down here!" Regina called from the foyer.

"WHAT?!" Cora responded, a hint of irritation in her voice.

"You have a present!" Emma called up next, coming to stand by her fiancée.

In a flash Cora came charging down the stairs, stopping in front of the two women and looking at them with wide eyes.

"Present?" Cora asked with glee, becoming more excited by the minute.

"Follow us." Regina said with a smirk before turning on her heel and leading the women to the back yard.

"MY TRAMPOLINE!" Cora yelled happily before charging towards the new toy.

"Shoes off mother." Regina instructed.

Emma burst into a fit of laughter as she watched Cora attempt to pry the shoes from her feet, flailing like a fish out of water.

After a few failed attempts she finally succeeded in removing the shoes from her feet, and quickly hopped into the trampoline.

"What do I do?" Cora asked in a small voice, suddenly slightly terrified of what might happen.

"You jump mother." Regina stated with a smirk, just waiting for her mother's freak out.

Cora eyed them wearily before giving a small bounce, smiling with delight as she bunny hopped around the trampoline.

"Jump higher!" Emma called encouragingly, taking her shoes off and diving in.

"Come on Regina." Cora called with a smile.

"I'm good here." Regina replied back with a smirk, watching as Emma bounced lightly, so she wouldn't scare the older woman.

"You can jump higher." Emma stated to Cora waiting to see if the woman would.

Cora looked to Emma and then Regina before jumping high in the air and then landing and then springing back up in the air with a terrified expression on her face.

"SWEET HEAVEN I CAN FLY!" Cora screamed as she was sent up in the air before coming back down, making Emma crack up.

Cora hit the trampoline hard and in turn sent Emma flying back up in the air with her.

"EMMA I MUST STOP THIS BOUNCING!" Cora yelled out as she hit the trampoline once more, being sent through the air again.

"Just relax Cora!" Emma called out through a peal of laughter; her eyes finding Regina's highly amused ones.

"EMMA!" Cora yelled as she bounced again, arms flailing and magic pouring from her fingertips, as soon as her feet touched the trampoline she was catapulted high into the air, flying up and out of sight.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled in panic, watching Cora's disappearing form.

"Shit! Cora come back!" Emma yelled up to the sky, stilling her movements on the trampoline.

"I CAN FLY!" Cora called happily before falling into view. She quickly grabbed onto Emma and bounced high again, the magic carrying them both back up into the sky.

"MOTHER LET EMMA GO!" Regina yelled out, her voice terrified.

"It's okay Gina!" Emma called as they fell back into view.

"AGAIN!" Cora yelled happily as they bounced high once more, flying into the air.

"SHIT!" Emma yelled as Cora's grip loosened on her and she was sent falling back to the trampoline.

Regina flung her hand out and gently eased Emma back down to the trampoline, her eyes scanning the sky for her mother.

They waited a minute before they realized she didn't come back down.

"Fuck! Regina where'd she go?!" Emma yelled out in panic, scurrying out from the trampoline and towards her fiancée.

"Mother!" Regina called searching the area.

"Cora!" Emma yelled.

"Herumph." A muffled voice called from some bushes across the yard, sending Emma and Regina rushing towards them.

"Mom!?" Regina called worriedly as she pushed aside the bushes. She suppressed a giggle as she took in Cora's form, sprawled out amongst the bushes, twigs and leaves trapped in her hair and a dazed look on her face.

"You alright Cora?" Emma chuckled out.

"Mrpmh." Cora muttered, her eyes still staring at the sky.

"Was it worth it?" Regina asked with a smug smirk.

Cora finally turned her head and looked to her daughter, offering her a wide smile.

"Oh yeah."


	11. Brownies and The Ship That Will Not Sink

**Next chapter is up :) **** Hope you all like this one**

**Much thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and sending me PMs about this story, you all are the best!**

**If any of you have Tumblrs, you can follow me at **_love-order-chaos-repeat_**. There have also been a few lovely people who created blogs based on these characters, which I recommend following!**

**There will also be quotes from Most Popular Girls in School in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**WARNING: This chapter has references to drug use. Don't read if you have a problem with that.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Happy Super Bowl everyone… well everyone in America… and who give a shit….**

**This chapter is a mix of mainly Cora and Regina with of course Swan Queen.**

* * *

**A message from Cora.**

"Hello, I'm sure all of you know me. Cora Mills. I'm speaking to all of you that have been reading this story that seem to so enjoy poking fun at my SwanQueen shipping obsession, my sexual comments, my ability to blow things up whenever scared, etc. But I am here to address an important issue…

"Please read what the author writes in bold. There will be important information regarding the story located at the top, including warnings.

"I suggest you take a look, NOT YET I AM NOT FINISHED SPEAKING TO YOU, YOU FOOL… now, after reading the words in bold at the top you may continue on to the story, and in case you disobeyed my command to read what they had written, there is a warning involving some drug use.

"Don't like it. Tough shit bitches. Cora out."

* * *

"I now call this meeting of the armada to order." Cora started, pounding her gavel and donning her Pirate hat.

"Now, we have called this meeting to discuss our progress on the undercover assignment of one Ruby Lucas." Granny finished, "Ruby would you please inform of us of your progress."

"I don't wanna do it anymore." Ruby said as she stood, earning a look from Cora.

"Why?" Cora demanded.

"Because I can't stand all the Captain Swan shipping, its… its too much. Everything has to be so sexual and it makes my skin crawl and they are just grasping at the straws with everything. I mean, Emma glanced at Hook the other day in the diner, in a 'what the fuck are you doing' sort of way and later that night the Captain Swan shippers were going nuts over it, thinking she was putting moves on him or something."

"Those bastards." Granny growled out, everything nodding in agreement.

"I can't do it, it's hurting my shipper heart." Ruby stated before the door to the basement swung open.

Cora's eyes narrowed in on the intruder.

"Who the fuck are you?" Cora demanded, catching the intruder by surprise.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked back.

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

Silence engulfed the pair before the intruder caved.

"I'm August." August stated crossing his arms.

"Who the fuck let you in here?" Granny demanded out.

"Leroy."

"What the hell is Leroy doing letting people in?" Cora asked Granny, making the woman shrug.

"I heard this is the place for people shipping SwanQueen." August stated again, receiving nods in unison from the large crowd.

"Leroy isn't even in charge of the door." Cora muttered to herself.

"Welcome August, glad to have you on board." Granny said as the man took a seat.

"So anyways, we need to plan out a strategy for war on the Captain Swan shippers." Cora began once more.

"We could pelt them with animals?" August suggested, earning a large gasp from Snow.

"WE WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" Snow screamed out, making Charming cringe at the shrill voice.

"What is your deal?" August asked Snow, confusion evident.

"Snow has a severe animal obsession." Cora answered, shooting a look to her future family member.

August nodded with wide eyes before turning back to Cora.

"We need something better… something… bigger." Cora thought out loud, tapping her chin as she fought.

"Nana are you down here?" Henry called as he entered the room.

"Seriously, who the fuck is watching the door?" Cora huffed out before moving to her grandson.

"Nana why is half of the town in our basement?" Henry asked in confusion.

"Henry this is a group for those of us who ship your mommies." Cora explained.

"Can I join?" Henry asked happily.

"Welcome aboard!" Cora chirped happily before sitting Henry down next to August.

"I have an idea!" Granny shouted out suddenly.

"Yes?" Cora asked excitedly.

"We know where they hold their meetings, we can go in stealthily, get Emma's heart back and then sabotage their meeting house."

"I never saw Emma's heart there." Ruby piped up.

"They must have hidden it." Cora stated.

"MY MA'S HEART IS MISSING!?" Henry yelled out panicked.

"We believe so-." Cora began but her grandson cut her off.

"WHO TOOK IT! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM AND GET IT BACK! THIS SHIP WILL NOT SINK!" Henry yelled out.

Cora sniffled and wiped and eye before looking to Granny.

"Taught the kid everything he knows." Cora said with a teary smile.

"So when do we strike Captain?" Granny asked Cora, the room waiting patiently.

"At Dawn… the ship will sail at dawn." Cora said with determination.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Granny shouted our happily.

"Meeting adjourned!"

* * *

"What on earth are, 'pot brownies'?" Cora asked herself as she eyed some strange post on Tumblr.

"Hey Cora, watcha looking at?" Emma asked with a smile and plopping down next to her future mother-in-law.

"Emma, what are 'pot brownies'?"

"Oh, umm, remember what you and I smoked a few weeks back?"

"Yes, weeds?"

"Weed. Cora. Weed." Emma corrected before continuing, "Instead of smoking it you put it in brownie batter and bake them and then eat them and get high."

"That sounds delicious." Cora said with a gleam in her eyes.

"Oh no. No Cora. Don't even think about it." Emma warned, "Regina was pissed enough the last time, I am NOT getting in trouble again." Emma said before standing and leaving the room.

"I will just get it myself then." Cora muttered to herself before magicking herself from the house and to the Sheriff's station.

She knew that Emma probably had some leftovers from their excursion a few weeks back, and she knew just where Emma kept any illegal artifacts she confiscated.

Cora quickly looked around the room before going to the locked cabinet in Emma's office, magically unlocking the door and causing it to swing wide open.

Cora gave a wide grin as she spotted the bag of goodies and quickly stashed it in her jacket before locking the cabinet once more and magicking back to the house.

Cora glanced around the corners, making sure that she was alone. It was lunchtime and Emma and Regina always shared lunch on Fridays… and more. Yeah Cora knew their schedules.

Henry was still going to be at school for another couple hours, leaving her completely alone in the house.

Cora grabbed a box of brownie mix from one of the cupboards and set to her baking, Regina had properly taught her how to use the oven so she wouldn't burn the house down.

Cora threw the mix together quickly and plucked the bag of pot from her jackets, smirking as she emptied the contents into the batter and began mixing it thoroughly.

She sat the tray inside of the oven and set the timer, now all she had to do was wait.

* * *

_**Update Status: What's up, Cora?**_

_**Just finished making brownies, timer was set properly and everything, so Regina doesn't have to worry about me burning the house down. Also, friendly reminder to my ship mates about the festivities tomorrow.**_

_**Comments:**_

_**Snow: **__Aye Aye Captain!_

_**Emma:**__ When did you make brownies?_

_**Cora:**__ Just now, they are in the oven._

_**Emma**__: … normal brownies?_

_**Cora:**__ Yes Emma. ;)_

_**Snow:**__ Oooooo brownies!?_

_**Emma:**__ Wait wait, what was that wink, why did you wink?_

_**Cora:**__ Yes Snow, I made brownies. I will eat some and then jump on my trampoline. And I winked because I can Emma… god._

_**Emma:**__ Whatever Cora._

_**Regina:**__ Just don't burn the house down._

_**Cora:**__ You know I thought I was the parent but it seems I have become yours and Emma's child._

_**Regina:**__ You will be treated how you act mother. And what are these festivities tomorrow?_

_**Cora:**__ Nothing you need to worry about dear… And I am letting that comment slide._

_**Snow:**__ I got the stuff…_

_**Cora:**__ Excellent._

_**Granny:**__ The fleet is ready._

_**Emma:**__ This sounds like a drug deal._

_**Regina:**__ Emma, perhaps we shouldn't ask questions regarding my mother's… recent activities._

_**Emma:**__ I am sheriff._

_**Cora:**__ If you know what is good for you, you will butt out._

_**Emma:**__ Woah Cora, heel._

_**Cora:**__ I will not allow you to interfere with our plans._

_**Regina:**__ I believe this is armada related activity Emma._

_**Emma:**__ All right I'll let it slide._

_**Snow:**__ I GOT A BUNNY!_

_**Cora:**__ What?_

_**Emma:**__ What?_

_**Regina:**__ What?_

_**Snow:**__ CHARMING BOUGHT ME A BUNNY RABBIT, IT'S SO CUTE._

_**Cora:**__ I will be surprised if it lives past Monday._

_**Emma:**__ I give it a week._

_**Regina:**__ I give it five days._

_**Snow:**__ What is that supposed to mean?_

_**Cora:**__ It means whatever the fuck you want it to mean._

_**Regina:**__ MOTHER!_

_**Emma:**__ Cora! Henry can see this!_

_**Cora:**__ He is in school… and my brownies just came out of the oven. Toodaloo…_

_**Regina:**__ Don't you dare._

_**Emma:**__ Cora._

_**Cora:**__ …Motherfuckers!_

_**Regina:**__ We never should have allowed her to watch The Hangover._

Cora smiled as she logged off of Facebook, knowing she would probably get hell for that little stunt, but she couldn't bring herself to really care.

She placed the tray on the cooling rack and waited a few minutes before cutting into the fluffy brownies, placing them on a plate and setting them on top of the fridge out of Henry's reach.

"Fuck! Henry!" Cora shrieked as she realized she had to go and pick up her grandson from the school, tearing out of the house in a flash.

* * *

Regina opened the door to their home, giving a pleased smile at the fact that the house was indeed still standing. Emma was still at work and Cora and Henry were off bonding. Cora didn't state what they were doing exactly but she felt it better to just not ask, especially since Henry kept referring to something called "Operation Heart attack."

Yes, it was better to just not ask.

She kicked her heels off and walked through the house, heading to the kitchen, expecting to find her kitchen a mess, but was pleasantly surprised to find her kitchen spick and span.

She looked around for these so called brownies, her eyes glancing up to the top of the fridge and noticing the plate there.

"What on earth are they doing up there?" Regina asked out loud, reaching up and grabbing the plate.

She examined the brownies and grabbed one from the plate, taking a large bite and moaning at the taste. They were actually really good.

She sat the plate back on the counter and continued to munch on the brownie, quickly finishing it and grabbing another. She moved to the refrigerator and began rummaging through it, looking for something to use for dinner that night.

The brownies hit Regina fast and hard, making her guzzle down the entire plate before running out back and to the trampoline.

She had quickly hopped inside and jumped high into the air.

"WWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She let out a loud yell as she skyrocketed a few times before landing on the ground and tearing off down the street.

She came to a halt outside of Ms. Bickersons house. The woman had been calling incessantly to her a few times each day, complaining about gnomes, and pixies eating her flowers and stealing items of hers.

Regina was fed up with it.

She magicked a baseball bat to her hand and took a swing at the mailbox.

"FOR THE QUEEN!" She yelled out as she swung, knocking the mailbox to the ground and busting into a fit of giggles as she realized what she yelled.

"Hahahaha for me." She laughed out, doubling over into another fit and tearing off down the street once more, letting her magic flare out everywhere.

* * *

Cora and Henry sat at the diner, side-by-side and drinking hot chocolate, going over plans for the Armada with Ruby.

"Oh shit, it's Hook." Ruby whispered hurriedly to the two before scampering off to tell Granny.

"Well, well, well, look at what the cat dragged in." Hook stated with a smirk as he stood next to Cora, causing the woman to look up at him and give a glare.

"What the fuck do you want?" Cora asked harshly as Ruby covered Henry's ears.

"Simple." Hook stated, cleaning his hook, "Emma."

"You aren't getting my ma!" Henry yelled out, hopping from his stool to stand in front of Hook.

"Holy shit is that a gremlin!" Hook shrieked out, hopping back a step and pointing to Henry.

"I'm not a gremlin, I'm a boy." Henry stated confused as his grandmother looked on in confusion.

"That sounds like something a gremlin would say." Hook said, rubbing his chin.

"I don't even know what that means."

"Whatever just no one fucking feed that thing after midnight." Hook said pointedly before turning back to Cora.

"I'll get Regina out of the picture and then I can have the Swan all to myself." He smirked.

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING MY MA!" Henry yelled as he kicked Hook in the shin.

"Ow what the bloody hell!" Hook shrieked as Henry came at him again.

"THE SHIP WILL SAIL ON!" Henry yelled again as he hopped on Hook, covering the mans eyes and hanging on for dear life.

"Let me go you gremlin!" Hook yelled as he spun around, trying to fling Henry off.

"Hold him still boy!" Granny yelled as she grabbed some rope, her and Cora quickly wrapping it around the man as Henry hopped off.

"You realize you've just declared war against the Captian Swan ship!" Hook yelled in anger, sitting on the floor of the diner tied up.

Very slowly the patrons in the diner rose and came to circle Hook, leaving Cora in the middle with him.

She looked around, smirking as she saw the crowd, and looked back to Hook.

"You messed with the wrong ship motherfucker." Cora said with a smug smile.

"Cora what is- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" Emma yelled out as she took in the state of Hook on the floor.

"He started it." Henry piped up.

"Kid, you were involved in this?" Emma asked in disbelief before looking back to Cora.

"Henry's the reason we tied him up." Granny interjected.

"I taught you well young padawan." Cora stated proudly to Henry, making the boy smile at his Nana.

"Ohhhh kay. Well I am just gonna pretend like I didn't see any of this and-."

"What the hell is that?" One patron piped up, making everyone look out the window and spot a very high Regina, barreling down the street with magic swirling out and around her.

"REGINA!" Emma shrieked out, running outside with everyone in the diner in tow.

"IT'S MAGIC BITCHES!" Regina screamed out as she ran, magic flaring out of her.

"Oh dear." Cora said simply as she watched her daughter haul ass.

Regina flew by them quickly, the magic making her speed incredible.

"GINA!" Emma called out as she took off after her fiancée.

"I'll go up ahead!" Cora called as she felt the smoke envelope her, causing to reappear up ahead of Regina.

"FIREEEEEE!" Regina yelled out suddenly as the flames shot out behind her, making her speed up.

Cora magicked a bucket of water into her hands before throwing it at her daughter, making the brunette stop in her tracks at suddenly being drenched.

"Gina! Gina are you okay?" Emma panted out, coming to a halt next to her fiancée.

Regina turned to look at Emma with a wide smile.

"Fine dear."

"You are not fine." Emma stated looking at Regina, her eyes widening when she realized. "Oh god you're high."

Regina just giggled in response and Emma couldn't help but smirk.

"Oh fuck she ate the brownies." Cora muttered to herself, but Emma heard.

"YOU MADE POT BROWNIES!"

"Well yes, did you honestly think I was going to listen to you when you told me no?" Cora asked haughtily.

"You should have! Look at your daughter! She's high as fuck and is spewing magic!" Emma yelled back at Cora.

"Oh please! She needed to loosen up!"

"I'm Sheriff how am I supposed to handle this?"

"FUCK THE POLICE!" Regina yelled out, startling Cora and Emma.

"Man that phrase really caught on." Cora muttered.

Emma's face flushed and even through Regina's high state she noticed.

"What's wrong Sheriff? Afraid that you won't be able to handle this?" Regina asked, a sultry smile playing on her lips as she inched closer to Emma, invading her personal space.

"Oh I can handle it." Emma mumbled out, her eyes transfixed on Regina's red lips.

Those same red lips had a tongue run over them while brown eyes looked on hungrily at the blonde, before lunging forward and capturing pink lips.

"UGHHH now their just gonna do it in the middle of the street." Cora muttered before conjuring another bucket of water and throwing it on the women, making them shriek in surprise.

"Keep it in your pants…" Cora started, shooting both of the women a glare, "Horny bitches."

"Emma I have an idea!" Regina yelled suddenly, very excited.

"What?" Emma asked before finding herself engulfed in purple smoke, Cora joining them.

When they reappeared Emma realized that they were all inside of Snow and Charming's apartment.

"Baby… what're we doing here?" Emma asked the brunette in confusion, Cora nodding in agreement.

Regina just giggled before rushing to Snow's bedroom, coming back shortly with a very white and large bunny rabbit.

"I'm stealing the rabbit." Regina giggled out.

"That's positively evil." Cora stated with a smile.

"Seriously you two?" Emma asked before once more being engulfed in smoke and appearing in their mansion.

"I'm going to grab a brownie." Cora stated before leaving the two women and the bunny in the room.

"Why the bunny?"

"Because it's funny."

"Snow is gonna be pissed."

"He will be sorely missed."

"Why are you rhyming?"

"Because I can."

"Seriously Gina?"

"Yes."

"You're like your mother when you're high."

"I don't need your hate."

"Regina."

"Emma." Regina shot back, still petting the bunny rabbit.

"OKAY WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BROWNIES!?" Cora yelled out as she came in the room, holding an empty plate.

"I ate them." Regina stated simply.

"YOU ATE THEM ALL?!" Emma and Cora shrieked out at the same time.

"So good." Regina commented before she moved to the den, Cora and Emma following behind.

"Regina you shouldn't have eaten all of those brownies." Emma chided.

"I'll do what I want." Regina shot back before pulling her phone out and sending a text message.

"Oh no, no texting while high." Emma said as she grabbed the phone from Regina.

"It was to Snow." Regina said simply, a smirk gracing her face when she heard the front door of her home slam open.

"WHERE IS MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow shrieked out, running into the den with a crazed look.

"Hello Snow. Looking for this?" Regina said in her evil queen voice, holding up the rabbit.

"Let. Him. Go." Snow stated.

"Did we miss something?" Cora asked in confusion, Emma sharing the same look.

"You interrupted Emma and I the other night, I do NOT care to be interrupted during sex Ms. Blanchard." Regina stated with a smirk.

"It was an accident." Snow defended.

"Regardless, you interrupted, and now your rabbit will pay the price." Regina said with a smirk.

"What're you going to do to him?" Snow asked in a small voice.

"Well I was thinking stew."

A gasp.

"Or perhaps locking him in a room with Ruby during wolfs time."

Another gasp.

"But I think I've settled on this." Regina said before waving a hand over the rabbit, making its fur an ungodly shade of red.

"Reeegiiinnnaaaaaaa." Snow whined out as she looked at her bunny, "I hate red."

"I know." Regina smirked before handing the rabbit back to Snow.

* * *

"Cora have you seen Regina?" Emma asked worriedly.

"She was upstairs napping." Cora answered, currently sitting with her grandson and watching TV.

"She's gone."

"Oh crap."

"Nana, is mom okay?" Henry asked worriedly.

"She's fine kid. Cora you wanna help me?" Emma asked the woman, once she nodded in agreement they walked outside the mansion and began calling for Regina.

"Maybe we should try the back." Cora suggested, leading Emma to the backyard of the mansion.

"GINA!" Emma called out loudly. Putting a hand to Cora's shoulder to stop her from moving. "You hear that?"

Cora looked at Emma strangely before hearing it. A fit of giggles was coming from nearby.

Emma and Cora jogged ahead, coming to a halt under Regina's apple tree.

"Regina?" Emma asked in disbelief, her gaze frozen on her fiancée, currently sitting in her apple tree in just her skirt and bra.

"Apples." Regina stated before busting out laughing, as if what she just said was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

Cora busted out laughing and Emma joined in, their eyes trained in on Regina.

"What if trees get really sad when we pick the apples and eat them because it is their children?" Regina asked seriously, making Emma and Cora suppress a new fit of giggles.

"Oh?" Emma asked.

"We are eating tree babies." Regina stated seriously.

"Baby why don't you come down from the tree?" Emma asked holding a hand out which Regina took, helping the brunette down from her perch.

"Let's get you to bed." Emma whispered to the brunette.

* * *

"Hello? Hello?" Hook called out to the empty and closed diner.

"Hello Hook." A voice said from the shadows.

"Who's there! Let me go! I am a Captain!"

"Yes… of one ship…" The voice trailed off.

"Oh? And how many do you have?" Hook asked, unable to turn around due to still being tied up.

"Me?" The voice asked, stepping from the shadows and revealing her face.

"I have an armada." Cora stated with a toothy grin, Ruby and Granny coming from the shadows to join her.

"Cora. I should've known." Hook spat out.

"Where's Emma's heart Hook?" Granny asked, pointing her crossbow at the man.

"Her heart? I don't have her heart!" Hook spat out angrily.

"Damn right you don't." Ruby said with a roll of her eyes.

"Her enchanted heart." Cora specified.

"Enchanted Heart? Why on earth would you think I would have that?" Hook asked with a laugh.

The three women looked back and forth between each other.

"You don't have Emma's heart?" Cora asked in disbelief.

"No of course not. I can't remove hearts." Hook said with a roll of the eyes.

"Well fuck, we did this for nothing." Granny sighed.

"Not for nothing." Cora said with a glint in her eyes, advancing on Hook.

Ruby caught her drift and advanced as well, the same for Granny. Very slowly they closed in on Hook.

"NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOOOOOO!" Hook screamed out like a little girl, making the three women laugh evilly out loud.

Swan Queen 1- Hook 0.

* * *

**A/N: hope you all liked this chapter and enjoyed a very high Regina. She was a little tightly strung. Also, if the drug use bothers you, I really hope you don't bother reviewing... I gave two warnings...**

**Next chapter will be up in the next few days, I'll try as soon as possible.**

**If any of you have anything you would like to see happen in this story, send me a PM. Chapter 12 is going to be up to one of you really... or a couple.**

**You can either contact me here or on my Tumblr which I gave the url to up top. :)**

**Thanks for reading and please review.**


	12. Shenanigans and The Super Bowl

**Chapter 12 is now up!**

**Just want to say a big thank you to **_**jess5626**_** for the credit card idea for this chapter; as for **_**myevilregal**_** you will get your Rachel Tice quote :) ****. **

**I know it was someone on Tumblr that gave me the suggestion of the Super Bowl being included in this chapter, I am so sorry that I can't remember who it was because I answered the question and didn't write the name down. So to the person that gave the suggestion, THANK YOU!**

**Thank you to everyone else who sent me suggestions and I can say that the majority of them will happen in a chapter at some point.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Please enjoy :)**

**Also, there are more Most Popular Girls In School quotes used in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Special Thanks to my lovely Beta and BFF SassySaviorSwag. :)**

* * *

Cora slowly raised her head from behind the counter, eyeing Regina's purse which sat in view, and yet just out of reach.

Very carefully she looked to her right and then to her left before quickly running around the counter and opening up Regina's purse.

She was curious as to what women in this world seemed to carry with them in the small, and large bags.

She rummaged through the purse, pulling out lipstick, tampons, face powder, some money etc.

Her eyes fell to a piece of glinty plastic though, making Cora's eyes widen as she held the card up to her eyes.

"Oooooo shiny." Cora cooed happily before placing everything back in Regina's purse except the card. She sat the purse back where it was and quickly ran out back to speak with Henry, who was currently bouncing on the trampoline.

"Henry!" Cora called out, stopping short of the trampoline and drawing her grandson's attention. "What is this object?" She held it up for inspection as he approached the net.

"It's a credit card."

"What does it do?"

"You can buy stuff with it. It's like money but all the money is on there." Henry said with a shrug.

"How much money are we talking about?" Cora asked seriously with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, I think it's infinite." Henry answered with a shrug. He was only eleven, how should he know about credit cards.

"Thank you!" Cora called happily before rushing back into the house.

* * *

"Sheriff Swan." Regina purred as she strutted into the office, making her fiancée look up at her with a smirk.

"Madame Mayor, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Emma replied, leaning back in her chair as she gave the brunette a once over.

"Well if you want to be cheeky I would say you owe it to me." Regina replied with a sultry smile before coming around Emma's desk and sitting on top of it.

She hooked her foot under Emma's chair and pulled the rolling object closer until Emma sat firmly between her legs.

"Lunch dear?" Regina cooed with a gleam in her eyes, making Emma give a large smile.

"Oh yes. I'm positively famished." Emma replied, hiking up Regina's skirt and pushing the underwear to the side.

"Not so fast Sheriff." Regina said, tipping Emma's head up to look at her. "I need a favor."

"I should've known." Emma sighed out before resting her head on Regina's bare thigh, "What do you need babe?"

"Aside from you?" Regina smirked, "I need you to write down everything you want me to pick up for the Super Bowl party tomorrow."

Emma let out a groan and nipped at Regina's inner thigh.

"You know I hate making lists." Emma grumbled.

"I know love, but if you want your beer and snacks and whatever food you wish me to make, you need to make me a list so I know what to pick up." Regina explained, running her fingers through the soft curls.

"Okay okay, I will make the list. When are you going shopping?" Emma asked, a hand wandering up Regina's thigh and then back down.

Regina sucked in a breath before replying.

"Tonight before dinner, so I need that list by two and it is already twelve thirty."

"I only need a half hour for lunch." Emma replied before pushing Regina's legs apart.

"Mmmm then don't let me keep you Sheriff."

* * *

Cora walked through the recently built mall that now resided in Storybrooke, her eyes widening at all of the shops.

She had come with Regina when she first arrived so her daughter could purchase outfits for her, but she hadn't paid much attention to the store since her daughter insisted on having her try every outfit she could find, on.

She paused outside of one store in particular and walked in, eyeing all of the business suits and various outfits.

"Oh this will be fun." Cora said to herself before running through the store, pulling various suits from the racks and rushing to try them on.

It took her about a half hour to try on the clothes and make her purchases.

"That'll be $200 even." The cashier girl stated; Cora smiled before handing over Regina's credit card, the young girl not even bothering to check the name.

"Just sign here." The girl said as she pushed the receipt to Cora, the woman quickly scribbling Regina's name down and passing it back.

She smirked triumphantly as she walked out of the store with her recent purchases.

She ran store to store, not caring how much of a bill she was racking up. Regina owed it to her anyways since Cora had to listen to Regina bitch about her Tumblr. Feeling generous, she even picked up a surprise for the girls.

Shoes would be the next things on her list, which made her pick up her pace to the nearest shoe store.

She eyed each pair with a smile, looking at all of the possibilities before her eyes landed on a pair up ahead, her eyes caught the size of the shoe on the box, being the only pair left.

Cora looked to her left, spotting none other than the Blue Fairy standing there, eyeing the same pair of shoes.

Their eyes met and then drifted to the shoes, and then back to each other.

"Blue." Cora stated simply.

"Cora." Blue replied.

"How's the convent these days, still keeping Holy?" Cora asked with a smirk.

"Holier than you." Blue spat out, glaring daggers at the woman.

Cora eyed the fairy suspiciously.

"You know something Blue?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A little… Captain." Blue seethed out.

"Let me guess… you're a Captain Swan shipper." Cora stated, neither woman moving from their spots.

"Oh yeah… and there's more of us than you think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well I have news for you, you little twinkle toes, I have a fucking armada. Come at me bro." Cora stated proudly.

"We are gonna fuck up your ship so badly, it won't be able to sail for months."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"NO!"

Cora let out a growl before her eyes flickered back to the shoes.

"See something you like Blue?" Cora asked with a smirk, making a move to grab the shoes.

Blue dove head first, her hand about to grasp the box when it disappeared before her very eyes. She quickly turned her head and let out a groan as Cora stood there with a smug expression, the shoes in her hand.

"YOU CHEATED!" Blue shrieked out, quickly standing.

"I did not. We both have magic Blue… yours is just." Cora trailed off with a smirk, "inconvenient."

Cora let out a hearty laugh before looking back at Blue.

"Sass delivered. I'm out bitches." Cora said and turned with a flourish, walking towards the counter to pay for the shoes.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Blue shrieked, diving for Cora and tackling the woman to the ground.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU FAIRY TWIT!" Cora yelled back, shoving the shoes away from her as she wrestled with Blue.

"OLD HAG!" Blue shrieked.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY BITCH?!" Cora sat up, straddling Blue and a snarl on her face. She dove back down, grabbing Blue's hair as they kicked and swatted at each other.

"Ladies! Ladies!" The manager yelled out to the wrestling women.

"GOD YOU ARE SUCH A RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled as she delivered a slap to the woman's face.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" Blue yelled as she slapped Cora back.

"IT MEANS YOU'RE A STUPID FUCKING ABORTION!" Cora yelled as she dove at Blue once more, knocking the woman off of her knees and back to the ground.

"TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH CORA!" Blue yelled as she dove on top of Cora, pinning her to the ground.

"FUCKING RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled back as she tried to pry herself from Blue's grasp.

"Isn't that the mayors mother?" An employee asked the manager, the manager's eyes widened and he quickly ran to a phone.

"I WILL SINK YOUR SHIP CORA MILLS!"

"ITS CAPTAIN!" Cora yelled as she broke free and swung at Blue, knocking her back to the ground. "CAPTAIN Cora Mills!"

Cora performed a wrestling dive she had seen on TV with Henry, jumping into the air and landing on Blue, knocking the wind out of her as her elbow collided with Blue's stomach.

* * *

"Fuck Regina!" Emma cried out as her orgasm subsided, she could feel Regina's smirk against her thigh and swatted at her hair playfully.

"Mmmm you did that already darling." Regina cooed, picking herself up from between the blonde's thighs and searching for their discarded clothing. She looked to the clock and let out a sigh.

"Guess you want that list huh?" Emma asked with a smirk as she pulled out the notepad from her desk drawer.

"Get dressed dear, the last thing we need is for someone to come in and see us both bare ass naked."

Emma let out a chuckle as she hopped down from the desk and began to dress, the phone on her desk letting out a shrill ring.

"Mayor Mills, speaking for Sheriff Swan." Regina answered, flashing a smile to Emma who was struggling with her skinny jeans.

Regina's face fell and her eyes widened at the voice on the phone.

"SHE IS WHAT!" Regina yelled into the phone, her eyes burning with anger.

Emma swallowed, immediately knowing that her future mother-in-law was in trouble for something.

"We will be there in a second." Regina replied before slamming the phone down. "EMMA LET'S GO!" She yelled before grabbing onto Emma, magicking them to the mall.

Luckily Emma had managed to snag her shirt as they departed.

* * *

"I WILL DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS!" Cora yelled as she continued to wrestle with Blue on the floor. By now they had drawn a crowd with their fight and no one was willing to break it up.

"Taking lines from your daughter now!?" Blue yelled out in anger as she struggled to get out from underneath Cora.

"MOTHER WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Cora froze right where she sat and Blue stopped struggling, both women craning their heads to look at the furious former Evil Queen, and her half dressed fiancée behind her.

"Why does Emma not have a shirt on?" Cora asked in confusion as Emma struggled to pull her shirt over her head as the last remains of the smoke disappeared.

"Well see-." Emma started.

"Awwww you guys were fucking again weren't you?" Cora asked with a roll of the eyes, glancing down at Blue, "They are always doing it, I don't know how either of them are still walking."

"Ew." Blue stated with a grimace, making Cora smirk.

"Awww does the little blue fairy not like hearing about Regina and Emma's sex life because she ships Emma with a walking penis?" Cora asked in a baby voice.

"MOTHER THAT IS ENOUGH!" Regina yelled out, startling the women once more and silencing the crowd.

"Cora as Sheriff I'm gonna have to take you in for assault." Emma stated walking to the women.

Blue flashed a triumphant smirk.

"You too Blue." Emma corrected.

"All you bitches are Rachel fucking Tice." Cora muttered as she stood and moved away from Blue, letting Regina grab her by the arm as Emma grabbed blue.

"Ms. Mills, don't forget your purchases." The manager said, running to the women with a slew of packages.

"Purchases?" Regina asked her mother with a raised eyebrow, receiving a sheepish smile in return from her mother.

The manager sat them by their feet and walked away.

"Let's go." Regina said, her voice low as she waved a hand over the packages and Emma, making them all disappear and reappear in the sheriff station.

"Alright you two, into the cells." Emma instructed as she walked the women to the back, placing each of them in a cell.

"Mother, care to explain how you afforded all of these items?" Regina asked her mother, sitting on top of the desk and waiting for an answer.

"Imighthavestolenyourcreditca rd." Cora muttered out in a quick breath, her eyes downcast in shame.

"You what now?" Regina asked.

"I stole your credit card." Cora said again.

Regina's eyes widened and Emma moved a few paces away, just in case.

"You did what!?" Regina shrieked out, standing up from the desk and advancing on the cell, her hands grasping the bars.

"I wanted to go shopping."

"How much did you spend?"

"Probablylikeathousand." Cora muttered.

"ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!"

"Maybe… give or take."

Regina grew very quiet and everyone stood still.

"I'm going to fucking murder you!" Regina yelled and reached through the bars, attempting to grab her mother.

"GINA NO!" Emma yelled as she ran to her fiancée, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her away from the bars.

"EMMA LET ME GO!" Regina yelled, pulling away from Emma and reaching for the bars once more while Cora shrank to the back of the cell.

"NO! LET GO!"

"SHE SPENT A THOUSAND DOLLARS EMMA! ON CLOTHING!"

"HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT THAN YOU!"

"IT'S MY FUCKING MONEY!" Regina yelled.

By this point Regina was grasping the bars with her hands while Emma had a hold on her legs, attempting to pry her away, leaving her hovering in the air.

"Regina I bought you and Emma something." Cora said in a small voice, approaching the bars.

Regina stopped yelling and Emma stopped tugging, but Regina didn't let go and neither did Emma.

"What?" Regina asked as her legs were gently lowered to the ground.

"The black bag Emma." Cora directed, Emma walked back with a black bag and opened it up, her eyes widening.

"Cora what the-."

"I thought you and Regina might like it."

Regina peaked into the bag, her eyes widening as she pulled out the new strap on, vibrator, and shower sex handle holders.

"You two have sex in the shower a lot and the vibrator is waterproof." Cora said with a small smile.

Emma's face broke out into a smile and she glanced to Regina.

The blonde noticed how Regina's eyes had darkened considerably as soon as she looked at the toys.

"I can't decide if this is sweet or awkward." Regina muttered out.

"SWEET!" Cora and Emma yelled in unison.

"Awkward." Blue piped up, earning a hard look from Cora.

"Shut the fuck up Rachel Tice." Cora seethed out.

"You're calling her Rachel Tice now?" Emma asked.

"Well she is!" Cora defended.

"Thank you." Regina said to her mother with a genuine smile.

"You're quite welcome."

"Now what else did you buy with my money?" Regina asked crossing over to the slew of purchases.

Cora gave a huff as Regina began rummaging through the bags, gasping and groaning as she looked at each purchase.

"BURBERRY! PRADA!" Regina yelled out, holding up the blazers, "Mother I commend you on your taste but really?!"

"Like you don't have the money!" Cora yelled back.

"I have a wedding to pay for!" Regina yelled out.

By this point Emma was sitting on top of a desk, her and the Blue Fairy giving each other eye rolls at the mother and daughter duo.

"How big is this wedding supposed to be that you can't spend a little money on your poor old mother?" Cora asked haughtily.

Regina stared her down, the vein in her forehead popping out slightly.

"I can't handle this." Regina huffed out before turning around and leaving to do some grocery shopping.

"That's right, walk away… like a bitch." Cora mumbled, loud enough though that Regina heard it.

"Oooooo." Blue breathed out, Emma's eyes widening.

"What did you say to me?"

"Nothing." Cora said quickly, making Regina narrow her eyes at her before speaking.

"I'm off to shop for the party." Regina stated before exiting the room.

Emma looked at Regina's retreating form.

"Alright if I let you two out can you behave?" Emma asked the two caged women, when she received a nod she released them, "Alright Cora, come on. We have Super Bowl planning to do."

* * *

Emma was always a fan of the Super Bowl, even if her favorite team wasn't in it this year. She figured she would root for the Ravens this year, might as well since she wasn't a big fan of the SF forty-niners.

Emma began getting Regina's rec room ready, located in the basement and complete with a big screen plasma TV, surround sound, bar, and mini kitchen.

She had made Cora magick it clean earlier since the woman had left the basement a mess with her "Swan Queen" meetings, someone had to clean it and it sure as hell wouldn't be Emma.

So while Cora helped her magick Raven banners and footballs throughout the room, Regina was upstairs cooking away. Emma was in charge of the snacks and beverages while Regina was in charge of food.

The whole family was going to be over, including Archie, Granny, Ruby, Belle, August, and Marco.

Might as well celebrate in style.

"Emma, what is this?" Cora asked pointing to the steel keg that was currently sitting in a tub of ice.

"That Cora is a keg of beer." Emma answered as she finished topping off her nachos.

"I see." Cora replied with a large smile.

"If the Ravens are winning at half time, you're doing a keg stand." Emma commented with a chuckle.

"Sounds fun!" Cora replied happily as she finished stocking the fridge with bottled beer and soda for Henry.

"Emma, your parents are here!" Regina called from upstairs, not at all surprised when her father came down the basement stairs with two six packs.

"I didn't know what to bring so I brought more beer." James said with a smile, making Emma laugh and point to Cora.

"Give it to her, she's on beverage duty."

"The basement looks great Em." James commented as he eyed the banners.

"Cora's doing." Emma replied with a smile.

"Okay, I have mini hot dogs, burgers, finger sandwiches, pigs in a pickle, and lasagna." Regina said as she came down the stairs, carrying the lasagna while Snow followed behind with the mini hot dogs and sandwiches, and Henry behind her with the remainder.

"Looks great baby." Emma said happily as she helped her fiancée begin setting the items on the counter.

"Anyone home!" Granny called from upstairs, quickly descending with Ruby and Belle in tow.

"Come on in." Regina said with a smile before walking to her mother, "behave yourself."

Cora looked visibly offended.

"Me?"

"Yes you, I know how you and Granny get when you're around each other."

"Captain- I mean Cora." Granny corrected quickly, earning a stare from Cora.

"Cora we all know you Captain the Armada, don't look so spooked." Emma said with an eye roll.

Shortly after, Archie arrived with Pongo and August and Marco, all of them settling down on the many available seats in the basement, ready for the game to begin.

Regina sat and watched on in amusement, not really a fan of football herself, but she did love seeing Emma so into the game, cheering loudly when the Ravens did something good, and booing when they didn't.

Granny was the most into it out of all of them; she would get up after a touchdown, flex her arms in front of her and let out a growl. Cora thought it was quite amusing as well.

"Alright half-time! And Ravens are winning so Cora, that means a keg stand!" Emma called happily, everyone in the room cheering for that, except Regina. Who told Emma that if Cora threw up, Emma would be cleaning it.

"Okay you have about five minutes before Beyonce comes on." Emma said as she led Cora to the keg, instructing her how to properly do a keg stand.

"This is gonna be awesome." Ruby said with a smile, watching on in amusement as Belle shook her head.

"CORA! CORA! CORA!" Granny started chanting as Emma held Cora's legs up for her to do the stand.

Cora began chugging, finding this quite enjoyable and tasty.

Finally after she couldn't take anymore she was lowered down, everyone cheering, including Regina.

"Regina?" Snow broke in with a small voice.

"Snow, what's wrong?" Regina asked in confusion.

"Have you um…" Snow trailed off, clearly distraught about something but keeping it in.

"Snow let it out, what's wrong?" Regina pushed.

"I CAN'T FIND MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow yelled out, her eyes big.

"You mean she brought that fucking mammal?" Cora asked with an arched eyebrow.

"HE IS A BUNNY RABBIT! A BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BUNNY RABBIT!"

"I guess he's white again?" Granny asked Regina, having heard the story from Cora. Regina nodded with a small smile.

"Snow I told you to leave him at home." James stated.

"But I didn't want him to be alone… we're his family."

"Oh Jesus fu-."

"Don't finish that mother." Regina snapped, cutting Cora off so Henry wouldn't hear it.

"The kid isn't even down here." Emma reminded Regina. Henry had started to doze off before halftime even hit, sending him straight to bed.

"Snow I know you love Mr. Fluffykins, but he is just a rabbit." James stated softly.

Snow turned to look at him very slowly.

"Oh fuck." Granny muttered to Cora, the two women's head leaning together as they watched.

"It's about… to go… down." Cora muttered back.

"Just a rabbit? JUST a rabbit James?" Snow started, "He is NOT just a rabbit. HE IS A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY AND WILL BE TREATED AS SUCH!" Snow screamed out.

"Whoop there it is." Cora said with a smirk as Snow began verbally abusing James.

"Hey." Archie said, no one acknowledging it.

"Hey." He tried again.

"HEY!" He yelled finally, everyone stopping their conversations to look at him.

"WHAT!?" Everyone yelled back.

"Where's Pongo?" Archie asked slowly.

Silence filled the room.

"FUCK!" Emma yelled.

"SHIT!" Regina shrieked out.

"MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow cried.

"FIND THAT RABBIT!" Granny called sprinting from the room.

"God forbid the dog eats him." Cora commented, earning a glare from Regina who was halfway up the stairs, "WHAT! You'll shit bricks if blood gets on any surface of this house!"

"PONGO!" Archie called as everyone scattered from the room, quickly running through Regina's mansion trying to find the animals.

"FLUFFY!"

"PONGO!"

"I can't believe I am missing Beyonce for this shit." Emma mumbled as she checked under the couch.

"We can have our own show after the game if you'd like." Regina whispered, kneeling down by Emma and running a hand up her back, "Try out the gifts from my mother."

"CAN YOU TWO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR FIVE MINUTES!" Snow shrieked out before running from the room again, leaving the blonde and brunette stunned.

"I can't find them anywhere!" James called to the group, all of them inhabiting the dining room now.

"We checked the whole house." August stated.

"What about outside?" Marco suggested, everyone's eyes widening as they turned to the sliding doors, seeing them cracked open slightly.

"Oh shit." Emma mumbled as they all rushed outside, stopping dead in their tracks as they watched Pongo humping Snow's bunny rabbit, with little success.

"HE IS DEFILING MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow cried out, ready to run to the animals but James stopped her.

Cora looked on in amusement before busting out into a loud laugh and pointing at the animals, she then proceeded to fall on the ground and roll in laughter.

"Your rabbit." She laughed out, "Is getting humped… by PONGO!" Cora laughed out, still rolling on the ground.

"Mother that is hardly appropriate." Regina tried to say with a straight face, failing miserably.

Finally their attention was drawn to the white ball of fur that ran past them and into the house, Pongo barreling after the rabbit.

"Oh no!" Snow cried as everyone ran back into the house, chasing after the animals.

"THEY'D BETTER NOT DESTROY ANYTHING!" Regina yelled out as they tried to catch the animals. Regina made a dive for the rabbit but just missed it, followed by Emma who attempted to grab Pongo but ended up on top of Regina.

August tried next, falling on his ass as Pongo ran between his legs and knocked him over, Marco dove out of the way just in time. Archie tried calling for Pongo but with little success while Snow kept screaming for the rabbit, chasing after the two animals in the hopes they would stop.

"NOT THE BASEMENT!" Emma yelled out as her and Regina scrambled to their feet, running after the animals with everyone in tow.

Granny attempted to grab the rabbit but ended up getting knocked into the nachos Emma made, spilling them everywhere on her. Ruby tried to grab Pongo but was sent into the air when he took out her legs, knocking her into the mini hotdogs and sending them flying.

Finally Cora dove over the couch and landed in front of the rabbit, grabbing it when it ran into her arms before she quickly rolled out of the way of Pongo, who Archie managed to grab.

By the end of it all Regina looked around her basement, food everywhere, banners hanging haphazardly, and a very angry Emma at seeing her poor nachos over Granny.

"I'm going to kill that rabbit." Emma muttered out to Regina.

"NO ONE IS GOING TO HURT MY BUNNY!" Snow yelled out as James took the rabbit from Cora.

"THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS SNOW!" James yelled at his wife before huffing and moving to Emma and Regina.

"Thank you both for this fun filled evening, but I am heading home and I am taking the rabbit with me. He's going back to the pet store tomorrow." James stated before exiting the room.

"But. But. But." Snow stuttered out before bursting into tears.

"I need a shot." Regina said to Emma, moving them away from the sobbing mess that was Snow White, and to the bar where her and her fiancée toasted a shot.

"At least he didn't get eaten." Cora offered.

"Yeah Snow, the bunny could have been eaten by Pongo instead of humped." Granny pointed out.

"I don't think you're helping." Belle spoke up, sitting on the couch with Ruby and drinking an iced tea.

"_And the Ravens win the Super Bowl!"_ The announcer on the TV said, drawing everyone's attention.

"UGH I missed the whole game practically!" Emma huffed out in agitation, her head falling on Regina's shoulder.

"It's alright darling, I'll make it up to you." Regina whispered saucily in the blonde's ear, making her perk up.

"OUT! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!" Emma yelled out suddenly as she hopped up and began shooing everyone out of the house.

Leaving Granny and Cora sitting downstairs in the basement with the mess of food to clean while Emma and Regina had their fun in their bedroom.

"Bet they're using the toys I got them." Cora said with a smirk.

"Kinky bitches." Granny commented, earning a chuckle from Cora.

"I taught you well."

"Here's to Super Bowl parties and getting Swan Queen laid." Granny said raising her beer.

"I'll drink to that."

* * *

**A:N/ Hope you all liked this update. **

**Remember, Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**


	13. Regal Knights VS White Hookers

**Here you go everyone, Chapter 13.**

**Hope you all enjoy**

**Big thanks to **_thechic-geek _**and**_ asraiaysoph _**on Tumblr.**

**Also a thank you to **_To Save A Life_ **here on ff for the suggestion :)**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged, enjoy!**

* * *

Cora sat at the table, arms crossed, a pout on her face.

It wasn't working.

Regina was still mad at her for spending a thousand dollars on clothing. Even though she had bought them some toys… well Regina technically bought them herself, BUT SHE PICKED THEM OUT.

That was worth something...

Right?

Wrong.

So here Cora sat, a pout on her face as she watched Regina argue with Emma a little over Cora's punishment.

"Baby, she can be my deputy at the station, I'll keep an eye on her." Emma assured, pulling Regina into her arms.

"Emma no! Remember the last time she was your deputy for a day?" Regina huffed out, accepting the embrace.

"True… well what do you suggest?" Emma asked, completely ignoring the brunette sitting in the corner like a toddler.

"This is bullshit." Cora muttered out, loud enough for the girls to hear.

"Mother please." Regina breathed out, feeling a headache coming on.

"Mother please." Cora mocked, making her voice higher pitched but with Regina's edge to it.

"MOTHER!"

"MOTHER!"

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Cora mocked back, her eyes gleaming in amusement as Emma stifled a snicker.

Regina glared angrily before Emma pulled her closer, instantly calming her.

"What's your idea?" Emma asked once more, rubbing soothing circles over Regina lower back.

"I think she should have to get a job and actually work. I think waitressing at Granny's would be good." Regina suggested.

"You know Granny is my best friend right?" Cora asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yes I am aware mother, but you don't realize how… hardworking, Granny is." Regina replied, flashing her familiar Evil Queen smirk.

Emma visibly gulped when she saw that smirk; it never boded well for anyone who was on the receiving end.

Even Cora turned a few shades lighter.

"Okay." Cora squeaked out, not wanting to argue with her daughter.

"Excellent. Why don't we go and have that chat with Granny now?" Regina suggested, pulling from Emma's embrace and walking from the room.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to like this." Cora said to Emma.

Upon receiving a nod from Emma they followed the former Evil Queen from the room and to the diner.

"Miss Lucas, could you please get your grandmother for me?" Regina asked politely.

"Sure thing Madame Mayor." Ruby said before seeing Emma and Cora enter, "Hey Emma! Cora!" Ruby said with a smile before heading to the back to fetch Granny.

"Madame Mayor." Granny stated respectfully, her face breaking into a smile as she eyed the three women, "Table?"

"Actually I was wondering if you would be willing to take on another worker." Regina replied with a smile.

"Sure I can always use more help around here." Granny stated.

"Excellent." Regina replied before shoving her mother forward, "As you know my mother owes me some money and well… she needs to work for it."

"Welcome aboard Captain." Granny said with a smile, "Why my diner though?"

"Well it was either here or the Rabbit Hole, and I don't think Regina wants to hear about her mother stripping for Storybrooke." Cora replied bitterly.

"You would seriously want to take your clothes off for these people?" Emma asked with a laugh while Regina grimaced.

"HEY! I have a hot body." Cora replied saucily, "Don't believe me, ask Leroy."

"I can attest to that. It's all Leroy goes on about. Your mom is a MILF Regina." Ruby chimed in with a wink, making Cora's eyes light up.

"Okay that's enough. Granny take… take care of her." Regina muttered out before turning on her heel and pulling Emma along with her.

"Okay Cora. I want you to start out by waitressing. I'll show you how everything works, follow me." Granny said with a smile, leading Cora through the steps.

* * *

"How are the preparations going Blue?" Hook asked with a smile.

"Well Captain. We are almost ready to depart." Blue answered her Captain.

"Excellent. Cora has been laying low for the past few days after her little incident with you. Which leaves the town open for possibilities." Hook responded before donning his leather jacket.

"Your bike is ready Captain!" Mr. Smee piped up, running up to the dark haired man with enthusiasm.

"My dear ship mates prepare to take over the town of Storybrooke! The Captain Swan ship WILL sail!" Hook called out, looking at his crew of twenty.

"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" They all called back.

"Today… WE RIDE!" Hook yelled out, receiving a chorus of agreement from the crew.

* * *

"This is such bullshit Ruby." Cora muttered to the brunette as she rushed by, heading to take another patrons order.

Not only did she have to work at this insufferable job to pay Regina back, but also at her daughters' suggestion, she had to wear a most embarrassing outfit.

Apparently her grandson had been in on it as well since he watched the cartoon that created it, Regina magicking it into existence.

Cora donned the official Weenie Hut Jr. outfit from Spongebob, that cartoon with the yellow sponge that Henry so adored.

Apparently Henry thought it would be amusing, which Regina and Emma agreed on.

So far today Granny had been working her like a mule, Regina wasn't kidding about the woman.

She paused in front of the patron, clearing her throat.

"Welcome to Granny's diner, where friendly service is a priority, what can I get for you?" Cora asked with a fake smile.

"I'll have… a hamburger, an order of fries, anddddd a strawberry shake." The man said with a smile.

Cora began to write the order down when he interrupted.

"No. Diet Coke."

Cora scratched out the shake.

"No. Strawberry shake."

Cora wrote it back down.

"No. Diet Coke."

"OH FOR FUCK SAKE! MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND YOU INDECISIVE TROLL!" Cora yelled out in frustration, startling the patron.

"CORA!" Granny yelled in warning from behind the counter, making the older brunette grumble before looking back at the man.

"My apologies… what would you like?" She repeated, a tight smile on her face.

"Strawberry shake." The patron answered as Cora wrote it down. "No wait…"

Cora paused her writing, tightening her hold on her pen.

"Both." The patron answered with a smile.

"You know that I was the Queen of Hearts correct?" Cora asked with a low voice, making the man gulp before she walked away in a huff, handing the man making the orders her slip.

"You okay Cora?" Ruby asked with a sympathetic smile.

"No. This stupid outfit is causing people to snicker at me when they walk by." Cora pouted.

"You look cute." Ruby complimented, bumping her shoulder with Cora's and making the older woman smirk. "If the outfit bothers you so much why don't you magick it away?"

"Regina enchanted it, only her magic can remove it." Cora said with disgust.

"BOTH OF YOU! OFF YOUR ASSES! ORDERS UP!" Granny shrieked from the back, effectively startling the women into gear.

Cora grabbed the patron with the strawberry shakes order and she had just sat his food down when the door to Granny's swung open.

"Bring me some Rum." Hook boasted out, making Cora roll her eyes before turning to look at him.

His eyes trailed across the room, landing on Cora and her ridiculous outfit.

"Cora… what on earth happened to you? Did your ship sink?" Hook asked with a smirk as he took in her outfit.

"My ship is just fine Hook, more than I can say for yours or that twat of a first mate you have." Cora shot back, matching his smirk with her own.

"Oooooh, fiery. I love my women that way." Hook replied cockily.

"Mmmm, just how I like my men." Cora said with a smirk, walking towards Hook.

"Fiery?" Hook asked in amusement.

"More like crispy." Cora commented, showing him the fireball burning in her hand.

"Oh Cora, you wound me so." Hook said with fake hurt, "I'm surprised your daughter let you off her leash long enough to have a job and dress like…"

He trailed off, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"What on earth are you dressed like?"

"You know, I really have no fucking clue." Cora replied, looking down at her outfit.

"It's quite awful."

"It's hideous."

"Not to mention embarrassing."

"It's absurd."

"Preposterous." Hook finished, the two trailing off into silence before Hook continued, "Did your daughter do this?"

"Indeed."

"She's quite the creative one isn't she?"

"Oh you have no idea, you should hear her and Emma having sex."

"That creative huh?"

"Oh yeah they are seriously the kinkiest bitches I have ever met."

"Can't deny that there."

"Did you just agree with me?" Cora asked in surprise.

"What?"

"What?"

The stared at each other, Hook's eyes slightly widened.

"Well I best be off, have new recruits to well… recruit." Hook said before turning, allowing Cora to see that back of his jacket.

"White Hookers?" Cora asked in amusement, making Hook turn around.

"Oh yes love, White Hookers, it's the official Captain Swan biker gang." Hook replied with a smirk before leaving the building.

"White Hookers?" Granny asked, coming to stand next to Cora.

"That is a horribly stupid name."

"I'll say; he probably came up with it."

"He is not the brightest." Cora agreed.

"Okay seriously Cora you gotta go ask Regina to allow you to take that outfit off, I think you're scaring off my customers." Granny said pointedly, making Cora huff in agitation before leaving to get Regina.

* * *

"Emma." Regina panted out, her hand firmly planted on the top of Emma's head, her fingers tangling in the blonde curls as she held her tight against her center.

With Cora out of the house and Henry off at school, the two women decided to stay home for the day and do more productive things… each other.

"Yes! Right there!" Regina moaned again, just on the edge of her release.

_Just a little more_. Regina thought to herself as she felt her orgasm building, just on the cusp of breaking.

"Emma get your head out from between my daughters legs, this is important!" Cora yelled out, slamming the door wide open and making both women jump.

"Fuck!" Regina shrieked out as Emma forcefully pulled away from her, throwing the covers up over them so they were decent.

"CORA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" Emma yelled out angrily, her eyes glaring daggers at the woman.

"Regina you un-enchant this blasted uniform this instant!" Cora huffed out.

"You really think I would do you a favor NOW?" Regina asked in angry disbelief, frustrated beyond belief that she had been so close just to be denied.

Cora rolled her eyes.

"You un-enchant this uniform and I will take Henry out of the house once a day for a week for… let's say three hours." Cora suggested.

"Four." Emma stated, just as frustrated.

"Fine four."

"Do I get a say in this matter?" Regina demanded.

"NO." Emma and Cora said together.

"Baby the sooner we compromise the sooner I can pick up where I left off. Ya dig?"

Regina gave the blonde a disapproving stare for using 'ya dig', before nodding in agreement with her logic.

She waved her hand, effectively un-enchanting the wardrobe her mother was sporting.

"There. No will you please get out of our room, actually our house. I don't feel like soundproofing."

Cora squealed happily before running out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"You know… I didn't realize that we had two children already." Emma commented with a small chuckle.

"I agree." Regina sighed out, falling back on the mattress.

"Now… where was I?" Emma asked with a wink before descending on her fiancée.

* * *

Cora made her way back to the diner, a different outfit on, thank goodness. She paused when she heard some commotion coming from the alleyway nearby and quietly crept closer to the alley, staying flush against the wall of the building.

She peeked her head around the corner, her eyes landing on Hook and his so called "White Hookers".

"God that's a horrible name." Cora muttered as she watched the group all together, joking and laughing and causing a bit of a ruckus.

"If Hook can have a gang, so can I." Cora muttered to herself before magicking halfway back to the diner.

She thought up a plan in her head and was almost back to the diner when she spotted the Blue Fairy up ahead.

"Cora."

"Rachel." Cora said with a smirk, loving how Blue's irritation was evident when she called her that instead of her actual name.

The stared each other down, sizing each other up before both of them dove at the other head first, instantly hitting the ground and rolling.

"I WILL END YOU!" Cora yelled out as she landed a punch to Blue's face, the fairy swinging back with her own in full force.

"BRING IT BITCH!" Blue screamed, rolling them so she was on top as she wailed on Cora.

"OH FUCK NO!" Cora yelled, swinging at Blue and knocking her off.

By this point they had drawn a crowd of people, all stopping to watch the two women wrestle on the ground and beat on each other.

"WHITE HOOKERS BITCH!" Blue screamed, diving for Cora.

Cora kicked Blue mid fly, knocking the fairy to the ground.

"Seriously that just sounds wrong." Cora commented, waving her hand and poofing Blue somewhere else.

"Cora two, Blue zero." Cora said proudly, wiping the trickle of blood from her mouth before walking away, leaving a group of confused citizens behind.

She picked up her pace and ran back to the diner, flinging the door open.

"GRANNY!" Cora yelled out, drawing everyone's attention. Granny came around from the back and stood in front of Cora, her eyes widening as she took in her state.

"Cora what the hell happened to you?" Granny asked, taking notice of the blood, "IS THAT YOUR BLOOD!?"

"Yeah." Cora answered proudly.

"You look like shit."

"You should see the other bitch." Cora commented, "I wanna start a gang."

"A gang… Cora like an actual gang?"

"No like a biker gang." Cora said excitedly.

Granny just stared at her for a moment.

"A biker gang." She stated.

"Yes. A gang of SwanQueen shippers to go up against Captain Swan shippers. Come on it'll be fun."

"Cora we can't have everyone in the armada own motorcycles." Granny chided.

"Well then just thirteen of us." Cora stated proudly, "I can magick them bikes."

Granny gave it a thought for a minute.

"I already have a motorcycle." Granny pointed out.

"I am not surprised."

"Where'd this idea come from?"

"I was watching Sons of Anarchy."

"Does Regina know you were watching that?"

"No… and she isn't going to." Cora started, "IS she Granny?"

"No ma'am."

"Good. Let's get this thing started."

* * *

Cora put her leather jacket on with a bit of flare, popping the collar and zipping the front up. She looked to her right and smile at Granny who had just put her sunglasses on and was beginning to tie her bandana on her head.

She looked to her left and gave Snow a smile as she watched the younger woman put her jacket on, pinning a bunny rabbit to the front of the jacket.

She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes before turning and examining the rest of her gang.

Her biker gang was comprised of the seven dwarves, all dressed in the leather jackets and bandanas. Leroy had wanted to wear assless chaps but everyone favored on the word 'no' for that one.

She also had James and Snow in the group, as well as Granny and Ruby and of course Henry.

She looked down to her grandson who was beaming up at her with his leather jacket and shades.

"Let's roll people." Cora said with a smile as they prepared to depart from Granny's diner.

Just as Hook and Blue walked in.

"Well well well, seems you wanted to start a gang of your own. Is this all of you then? What about your 'armada'?" Hook asked with a smirk.

"We can't have the entire armada on bikes running around Storybrooke now can we?" Cora asked, returning the smirk.

"I heard about your little gang and I came to offer a challenge. Today at five, a showdown between my gang and yours, oh and no magic." Hook said cockily, crossing his arms and wearing a smirk.

"You're on, penis." Cora said with a smirk, watching Hook's face crease in confusion.

"Did she just call me a penis?" Hook asked Blue, frowning when she nodded in affirmation.

"Meet us in front of the clock tower." Hook stated before turning and leaving the diner.

"Well my mateys, prepare yourselves for battle." Cora said to the group, "The end in nigh."

"Cora don't make it sound so dark." Snow whimpered out.

"Oh will you grow a fucking backbone!"

"Cora! Henry!" Granny huffed out.

"It's okay I'm used to it." Henry said with a smile, looking up at his Nana.

"See, he's fine." Cora said pointedly.

"Hey guys." Snow piped up, drawing everyone's attention.

"Yes Snow?" Cora asked with an eye roll.

"Are we going to have to fight?"

"Yes Snow. It's a showdown." Cora replied in irritation.

"But I don't want to fight."

"You have to."

"Snow since when did you have a problem kicking ass?" Ruby asked in confusion.

"I took an oath to promote peace and prosperity."

"I totally saw Hook knock a squirrel out of a tree the other day." Cora pointed out to Snow.

"What." Snow stated, her eyes large.

"He knocked a squirrel from a tree with a rock, for fun."

Snow stayed silent and everyone watched with united nervousness.

Her eye twitched slightly.

"THAT SQUIRREL HAD A FAMILY! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! ANIMALS ARE PEOPLE TO!" Snow shrieked out, absolutely seething.

"Snow channel that anger towards Hook. Let's go." Cora said to the fuming brunette who stomped her way out of the diner.

"Did he really?" Ruby asked out of curiosity.

"Hell no." Cora replied with a smirk, "I just need her fired up."

* * *

Cora mounted her black Harley and Henry hopped on the back, she smirked back at her grandson, giving the motorcycle a pat.

Once her crew was all on their bikes they took off down the street, racing towards the clock tower.

Granny cranked the stereo on her bike, blasting Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood as the rode down the street.

The ride was short and they parked the bikes in the middle of the street. Word of the upcoming showdown spread throughout Storybrooke, already drawing a crowd.

"Where is Hook? It's five o'clock." Cora said to Granny as she dismounted her bike and shut off the song.

"LOOK CAPTAIN!" James yelled out, pointing off in the distance.

Cora squinted her eyes and looked ahead, zeroing in on the group that was approaching, at a rather slow pace.

"What the actual fuck?" Cora muttered to Granny as they watched the White Hookers approach….

On bicycles.

"You have GOT to be kidding me." Cora said bitterly.

"Cora!" Hook called out, panting as he peddled his bike, "I see you took up my challenge."

"Hook at the rate you're peddling we will just have to blow on you to beat you."

"Blow me? That's an idea."

"I'm going to ignore that." Cora said with some disgust.

Hook and his gang hopped off of their bicycles and eyed up Cora's motorcycles.

"So. Who am I addressing?" Hook asked, wanting to know the name of their gang.

"We're the Regal Knights, the biker gang of SwanQueen shippers." Cora stated proudly, "And we are going to kick your asses."

"White Hookers! ATTACK!" Hook called out, his gang rushing forward and attacking the Regal Knights.

Cora went straight for Blue, resuming their earlier wrestling match, while Granny and Ruby went at Mr. Gold and Mr. Smee.

"HOOK!" Snow screamed out, drawing his attention.

"Snow. My future mother-in-law." Hook stated with a smile, opening his arms.

"I'M GOING TO FUCK YOUR DAY UP!" Snow screamed rushing forward and hopping on Hook, knocking him to the ground as she began to pummel him with her fists.

"How! Your hands are like tiny daggers!" Hook yelped out as Snow continued to hit him.

"THAT SQUIRREL HAD A FAMILY!"

"Squirrel?"

"A FAMILY!" Snow yelled as she clocked Hook in the face before she felt herself being pulled away from him by another White Hooker.

"Hang on Snow!" James called as he rushed to help his wife.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU SAGGY TITTED BITCH!" Blue screamed out, trying to swat Cora off of her.

"MY TITS ARE NOT SAGGY!" Cora yelled as she continued to wail on Blue, suddenly they heard a scream of pure rage, stopping the two women struggling and looking up just in time to see Henry rush straight for Moe.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Henry screamed as he jumped on Moe's back, beating up on the man's head.

"Makes me proud." Cora told Blue before the fairy took a swing at Cora. "OH FUCK NO YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!"

Cora pushed Blue back on the ground.

"FUCK YOU RACHEL TICE!" Cora screamed as she hit Blue, knocking the fairy out cold.

"FOR SWAN QUEEN!" Granny screamed as she pulled a WWE dive on Mr. Gold, knocking him out as Ruby pulled Mr. Smee's cap over his eyes, making him run around in circles.

Hook was left alone and his eyes met Cora's.

"REGAL KNIGHTS!"

"WHITE HOOKERS!" The two screamed in unison before charging at each other, Cora and Hook colliding and battling each other on the ground.

"Just give up Cora!" Hook yelled out as they continued to roll.

"NEVER!" Cora yelled back, still rolling.

"I feel like I should start singing."

"Singing what?"

"That roll in the hay song from Young Frankenstein." Hook commented as they continued to roll on the ground, switching spots.

"Oh yes it's quite a good musical."

"Indeed it is."

"Why are we talking?" Cora asked before she stilled her rolls, straddling Hook and throwing a punch at him.

"Damnit Cora! For an older woman you can really pack a punch."

"I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE THUG LIFE!" Cora yelled as she landed another blow.

"THE THUG LIFE CHOSE ME!" Cora continued as she went to land another.

They continued to wail on each other until Hook grabbed her hands and flipped them, pinning Cora to the ground.

"I feel like we should kiss."

"Sometimes I feel like hiding all of Regina and Emma's sex toys but then I think, ehhh better not." Cora replied with a sassy smirk, kicking Hook in the groin and knocking him off of her.

"Thank you kinky bitches." Cora said happily as she stood up from the fight.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Emma's voice rang out, stilling everyone's movements.

"HENRY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Regina shrieked in horror as she rushed to her son who just hopped down from Moe.

"It was a showdown Mom." Henry explained, Regina looking around her in horror as she watched everyone begin to stand, getting ready to go at each other again.

"HOLD THE FUCK UP!" Emma yelled out, holding her hands up and rushing to stand in the middle, keeping both sides at bay.

"EVERYONE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" Emma yelled again.

"Will someone please explain to me why my SON was involved in this?" Regina asked both sides haughtily.

"It's a showdown love." Hook offered, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth.

"Between who? The Captain Swan Shippers and the Swan Queen shippers?" Emma asked in confusion as she looked back and forth.

"Well more like the White Hookers and the Regal Knights." Cora corrected.

"You've gotta be fucking with me here." Emma said with a laugh before looking to her mother. "You went along with this?"

"Hook threw a rock at a squirrel." Snow defended.

"Why do I keep hearing this, I never hurt a fucking squirrel!" Hook huffed out in agitation.

"You didn't?" Snow asked in confusion.

"No."

"Coorrrraaaaaaa." Snow whined out. "Why did you tell me he did?"

"Because you were being a pussy Snow." Cora pointed out as if it was obvious.

"Mother! Language!" Regina scolded, pulling Henry closer to her.

"It's okay Mom. I already know all the words." Henry said with a smile while Regina's face paled.

"Alright that's it, all of you go home. I am NOT dealing with gangs." Emma said firmly, shooing everyone away.

"Fun sucker." Cora mumbled as she began to walk away.

"OHHHHH NO! YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE CORA MILLS!" Regina yelled out, moving forward and grabbing Cora by her ear and pulling her down the street.

"I cannot BELIEVE that you would include Henry in these shenanigans, how irresponsible of you!" Regina continued her rant as she dragged Cora down the street, making Cora protest back while Emma and Henry lagged behind a little.

"YOU ARE GROUNDED!"

"I'M YOUR MOTHER!"

"NOT IF YOU DON'T ACT LIKE IT!" Regina yelled back as she pushed Cora into the house. "GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"This is bullshit." Cora mumbled as she stomped up the stairs, "I am so hiding their sex toys now."

* * *

**A:N/ Hope you all enjoyed the update :) **

**Don't forget to review lovelies!**


	14. R is for Rollerblades, Ruby, and Ransom

**Here's Chapter 14 for everyone. I hope you all like this chapter :)**

**Happy Once day everyone!**

**Special thanks to my lovely Beta SassySaviorSwag**

**I just want to say thank you to all of you who review on this story and leave me the best, funniest reviews, I have ever seen. They are my crack so thank you!**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Quotes from Pitch Perfect are used in this chapter, since you all loved the one from the previous chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately own nothing.**

* * *

"Emma this isn't going to work! This is wrong all wrong!" Regina shrieked out in frustration.

"Baby it's fine, it's gonna be fine." Emma tried to soothe her raging fiancée, which wasn't working at the moment.

"Mom it looks fine." Henry joined in, not wanting Regina to have a heart attack.

"No it isn't, the arch is off centered and the tables aren't circular!" She yelled out once more, gesturing to their backyard.

"We can get it taken care of." Emma soothed, taking the brunette in her arms.

"Emma the rehearsal is tomorrow!" Regina yelled out once more.

"And the wedding is four days, we can do this." Emma chuckled against the brunette's cheek.

"It'll be fine mom." Henry tried, walking to his mothers and embracing them.

"Emma, where is my mother?" Regina said with a sigh as she relaxed into the embrace of her loved ones.

"No idea." Emma replied.

"HENRY!" Cora's voice rang out loudly before she came barreling around the corner of the house and into the back yard.

"Nana?" Henry asked in confusion as she ran to the family.

"Come with me." Cora said quickly before grabbing her grandson and magicking them away, leaving a confused Emma and Regina in their wake.

"What the hell?" Emma muttered.

"She had better not cause any trouble." Regina said back before looking back to their currently decorated yard and making the necessary adjustments.

* * *

"Nana is everything alright?" Henry asked as they reappeared outside of a store window.

"Henry what are these?" Cora asked pointing to the rollerblades in the window.

"They're rollerblades."

"Are they fun?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

"You want a pair don't you?" Henry asked with a smile.

Cora looked down at her grandson and nodded happily before her eyes turned back to the store window.

"Hey Henry! Cora!" Ruby yelled happily as she skipped up to the two, "You guys ready for the wedding?"

"Mom is freaking out back home about the setup, you know how she is. But I'm real excited." Henry replied happily.

"I was told to not touch anything." Cora added with a huff.

"She just doesn't want you to break anything Nana." Henry pointed out.

"I'm not going to destroy anything!" Cora replied haughtily.

"Ruby there you are, stop running off- oh hi Captain! Second mate Henry." Granny said with a smile as she approached them.

"First Mate." Cora addressed happily as Granny saluted Cora.

"Ready for the big day?"

"Getting there." Henry replied as Cora gave an eye roll and grumbled.

"CORA!" A voice called out down the street.

The group turned and their eyes landed on a car driving towards them.

"FOR CAPTAIN SWAN!" Hook yelled out as he hung out of the window and threw something at Cora.

The object hit her in the chest and exploded, knocking her to the ground as Hook drove away laughing like a madman.

"I'VE BEEN SHOT! I'VE BEEN SHOT!" Cora yelled out on the ground.

"Captain!"

"Nana!"

"Baby!" Ruby yelled out, drawing attention to herself, "I mean, Cora!"

Granny eyed her suspiciously before helping Cora up.

"I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT! AM I DEAD! AM I DEAD!"

"Cora you aren't dead calm down." Granny soothed as Henry picked up the object.

A beef burrito from the nearby Mexican restaurant.

"It's a burrito." Henry stated as his Nana brushed off some of the food she was wearing.

"Bastard Hook." Ruby seethed out.

"I'm going to finish him like a cheesecake!" Cora growled out, glaring down the street.

"Come on Cora let's get you home and cleaned up." Ruby said as she led the group down the street and back to the mansion.

* * *

"Mother, what on earth happened?" Regina asked as she looked up from her magazine to see the group walk into the room.

"Hook threw a burrito at Nana." Henry stated, hopping up on the stool next to his mother.

"He threw a burrito at you?" Regina asked, a smile itching on her face.

"Stupid pirates." Cora grumbled as Ruby wet a washcloth and proceeded to wipe off the burrito excess.

"It was a good shot." Granny commented, "Especially since he threw it out of a moving car."

"Impressive." Regina replied before looking back to her mother and Ruby.

"I am going to find that damn pirate and take that hook and shove it right up his-."

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, effectively cutting off Cora's sentence.

"Hey what's going on?" Emma asked waltzing into the room and looking at the mass of food scattered over Cora, "What happened to you?"

"Hook threw a burrito at her." Henry told his ma with a small giggle.

"Damn." Emma commented idly, "What a waste of a burrito."

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Cora huffed out irritably, "Waste of food, you know there are starving children in Atchica?"

"Atchica?" Emma asked confused.

"Africa mother." Regina corrected.

"Whatever." Cora said with a roll of her eyes, "Now this means I have to get Hook back someway, somehow."

"Mother our rehearsal dinner is tomorrow, so if you are going to 'get back at him' then I suggest you take care of it today. I will not have your petty feud ruining myself and Emma's rehearsal dinner." Regina commented before standing and leaving the room.

"So how are we getting him back?" Henry piped up.

"Oh no kid, you're staying out of this." Emma interjected.

"She's right Henry… this is going to get serious." Cora growled out.

* * *

Cora found herself outside of the skate shop once more, perking up as she felt a presence behind her.

"Returning to the scene of the crime are we Cora?" Hook asked with a smirk, locking eyes with the woman through the reflection in the mirror.

"So it would seem Hook." Cora said in a low voice, turning to face him, "On a side note, great shot."

"Why thank you love, it was a nice shot wasn't it?"

"Yes very impressive."

"It's all in the wrist really. I've become quite good with my left hand."

They stared at each other a moment.

"I don't want to know how." Cora spoke first.

"So rehearsal dinner tomorrow I hear?"

"Yes, the girls are quite excited."

"I expect to see pictures."

"Regina is forbidding me to take pictures but I will see what I can do."

"I'm sure they will both look lovely." Hook said with a smile.

"I agree." Cora replied, they shared a smile a moment before Cora 's face creased in confusion. "Wait, why do you want pictures?"

"No reason." Hook rushed out quickly before clearing his throat, "I wanted to challenge you once more."

"Oh? What is the challenge this time? Considering we kicked your ass a few weeks back with the first challenge."

"Roller hockey match." Hook stated confidently.

"You're on."

"I assume you know how to rollerblade."

"Of course I do!" Cora defended haughtily.

"That settles it then. The day after tomorrow, we will have a roller hockey match. The Regal Knights VS The White Hookers." Hook stated with a proud smile.

"Looking forward to seeing you on your knees begging for mercy!" Cora said with a smirk.

"Oh love, I don't beg." Hook replied confidently, stepping into Cora's space.

"You will be when I get through with you."

"Oh no love, I think YOU will be the one who shall be begging for mercy." Hook said taking another step.

"Is that so?" Cora replied cockily, they were nose to nose now, sharing the same air.

"You want to kiss me don't you?" Hook whispered.

"Why on earth would I want to kiss a walking penis?"

"Your words wound me." Hook replied, not budging from his spot.

"This is slightly awkward." Cora stated, taking a step back from the pirate.

"Yes." Hook said before clearing his throat, "Day after tomorrow at 1:00 pm, don't be late." And with that he turned on his heel and headed off down the street.

"I must get these rollerblades." Cora muttered before magicking herself back to the mansion.

* * *

"Absolutely NOT!" Regina said firmly.

"But Regiinnnaaaaa." Cora whined, "Everyone else has them."

"Mother you do not need rollerblades."

"But but but." Cora pouted, "I do need them."

"She wants to get back at Hook Mom, pleeeasssseeee." Henry chimed in, pouting in tandem with his Nana.

Regina looked at them for a moment before rolling her eyes.

"Fine." Regina said before handing Cora some cash, "go buy your rollerblades."

Cora let out an excited shriek before she went tearing out of the house, Henry following behind her.

"That woman is going to be the death of me I swear." Regina muttered as she turned back to what she was previously doing, which was finishing making sure that they had everything they needed for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

* * *

"Mother we are going to be starting soon!" Regina yelled up the stairs before walking back outside the house and to Emma.

"Your mom almost ready?" Emma asked with a smile as Regina approached her.

"Almost." Regina answered; they suddenly heard a crash come from inside the house and were about to go check when they saw Cora tentatively roll out of the house, her new rollerblades on.

"Don't worry, I'll fix that!" Cora called as she inched forward on the blades.

"Mother take those off!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"MAKE ME!"

"Mother don't be ridiculous, we have a rehearsal to go through!" Regina huffed in agitation.

"I already know everything we are going over, I need to practice for the challenge tomorrow." Cora replied haughtily.

"Mother do not make me do something I will regret!"

"WHATEVA I DO WHAT I WANT!"

"Mother!"

Cora almost lost her balance but regained it quickly and steadied herself before turning around to head back inside the house.

"OH NO! TAKE THAT OUT FRONT!" Regina yelled out at Cora.

"I AM TRYING!"

"You are NOT cutting through the house!"

"FUCK OFF!"

"CORA!" Snow, James, and Emma all yelled out at the woman, who was attempting to waddle away on the skates.

"Mother!"

Cora wobbled before loosing her balance.

"GOD DAMNIT!" She yelled out as her ass hit the ground. She quickly attempted to stand and leaned forward before regaining balance.

She started scooting forward a little until she made it to the porch.

"Don't you dare enter that house Cora Mills!" Regina yelled out, making her mother turn around and look at her, a defiant expression on her face.

She rolled back a little.

"Don't you dare!"

She rolled back a little more.

"CORA MILLS I MEAN IT!"

Cora rolled back further, crossing the threshold into the house.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out as Cora quickly turned and skated through the house.

She disappeared from sight but Regina heard the shattering of what she assumed was one of her vases.

"I'LL FIX THAT TOO!" Cora's voice called from inside the house.

"Baby just relax, let's get through the rehearsal, and if you wanna tie your mom up for the wedding we can do that." Emma soothed, pulling her fiancée to her.

"If she lives till the wedding." Regina muttered out.

* * *

"DAMNIT CORA!" Granny yelled out as the older woman flew down the street, freaking out and flailing, magic shooting from her fingertips as she failed to stop her runaway rollerblades.

"THIS IS HOW I DIE!" Cora yelled in terror as she flung a hand out, destroying Granny's diner sign once more.

"CORA!" Ruby yelled as she ran after the woman.

"RUBY!" Cora cried as she hit a hill suddenly and took off at a greater speed.

"HANG ON!" Ruby yelled as she ran down the hill after the woman.

"STOP THESE UNHOLY DEMONS!"

Cora continued to flail and somehow turned herself around, now staring at Ruby's sprinting form as she rolled backwards down the hill.

"THIS IS THE END!" Cora yelled, unable to turn herself back around, and unable to see where she was going.

"CORA WATCH OUT!" Ruby yelled, pointing ahead as Cora started to roll towards an intersection.

"HOLY MOTHER OF EMMA!" Cora shrieked as she closed her eyes and rolled through the intersection.

She heard cars slam on their brakes and honks bleating out loudly at her as she rolled through, her eyes shut tight so she wouldn't witness the horror of her own death.

"Was that Cora?" Hook asked Mr. Gold as they watched a woman go flying backwards through the intersection.

"Yes. I believe that it was." Gold replied with a confused expression. They jogged up ahead and watched as Ruby sprinted down the road, arms flailing as she screamed after the still rolling brunette.

"This isn't good. I would actually like her to be alive for our challenge." Hook said to Gold as he left his side and took off after the two women.

"CORA TURN AROUND!" Ruby yelled as she continued to run after the flailing brunette.

Cora's arms flew out and she knocked a squirrel right out of a nearby tree with her magic, making it fall and land on top of a bunny rabbit, knocking the rabbit out as well.

Hook cut through an alleyway nearby to pass up Ruby and Cora, coming out behind Cora just in time.

He latched on to the brunette and stopped her from rolling into another intersection, pulling her off to the side of the road as Ruby caught up.

"Cora!" Ruby called as she jogged up to the two, she stooped down to Cora who was now sitting, wide-eyed.

"Is she alright?" Hook asked the young brunette, coming around to stare at Cora.

"Hufjaopfnkawa." Cora muttered out.

Ruby and Hook looked to each other in confusion before looking back at Cora, who's appearance was completely frazzled.

"I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that love." Hook said slowly.

Cora's eyes blinked, her vision adjusting to the forms in front of her.

"Fajifjaopfjwr." Cora muttered out.

Hook and Ruby shared another look before picking the woman up and rolling her back to Granny, the trip took at least ten minutes.

"What the hell happened to her?" Granny asked as she watched her granddaughter and arch nemesis roll Cora up the hill.

"Well she continued on her little runaway rampage through an intersection and was almost flattened like a pancake." Hook answered.

"Gonna flatten you like a pancake." Cora muttered out, making Hook smirk.

"AH there she is."

"Regina is going to kill us if Cora gets back to her in this state." Granny said with a shake of her head.

"Pour some water on her or something." Hook suggested as they continued to roll Cora back towards the diner.

"I'll be back." Ruby stated before running ahead, coming back shortly with a large glass of water and tossing it in Cora's face.

"SWEET GOD WHAT THE FUCK!" Cora yelled out as the water hit her face.

"There she is!" Hook said with a smile as he released the woman.

* * *

Cora attempted to creep into the house, it was already well past midnight and she knew that if she didn't sneak in, Regina would certainly be pissed to say the least.

Cora managed to make it up the stairs and into her room; she just finished shutting the door when the lamp next to the chair in her room turned on suddenly.

"Ah damn." Cora muttered to herself, not turning around, already knowing her daughter would be sitting in the chair.

"Hello Cora." The voice said, making Cora's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and turn abruptly.

"Snow?" Cora asked in confusion, eyeing the brunette.

"About time you showed up." Snow said in an eerily calm voice, her legs together and hands firmly in her lap.

"Okay seriously what the hell are you doing in my room? And where is Regina and Emma?" Cora asked the shorthaired brunette.

"They're sleeping." Snow stated simply, still staring at Cora.

"Okay well… what are you doing in here?"

"I heard about your little… incident today."

"Don't tell Regina! She'll take my rollerblades away." Cora said with a small pout.

"Not that incident Cora."

Cora looked at her in confusion.

"You remember Frank and Trudy?" Snow asked, suddenly holding up a squirrel and a bunny rabbit and placing them in her lap.

Cora's eyebrows knitted together, wondering how she had missed the two furry animals in the beginning.

"Snow… I don't remember anything about those two mammals."

"FRANK AND TRUDY!"

"Okay okay jesus woman." Cora muttered in a huff. "What about Frank and Trudy?"

"Well you see, Frank here was working on his nest for himself and his wife up in a tree, when you came flying by, flailing your arms and shooting magic everywhere. One of your bolts of magic hit poor Frank and knocked him from the tree, unconscious as he landed on Trudy here, knocking her out as she was grazing." Snow finished simply, her eyes crazed.

"…Okay Snow, umm first of all, how the hell do you know that happened because I remember NONE of that." Cora said, eyeing the woman wearily.

"They speak to me Cora."

"What… The actual… Fuck."

"I know what they say… I have eyes and ears everywhere."

Cora just stared blankly at the woman.

"Thank god Emma didn't inherit your crazy." Cora muttered to herself.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Nothing." Cora said quickly, fearing for her safety as Snow began petting the small mammals.

"Is there something you would like to say to Frank and Trudy?"

"Nope."

"Apologize."

"I am NOT apologizing to those little fur balls."

"THEY ARE BREATHING CREATURES CORA!"

"And they have families, yes I know Snow."

"CLEARLY NOT! WHAT IF FRANK HAD DIED!"

"He didn-."

"WHO WOULD HAVE LOOKED AFTER HIS FAMILY!"

"I don't car-."

"WHAT ABOUT TRUDY! SHE HAS FORTY BABIES!"

"Forty!" Cora shrieked in surprise, "Damn and I thought Regina and Emma were horny bitches."

"APOLOGIZE!"

"Excuse me bitch, you don't need to shout. You're gonna wake up Emma and Regina."

Snow gave an evil smile as she stood, still holding the animals.

"Did you forget that your room is soundproofed Cora?" Snow said as she advanced.

Which caused Cora to back up and hit the wall.

"ATTACK!" Snow yelled as she threw the animals at Cora.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Cora yelled as she hit the ground.

* * *

"Mmmm good morning baby." Emma said with a smile as she pulled her wife to be in close to her, Regina instinctually snuggling into the warmth.

"Mmmm morning dear." Regina replied sleepily, cracking her eyes open to find warm green staring back at her.

"I'm so lucky to get to wake up to you every morning." Emma muttered as she placed a soft kiss on the woman's lips.

"Agreed darling." Regina replied as she returned the kiss.

"Wonder if your mother got home okay."

"I'm sure she did. No one came pounding down our doors or anything." Regina replied with a laugh.

A soft knock came from their door and they gave a 'come in'. The door opened slowly and in limped Cora.

Small scratches lined her face and her clothes were torn.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled in worry, quickly hopping from the bed and Emma's warmth to rush to the older woman.

"Holy fuck Cora what happened!" Emma yelled as she joined her fiancée.

"The horror."

"Horror? Cora what horror?" Emma asked as Regina looked over Cora's cuts.

"Furry… so much… fur." Cora muttered out.

"Mother what happened?"

"Snow… mammals…" Cora muttered again.

"What is she talking about?" Emma asked Regina, wondering if her fiancée had the answers.

Regina just shook her head before she waved a hand over her mother, immediately healing the cuts.

"I'm gonna call my mom." Emma said as she went to grab her phone, quickly dialing Snow.

"Mother are you alright?"

"It was like a tiny furry hell Regina." Cora said softly, her eyes still wide.

"What was?"

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Emma yelled out suddenly, startling both women.

Cora seemed to shake out of her haze and pulled her daughter into a surprising hug.

"MOM YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Emma paused, "BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING CREEPY AS SHIT!"

Another pause.

"SHE'S MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO BE! THAT IS NOT OKAY!"

Regina looked to her mother in confusion again.

"Snow snuck into my room last night and told her furry little woodland creatures to attack me." Cora explained with a shudder.

"WHAT?!" Regina shrieked out. "Emma you give me that phone!"

Regina strode to Emma and ripped the phone from her hand and proceeded to fight with Snow, allowing Cora to slip away.

* * *

"Alright everyone, let's get this challenge started." Cora said with a firm voice, drawing the attention of her team.

The team was made up of herself, Henry, Leroy, Granny, and a couple other dwarves.

Ruby was their cheering section, tight skimpy outfit and all.

The White Hookers had just entered the parking lot they were using for their roller hockey match. Even though just the day before Cora had been damn near traumatized from her mishap with the rollerblades, she had Granny help her adapt and actually became quite good in just a few short hours.

Granny was currently positioned in the goal, mean face on and all.

"Your gram is quite frightening." Cora mentioned idly to Ruby.

The brunette gave a wolfish smile.

"You have no idea hun." Ruby replied with a flirtatious smirk, making Cora's eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Let's get on with this then." Hook called out, drawing Cora's attention as she skated towards him.

They got everything ready, sticks on the ground to fight over the puck, the second it hit the ground they clashed, landing in a heap on the cement as Henry slid under one of the opposing teams players legs.

"CAN'T TOUCH THIS!" Henry yelled out as he skated by quickly, shooting the puck past Mr. Gold and scoring.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Henry yelled triumphantly, making Cora beam in happiness.

They quickly set a fast pace, which quickly became violent.

Hook continued to push into Cora while she pushed back, before she skated to take the puck away from Rachel Tice, knocking the bitch on her ass as she skated by.

"TOODALOO BITCH!" Cora called out with a laugh as she skated by the Blue Fairy, shooting the puck at Gold and smacking the man in the face.

"Well that's unfortunate." Cora muttered as he cried out in pain, another White Hooker taking his spot as he was escorted away.

"Tell me Granny, are you sporting wood there or just happy to see me?" Hook joked, pointing to Granny's stick.

"THAT'S MY DICK!" Granny yelled out before leaving the goal and barreling for Hook.

"Oh snap!" Cora yelped excitedly as she watched Granny dive on Hook, pinning him to the ground as she began to wail on him.

"Take it like a man you pansy!" Granny yelled as she continued to pommel Hook.

"Oh that is going to leave a mark." Cora commented to Henry as they watched the scene unfold.

"Maybe we should go Nana. I don't want Mom to get called and have her flip."

Cora looked at her grandson before nodding in agreement.

"Agreed." Cora said before poofing off with Henry, not noticing the menacing look coming from the Blue Fairy.

* * *

"There you two are!" Regina called out as Cora and Henry entered the dining room.

"Where have you guys-." Emma trailed off as her and Regina looked over Cora and Henry. Both had some torn articles of clothing and dirt on their faces.

"I don't want to know do I?" Regina asked with a sigh, rubbing her head to will the headache that was coming on, to go away.

"Probably not." Cora answered.

"As long as Henry returns in one piece." Regina warned before going to her son and checking him over.

"It was awesome Mom." Henry said; assuring his mother that what he and his Nana did was actually really fun.

"Did you handle the little problem with Snow darling?" Cora asked her daughter, watching and Regina gave a trademark Evil Queen smirk.

"After the wedding Emma and I are forcing her to go to therapy sessions with Dr. Hopper for her animal obsession." Regina stated.

"About damn time someone got that crazy ass checked out." Cora muttered to Henry, making the boy giggle.

"Mother I would appreciate it if you could keep your bad language to a minimum in front of Henry." Regina scolded.

"Mom what Nana just said wasn't even bad." Henry defended.

"Oh? And just what has Nana been saying in front of you?"

"NOTHING! Henry go play outside." Cora said quickly, pushing her grandson away and towards the door.

"Regina just relax, the wedding is in two days baby." Emma said with a bright smile, immediately calming her fiancée.

"I can't wait." Regina replied with an equally bright smile.

"I'm so excited!" Cora squealed out, her high-pitched voice making the girls wince.

"Nana!" Henry called out from the backyard in a worried voice.

"What is it Henry?" Cora asked, running from the house and into the yard with Regina and Emma in tow.

"They got Ruby." Henry said holding up a ransom note.

"Fucking Rachel Tice." Cora growled out as she read the note.

"Who?!" Emma asked worriedly, Ruby was one of her best friends after all.

"The Captain Swan shippers." Cora said in a low voice.

"The White Hookers?" Regina asked in confusion.

"No… this is the whole damn ship." Cora stated, "And I have one day to find her and get her back."

"Mother I'm sure we will find Ruby-." Regina started but was cut off by Cora throwing her hands up in the air, making sparks fly and take shape.

A giant Swan with a crown on its head lit up the sky. Large and bright and casting a glow on what decorations adorned the back yard.

"The signal." Henry said in awe as he watched it happen.

"Signal?" Regina whispered to Emma in confusion.

"THE signal baby." Emma whispered back as they watched.

"They're coming." Cora stated in a low voice.

"Who?" Regina asked, still perplexed.

"The armada."

* * *

**A/N: The armada is coming...**


	15. Viva La SwanQueen

**Chapter 15 is now up**

**I hope you all enjoy this one. :)**

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews on here as well as Tumblr. Nothing makes me happier than reading your hysterical reviews. Thank you all for your suggestions and PMs and just everything.**

**If you all have Tumblr you have to search the Adventures With Cora Mills tag there and take a look at the gifs people have made in response to this fanfiction. It is just amazing and all of you readers are amazing.**

**Special thanks to my lovely beta SassySaviorSwag for always reading each chapter before I post to make sure its up to par.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged**

* * *

"Listen up everyone." Cora called out to her armada. They were all currently piled into the Town Hall, waiting for instructions for their attack. Cora was sporting her usual Captains hat, modeled after Captain Jack Sparrow, and a pair of leather pants and white shirt.

"We launch the attack tonight. One of our own has been kidnapped and I will not stand for this fuckery!" Cora said firmly.

Regina and Emma stood in the back of the room, watching their 'armada' interact with their captain.

"Who was taken Captain!" One member called out.

"Ruby." A murmur went through the crowd.

"Nobody takes my granddaughter and gets away with it!" Granny called out from the stage.

"We will get her back Granny. I promise."

"Damn right, no one is sinking my ship." Granny muttered, making Cora whip her head to look at the woman.

"What ship?"

"Ship? What ship? Nothing." Granny said hastily.

Cora eyed her suspiciously before returning to the crowd.

"Here's the plan, thanks to an undercover spy, I know where Hook's ship is and that is undoubtedly where he will be keeping Ruby. I won't lie to you all… This is going to get serious. Some of you may never return." Cora said seriously.

"You're playing with wooden swords!" Emma called from the back.

"No one asked you Emma!" Cora called back with wide eyes.

Emma rolled her eyes and a smirk graced Regina's face at Emma's behavior.

"As I was saying before I was so _rudely interrupted!_" Cora yelled out before continuing, "This will be dangerous, and we will attack as soon as night fall has set."

"We thank you for your continued service in this armada." Granny said to the crowd, Cora nodding in agreement.

"If you would all form a line and make your way to the front, you may gather your weapon." Cora said to everyone, gesturing to the rack of swords.

"WOODEN!"

"YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE PART OF THIS SHIP SWAN!" Cora yelled back.

Regina attempted to suppress a laugh but failed, earning a stern look from her fiancée.

"We must get Ruby back. At all costs… Even if it means your life." Cora told the crowd firmly.

Emma was about to say something again but found Regina's hand over her mouth, suppressing it.

"Mother, would you permit Emma and I to join the fight?" Regina spoke up from the back of the room, causing everyone to turn around and look curiously at Regina.

"What kind of captain would I be if I put our Queen in harms way?" Cora asked, as if visibly hurt by the suggestion.

"Oh my god! YOU ARE FIGHTING WITH WOODEN SWORDS!" Emma huffed out again.

"Mother what kind of Queen would I be, and what kind of knight would Emma be if we didn't partake in this fight as well? After all, Ruby was kidnapped because she shipped us."

"She has a point." Granny muttered to Cora as the brunette eyed her daughter.

"I think they should fight." Henry piped up with a smile, making Cora beam.

"So be it, the savior and her Queen are permitted to join us in battle!" Cora yelled out proudly.

"Alright you bitches, grab your weapons!" Granny yelled out as she raised her own wooden sword.

"Viva La SwanQueen!" Henry called out happily as he raised his own sword.

Emma rolled her eyes as Regina dragged her to the rack to grab their weapons.

* * *

"Alright people let's move it along. Hook's ship is docked on the East bay, man your stations!" Cora called to her troops as half of them departed in a different direction.

Emma and Regina noticed this but said nothing as they continued to follow Cora.

"Our first priority will be getting to Ruby so that she can be protected while we fight." Cora told her section of troops as Granny left with her own.

"Who's going after her Captain?" One of the dwarves asked.

"I am." Cora answered, making her troops gasp.

"Captain no! It's too dangerous!" Leroy cried out.

"Oh for fuck sake." Emma groaned and received a poke to the ribs by Regina to shut up.

"I have to do this. I am Captain and I am responsible." Cora told her troops. "When Granny sends the signal, you all will charge the ship, providing a distraction while I search for Ruby."

"Be safe Captain." Leroy said with a salute.

"If I don't come back from this…" Cora started.

"Oh my fucking god." Emma mumbled.

"I want you to all know that it has been a pleasure to go on this journey with you all." She looked to Regina and Emma, "It has been a pleasure shipping you two. Make me proud girls, I may not see you after this."

"No don't say that." Regina pleaded, making Emma look at her with surprise.

"I'm sorry if I don't make it to the wedding."

"Mother you will be at that wedding."

"Oh. My. What the actual fuck, NO ONE IS DYING THEY ARE FUCKING WOODEN SWORDS!"

Regina and Cora embraced, ignoring the grumbling blonde.

"_Come in Captain_." The walkie talkie hissed from Cora's hip. She grabbed the talkie and began to reply to Granny.

"Yes Crossbow?"

"We are in position. Sending the signal in 3, 2, 1…" Granny said, when suddenly a flare went up in the air, sparking in the night sky.

They heard cries coming from in a direction to the right of them and watched as Granny's group stormed the ship, followed by Cora's group.

"Good luck mother." Regina said seriously.

"You too dears." Cora said before turning and running off.

"Seriously Regina you're on board with this?" Emma asked with a laugh as she watched her fiancée draw her wooden sword.

"Dear I haven't had a good fight in ages." Regina replied with a smirk, "And I thought you liked role-play?"

Emma's eyebrows raised as Regina gave her a quick peck before disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

"I can't believe I am actually agreeing to this." Emma mumbled to herself before drawing her own sword.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Emma cried as she ran towards the ship.

* * *

"Ruby? Pssst. Ruby?" Cora whispered as she slinked room to room on the ship. She could hear the commotion coming from the top deck as she moved about, looking here and there for the wolf.

"Cora!" Ruby called out, making the older woman run to her and begin untying her.

"We came as soon as we could." Cora explained hastily.

"Who?"

"The armada."

Ruby's eyes bulged.

"The whole armada is here?" Ruby asked with widened eyes.

"Yes, we came to rescue you and commence the final battle." Cora finished as she helped the younger woman up.

"Cora before we go up." Ruby started, wringing her hands nervously.

"Yes?"

"You're aware of the ship going around about us right?"

"Of course dear, I'm addicted to Tumblr."

"Well… I think it's a good idea."

"What is?"

"Having a ship." Ruby mumbled before quickly kissing Cora and then dashing off to the upper decks.

"Bitches got game." Cora said to herself before running up to join the fight.

She quickly ran up the stairs and came at a halt at the sight.

Her troops and Granny's troops were battling most of the CaptainSwan shippers in a heated battle.

Cora beamed proudly as she watched her daughter and Emma fight back to back, easily knocking down anyone who challenged them. Her eyes searched the ship, finally landing on Hook.

"Hook!" Cora called out, standing on top of a railing and drawing everyone's attention.

"Cora! How lovely to see you! I've been waiting."

"I hope I didn't make you wait long." Cora said with a smile as she drew her sword.

"Not at all love. You see, I was expecting this." Hook said with a smile before firing a flare gun.

Suddenly, three new ships appeared out of nowhere, approaching in on the group.

"It was a trap!" Cora called to her troops as everyone eyed the incoming ships.

"FOR CAPTAIN SWAN!" The others called, resuming their battle on the SwanQueen shippers.

"WE ARE NOT DONE HERE HOOK!" Cora yelled, flinging her hand into the air and creating the signal.

A rumbling in the water drew everyone's attention once more as they watched a hoard of ships begin to approach.

"Holy ship." Hook muttered as he watched the incoming armada.

"Oh my god we actually have a fucking armada." Emma whispered to Regina who beamed back.

"Hook, our fight ends tonight!" Cora called triumphantly.

"Bring it you old bitch!" Hook challenged.

"You walking talking penis!" Cora fired back.

"Hag!"

"Saggy balls!"

"Two week old prune!"

"No- handed, yellow bellied, COCKY PANSY PIRATE!" Cora yelled.

Hook gasped.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Hook yelled as he charged Cora. She hopped down from the railing, engaging him in a sword fight.

Everyone else resumed their own fights, ignoring the blasting cannons of the armada against the CaptainSwan ships.

"FOR THE WOODLAND CREATURES!" Emma heard her mother call, turning just in time to watch Snow come from nowhere, jumping in the air and tackling a Captain Swan shipper.

She looked to her left and realized that another ship had pulled up alongside them.

"FOR THE ENCHANTED FOREST!" James called as he ran at the enemy.

"FOR BLACK WOLF!" Granny cried out as she hopped from the neighboring ship onto their own, tackling Gold and knocking him on the ground.

Cora had managed to kick Hook away, turning just in time to lock eyes with the blue fairy.

"Well if it isn't Rachel Tice."

"Stop calling me that!"

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want!"

"Is that so? You old, dried up pussy bitch!" Blue yelled back, making Cora snarl.

"YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!" Cora yelled as she tackled the fairy, once more resuming their wrestling match.

"CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF!" Cora cried as she landed a punch on the fairy.

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?" Blue cried as she rolled on top of Cora.

"IT MEANS WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT IT TO MEAN!" Cora yelled as she rolled them again.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU CORA MILLS!"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO YOU BLUE BALLED BITCH!" Cora screamed as she managed to grab the Blue fairy and lock her arms behind her back.

"What're you doing?!" Blue cried in fear.

"SAY HI TO NEMO FOR ME!" Cora cried as she threw Blue overboard the ship, watching as she landed in the water with a splash.

"CORA!" Ruby cried frantically as Gold began to drag her away.

Cora's head whipped to them and she called out to Regina.

"Regina! Seize the Imp!"

Regina quickly sprinted to them, catching Gold off guard and tackling him to the ground so Ruby could escape.

"Let me go you idiots!" Regina seethed as she felt two pairs of hands on her, prying her off of Gold.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Emma and Henry yelled in unison as they charged at the CS shippers, knocking them down and away from Regina.

"NOT MY WOMAN YOU BASTARDS!" Emma yelled as she grabbed one and threw him over board.

"FOR THE QUEEN!" Henry yelled as he pummeled the other knocking them both overboard.

"HENRY!" Regina and Emma cried, desperately reaching for their son before he fell over the ship.

Regina managed to grab his hand, keeping him safe as he dangled off the side of the ship.

"This ship. MUST sail." Henry said before he slipped out of Regina's grasp, falling into the water.

"HENRY!" The two women screamed again as they watched Henry disappear in the water.

A few seconds later he reappeared, beaming up at them.

"I'll see you both in a while!" Henry called, making the women smile.

"Stay safe!" Emma called.

"Kick ass!" Henry called back, making Emma smirk and Regina look on in horror.

"Come on the kid was bound to pick up some of your mother's foul language." Emma said with a chuckle.

"I suppose I can't be too surprised there." Regina muttered before both women returned to the fight.

* * *

"Don't come any closer or the rabbit gets it!" Smee called, holding up a white rabbit.

Snow's eyes widened as she looked on in horror.

"MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow shrieked.

"I mean it lady, no closer or the rabbit gets it!" Smee repeated, holding the rabbit over the side of the boat.

Snow whimpered before her eyes widened, watching as Ruby slowly climbed down the rope behind Smee. Very carefully she grabbed the rabbit and climbed back up with lightening speed.

Smee's eyes widened as he realized he had no leverage. Snow's eyes burned with rage as she looked at the man.

"Nobody. Fuck's with my rabbit." Snow hissed out, cracking her knuckles.

"I can explain." Smee said hurriedly.

"No one." Snow cracked her knuckles once more, "I'M SNOW WHITE BITCH!" Snow cried as she ran at Smee, hitting him with a right hook and knocking him overboard.

"That's right bitches! Suck my dick!" Snow yelled as she ran at another foe.

"Hook!" Cora called out, drawing the pirates' attention. "This ends right here, right now."

"So it seems love." Hook replied before they charged at each other, commencing their sword fight.

Cora matched Hook blow for blow, all the while keeping her hat on her head. Hook swung at her but she jumped out of the way just in time, spinning around and touching her sword to the side of his neck.

Hook's eyes widened, no one had ever bested him before.

Except Cora.

And Emma.

And Regina.

And Gold.

And basically any living creature on the planet, but that was beside the point.

Cora pressed on the sword, making Hook lower to his knees, and effectively stopping all of the other fighting on the ship.

"Hook, I have bested you." Cora stated with a smirk, making the pirate snarl. Cora lifted her sword from his neck, "This is my ship now. Thank you for the lovely addition to our armada."

She smirked as she turned and began to walk away.

"Oh Captain my Captain!" Hook cried, standing up and raising his Hook. Cora turned around and eyed the man.

"Did you just quote Dead Poet's Society?" Cora asked.

"I did."

"How good was that movie!"

"It was absolutely fabulous!"

"And the ending?"

"Oh I had tears!" Hook finished with a smile, before clearing his throat.

"We seem to have a lot of moments like that don't we?" Cora asked with a laugh.

"Cora there is something I have to confess to you. To all of you." Hook said, raising his voice.

"You have the floor." Cora gestured before moving to stand next to Ruby.

"I just wanted to say that it has been a pleasure to be your captain." Hook started, looking to his fellow shippers, "You have made this one hell of a journey, and I am sad to say that our ship has sunk."

Cora gave a triumphant smirk.

"But there is something else I must tell you. I haven't been completely honest." Hook started, everyone waiting patiently to hear what he had to say.

"I ship SwanQueen."

A collective gasp ran through the ship.

"I ship it so fucking hard. I actually run a SwanQueen blog of my own, hook-line-swanqueen."

"That was you?" Cora asked with an arched eyebrow. "You drew all those lovely fanarts."

"Whaaatttt." Regina and Emma said in unison.

"I can't help it! I love you two perfect ladies and you're meant to be together. You're my OTP. I'm sorry that I betrayed all of you but… I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS LIFE!" Hook cried out.

Cora walked over to the man and patted his back.

"There there. None of us chose this life. The SwanQueen life chose us." Cora soothed.

"I JUST SHIP IT LIKE NO TOMORROW. I WANT TO BE APART OF THIS WONDERFUL ARMADA!" Hook cried out again, beginning to sob on Cora.

"Okay back off, this is silk." Cora said sternly, shoving the man back a little as she examined her shirt.

"May I join this armada?" Hook asked with a smile.

Cora eyed him for a moment before nodding.

"Welcome aboard dear." Cora said with a smile.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Hook cried out, raising his hook in the air.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" The crowd yelled back.

"Well this was certainly exciting." Regina whispered to Emma.

"I never thought I would be treading water on a ship." Emma replied with a chuckle, her green eyes locking with Regina's brown.

She took notice of how dark Regina's eyes had become and felt a shiver run up her spine.

"How about we go home and you can tread my waters?" Regina suggested with a lick of her lips.

"Deuces!" Emma yelled to the crowd as she latched onto Regina, who magicked them away from the ship.

"Horny bitches." Cora mumbled with a roll of her eyes.

"Alright troops! Let's wrap this up!" Cora glanced at her watch and saw the time, "There's an SVU marathon running and I would like to watch that."

"Anyone up for a marathon?" Ruby asked the group. When she received a nod of agreement they all prepared for departure.

* * *

"Well this was one heck of a night." Regina mumbled against Emma's lips, her hands trailing up and down Emma's bare sides.

"Aren't we breaking tradition here? The wedding is tomorrow and I'm pretty sure we should have waited on having sex." Emma teased and received a playful slap on her ass from Regina.

"Hush."

"We're getting married tomorrow."

"I know."

"You nervous?"

"A little."

"Me too."

Silence engulfed them.

"You're worried about your mom fucking something up aren't you?" Emma asked, laughing when Regina rolled her eyes.

"You have no idea. The woman is like a plague, just rolling through and destroying everything in her path." Regina replied with a smirk.

"Well we're having an open bar so that'll help."

"Oh I agree. I'm sure her and Granny will be enjoying that. I assume Hook will be coming now too."

"Yeah that was one hell of a twist huh?" Emma asked her fiancée, her hand brushing back stray strands of hair from Regina's face.

"I should say so. I didn't see that comi-." Regina trailed off, her eyes peering out of their window in confusion.

"Baby?" Emma asked confused, turning around slightly just in time to see a flash.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled as she watched her mother and Hook hovering in the air, scrambling as they realized they were caught.

Regina quickly magicked a robe on herself and ran to the window, ripping it open.

"HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE?!" Regina yelled out of the window, watching her mother fumble for balance in the bushes as Hook tried to pull her free.

"Not a lot love! Promise!" Hook called, giving another tug on Cora.

"We just wanted a picture! It's Hooks initiation!" Cora yelled in explanation, attempting to kick her leg free of the bushes.

Once she was free they trotted down the sidewalk some before Hook turned around.

"Tell Emma that she rides like a man!" Hook called with a smile before him and Cora took off down the street in a fit of giggles.

Regina's mouth hung open in disbelief.

"SEE YOU TOMORROW KINKY BITCHES!" Cora called as they rounded the corner.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this segment. I will try and get Chapter 16 up as soon as I can. Not sure when that will be though, but I will try.**

**The wedding will be next. Prepare yourselves.**

**Reviews welcomed and encouraged.**

**As for my Beta, you all should check out her new story Everything Has Changed. It's super cute. As well as Anniversary Party. **

**I love that damn story and if you like SwanQueen fluff you will love that.**


	16. The Wedding

**Here you all go, the wedding.**

**Special thanks to SassySaviorSwag for always reading it first :)**

**Thank you all so much for your continued reviews! I love it all :)**

**I hope to have the next chapter up as soon as I possibly can.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged as always, seriously they are my crack. You guys comments are the best.**

**I thought you all could use some comic relief after last nights episode.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I own nothing, but if I did this would be a an awesome comedy show. sigh.**

* * *

"Just a taste."

"Just a lil bit won't hurt right?" Emma asked in a small voice. Her and Cora were currently huddled behind the table that was currently holding their wedding cake.

"Regina will never notice." Cora assured, slowly peeking her head from behind the table to make sure they were in the clear.

The finishing touches were being put on the back yard and all of their guests had arrived. Regina was still upstairs, currently with Henry and Snow who were helping her with her dress.

"Are you sure? It's my wedding day… I'd like to live through it." Emma muttered quietly as they sat back against the table.

"Emma!" Snow's voice rang out, making Emma groan before jumping up from behind the table.

"Yeah?"

"We are going to be starting soon! You too Cora!" Snow said excitedly, grabbing her daughter and rushing into the house to greet a few people before they proceeded.

Cora groaned as she got up from the ground and headed towards the house, smiling happily though since her ship was finally tying the knot.

"Hi Cora!" Ruby piped up from the living room, causing Cora to turn quickly, almost knocking a vase filled with orchids over.

"DAMNIT!" Cora squealed as she barely managed to catch the vase. "Whew."

"I didn't mean to startle you." Ruby said with a chuckle as Cora positioned the vase.

"Startle me? You didn't startle me. Why would you startle me?" Cora asked quickly, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Ruby gave a cute smile to the woman before invading the older woman's space.

"Save a dance for me okay?" Ruby asked softly before placing a quick kiss on Cora's cheek and waltzing away.

Cora stared blankly ahead, not noticing the smug smile on Granny's face, or the fist pump.

"Cora, Regina wants to see you." Snow said, waking the woman from her daydream and causing her to rush up the stairs and burst through the door.

"Mother I would appreciate it if you went a little easier on my doors." Regina scolded lightly, a wide smile on her face though as she turned to face her mother.

"Ajhfiohfoiwehwnjfkgcasyijdfb aklshjnwpelkghfaiockz." Cora squealed out happily, bouncing on the balls of her feet, as she looked at the beauty that is her daughter.

Regina had a flowing white strapless gown on that synched her waist perfectly. The dress was long enough to reach the floor but short enough that it wouldn't cause anyone to trip over it. Her hair was in an elegant up do with diamond earrings hanging from her ears.

"Mother please don't do that." Regina said with a laugh at her mother's excitement.

"I'm sorry dear but you look breathtaking." Cora whispered as she looked at her daughter with teary eyes.

"Mother, are- are you crying?"

"I just have something in my eye."

"Uh huh."

"Like an eyelash."

"Uh huh."

"Or you know… a twig." Cora said as she hastily wiped her eyes.

"Regina we're ready!" Snow called from outside the bedroom door making the women smile at each other before Cora took Regina's hand and led her from the room.

They reached the entrance to the back yard in a matter of minutes and as soon as Regina heard the music begin to play she took a deep breath and looked to her mother who would be walking her down the aisle.

"I love you." Regina said softly, making Cora smile brightly.

"I love you too my dear. Now… let's rock this motherfucker."

Regina let out a melodious laugh as they entered the back yard, with work from both Cora and Regina they had created a magical atmosphere. Candles, light balloons, and white rose petals floated in the air above everyone.

"It looks beautiful doesn't it?" Cora whispered to her daughter with a smile, chancing a glance and beaming when she saw her daughter's eyes were only focused on the blonde ahead of her.

"Yes." Regina agreed breathlessly as she walked closer to her future.

She felt her mother leave her side and move to sit in her seat at the front, a pleased smile on her face as she watched the scene unfold.

Emma and Regina had handwritten vowels, so sickeningly sweet that Hook began to tear up next to Cora.

She glanced at the man next to her.

"Are you crying?"

"It's… it's just so beautiful and I just have a lot of feelings." Hook sobbed out, biting down on his fist to stifle his cries.

Cora rolled her eyes and turned back to the scene, just in time to watch Emma give Regina a dramatic dip as she kissed her, sealing the deal to their marriage.

"I love you." Regina whispered, tears in her eyes as she pulled back from Emma.

"I love you too, Mrs. Swan-Mills." Emma replied, a goofy grin on her face as Regina let out a loud laugh.

Cora had been taking pictures of everything throughout the ceremony, once Emma and Regina parted from their kiss she magicked her camera away and stood.

"I assume that we can get this reception going then?" Cora asked giddily.

Much to Regina's dismay, Emma had insisted that Cora be in charge of the reception.

"Yes mother." Regina said nervously, clutching to her wife a little tighter.

"Hit it boys!" Cora said, waving her hand with a flourish and made a large stage appear.

The chairs were all moved to the side of the yard along with the tables, clearing room for the large dance floor that appeared.

As the cloud of blue smoke dissipated, a band was situated on the stage. Comprised of four of the seven dwarves, and Jefferson on vocals.

Cora had heard them play down at the Rabbit Hole, not that she would tell Regina that, but they were actually quite good, and Jefferson had a lovely voice.

The band kick started the party, starting off with a rocking song as Cora continued to magically set up.

The bar was the next thing to appear, followed by the DJ booth during the bands breaks, and then all of the food that was stored in Regina's house for the reception; all spread out on a long table with the cake at the very end.

"I will have you." Cora whispered, as she eyed the cake.

She turned back to the guests who all had delighted smiles, including Regina and Emma.

"PARTY HARD FUCKERS!" Cora yelled with glee before skipping off.

She eyed the cake once more, licking her lips and about to form a plan when she felt a presence next to her.

"I know that look Cora, what're you planning?" Hook asked, stopping next to the witch and looking around.

"I want that cake."

"It does look delicious." Hook agreed, suddenly dying to try the cake.

"Regina won't notice will she?"

"No of course not." Cora insisted before grabbing the man and diving underneath one of the table clothes, "Let's get that cake."

Hook and Cora crawled underneath the table, stopping when they reached the end. They peeked out from underneath the cloth before exiting behind the table, eyeing the delicious four-tiered red velvet cake.

"We have to be very sneaky about how we progress." Cora warned as they both slowly rose, fingers poised to grab a swipe of the icing.

Their fingers so close when purple smoke enveloped the cake, making it disappear.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" Cora seethed out, her eyes going straight to her daughter, standing across the way with an amused looking Emma.

"YOU WILL SPOIL YOUR DINNER!" Regina yelled with a smirk, watching a pout grace Cora's face.

"Now what do we do?" Hook asked with a sigh.

"Make no mistake Hook. I will get that cake." Cora said firmly before leading him to the bar to grab a drink.

They threw back a few shots before deciding they should look around the house, knowing Regina probably poofed it just out of sight.

"Hello Cora." Snow said from behind the brunette, Cora was in mid sip when she turned around, spitting her drink all over Snow's face at the sight.

"What the fuck is that?" Cora asked as she choked on the drink.

Snow frowned and raised a hand to wipe her face before she held up Frank… clad in a little tuxedo.

"You remember Frank?" Snow said with a crazy smile.

Cora paled visibly, remembering the horror of those tiny furry paws.

"Hello Frank. Lovely to see you again." Cora said softly, making Hook raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"Frank says hello." Snow said, the smile still on her face.

"No Trudy?" Cora asked, looking at Snow instead of the squirrel.

Snow paled before she became angry.

"HE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

"Talk about what?!" Cora asked, irritated that she tried to indulge in Snow's crazed obsession only to be screamed at.

"SHE'S FUCKING DEAD CORA!" Snow yelled out as Frank hopped from her arms and scampered away.

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!" Snow huffed out before running after the squirrel.

"I'm sure you're all glad Emma missed out on the clusterfuck of genetics that caused that crazy." Hook said to Cora.

"Oh yeah." Cora muttered before she finished her drink, "Let's go get some fucking cake."

* * *

"Little higher!" Hook called to Cora.

He was currently standing on her thigh, attempting to reach the cake that sat at the top of the bookshelf, just out of reach. Probably not the best thing to try when you have a near plastered pirate, and a drunken witch attempting this.

"For fuck sake man!" Cora yelled out, her teeth grinding together as she struggled to support the pirate's weight.

"Almost there." Hook panted out, straining to reach.

Just as his fingertips grazed the plate it poofed away, startling the pirate.

"DAVIE JONES TITS!" Hook cried as he flailed.

Cora watched the scene unfolding and made her decision.

"Fuck it." She mumbled before diving out of the way.

She watched with wide eyes as the bookcase began to fall on Hook.

"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPEN TO ME?!" Hook yelled as the books landed on him.

"Hook?!" Cora yelled worriedly through her drunken stupor.

"Cora!" Hook called, trying to shimmy his way out from underneath the bookcase, resulting in Cora freeing him and cradling him in her lap.

"Are you alright?" Cora asked, her words slurring together a little.

"Blasted books! Listen to them!"

"Hook the books can't-."

"LISTEN TO THEM MOCKING ME!"

"Oh god."

"ALWAYS MOCKING, FALLING ON ME! THEY HATE ME!"

"Hook they're fucking books." Cora sighed.

"WHY DO THEY INSIST ON HATING ME CORA!" Hook cried out, pointing his hook at the books scattered about the floor.

Cora just sighed and attempted to help stand the drunken pirate up, quite a feat for a drunken witch.

She lost her balance and in the process tumbled on top of Hook. She was just about to pick herself up when she heard a gasp, quickly turning her head and seeing an opened mouthed Ruby staring at them.

"Cora what're you? Never mind I don't want to know." Ruby said with teary eyes, making Cora scramble to her feet.

"Ruby wait!" Cora called but the brunette was already out of sight.

"Wenches." Hook muttered with a shake of his head from the ground.

"No more rum for you." Cora stated firmly as she helped Hook up.

"Please, I'm a pirate. I drink it like its water." Hook laughed as they exited the room.

Intent on getting another drink and continuing the search for the cake.

* * *

"Baby I think some shit it going down." Emma said as her and her wife swayed together on the dance floor.

"Whatever do you mean dear?"

"Well your mom and Hook are running around with a bottle of rum singing, 'yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me', Ruby is off in the corner sobbing to Granny, and Snow is currently talking to a squirrel in a tuxedo."

"Not to mention my mother and Hook insist on getting a taste of our wedding cake before we cut it."

"You still poofing it away from them?" Emma asked with a laugh, their foreheads touching.

"Of course." Regina replied with a chuckle, both of them turning to take in the sight of their party.

"YO HO, YO HO, A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!" Hook cried as he and Cora danced in a circle around each other, both holding a bottle of rum.

"WE PILLAGE PLUNDER, WE RIFLE AND LOOT!" Cora yelled, hooking her arm with Hook's.

"DRINK UP ME 'EARTIES, YO HO!" Hook laughed out as they spun, taking another swig.

"Being a pirate is quite fun!" Cora giggled out drunkenly.

"You're a hell of a pirate, Captain Cora!" Hook saluted before slinging an arm around her shoulders.

"Shall we continue our quest for the cake?" Cora asked as they walked.

"Aye aye Captain!" Hook sang as they skipped off into the house.

"Baby what's Henry doing?" Regina asked her wife, both turning to look at their son who was standing underneath a tree, looking up at it.

They shared a look before they walked to the tree, stopping behind Henry.

"Grandma just come down!" Henry called with a sigh.

"NO! FRANK IS UPSET!" Snow called back.

She was currently sitting up in the tree, petting the tuxedo-clad squirrel.

"IT'S A SQUIRREL!" Henry yelled up.

Emma bit her lip to stifle a chuckle.

Regina on the other hand didn't give a fuck.

She let out a loud laugh, startling their son.

"Snow why is Frank upset?" Regina called.

"BECAUSE OF YOUR MOTHER!"

"What did she do?"

"SHE REMINDED FRANK OF HIS BELOVED WIFE'S PASSING!"

"And what was her name? Frankie?" Regina asked with a smirk.

Snow's eyes flashed dangerously.

"HER NAME WAS TRUDY!"

"Wait wasn't Trudy the rabbit?" Emma asked in confusion.

"YES!" Snow yelled back.

"Snow a rabbit and a squirrel can't even… just… never mind." Emma said with a sigh before tugging on her wife.

"Henry keep an eye on your grandmother." Regina said with a laugh as they turned.

"GREAT NOW FRANK IS UPSET AGAIN!" They heard Snow cry as they walked away.

* * *

"There it is." Cora whispered to her sidekick.

They currently hid on the other side of the couch, eyeing the cake that sat on the dining room table in just the other room.

"How should we proceed?" Hook asked, raising the bottle and taking another swig.

"You circle around that side, I'll take the other, and on the count of three we jump."

"You realize we will smash the cake right?"

"You realize I don't really give a fuck right?

"You realize your daughter will murder you right?"

"You realize you should shut the fuck up right?"

"You rea-." Cora slapped him upside the head before he could finish. She drunkenly stumbled away, crawling on all fours as she moved into position.

Hook followed suit positioning himself on the other side of the counter.

Both sat their rum bottles to the side and made eye contact. Cora began the count down.

"One…"

"Two…" Hook continued.

"THREE!" Both yelled as they leapt into the air, coming in hot on the cake.

Just before they hit the smoke surrounded the cake, disappearing as they landed into each other, falling over to the side and sprawling out on the floor.

"UGHHHHH DAMNIT REGINA!" Cora screamed out, hearing a chuckle in the distance.

"At least we have the rum." Hook commented before raising his bottle in toast.

"Agreed." The bottles touched before they went to take a swig, disappointment covered their faces as they realized the bottles were empty.

"Why is the rum always gone?" Hook sighed as he stood, leading Cora back outside.

Cora had just stepped outside when she felt herself being pushed back into the house.

"What the fuck?" Cora mumbled, falling over the sofa with an oomph.

"Listen up Cora." Granny said sternly, pointing a finger at her friend and Captain, "I have invested a lot of time and feelings into this damn ship, and I will NOT have you fuck it up just because of a smelly pirate!"

Hook stood by, watching the scene, raising his arm as he took a whiff of himself.

"Ship? What ship? Swan Queen?" Cora asked in panic.

"No not Swan Queen you idiot." Granny hissed out, making Cora frown, "Black Wolf."

Cora's eyes widened.

"You're the captain for Black Wolf?"

"Damn straight I am." Granny said firmly, "Now you get your ass out there!" Granny huffed before she walked from the room.

"Well what do you know." Hook said thoughtfully before helping Cora up.

"I believe I have upset Ruby." Cora commented drunkenly to the pirate.

"So it would seem love. But alas, you have to go and woo the girl. If you need me I'll be at the bar." Hook said with a smile before exiting the room.

Cora gave a sigh as she exited the house, her eyes looking around for Ruby. Just as she spotted her she heard Regina call to her.

"Yesss dear?" Cora slurred out as she looked to her daughter.

"Apparently the guests want toasts, and well… you are the Captain of our armada." Regina said with a smile, leading her mother to the table that rose just a little higher than the others.

_When did all this get here?_

Cora thought as she allowed herself to be led. All of the other guests were seated, drinks in hand with food on their plates as Cora took her spot on the other side of Regina.

Emma handed her the microphone with a smile.

Cora tapped the mic before she started.

"First of all I just want to say that I am drunk off of my ass because of Hook." Cora started, making the room chuckle.

"So anything inappropriate I say seems like a good idea." She finished with a smile before looking to Emma and Regina, "This past year has been wonderful. I never thought that I would be welcomed let alone have friends and relationships. But I am so lucky to have Regina as my daughter, and Emma as my daughter-in-law."

Regina and Emma shared a smile before Cora continued.

"Even though we fight and I always manage to get in trouble, they both forgive me and we move on. I couldn't ask for a better family… Even if that family includes a psycho animal loving woman and Snow don't even try to deny it!" Cora yelled, pointing to the pixie haired woman that was pouting.

"Anyways, I can't wait for these two to make me a grandma once more and give me a magic baby."

A chuckle went throughout the yard.

"Seriously, I'm surprised that Regina or Emma isn't preggo already, the two of them fuck like bunny rabbits. I'm not kidding; girls have you heard of soundproofing? Seriously. I don't need to know that Emma needs to pound you harder or all of the dirty talk you two-."

"OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH!" Regina squeaked before ripping the microphone from Cora.

"Thanks Cora." Emma said with a chuckle, tossing the mic to one of their friends before digging into their food.

"When do we get cake?" Cora whispered to her daughter, making Regina snort in amusement.

"Don't worry mother, we will be cutting the cake shortly." Regina replied with a smile, "I think you need to apologize to Ruby though right after you get your cake."

"I know." Cora sighed.

Regina spoke to Emma quickly, suggesting they cut the cake now, which they both stood to go and partake in. After they shoved some cake in each other's faces and received catcalls and hoots for practically eating it off of each other's faces, they allowed it to be served.

Regina waltzed back to the table and sat a large piece in front of Cora, watching in amusement as her mother shoved a large fork full into her mouth.

"ThisisthebescakeIevrhad." Cora stated with her mouthful of cake, making Regina and Emma chuckle.

"I'm glad you like it." Regina replied as she took a small corner from her own and fed it to Emma.

"This is fucking amazing." Cora stated again, her drunken stupor showing. "Can I turn this cake into a person? Can I marry the cake?"

Emma chuckled at her mother-in-law, watching on in amusement at her behavior.

"Can I fuck the cake? Is that acceptable?"

"No it most certainly is not mother." Regina stated with a smirk as her mother took another mouthful of cake.

"It's fucking delicious." Cora moaned out, finishing off the last of her cake and a contented look to spread across her face.

"Mother… are you and Ruby an item?" Regina asked curiously, watching a blush creep up her mother's face.

"We may have took a roll in the bunk." Cora mumbled making Regina stifle a laugh.

"Just curious mother, no details please. So when did this happen?"

"Last night after the battle."

"Seriously?"

"Adrenaline is a powerful aphrodisiac dear."

"Oh please spare me the image mother." Regina pleaded out, "Why was Ruby crying?"

"She saw Hook and I."

Regina's eyes widened.

"You… you and Hook?" Regina asked, a hint of disgust lining her voice.

"OH SWEET JESUS NO!" Cora shrieked, drawing everyone's attention,

"Nothing to see here folks, eat your fucking food." She called out.

"Mother!" Regina hissed out at her mother's manners.

"I was helping Hook up after he got his ass kicked by your bookcase, we toppled over and Ruby saw us." Cora explained, "She thought it was something it wasn't and I haven't been able to find her to apologize."

"Well Emma and I are about to go dance it seems." Regina told her mother as Emma gave her a wave, "I suggest you find Ruby."

Regina gave her mother a smile before she stood and headed to her wife.

Cora crossed her arms with a huff and took a look around, not seeing Ruby anywhere so she skipped off to the bar, joining Hook in a few more shots to keep her buzz going… or drunken stupor. Fine line.

"Well love, did you manage to make it up with your woman?" Hook asked as he took a swig of his rum.

"I can't find her." Cora stated as she took a swig of her own.

"Isn't that her right there?" Hook asked, giving a small hiccup.

"Where?"

"Dancing with Dr. Whale."

Cora's eyes bulged.

"OH HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO!" Cora yelled before drunkenly running straight for Whale and tackling the poor man, knocking him to the ground.

"MOTHER!"

"CORA!"

"GET HIM IN THE NARDS!" Hook yelled from the bar, making everyone look at him.

"Cora what the hell!" Ruby yelled.

Cora didn't pay her any attention though; she hopped up off of Whale and quickly turned to face Ruby.

"I'm sorry." Cora blurted out, a small pout on her face.

"For what? Attacking Whale or for hooking up with Hook?"

"Hold your panties there now love, Cora and I have done NOTHING in the freaky deaky area." Hook said with a slur as he came to stand by the woman, "Cora is me mate. Not my… well… _mate_." Hook finished with a smirk before waltzing off.

"Are you jealous?" Ruby asked seriously.

"Maybealilbit." Cora muttered.

Ruby gave a smirk before pulling Cora in and making them sway to the music.

Cora smiled and glanced over Ruby's shoulder, suppressing an eye roll as Granny was giving a victory dance.

"Well this is turning out to be one hell of a wedding isn't it?" Emma asked with a laugh as her and her wife danced.

"Indeed it is dear." Regina agreed, placing a gentle kiss on Emma's lips.

"Have you seen Henry lately?" Emma asked suddenly, both her and her wife stopping their dance to look around, not seeing the boy anywhere.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Henry's voice suddenly called out as he came flying through the yard out of the trees, holding something in his hands.

"Henry?!" Regina and Emma called worriedly as they watched their son sprint.

"HENRY MILLS YOU GET BACK HERE!" Snow called as she sped after her grandson, "YOU LET FRANK GO THIS INSTANT!"

"Oh god this is all about that fucking squirrel?" Emma asked her wife with a groan.

"THIS ISN'T NORMAL GRANDMA!" Henry yelled as he ran, ripping the tux off of Frank.

"PUT HIM DOWN HENRY! HE NEEDS ME!"

"HE DOESN'T NEED YOU!"

"HE'S FAMILY HENRY!"

"HE'S A FLIPPING SQUIRREL!" Henry yelled as he tossed the squirrel in the air, straight up at a tree. Frank latched on tightly and scampered off, leaving Henry with a pleased smile.

* * *

"I LIKE DRINKIN A LOT DRINKIN A LOT!" Cora sing songed as she stumbled around the party with Hook and Ruby on her arms.

"Well loves I believe I am going to have to take my leave!" Hook called loudly, walking over to Regina and Emma while Cora and Ruby scampered off into the house.

"Ladies, congratulations on your wedding, and we shall see you both in a few weeks." Hook said with a smile before saluting and leaving the premises.

"So, you ready to go upstairs and have a celebration of our own?" Emma asked her wife with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"Mmmmm yes I would like that very much." Regina purred, quickly latching on to Emma's bottom lip and tugging.

"Come on." Emma growled out, standing and pulling Regina up with her and leading her towards the house.

"Do you hear that?" Regina asked suddenly as they entered the house.

Emma listened closely, hearing small grunts coming from the kitchen.

The blonde agreed, pulling her wife with her and towards the kitchen.

"Well fuck." Emma whispered out to her wife, both of their eyes were huge as they watched Cora and Ruby in an extremely compromising position.

"Is she a fucking contortionist?" Emma whispered quickly to her wife before turning and pulling them away from the scene.

Regina smirked before poking her head in through the kitchen.

"Kinky bitches!" Regina stated loudly, effectively startling her mother and Ruby off of the counter, sending them toppling to the floor,

"Make sure you Lysol that!"

Regina called as she pulled her stunned wife after her, heading upstairs to partake in their own festivities.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading!**

**Don't forget to review!**


	17. Ain't Nobody Fucking With My Clique

**Here you all go, your dose of crack :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Also, representation of gangsters is meant to be comical not taken seriously. Actually just don't take anything in this fucking fic seriously. Ya dig?**

**Again thanks to every single one of you that read this story as well as review. Your reviews make my day.**

**Special thanks to SassySaviorSwag for being my best Beta :) And only Beta.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Please enjoy.**

* * *

Cora lounged on the couch, holding her brand new iPhone in her hands and smiling wildly.

Regina and Emma had left just two days ago for their honeymoon, leaving the house all to Cora and Henry (who spent time living between her and Snow and James), her and Ruby had sort of started going steady, and the armada was stronger than ever now that Emma and Regina tied the knot.

Yeah, life was good for Cora Mills.

Cora gave a contented sigh as she went to check her newest email notification, her thumb moving to tap the icon when the phone slipped from her grasp and hit her square in the face.

"FUCK MY LIFE!" Cora yelped out, picking her phone up and rubbing her nose.

"Stupid phone." She mumbled to herself before she continued on with her task.

She sat her phone on her chest and let out a sigh, staring at the ceiling.

"I'M SO FUCKING BORED!" Cora yelled out to the empty house.

She hopped up from her seat before walking to the stairs, heading to her room to retrieve her laptop.

Youtube was always a good way to pass the time… for the most part. However, Hook being the jackass mate that he was had pretty much made her weary of the Internet videos located online.

Thanks to a particular incident.

**Flashback**

"_I want you to watch this video! It's absolutely awful!" Hook said with a laugh before setting his laptop down and scrolling down just enough to cover the title of the video._

"_Oooooo is it that video of the boy throwing jugs of milk in the grocery store and pretending that he tripped?" Cora asked with glee, it had recently become one of her favorite videos._

_Hook stared at her for a moment before speaking._

"_No."_

"_Aww." Cora grumbled with a pout before Hook sat next to her and handed her a small garbage can._

"_You'll need this love." Hook said, placing it in Cora's lap and pressing play._

"_Oh what a pretty girl." Cora said with a smile before the girl sat something down on top of the table. "What is that red thing? Oh my god is that a tampon!?"_

_Hook snickered next to her as she watched._

"_What is she- OH MY FUCKING WHAT IS THIS HORROR SHUT THIS OFF!" Cora squealed out, "SHE IS NOT GOING TO OH MY GOD DID SHE JUST FUCKING LICK THAT OH GOD!" _

_Cora managed to pull the garbage can to her face before she unloaded her stomach contents into the can._

"_I fucking hate you." She muttered into the can before snapping her fingers and making Hook's laptop disappear._

"_Hey! Where'd my lappy toppy go?" Hook asked with a huff._

"_Somewhere far a-fucking-way." Cora muttered again before hurling once more._

"_Quite gross wasn't it love."_

"_It was fucking disgusting. You nasty piece of shit you." Cora groaned before she lifted her head from the can._

"_Give me my laptop back and I will show you another one."_

"_Fuck you, you fucking fuck."_

**End Flashback**

"What a twat bag." Cora grumbled before she decided to look at some music videos to pass the time.

A few recommendations popped up on the sidebar, and Cora clicked one that looked quite interesting.

"Let Me Dope You? By Childish Gambino… Interesting." Cora muttered before pressing play and listening to the music.

"_Hey playa what's good, let me dope you. Hey hater what's hood, let me dope you. I'm on fire like wood, let me dope you. You don't wanna fuck wit dood, let me dope you."_

The music flitted through Cora's speakers loudly and she quickly found herself up and dancing along with the music, throwing her hands in time with the beat.

After her song ended she smirked to herself before researching more about this genre of music.

"Oh… this is going to be fun."

* * *

Cora walked down the street, occasionally pulling her baggy jeans back up slightly, her hands swinging out to the side slightly when she walked.

Her snapback sat on her head backwards, her shades blocking her eyes from view, and the large gold chain hung in front of her semi baggy tshirt.

"Cora?" Hook asked coming out from a store, his eyes locking on his captain, "What the bloody hell are you wearing?"

"Sup playa, what's goin on?" Cora said, putting her fist out for Hook to bump.

He stared at her in confusion for a minute before tapping his Hook against her fist.

"Seriously Cora, what are you wearing?"

"I'm straight up gangsta now fool." Cora said with a nod of her head.

"Uh huh." Hook said with a nod. "And what prompted this? By the way your pants are revealing your ass."

"I have boxers on. It's the style. And here, just listen." She said before she pulled out her phone and selected a song.

Jay-Z and Kanye Wests song _N****s in Paris _started to play.

Hook nodded his head in time with the beat of this song.

"This is quite good actually." Hook commented.

"Hook… You wanna start a gang with me?" Cora asked with a smile.

"Damn straight bitch." Hook said with a smile.

* * *

Cora and Hook waltzed down the street, Hook now sporting a pair of baggy jeans and tshirt with some bling and a snapback.

"Look at me now." Hook said with a smirk as they walked, "Let's head to Granny's."

The duo walked to Granny's entering and immediately drawing the attention of everyone else in the diner.

"Cora?" Ruby asked in confusion as she watched her girlfriend walk in with Hook, both of their pants hanging off of their asses.

"Sup boo." Cora said before walking to Ruby and pulling her in for a kiss.

"My boy got game." Hook muttered to Granny, causing the woman to raise a confused eyebrow.

"Cora is a woman." Granny corrected, making Hook stand up.

"You got something to say old woman?" Hook asked haughtily getting all up in Granny's face.

"I-what?" Granny asked confused.

"Say it to my face! Don't be getting all up in my grill if you can't follow through homes." Hook said moving in on Granny.

"What in the fuck is happening." Granny muttered before looking over to Cora and Ruby, "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!"

The two broke apart quickly, a light blush covering Ruby's cheeks.

"Cora you and Hook look absolutely ridiculous! Take that shit off." Granny said with a huff.

"AIN'T NOBODY FUCKING WITH MY CLIQUE!" Cora yelled out, catching everyone by surprise before Ruby spoke up.

"I'm in agreement for the off part." Ruby growled out before attacking Cora once more.

"Daaaaammnnnnn, bitch got game." Hook said approvingly.

"Seriously what the fuck is happening." Granny muttered again before grabbing a bucket of ice water and walking over to Cora and Ruby and effectively pouring it over them, making them both break away with a squeal.

"OUT!" Granny yelled, pointing to the door and shooing Cora and Hook out. "I will not have hoodlums in my diner!"

She slammed the door on both of them and they looked at each other with a smirk before high fiving.

"Hey Cora, Hook." Snow said tentatively as she eyed their outfits. "Nice clothes."

"Piss off pansy." Hook growled out.

"Woah hold up man, she cool." Cora said in Snow's defense. "How's therapy Snow?"

"It's good so far. Archie is very patient with my outbursts. I am not allowed to have any contact with small furry mammals until he says its okay." Snow explained with a twitch.

Cora and Hook looked to each other and then back to the twitching Snow.

"So… white chocolate, you want in on this?" Cora asked the pixie haired brunette, making her eyes widen.

"White chocolate? And want in on what?" Snow asked confused.

"You want in the crew?" Cora and Hook asked simultaneously.

"Did you say 'crew'?" Snow asked again.

"Did I FUCKING stutter?" Cora huffed out.

"What does being in this crew mean?"

Cora and Hook shared a look.

"Actually we aren't really sure. We saw it on YouTube and thought it would be fun to do this." Hook started.

"We really have no idea what the fuck we are doing." Cora added.

"Well I am in." Snow said with a smile, making Cora and Hook beam.

"Well then, let's get you some threads." Cora said before magicking new clothing on Snow.

She wore a baggy tshirt with a rabbit whipping the camera off on it, a pair of baggy jeans, boxers, a gold chain, sunglasses, and a snap back.

"Swag." Hook said with a nod, as he looked Snow up and down.

"Any rules to this crew?"

"I read somewhere that you are to 'fuck bitches and get money'." Cora said.

"Don't forget that bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks." Hook added in, receiving an approving nod from Cora.

"You wanna do this properly? I think a boombox is needed." Snow chimed in.

Cora gave a giddy smile before magicking one on her shoulder and pressing play.

"Let's fuck this town up." Cora said before they started to walk down the street, their steps falling in time with the beat.

"_Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way. OH NO! The fights out! I'm about to punch yo lights out!"_

The lyrics floated out of the speakers as they walked, all three of their lips pursed as they walked with a swagger down the street, drawing the attention of everyone that saw them.

"We are so. Cool." Hook whispered to his companions as they walked.

"Damn straight mother fucker." Snow piped up, earning an approving smile from Cora as they walked.

Cora's eyes narrowed behind her sunglasses as she saw the Blue Fairy up ahead.

"Cora. Hook. Snow." Blue stated with a low growl.

"Bitch aint you listening to the lyrics." Cora said with a sigh.

"That god awful music pumping from your stereo?" Blue asked pointing to the Boom Box.

"Yeah. It is sayin, MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY FUCKING RACHEL TICE! NO ONE HAS TIME FOR YOUR INCESSANT BULLSHIT!" Cora yelled before handing the stereo to Hook and pushing Blue out of the way.

"Bitches man." Snow said with a shrug before they continued walking.

"_Rack rack rack city bitch, rack city bitch rack rack city bitch, ten ten ten twenty on your titties bitch."_

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" Cora yelled happily before continuing down the street.

"CORA WE AREN'T DONE!" Blue yelled from behind, making the trio turn around.

"The fuck you want?" Cora asked.

"I wanna kick yo motha fuckin ass." Blue said, holding out her arms.

"Come at me bro!" Cora yelled out, holding her arms out as well.

"You're just jealous because I got more game than you." Blue stated.

"I got yo Grandma on my dick!"

"What?"

"THROWIN HUNDREDS!"

"What are you even yelling right now?" Blue asked.

"RACK CITY BITCH!" Cora yelled before punching Blue in the face and making the fairy drop like a hot potato.

"Daaaaaaammmnnnnn Cora." Snow drawled out before producing a brown baggy with a bottle in it.

"Is that rum?" Hook asked hopefully.

"Fuck no. I don't drink." Snow stated, making Hook point to the bottle.

"What's in there then?"

"Apple juice. Because drinking is BAD." Snow said proudly, making Hook and Cora look to each other.

"I'm sorry she's in your family." Hook muttered to Cora.

"Yeah me too."

"WHO WANTS TO HAVE A PARTY!?" Snow squealed out, startling the two.

"I think a house party would be great, and you have the mansion all to yourself Cora. It's perfect." Hook said with a sly smile.

* * *

"This is amazing." Regina mumbled as the warm sun beat down on her. Her hand was perfectly clasped in Emma's making both women smile happily.

"I told you Hawaii was a great idea." Emma replied, turning to look at her wife.

"Mmmm." Regina moaned out as she relaxed further into her lounge chair.

"I wonder how your mother is doing?" Emma asked Regina with a smile.

"We could always call and ask." Regina replied, acting nonchalant about it.

"Baby I know you're worried your mother is going to do something drastic. Just call her."

Regina gave a sigh before sitting up and leaning over, giving Emma a loving kiss.

"Fine. I will call." She said when she pulled back, fishing through the beach bag for her phone. Once she found it she began calling her mother.

"_Yo yo yo CM speaking."_

"Mother?" Regina asked in confusion.

"_Oh! Hello dear! How is the honeymoon going? Are you working on getting me grandbabies?"_

"Mother the honeymoon is going fantastic, but… what is that booming noise?"

"_Oh? Noise? What noise?"_

"That beat that is coming from your end of the phone." Regina said, her ear straining to catch more of the noise.

"_Oh that's just Henry playing some music. Nothing to worry about dear. I can't wait for you two to come home but I really must go, Henry is calling for me. Love you both!"_ Cora said before ending the call, leaving a confused Regina on the other line.

"Everything okay back home?" Emma asked with a concerned voice.

"I'm not sure. My mother was acting strange and there was a booming coming from the other end."

"She's probably just with Ruby or something. Better not ask any questions there." Emma said with a laugh, her wife joining in.

"Mmmm very true dear." Regina purred before leaning over, "So how about you and I go back to the room and engage in our own fun?"

Emma's green eyes darkened at Regina's proposition, she licked her lips before grabbing their items and shoving them in the bag, grabbing Regina's hand next and hurriedly pulling her towards the condo.

* * *

"_I tell her meet me in the bathroom, I fuck her while the water running, her friend knocking at the door and she screamin out I'm coming!"_

Meek Mills House Party blasted through the speakers set up in Regina's mansion, pulsating with the matching colored lights and strobes as the majority of Storybrooke's citizens danced and grind to the music.

"PARTY HARD FUCKERS!" Snow screamed before she began break dancing in the middle of the dance floor Cora had created.

"Lovely party Cora." Hook commented as he and the older woman sat next to each other, watching the party rage on. "Who called?"

"Regina."

"Fuck."

"She doesn't know."

"Thank god, she'd be on the first flight back here to royally kick your ass."

"Don't I know it."

"PARTY!" Henry yelled as he swung on the chandelier above the floor, doing a flip off of it as Snow caught him and they joined in on a grandmother/grandson break dancing competition.

"Henry sure knows how to party."

"I gave him some sugar." Cora said with a smirk, "he did the puppy eyes and I couldn't resist."

"Cora." A voice said nearby, drawing the older woman's attention.

"UGHHHHH fucking Rachel Tice, no one invited your saggy ass here." Cora huffed out.

"Oh yeah, what about your saggy ass?!" Blue yelled.

"Excuse you bitch! I'll have you know I was one fine mother fucker back in the day!" Cora huffed out, crossing her arms.

"Ha! Prove it!" Blue challenged.

Cora's face held a smirk as she threw her hands up, engulfed in the blue smoke of her magic. When it dissipated Hook and Blue both sucked in a breath.

Cora Mills was indeed, one fine motherfucker back in the day.

"Holy shit balls." Hook muttered out, his eyes roaming over Cora.

"And there go my ovaries." Blue muttered as she looked at the woman.

"Hey Hook have you seen Cora?" Ruby asked with a smile, which quickly fell when she saw his expression. She turned to see what he was staring slack jawed at and her own quickly joined his.

"Hello dear." Cora said sweetly, flashing a bright young smile.

"Oh sweet god have mercy on my ovaries." Ruby muttered before looking over Cora.

"See something you like dear?" Cora asked, raising an eyebrow as her eyes roamed over Ruby.

"CORA LOOK IT'S A FUCKING LION!" Snow squealed happily, holding up an actual lion cub.

"Hey you look younger." Snow pointed out before shrugging, "BUT SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THIS LION!"

"Snow you aren't allowed contact with furry mammals and where the fuck did you get that lion cub from."

"My lion cub."

"Snow." Cora warned.

"MINE!" Snow growled out before she took off running through the house with the cub.

"ARCHIE!" Cora hollered loudly over the music before rushing to find the therapist.

"Cora?" Archie asked in confusion, looking the young woman up and down.

"Keep it in your pants. Snow is turning this party into the fucking Lion King."

"NAAAANNTTTSSSS INGONYAAMMAAAAAA BAAAAGGGITHI BAAAA BAAAA!" Snow yelled out proudly as she sang and ran about the house.

"I will handle it." Archie said before taking off after Snow.

"You wanna dance good looking?" A voice asked from behind Cora, causing her to turn, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT CORA?!"

Cora looked at Leroy with amusement.

"Surprised?"

"Hell yeah, you look hot."

"Back yo ass up motherfucker. It is wolfs time and I am NOT afraid to rip yo dick off if you hit on my woman again." Ruby said coming up behind the dwarf and giving him a kick in the ass to move away.

Cora let out a laugh as she watched Leroy sulk off.

"Care to dance?" Ruby asked with a wink, taking Cora's hand and leading her out to the dance floor.

"BOW BEFORE YOUR KING!" Snow cried as she stood on a chair and held the lion cub up in the air.

"Snow!" Archie called before rushing after her and knocking her from the chair.

"Yeah I am so taking a picture of this." Hook said as he pulled out his camera, switching it to video instead and began recording.

He managed to catch Snow and Archie struggling over the lion cub, as well as Cora and Ruby bumping and grinding to Vegas Girl.

"YOLO!" Snow yelled as she ran off with lion cub.

Hook followed it with his phone, watching as Snow began singing Hakuna Mata as she ran.

He chuckled before heading back into the living room where the dance was happening, catching Cora begin rapping the opening to The Motto.

"Cora my dear, I love you, but your daughter has GOT to see this." Hook chuckled as he hit the send button.

"No fucks given."

* * *

"Fuck Emma." Regina moaned out, her back relaxing into the mattress as she came down from her orgasm.

Emm's face hovered above her own and they shared a loving kiss, groaning as Regina's phone buzzed.

"Could you grab that?" Regina purred out.

Emma chuckled before reaching and grabbing the phone, checking the screen.

"Why is Hook texting you?"

"What?" Regina asked in confusion before Emma held the phone up, revealing a video message. "Play it."

Emma tapped the video, watching as the screen opened and they watched Archie tackle Snow as she struggled to free the lion cub from his grasp.

"Why the fuck does my mother have a lion cub?"

"WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A PARTY HAPPENING IN OUR HOUSE!" Regina shrieked out, watching the video intensely.

They continued to watch the video, laughing despite themselves at Snow singing songs from the Lion King as she held up the cub.

"Oh my god." Emma said, mouth agape as she pointed to the screen, "Is that your mother?!"

"So it would seem. She must have magicked herself back to her younger appearance… for what ever reason." Regina commented idly.

"Your mother was a babe! Glad to see who you got your looks from." Emma commented, wiggling her eyebrows and earning a slap from Regina.

"Wait they're dancing." Regina said, turning their attention back to the phone as they watched Cora and Ruby dirty dance with each other to Ray Ban Vision.

"I love that song." Emma commented as they continued to watch.

The video ended, and instead of finding an irritated Regina, Emma found a very much-aroused Regina.

"All that music has given me an idea." Regina purred in Emma's ear, giving the lobe a quick lick and making Emma groan.

"What's that?" Emma managed to get out as Regina slid out of the bed and plugged Emma's ipod in, searching for a song and pressing play when she found it.

"How would you like a lap dance?" Regina asked, her voice thick with arousal as she pulled Emma from the bed and sat her in the nearby armchair.

"Yes please!" Emma squeaked out, making Regina laugh and her hips begin to sway as Beyoncé's Naughty Girl began to play.

Regina's hips swiveled and dipped, turning herself around so her ass was facing Emma instead as she continued to dance.

"I am sooooo putting this on my playlist." Emma muttered.

"What dear?" Regina asked over her shoulder as she continued to dance.

"Nothing babe." Emma said with a smirk as she enjoyed the show.

* * *

"Ugghhhh the light is brightttttt." Cora said, swatting her hand at her phone that Ruby was currently holding in her hand.

"It's from Emma." Ruby said as she forced the phone at Cora's face.

Cora let out a hiss that was equal to that of a cat before swatting at the phone again.

"Damnit Cora just open it." Ruby said with a sigh before dropping the phone on the young looking woman.

Cora groaned before opening the message.

_Just so you know, Regina is going to let your house party incident slide… Consider us even. You got your house party and I got a lovely lap dance thanks to the music from the party giving Regina ideas._

_Oh and I attached the video Hook sent us._

Cora smirked as she read the message, setting her phone down on her nightstand and letting out a laugh. She'd watch the video later.

"What's so funny?" Ruby asked as she snuggled back into Cora's side.

"Oh nothing. Just that my daughter and daughter-in-law are the kinkiest bitches I have ever met."

"What else is new." Ruby said with a laugh.

"Absolutely nothing." Cora stated with a smile.

Yeah, life was good for Cora Mills.

* * *

**A/N: Well hopefully you all enjoyed that chapter. Let me know what you guys thought. :) I'll try and get the next one up as soon as I can.**


	18. Cora'd

**Here you all go. Newest Chapter is up. Sorry that it took so long, school has been hectic lately. Next chapter will be up by next Tuesday at the latest… hopefully.**

**Special thanks to my lovely Beta SassySaviorSwag :) **

**Shout out to coolami69 on Tumblr for her request of seeing everyone get Cora'd.**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. ABC owns everything.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

"Emma… I need you to do me a favor." Snow said to her daughter, wringing her hands nervously and shifting back and forth on her feet.

"What is it?" Emma asked, not looking up from her desk. Her and Regina had just gotten back from their honeymoon a few days ago, and they both had a mountain of paperwork to get through to make up for their time gone.

"Can you go to the store for me? I'm kinda nervous to go on my own and get it and just I was wondering…" Snow rambled before Emma let out a frustrated sigh.

"Mom, just write down what you want me to pick up for you and I will get it. But right now I have a shit ton of paperwork to make up." Emma groaned out before turning her attention back to her stack of papers, ignoring the slip that Snow laid next to her.

"Thank you so much!" Snow exclaimed before turning and running from the station.

"I'm ready for another vacation." Emma muttered under her breath before continuing with her work.

She worked for another half hour before stopping, finally deciding to take a look at what her mother wanted her to pick up.

She lifted the slip and her eyes widened as she looked.

"You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!" Emma groaned out before dropping her head to the desk with a loud thump.

"Do watch yourself dear, I'd rather not have to find a new Sheriff while you recoup from a self given concussion." Regina's voice flitted into the room, making Emma's head shoot up quickly and a large smile grace her face.

"Hey babe." Emma said happily before she hopped up from her chair and ran to her wife, quickly pulling her into her arms.

"I thought you would like to go and grab some lunch." Regina muttered against Emma's lips.

"Can't I just eat you?" Emma asked with a smirk, making Regina's eyes darken at the thought.

"I don't believe I hold enough nutritional value." Regina replied, a slow smirk creeping up her own face as she looked at her wife.

"That's debatable." Emma stated before brushing her lips against her wife's very slowly, poking a tongue out to trail across her upper lip scar and making the brunette moan.

Regina let out a groan before she pushed Emma back against the nearest filing cabinet.

"Just fuck me." Regina growled out before she made quick work of their clothing.

* * *

"RUBY WHERE ARE MY UNDERWEAR?!" Cora shrieked out, all but flipping everything in the damn room over.

"Lampshade!" Ruby called back from the bathroom, making Cora peek up over the bed. Her eyes landed on the garment and she quickly grabbed them and threw them on her body.

"I have to go dear! I'm supposed to meet with Emma today!" Cora called out before she finished dressing and flew from Ruby's apartment.

She allowed her magic to swirl around her and transport her just outside the sheriff station; she was already running late for her and Emma's meeting.

Cora entered the station and was about to call out for Emma as she entered the room, but her voice caught in her throat when she rounded the corner and saw her daughter kneeling on the floor, her head buried in between the Sheriff's legs.

Emma's head was tossed back and she was panting heavily and groaning, one leg tossed over Regina's shoulder as a tan hand slid up and down it teasingly.

"OH GOOD GOD! AT THE FUCKING OFFICE!?" Cora shrieked out, startling Emma and Regina.

Regina grasped Emma's legs tightly, keeping her wife from falling off of the desk.

"Mother do you MIND?" Regina growled out.

"I had a meeting with Emma today to discuss some things but it appears that getting fucked is higher on her priority list. It's not like you two haven't been going at it like you're in charge of repopulating the planet." Cora replied.

"Mother, Emma and I are married now and if I want to fuck my wife on her desk I will damn well do that."

"Please, you two have fucked on every surface in this damn town before you were even married."

"Um can you two NOT carry on a normal conversation right now?" Emma piped up, attempting to move her legs away from Regina but the brunette held firm.

"Mother, go occupy yourself for a bit. Emma will be with you after I am finished with her." Regina replied.

Cora rolled her eyes and turned to exit the room, she stopped suddenly and turned around looking to her daughter.

"Oh by the way dear you have cum on your face." Cora pointed out before exiting.

"That wasn't awkward at all." Emma groaned out as she looked down to her wife.

"Don't worry about her dear. Now." Regina begin, her eyes flickering down to Emma's sex with a glint in her eyes, "Where was I?"

* * *

Hook walked down the street, whistling a pirate tune to himself as he strolled. He turned into a nearby alleyway, enjoying his brief walk before he would head back to his lovely ship.

"_Hook." _A voice flitted out from behind him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

"What the bloody hell?" Hook mumbled to himself, wondering where the voice came from. He shrugged before he continued to walk.

"_Hook."_ The voice said again, this time making Hook spin around and freeze.

A book trolley sat in the alleyway behind him.

"Why is there a book trolley in the middle of the alleyway?" Hook wondered aloud as he eyed the books.

"_I'm here for you."_ The books said, making Hook's eyes widen.

"No. Not again. My nightmares-."

"_They're all coming true Hook." _The books interrupted.

"No. No! NOOOO!" Hook yelled out before turning and running down the alley, heading straight for the docks.

He rounded the corner and stopped.

The trolley sat just ahead of him.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" Hook screamed at the trolley. Terrified of the books that had bested him so many times before.

"_We want…"_

"Yes?"

"_We want…"_

"Yes?"

"_We want, to give you…"_

"What? GIVE ME WHAT!?" Hook yelled, his back hitting the nearest wall.

"_To give you… PAPERCUTS!"_

The scream that escaped Hook's lips was not human, and certainly not man worthy, and he took off running at full speed towards his ship, leaving the book trolley sitting alone in the alley.

The blue smoke encased the trolley, covering it from view and once the smoke dissipated, Cora was left standing in its wake.

She chuckled maniacally to herself.

"Cora'd."

* * *

Snow walked through the park, enjoying the day and the sun that shone brightly down on her. She let out a contented sigh as she spotted a nearby bench, quickly sitting down on it and watching the children run and play with each other.

Her therapy sessions had been going better and she was controlling her impulses more. Which was something that everyone in the town was certainly grateful for as well.

A movement out of the corner of her eyes made her turn her head, her eyes zeroing in on the small bunny rabbit that sat just a pace away from her. It's little black eyes boring into her own as she gave a shudder at the intensity.

"Shoo." Snow urged, ushering her hand out to try and get the fluffy creature to scamper away.

Instead it just sat there and stared.

"Shoooooo." Snow urged again, her voice more commanding.

"_Snow. Why did you abandon us?"_

"I… I didn't abandon any of you." Snow replied, tension in her shoulders as she interacted with the rabbit, knowing that it wasn't helping her rehab.

"_But you did. You left us. All alone."_

"I did no such thing." Snow replied.

The bunny rabbit ducked its head in sadness, making Snow give a whimper.

"_You will pay."_

The fluffy mammal lifted its head shortly after, eyes even darker then before. Its mouth opened and sharp pointy teeth could be seen, resembling that of the teeth of Leviathan.

Snow jumped up from her bench and screamed bloody murder before turning and running through the park, arms flailing and her screams eventually fading out into the distance.

The bunny rabbit gave a satisfied smirk before it was engulfed in blue smoke, disappearing shortly after to reveal a very satisfied Cora.

"Serves you right for smothering me when I was a puppy." Cora said to herself before she magicked herself away.

* * *

Regina walked out into her backyard, smiling to herself as she walked towards the bench just under her apple tree.

She had just returned from the Sheriff station, now completely satisfied that her and her wife had some alone time during their workday.

Regina sat down and sighed, leaning against the back of the bench and smiling to herself. Her body still felt like mush and tingled from Emma's ministrations.

She thought back to the events that transpired in the office but was brought back to reality when an apple landed on the spot next to her.

She opened her eyes and glanced down at the offending apple, picking it up to examine it.

Another apple fell on her other side, making her look to it and pick it up next.

She examined both apples, confused as to why they had fallen when their stems were still healthy, not at all ready to fall from the tree.

"What on earth?" Regina asked herself aloud before she began to adjust her position on the bench so she could look behind her.

Her eyes glanced up from the apple and she let out a loud scream, falling backwards off of the bench and landing with an "oomph" on the ground.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled, eyes blazing with anger as she pushed her hair back out of her face.

Cora's face was sitting in the middle of the tree trunk.

"Hello dear." Cora said with a smile.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Cora gave her daughter a confused look.

"I'm your apple tree."

"Why?!" Regina demanded as she scrambled to her feet, brushing the wrinkles out of her dress.

"For fun." Cora replied with a smile, which only grew when her daughter began fuming. "Regina, guess what?"

"What mother?" Regina asked through gritted teeth.

"You've been Cora'd." Cora replied before disappearing from sight.

* * *

"I can't believe I am actually buying this for her." Emma groaned out as she entered the pharmacy, heading straight to the aisle of her destination.

Emma's eyes scanned the shelf, looking at each package and debating which one she should buy.

Her cell phone gave a shrill ring, making her groan and answer it without looking at who it was.

"Sheriff Swan speaking." Emma answered.

"_Emma, meet me by the docks in a half hour. We need to have a serious talk."_ Regina's voice flitted over the phone.

"Babe is everything alright?" Emma asked, concern evident in her voice.

"_No it is not. It has to deal with my mother."_ Regina replied, her voice terse and Emma immediately knew her mother-in-law had done something to piss her off.

"Okay I'll meet you there." Emma replied before hanging up. Her eyes flitting back to the wall of selections.

She shrugged and grabbed the best one and headed to the counter to pay. She had just handed over her money when a loud crash from outside caused her to grab the purchase and run straight outside.

She scanned the street frantically, her eyes finally landing on Cora, running down the street with a look of utter glee on her face as Granny chased after her like a bat out of hell.

"JUST TRY AND CATCH ME BITCHES!" Cora yelled as she ran, disappearing in a puff of blue smoke shortly after.

"Granny!" Emma called out, rushing to the older woman, "What's going on?"

"Your mother in law has been pranking the entire damn town all day long." Granny answered, clearly angry.

"What do you mean?"

"She has been disguising herself and giving people fucking heart attacks. Seeing her face appear in my meatloaf was not the way I pictured my day happening." Granny replied with a huff before turning and walking back down the street.

"She must have gotten Regina." Emma groaned as she mulled the whole thing over.

* * *

"Granny how are you this fine day?" Mr. Gold asked as he leaned on his cane, placing his order for a coffee.

"Well I have been better. You might wanna keep an eye out though Gold." Granny answered as she poured him a cup.

"And why is that dearie?" Gold asked. He placed his money on the counter and took a sip of the beverage.

"Cora is running around, shifting herself into people and objects. It's freaking everyone else the fuck out. No one seems to be safe."

"You mean to tell me that Cora is shifting into objects?" Gold asked with an amused smirk.

Granny nodded before answering, "She's been doing it all day long. Everyone and everything is Cora, and no one is safe."

"How do I know you aren't Cora then?" Gold asked, his eyes narrowing in on Granny.

"How do I know _you_ aren't Cora?" Granny replied, leaning in to examine Gold.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"I guess you don't." Gold replied before smirking and walking out of the door.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs and proceeded to walk, using his cane for balance as usual.

He felt a quiver and before he knew it his coffee went flying into the air as he fell, face first into the sidewalk.

Feet appeared in front of his face and a laugh accompanied them, making him sit up quickly with a scowl.

"Cora'd!" Cora yelled before running off down the street and leaving Gold sitting on the sidewalk.

"Fucking crazy bitch." Gold muttered before he picked himself back up.

* * *

Regina entered the diner, wanting to get some coffee before she headed to the docks to meet with Emma about her mother.

"Hello Granny." Regina greeted as she sat on the stool at the counter, offering a small smile to the older woman.

Granny merely grunted in greeting and acknowledgement before going to grab Regina some coffee.

She sat the cup down in front of the brunette and headed to the back room, clearly agitated.

Ruby came out of the back room and walked over to Regina, smirking as she looked at the cup in her hand.

"What's that?" Ruby asked, making Regina look up at her with a confused expression.

"It's coffee." Regina answered, her face contorted in confusion as she examined the young waitress.

"Well what's that?" Ruby asked, seeming genuinely confused.

Regina's eyebrows knitted in confusion before answering very slowly.

"It's a liquid beverage made from coffee beans." Regina replied. Ruby seemed satisfied with the answer before walking away and leaving Regina with her coffee.

"I wonder if my mother has 'Cora'd' anyone else today." Regina muttered thoughtfully into her cup before she took a swig.

A few minutes later Ruby appeared back at Regina's side.

"What's that?" Ruby asked again, making Regina look at the waitress like she had three heads.

"_What in the actual fuck?" _Regina thought before looking to her cup and then back at the brunette.

"It's coffee dear."

"What's that?" Ruby asked, the same confused expression on her face as before.

"It's a liquid beverage made from coffee beans." Regina answered once more, watching as Ruby nodded and then walked away again.

"Okay what the hell." Regina muttered before taking another tentative swig of her coffee.

A few minutes passed and once more Regina found the brunette at her side, staring at her cup again.

"What's that?" Ruby asked for the third time, making Regina's hand tighten on the cup.

Her mother would certainly be pissed at her if she would hurt her girlfriend… but her patience was beginning to wear thin.

"It's coffee."

"What's that?"

"A liquid beverage made from coffee beans!" Regina hissed out quickly, her anger flaring when Ruby nodded and walked away again.

The bell to the diner chimed and a very angry Gold entered, sitting himself down next to Regina with a huff.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Regina asked arching an eyebrow as she looked at the man and former teacher.

"Your mother 'Cora'd' me." Gold answered with a scowl.

"Don't fret she got me earlier as well." Regina replied with a frown.

"Apparently she has been doing this to everyone all day."

"We're going to have to start to find a way to distinguish who is who." Regina replied with a light chuckle.

"Yes well… she appeared in the form of my cane and just when I needed it, conveniently changed back and left me fall to my doom." Gold replied with a snarl.

Regina tried to suppress a chuckle but only half succeeded.

She felt a presence next to her and tensed, very slowly she began to turn, her eyes falling on Ruby once more.

"What's tha-?"

"OH YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS! IT'S A FUCKING BOWL OF SOUP!" Regina yelled out at the waitress.

"NO, YOU'RE A FUCKING BOWL OF SOUP!" Ruby yelled back before blue smoke engulfed her.

Revealing Cora.

"CORA'D!" Cora yelled before running from the diner as fast as possible.

Regina felt her anger flare and the cup in her hand shattered, along with a few more glasses in the diner as her magic released itself.

* * *

Emma plopped herself down on the bench at the docks with a sigh. She smiled to herself as she looked down at the bench, her eyes falling on the engraved initials of herself and Regina's.

She had carved their names into the bench back when they had first started dating, after all this was where everything had started in the first place. Her fingers traced over the initials before she felt the familiar tingle that hit her whenever Regina was near.

She turned in her seat and offered up a smile, but it quickly fell when she saw Regina's angry expression.

"What's wrong babe?" Emma asked as Regina sat down next to the blonde.

"My MOTHER!" Regina huffed out.

"What happened?" Emma asked, eyebrows knitting in confusion. "I saw Granny chasing her earlier and she said something about Cora appearing in her meatloaf."

"My mother has been going around pranking people, by turning herself into objects and disguising herself as other people. She's gotten me twice today."

Emma snickered a little but stopped when Regina glared at her.

"No by all means Miss Swan, laugh all you want. It's all fun and games until she gets you." Regina said haughtily.

"Awww babe, don't be like that." Emma replied, nudging Regina with her shoulder.

Regina merely groaned. She turned to look at her wife and couldn't help but melt at the adorable pout Emma was giving her.

She leaned it, her lips just about to touch Emma's when the bench fell out from under them, sending them both to the ground with a thud.

"CORA'D!" Cora yelled out with glee.

"CORA GOD DAMNIT!" Emma yelled out, hopping to her feet quickly and about to attack the woman, only to find she was gone.

"What did she do with our bench?" Regina asked from the ground, a sad look on her face.

Emma glanced at the bench next to them and let out a relieved sigh.

"She just moved it to the side. Come on let's get home where we can possibly be safe for a bit." Emma said as she helped her wife to her feet.

They walked away hand in hand and just as they disappeared Cora reappeared to move the bench back in place.

Her eyes flickered down and zeroed in on the package that Emma had dropped when she fell. She squatted down and picked it up, turning it over to read the label.

Her eyes bulged when she read the title "Pregnancy Test".

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMA TO A NEW BABY!" Cora yelled out happily before running around in a circle and magicking back to the house immediately.

* * *

"Babe let's go to Granny's before we head back. I want to talk to some of the people and see what we should do about Cora." Emma said as they walked towards the diner.

They were surprised to find that the diner was packed when they entered, filled with angry Storybrooke citizens.

"Everything okay here?" Emma piped up, her grip tightening on Regina's hand.

"You got your snicker's?" Granny asked, her eyes narrowing in on the two women.

"Snicker's?" Regina and Emma asked in unison.

"They're fine Granny, Cora can't be both of them" Ruby said.

"Or can she?" Gold asked and everyone shared a look before Granny sighed and handed Regina and Emma each a snickers bar.

"Keep that on you at all times. If you aren't sure if the person you are interacting with is Cora or not, just hold up your Snicker's and they will do the same back. If they don't have a Snicker's, they're Cora." Granny explained.

"So what's going on?" Emma asked, gesturing to the room. Her eyes landing on a very frazzled Snow who was being comforted by James, and a very frightened Hook being coddled by Belle as he rocked himself back and forth.

"Well Cora appeared to Snow as a bunny rabbit and turned into… well something that scared Snow. Books were chasing Hook, Whale thought he was about to score with Rachel Tice but it turned out to be Cora. Grumpy was about to get his drink on when his alcohol turned into Cora, Cora was my meatloaf, Cora was Ruby…" Granny trailed off, looking to her granddaughter. "What did Cora do to you?"

Ruby hesitated a moment.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Ruby said with a severe blush and everyone quickly realized they shouldn't press the issue.

"Jesus is everyone in this damn town Cora!?" Emma huffed out.

"YES!" Were the resounding answers, making Emma's eyes widen briefly.

"So many books. They just kept appearing." Hook whispered to Belle as he wiped the smeared eyeliner from underneath his eyes.

"Okay we need to have a serious talk with your mother. It is NOT okay to keep impersonating people." Emma said seriously before guiding Regina out of the diner and down the street.

They reached the house quickly and entered, immediately heading up the stairs.

"Cora we need to talk!" Emma called before she opened the door to Cora's room, stopping dead in her tracks and causing Regina to slam into her backside.

Cora's room had been completely transformed into a nursery, making Regina's eyes widen and little tears to form as she took in all the colors and designs.

"I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" Cora squealed before she rushed to the two women and embraced them.

"Mother what is all of this?" Regina asked as her mother continued to hug them.

"Why Emma is pregnant of course!" Cora said excitedly, making Regina shove her mother away from her and spin to face Emma.

"You're pregnant?" Regina asked, the waver in her voice evident as she looked to Emma.

"What? No!" Emma reassured strongly, mistaking her wife's tears as betrayal.

Regina's face fell slightly before her gaze hardened.

"Why do you think I'm pregnant?" Emma asked Cora.

"Well I saw the pregnancy test at the dock and I assumed that you and Regina finally decided to give me a magic grandbaby." Cora replied with confusion.

"The test wasn't for me! It was for Snow!" Emma replied with a huff.

"God help that child." Regina muttered, but Cora and Emma caught it, both nodding in agreement.

"I'll be downstairs." Regina said suddenly, her posture rigid as she quickly exited the room.

"So wait… you aren't pregnant?" Cora asked Emma.

The blonde merely shook her head and Cora's eyes widened and purple swirls began to form.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Cora screamed out, flinging out her hand and wrecking a dresser.

"Cora calm down!" Emma yelled, trying to calm the woman.

"I DID ALL THIS WORK TO GET READY FOR THE BABY AND YOU AREN'T FUCKING HAVING ONE!? THIS IS BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT I TELL YOU!"

"Cora stop! You're like a pissed off period that gives us horrible cramps!" Emma yelled, dodging as a stuffed animal was thrown past her head.

"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" Cora shrieked, "I WILL HAVE MY MAGIC BABY DAMNIT! MARK MY WORDS! IT WILL HAPPEN!" Cora screamed as she continued to throw things.

Emma dove from the room, slamming the door behind her before running down the stairs to find her wife.

"Regina? Regina? Where are you? Your mom has gone crazy and is tearing apart the bedroom like a nutcase all because she isn't getting a magic baby." Emma said before she rounded the corner to the study, stopping when she saw Regina sitting there, tears running down her face.

"Babe?" Emma asked worriedly, rushing to her wife and kneeling in front of her. "You're upset." She stated.

Regina scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Great observation Sherlock. Would you like a fucking medal or something?" Regina huffed out, hastily wiping her eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"You aren't pregnant. I'm not pregnant." Regina admitted softly, making Emma smile.

"You want to have a magic baby?" Emma asked with a bright smile, making Regina give a small one and nod.

"I do." Regina confirmed.

"Well… we just got married. So why don't we enjoy our time a little more before we start trying?" Emma suggested, making Regina smile brightly and give her a firm kiss.

"This makes me so happy!" Cora exclaimed, her face sticking out of the TV and making Regina and Emma shriek.

"CAN YOU NOT!?" Emma yelled at the woman. "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN DO THAT YOU WERE JUST UPSTAIRS!"

"I'm Cora dear… I am _everyone and everything._"

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please review!**


	19. The Other World

**Okay everyone, here is Chapter 19... it's definitely different than the other chapters, but I hope you all like it.**

**It will be two parts, so Chapter 20 will be picking up where 19 left off.**

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing, and if I did, Snow wouldn't have manipulated Regina.**_

**Trigger warning for light drug use.**

**I'm still upset over that.**

**Anyways, here's chapter 19**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Contains spoilers from 2x16 The Miller's Daughter... don't read if you haven't seen the episode.**

* * *

"Hey Regina…"

Silence.

"Regina…"

Silence.

"Regiinnaaaa." Cora drew out, slowly peeking up over Regina's desk.

"What mother!?" Regina snapped, finally lifting her eyes from her paperwork.

"I have a surprise for you!" Cora said happily, hopping up and smiling brightly.

Regina eyed her mother suspiciously.

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise duh. Just come follow me." Cora replied with an eye roll and some sass before quirking her finger for Regina to follow, and leading her from her study.

They made their way out to the back yard and Cora spun around on the spot, a mischievous look in her eyes.

"May I have my surprise now?" Regina asked impatiently, she had a lot of work to get done and would like to have her evening free.

"So impatient." Cora huffed, "Close your eyes."

Regina gave an eye roll before she closed her eyes, listening to her mother giggle.

She felt a shift in the air and scrunched her brows together, thinking her mother was up to something with her magic.

"Open them." Cora instructed.

Regina complied, and her eyes widened when she saw the hat spinning on the ground, the portal completely open.

"Get in loser, we're going portal jumping!" Cora cried happily before she shoved Regina through the portal.

"TAALLYYYY HOOOOOOOOO!" Cora cried happily as she jumped after Regina, the hat finally ceased it's spinning and the two women disappeared from sight.

* * *

Regina and Cora both landed with an oomph, both groaning as they stood.

"You have to be fucking kidding me mother! Portal hopping! I have a town to run I can't be-." Regina cut off her rant as she took in her backyard. "Why are we still in my backyard?"

Cora looked around and gave a groan.

"Fucking hell Jefferson!" Cora yelled, "He said this stupid hat would work."

"Well, now that my problem is solved." Regina replied with a grin before walking back into the house, her pouting mother following close behind.

"Stupid hat, taking away all my fun." Cora grumbled.

Regina and Cora made their way back into the study and Regina frowned at her desk.

Her paper work was gone.

"Where is my paperwork? It was sitting right here." Regina mumbled aloud before groaning and turning to her still pouting mother. "Put the hat down and let's go and see your girlfriend, I could use some lunch."

Cora gave a firmer pout but nodded, following Regina from the house as they walked down the streets of Storybrooke.

"THERE SHE IS!"

"GET HER!"

The two women stopped in the street, turning to look at a very fast approaching, and angry mob.

"Oh an angry mob. How lovely, I haven't seen one in so long!" Cora cried happily, clapping her hands together as they watched.

"Mother I think we should head back to the house." Regina said slowly as the mob advanced.

"Why dear? Let's join in!" Cora said happily, poofing herself a pitchfork and a torch.

"Mother put that away!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Make me!"

Regina gave her mother a death glare.

"KILL THE WICKED WOMAN CORA!" They yelled, making Cora stand straight up.

"The fuck they just say about me?"

"Mother let's go!" Regina urged, tugging on her mother's arm.

"Oh hell no! I AM NOT WICKED! DO I LOOK LIKE FUCKING ELPHABA TO YOU!?"

"She's actually quite nice mother." Regina defended before grabbing onto the woman and magicking them back into the house.

"I am not wicked." Cora repeated, pouting once more as Regina sighed.

"Why on earth would an angry mob be after you? What did you do this time?" Regian asked in a stern voice.

"I did absolutely nothing!"

"Were you going around shape shifting and yelling 'Cora'd' again?"

Cora mumbled a little, "Not enough to spur an angry mob."

"This is absurd mother! You have to stop popping up around town and freaking people out!"

Cora gave an eye roll and a bit of a huff before they heard the front door open.

"That must be Emma." Regina stated before a smile broke out across her face and she strutted from the living room to the foyer, "Honey you're home."

Regina finished but froze on the spot when she saw herself and her mother standing there.

"Is it Emma? Perhaps she won't bitch at me for my shenanig-." Cora's voice died in her throat as she stood next to Regina, taking in the appearance of the exact replicas of themselves in front of them.

"The fuck?" Cora asked as she looked at the women in front of her.

"Excuse me?" The other Cora and Regina asked in disbelief.

"The fuck is this shit? Is someone pranking us? Did someone steal my Cora'd technique?" Cora asked with a huff as she crossed her arms, "Regina what the hell is this?"

"Mother would you shut up." Regina growled out, making her mother pout, "And stop pouting! It seems I am going to have to have a serious talk with Emma when we figure this out." Regina finished.

"Who are you?" The other Regina asked, summoning a fireball in her hand, "And what are you doing in my house?"

"Excuse me? This is my house!" Regina replied, summoning an equally large fireball to her hand as the two brunette's glared daggers at each other.

"Regina who are these imposters?" The other Cora asked, head held high as she looked at the two in front of her.

"Imposters?!" Cora replied haughtily.

"Okay why don't we just calm down, I am sure there is a reasonable explanation for this." Regina stated as she looked to her mother.

Cora stood there idly, examining her nails, only stopping when she felt three pairs of eyes on her.

"Why the hell is everyone looking at me?" Cora demanded.

"Because mother you pushed me through that damned hat and now all of a sudden there are two of us." Regina replied through clenched teeth.

"Nothing happened! Jefferson said that the hat was special but apparently- ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Cora drawled out with wide eyes.

"Yes?"

"Well… I guess the hat did work… he said it would take us to a new world but… also another dimension."

"And you didn't think that was important!?" Regina demanded, eyes blazing.

"IT'S FINE REGINA GOD CALM YOUR TITS!" Cora yelled back, startling the other Regina and Cora.

"Not that I am a fan of such crude language or anything… but it does sound rather appealing coming from my mouth." The other Cora said with a smirk.

"No ideas." The other Regina warned.

"Geez I guess Regina is just as uptight in this world. Is Emma not doing her job and getting you off?" Cora asked with serious concern.

"I beg your pardon?" The other Regina demanded.

"Emma. You and Emma doing the nasty." Cora supplied with a duh expression.

"Miss Swan and I have no such relation." The other Regina defended, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Regina smirked in amusement as she watched the blush on the others face.

"Wait… what?" Cora asked seriously.

"Miss Swan and I are not together." The other Regina informed, making Cora's eyes bulge.

"Regina could I see you a sec?" Cora asked her daughter before pulling her into another room. "This is perfect."

"What?"

"This world's Regina and Emma aren't together. I sense an opportunity to expand our armada. We shall have them together in all the worlds!" Cora said excitedly before poofing on her captain's hat.

"Mother we can't manipulate things here."

"The fuck we can! I will NOT have you unhappy in any world Regina!"

"Mother stop." Regina warned, her mother was getting loud.

"I SHALL GET YOU LAID REGINA IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!" Cora declared loudly. The two brunettes's heard a cough and a gasp come from the foyer and before Regina could react Cora was walking back to the two women.

"What on earth is on my head?" The other Cora asked her daughter with concern.

"This is my captains hat." Cora replied.

"Captains hat?"

"Yes. You see I am the captain of the Swan Queen armada back in our world."

"Swan Queen armada?" The other Regina asked in confusion.

"Basically we want you and Emma together really really bad… and we got our wish."

The other Regina's eyes widened drastically.

"Miss Swan and I are together?"

"Married actually." Regina replied with a smirk.

"Married?!" The other Cora and Regina shrieked.

"Oh yeah." Cora said with a smile.

"Is um… ahhh…" The other Regina tried, her blush giving away her question.

"The sex is amazing." Regina answered with a grin.

"I can attest to that. They never know when to be quiet and they are constantly doing it-."

"Mother!"

"And they are just kinky as fuck. Seriously we need to get you and Emma together here because you clearly don't know what you are missing." Cora answered, ignoring her daughter's protests.

"So you are us from another world… And in this world Miss Swan and myself are married?" The other Regina asked.

Cora and Regina nodded, a shit eating grin on Cora's face.

"I see. And um… I am happy?" She asked, a pained expression crossing her face and making Regina frown in sympathy.

"Very much so. You're happily married and in love with an amazing woman. Henry couldn't be happier, and well… you have your mother." Regina said with a smile, as she looked to Cora.

"See I knew you were happy to have me around." Cora said with a smirk.

"Don't push it mother."

"You looovvveee meeeee."

"Mother."

"You'd miss me blowing shit up if I was gone."

"That I could do without."

"You'd miss my shenanigans."

"I could do without that as well."

"Oh shut up and get the stick out of your ass. How are you the same woman that ate pot brownies and ran around town screaming 'IT'S MAGIC BITCHES'?" Cora asked with a huff.

"I did what now?" The other Regina asked, eyebrows raised.

"Am I always like this?" The other Cora asked, gesturing to herself.

"Yes… unfortunately."

"Would you rather me be a bitch?" Cora asked her daughter with a pout.

"No mother." Regina replied with an eye roll.

"I don't understand, how am I so happy?" The other Cora asked with a confused expression.

Cora just shrugged.

"I wanted to make amends and be there for my daughter… be a family with her and Emma and Henry and yes even the two idiots."

The other Cora and Regina smirked.

"So they are idiots there as well?"

"Oh you have nooooo idea." Regina replied with a sigh.

"Do we just have Henry?" The other Regina asked, a small hopeful smile on her face.

"Yes, just Henry." Regina answered, frowning as she watched the smile fall from the others face.

"See Regina now you made yourself sad! THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE NICE THINGS!"

"Mother we do have nice things."

"Not a nice new baby!"

"Mother!"

"Nothing beats that new baby smell!"

"Seriously you wouldn't believe this shit." Cora started, speaking to her double, "I have done all this work to make sure those two are happy. I even helped Emma propose. They fuck like their lives depend on it and all I ask for is a magical baby grandchild, and they can't even give me that."

The other Cora's mouth hung open before she turned to her daughter.

"All I ask for is magical baby grandchild and you won't give me it?"

"Mother, Emma and I aren't even together!" The other Regina huffed out.

"I even turned my room into a fucking nursery for them but noooooo NO FUCKING BABY!"

"Mother!"

"IT'S BULLSHIT REGINA, BULLSHIT!"

Regina let out an exasperated sigh.

"Oh by the way we ran into a mob when we stepped outside." Regina supplied, making both of the women frown.

"That is expected. We just magick ourselves around so no one notices us." The other Cora answered.

"Why is that?" Regina asked.

The two women shared a look.

"It's a complicated matter. One that perhaps both of you can help us with?" The other Cora answered with a mischievous smirk.

"Ohhhh yes." Cora said with glee, making her double give an approving smile.

"What exactly are we helping you with?" Regina asked the two.

"We want to retrieve Rumple's dagger to control him, so Regina can get her son back." The other Cora explained.

"RUMPLE HAS MY SON!?" Regina yelled, seething some.

"This isn't good." Cora muttered.

"No it's… it's complicated." The other Regina said simply.

Regina and Cora shared a look before nodding their agreement to help.

"On one condition." Cora said, making all three look at her curiously.

"What's that?" The other Regina asked.

"We get to spend some quality time with you. I get to spend time with myself, and you two get to spend time together." Cora said.

The women all looked to each other and nodded their agreement.

"Excellent." Cora said with a grin.

* * *

"What are we doing again?" The other Cora asked, eyeing the brownie batter in confusion.

"We are making pot brownies, and you and I are going to enjoy the after effects." Cora replied as she dumped a baggy of greens into the batter. "Regina got very high off of this and ran around town amuck. It was quite hilarious."

They put the brownies in the oven and started to chitchat a little, the conversation coming back to Emma and Regina.

"So they are married and only have Henry?" C asked Cora with a smirk.

"Yes. They're quite sickening sometimes." Cora replied with a small smile, "But it's refreshing, to see Regina so happy."

C gave a frown and looked to the ground, making Cora's eyebrows crease in confusion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you all of a sudden?" Cora demanded.

"I've never even met Henry." She replied sadly.

"Oh."

"Yes."

"Well now I feel like a total ass hat."

"A what?"

"Ass hat."

"You have quite a colorful language."

"I learned from Emma."

"Is she a bad influence on Regina?"

"God no… unless it's in the bedroom. The girl can ride like a man."

"How do you-"

"I have a habit of accidentally walking in on them. Kinky bitches don't even bother locking the damn door." Cora said with a small huff.

A ding echoed in the room and Cora retrieved the brownies, setting them on the cooling rack.

"What happens after we eat them?" C asked, her eyebrows scrunching together.

"We… are going to have a great deal of fun." Cora replied with a mischievous grin.

* * *

"So… married. What is it like being in an actual marriage?" Gina asked her double, sipping her wine.

"It's wonderful. I never thought I would find happiness… but then Emma showed up and even though I despised her in the beginning. We both wanted what was best for Henry… and then realized we wanted what was best for each other, which was admitting our feelings towards one another and giving it a shot."

"It clearly worked out."

"Yes it did."

"So will you have more children?"

"I certainly want one more, so does Emma… but we are content right now and are taking it slow, despite what my mother wants."

"She is so different from mine."

"She is quite a handful, be grateful." Regina replied with a laugh. "At least you don't have to worry about your mother blowing up your property or holding ship wars."

"She seems… fun and loving though." Gina said with a sad smile.

"Is yours not?"

"She wants what is best for me but…"

"Does she have her heart?" Regina asked suddenly, watching as Gina's eyes widened and she shook her head no.

"Perhaps putting it back in will make it better. That's what mine did. And look at her now, she's like a small child, constantly demanding attention and getting herself into all sorts of trouble."

Gina gave a chuckle and took another swig of her wine.

"So… about Miss Swan…" Gina started hesitantly, making Regina smirk.

"What do you want to know?"

"In bed is she-." Regina held up a hand to stop the other woman.

"She is fantastic and I cannot tell you how many headboards I have had to buy in the past two years." Regina chuckled lightly, "Trust me, you won't be disappointed."

"Your mother called you kinky bitches."

"We are. We enjoy our slight bondage and toys… having sex in public places is also a favorite." Regina replied with a wink, making Gina blush.

"Perhaps I should try to start something with Miss Swan after all."

"Oh and when you role-play, make sure to call her Miss Swan or Sheriff Swan… She'll turn into a water slide."

Gina's eyes darkened considerably at that information. She was about to ask another question when the Cora's interrupted them, walking into the living room with eyes wide as saucers.

"Mother?" Gina asked, her voice filled with concern.

"Oh you have to be fucking kidding me." Regina groaned out, "How did you even get a hold of that?!"

"I always keep a stash on me, geez Regina. Sometimes I wonder how you are even my daughter." Cora muttered with an eye roll.

"Mother are you alright?" Gina asked.

"I feel like I could fly!" C yelped happily, looking to her counterpart with a glint in her eyes, "Can I fly? May I try flying, that seems like it would be so much fun OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT!?"

"Woah… calm yo tits." Cora said, making a pump the brakes motion with her hands.

C rushed to the side table and scooped up a magic 8 ball of Henry's. Gina frowned, realizing that she never even moved it from it's resting spot.

"What is this contraption?"

"Yes Regina what is this?" Cora asked, entranced by the ball as she sat next to her counterpart.

"It's called a magic 8 ball mother… mothers." Regina corrected, looking to her counterpart and shrugging before looking back to the two older women.

"What do you do?" C asked, eyes wide.

"You ask it a question, shake it, and it will answer you with the die." Gina replied.

"Will I get Rumple's dagger?" C asked with glee as she shook the ball furiously.

Both women sat and waited as the die rolled, finally stopping.

_Yes._

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WIN!" C cried happily, tossing the ball into the air and Cora scrambling to catch it and landing with an oomph.

"I never realized how much I resembled Yzma." Cora muttered, making C look at her curiously. "Henry made me watch the Emperor's New Groove with him and there is a part in there with the hahaha I win and will you STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I HAVE FIVE HEADS GOD WOMAN I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE THE SAME DAMN PERSON!"

"What else is from this movie?" C asked, eyes wide and curious. She was clearly still on her high.

"I assume Regina wants revenge on Snow White in this world?" Cora asked, after receiving a nod from C she continued, "Okay let's see, and allow me to rephrase this for your situation. I will take her heart and put that heart in a box and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I shall mail that box to Regina and when it arrives Regina will SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!"

Regina chuckled a little at her mother's rant, as did Gina… but the other Cora sat just as confused.

"I don't understand."

"Oh fuck this I'm done. Gimme that 8 ball." Cora demanded, snatching it from her counterpart's hands, "Will Ruby and I have hot sex when I get back?"

"Wait… what?" Gina asked, eyes wide.

"Oh yes, um, mother has a girlfriend. She's dating Ruby."

Gina visibly paled a little at that information.

"Ruby? As in the young waitress from that diner?" C asked.

"That's the one, smoking hot piece of ass." Cora answered.

"And I landed that?"

"MOTHER!" Gina yelled.

"What?! YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE GONE WITHOUT SEX REGINA!? TOO LONG!" C yelled, making Cora beam at the similarities that came out when she was high.

"I can help you land her if you want." Cora said with a wink, "I know what she likes."

C looked at her for a moment before nodding giddly.

Cora glanced down at the ball and frowned.

"Oh great, just fucking great."

"What's wrong?" All three asked.

"It says, _not a chance_… Ruby only ever turns down sex from me when I have done something that she doesn't like… Fuck this shit." Cora pouted before magicking the ball away, "Any who… If I can't get any, you certainly will be!" Cora smirked before magicking her and her counterpart away.

"Should we be worried?" Gina asked.

"Oh yes."

* * *

"Okay there she is."

"You realize that people hate me in this town correct?"

"Yes I am well aware, god… fun sucker."

"I am no such thing."

"Yeah you are, now shut the fuck up and listen here, magick yourself into your younger self and go in there and seduce her. Got it?"

"Seduce her as my younger self?"

"It's a turn on for her and she won't know it is you. Trust me here."

"I suppose I have nothing to lose."

"You don't, now go in there and seduce her."

"What do I even say?"

"God have you fucked ANYONE?!"

"It's been over 28 years…"

"Oh sweet god."

"Yes it's rather frightening isn't it?"

"You at least take care of yourself right?"

"I haven't had time. All of this revenge planning has been taxing. Not to mention that I have had to deal with that insufferable Snow White and Regina's enchanted box."

"Enchanted box? You mean the TV?"

"No."

"Microwave?"

"No."

"Grill?"

"No."

"Computer?"

"What are you even saying? This isn't even English that you are speaking to me."

"And I thought I was bad when I first got here."

"What is that supposed to mean!?"

"It means you're fucking dumb!"

"How dare you!"

"I AM TRYING TO GET YOU SOME ASS AND YOU ARE ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT ENCHANTED BOXES!"

"… I would like to get in Ruby's enchanted box."

"Yeah you did."

"I feel like this… high you said about is slipping."

"Here have another brownie."

"THAT WAS MY FACE!"

"Well it isn't my fault your reflexes suck at catching things!"

"Oh you know what-!?"

"Oh shut up and save your mouths energy. You'll need it when you're fucking your woman. Now transform and go and get her!"

"UGH FINE! But I don't see why you felt the need for us to hide in this dark alleyway, I can't see a shitting thing."

"There you go, let the curse words flow."

"Okay I'm done."

"If you need any help… Tell her you have a twin sister. I can help."

"Can't you just come with me now then?"

"Fine fine. Let's go get some Ruby ass."

* * *

"They've been gone for awhile." Gina said pointedly.

"Don't worry I am sure my mother is taking care of herself." Regina replied with a smile.

They heard a thump come from upstairs suddenly and both sprang to their feet, fireballs springing to their hands as they ran up the stairs, stopping outside of the guest room.

They gave a firm nod to each other before opening the door and running inside, stopping suddenly as they looked at three nude forms.

"What. The. Fuck." Regina said slowly, making the women stop and look at the two women at the foot of the bed.

"Hello dear!" Cora said happily, quickly casting a knock out curse on Ruby so she wouldn't see the two Regina's.

"Could you please put some clothing on your bodies?" Regina asked nicely.

"I have no words." Gina muttered as she looked back and forth between the young forms of her mothers, the other Cora not subtly wiping her mouth and chin as she sat up.

"You missed a spot." Regina pointed out, tapping to the woman's cheek.

The other Cora blushed and wiped her mouth once more.

"You are always interrupting my fun!" Cora huffed, sitting back on the bed, a robe now on her and her counterpart's bodies.

"Fun does not include bringing home Ruby and fucking her in my-her-our home!" Regina seethed.

"Listen, I haven't been laid in 28 years!" Cora yelled at her daughter, gesturing to her counterpart, "My vagina might as well have a sign dangling from it that says 'sorry we're closed for renovations!'"

"It's inappropriate!"

"Yeah well if it's civilized you're doing it wrong!"

"I would know nothing about that."

"Of course you wouldn't you fucking kinky bitch!"

"I think I am scarred for life." Gina muttered as she watched the scene unfold.

"IT WAS ONE TIME MOTHER!"

"I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE YOU WITH A BALL GAG IN YOUR MOUTH AND GETTING POUNDED FROM BEHIND LIKE FRESH BEEF AT THE BUTCHER!"

"IT WAS EMMA'S IDEA!"

"WELL SHE'S A KINKY BITCH TOO! YOU'RE ALL KINKY BITCHES!"

"SAYS THE WOMAN WHO IS FUCKING A WEREWOLF, 'OH YES RUBY DIG YOUR CLAWS INTO ME' IS NOT SOMETHING I NEED TO HEAR BEFORE GOING TO BED AT NIGHT!"

"I LIKE IT A LITTLE ROUGH REGINA!"

"WELL I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!"

The two women stopped their yelling, both breathing heavily before Regina rubbed her temples and dragged her counterpart from the room.

"Let's get you some wine." Regina said as they left.

"Round one goes to us." C said with a grin before they waved their hands and un-cursed Ruby.

"Now dear. Where were we?" Cora purred before locking the brunette's lips in a kiss.

"Mother we need to go now." Gina said frantically, startling the three women who were seated at the kitchen table talking.

* * *

"What's wrong dear?" C asked worriedly at seeing her daughter so frazzled.

"They're back, Emma, Henry, and the two idiots. We need to go now to get the dagger. They're holed up in Gold's shop!"

"Let's go ladies." C requested, all of them magicking themselves in front of the shop. "You two stay out of sight, we will handle this for the moment."

Regina and Cora nodded and stepped out of the way, concerned at where this was heading.

Once their counterparts removed the spell surrounding the shop, their bodies entered and disappeared. A great deal of commotion was heard in the shop and Regina and Cora both winced a little at a sharp pain they felt.

Before they knew it, a very frazzled Gina was running from the shop at full speed, magicking herself halfway.

"What the hell?" Regina muttered before she gestured her mother to follow her into the shop.

The place was a mess, glass was broken everywhere and the other Cora was nowhere in sight.

They heard some commotion from the back and followed the noise. They entered the room and observed Rumple lying on the bed, eyeing the other Cora with a tinge of fear.

"Who are they?" Rumple asked through a shallow breath.

"Little mishap with a portal hat, apparently inter-dimensional travel is possible." C said with a shrug as the other two moved to a nearby corner.

"Did you ever love me at all?" Rumple asked, his voice pained and sad.

Regina's eyes widened and she quickly looked to Cora.

"Look… it was a long time ago and he taught me how to spin straw into gold and we might have shared a ghost moment and dirty talked over revenge and had really hot sex but…" Cora trailed off, her eyes glazing over some.

"Mother ew no." Regina muttered with a groan.

"I can't help it dear. He was quite the beast in bed."

"Please stop."

"Oh Rumple… you were the only man I ever truly loved, why do you think I had to rip my own heart out?" The other Cora answered sadly.

"THAT'S why you ripped your heart out?"

"Look I was in love, the fuck you want me to do about it? Judgey much!?" Cora replied with a huff.

They're eyes turned back just in time to watch the other Cora raise the dagger.

"Oh fuck." Cora muttered, prepared to intervene when Gina came from nowhere and shoved a heart into the other's Cora's back, to her chest cavity.

She backed away a little bit and waited as her mother clutched her chest.

"Mother?" Gina asked, her voice hopeful and her eyes brimming with tears.

"Oh fuck Imma cry." Cora mumbled, waving her hand in her face.

The other Cora opened her eyes and let out a dazzling smile as she looked to her daughter.

It was as if years of put down emotions fled through her all at once, but the one that stood out the most, was love. Gina's eyes flooded with tears as they looked at each other.

"Oh god this is sweet."

"I need a camera."

"I'm so happy for myself."

"I'm so happy for you too dear you really, why the fuck am I clutching my chest?!"

The other Cora clutched her chest and looked to the wound that was fast appearing on the other side, blood beginning to ooze.

"Regina what is happening… what the actual fucking fuck is happening oh dear god no." Cora said frantically as she watched Gina rush to the other Cora's side and grabBED her, gently easing her to the ground.

"Mother? Mother what's wrong?" Gina begged frantically.

"This… would've been enough. You… would've been enough." Cora breathed out, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Mother? Mother!? Don't leave me please." Gina cried out, begging, "What am I going to do?"

"I think my heart just broke." Regina whispered sadly, looking to her shell-shocked mother.

"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT REGINA FUCKING BULLSHIT! NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE FUCKING KILLS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! I WILL FIND WHO DID IT AND I WILL CORA'D THEIR ASS INTO THE NEXT MILLENIA! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SORT OF FUCKERY!" Cora screamed out, in an obvious rage.

"Mother please." Regina begged, grabbing her flailing mother's arms.

Gina still cradled her mother in her arms, crying.

"Well… that was unfortunate." Rumple said with a smile as he stood, completely healed.

"SHUT UP!" Gina screamed, holding her mother closer.

"I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD IN BED YOU WERE! I WILL CHOP OFF YOUR DICK AND FEED IT TO A CHIMERA!" Cora yelled, still struggling against her daughter.

"It appears you still have a mother Regina." Rumple said with a smirk as he looked at the broken woman.

"Regina stop-!" Snow said as she ran into the room, before halting, her eyes drifting down to look at Regina cradling a lifeless Cora.

"You… YOU DID THIS!" Regina screamed.

"OH FUCK NO WHITE CHOCOLATE! YOU DID NOT FUCKING KILL ME!" Cora screamed, "Let me go Regina!"

"NO CALM DOWN MOTHER!"

"Who are they?" Snow asked worriedly.

"I WILL KILL EVERY WOODLAND CREATURE YOU LOVE! EVERY LAST ONE WHITE CHOCOLATE! YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF MY CLIQUE!"

"White chocolate?" Snow asked in confusion to her husband.

"Mother we need to go." Regina urged before looking down to her broken self, still cradling the body in her arms.

"NO REGINA THIS IS BULLSHIT! SHE JUST GOT ME BACK YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Cora screamed, tears forming in her eyes.

She slumped back against Regina and allowed her daughter to hold her.

"She just got me back." Cora mumbled brokenly before Regina watched her mother magick herself out of her arms.

She stood and walked over to Gina, crouching down.

"Put her in the vault and have a proper service." Regina whispered to her counterpart who nodded sadly. "We will check in on you."

"Thank you." Gina replied, her voice hard and filled with hatred as she eyed Snow.

"Rip her heart out." Regina replied before shooting a glare at Snow and disappearing.

* * *

"Mother are you alright?" Regina asked Cora, who was sitting in the backyard holding the hat.

"No I am not alright. I feel as if I am dying… even though I quite literally died." Cora muttered angrily.

"This isn't our world. Things are different here."

"Yeah well this world is stupid."

"Mother."

"It is Regina it is STUPID! STUPID! YOU AND EMMA AREN'T TOGETHER, THERE IS NO ARMADA, AND NOW THERE IS NO CAPTAIN FOR THE NON-EXISTENT ARMADA BECAUSE I AM FUCKING DEAD!"

"I understand you are upset!"

"No you don't!" Cora said forcefully with a pout. "I am going to have words with Jefferson for bringing me to this horrid place. And I am shunning Snow from the family."

"Mother you can't-."

"And I am killing all of her little woodland friends."

"Mother."

"With fire. I shall kill them with fire." Cora finished standing and tossing the hat to open the portal.

"Now what?" Regina asked as they watched it grow.

"Now… we go home and I do what I wish to do… Don't worry dear. I will have my revenge."

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you all thought of this chapter. As I said above, it will be two parts. I will try and work on chapter 20 as soon as I can. I am still in mourning though over the loss of Cora... so we will see.**

**Chapter 21 will be picking up where Chapter 1 left off.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**


	20. Operation Swan Queen

**Happy Once Day everyone.**

**Chapter 20 for all of you. Hope you all Enjoy.**

**This is a pretty long one for everyone. Next chapter we will pick up where Chapter 1 left off.**

**Lots of Swan Queen in this one.**

**This chapter may cause some laughs but feels as well. **

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

"Mother can you not!" Regina yelled angrily at the retreating form of her mother.

They had just arrived back in their universe and Cora was already going on a rampage, sending Regina's garden gnomes flying in different directions with her magic out of anger.

"I AM GOING TO KILL WHITE CHOCOLATE!"

"Mother no!" Regina yelled before pouncing, landing on her mother and pinning her to the ground, "Emma will hate you if you do that. I can't let you!"

"Regina she killed me!" Cora defended.

"No, she killed an alternate version of you."

"Can I at least kill the woodland creatures?"

"No mother. Perhaps just… speak with them and get them to attack her?" Regina suggested, hoping her mother would agree to it.

"I shall consider it." Cora mumbled. Regina stood, finally releasing her mother and helping her to her feet, "Yeah right!"

Cora shouted out before turning and taking off, blue swirls surrounding her before she disappeared.

"DAMNIT MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, causing Emma to run from the house and tackle the brunette.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" Emma demanded, tightening her hold on the woman beneath her.

"Emma!" Regina yelped when she came to her senses, beaming up at the blonde above her.

"YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR THREE DAYS!? I WAS WORRIED SICK!" Emma yelled, tears springing to her eyes as she recalled the days worrying about Regina… and yes even Cora.

"My mother decided to take me portal hopping. We landed in an alternate universe of this one and… well things didn't go well." Regina explained, wiping Emma's tears away with her thumb.

"What happened?" Emma asked, making Regina sigh as she looked at the blonde, she then began telling the tale.

* * *

"Emma I'm here for dinner!" Snow called happily as she entered the mansion. Emma had called earlier and told her that Regina and Cora had finally been found and that they had just been portal hopping and the time in dimensions was different. They had also invited the younger brunette over for dinner, making it a girl's night essentially since Charming was working at the station and Henry had a play date with Grace.

Snow walked through the foyer, happy that her family was back together, a smile on her face.

The smile quickly fell though as she realized no one was in the dining room or kitchen. She gave a shrug and continued to the back porch, it was a warm night after all and perhaps the family was having a cook out.

She stepped through the doors and smile as she took in the three women, her smile faltering though as she looked at them sitting and staring at her.

"Regina, Cora. It's good to see you both again, we were all worried sick!" Snow said with relief.

Cora scoffed and crossed her arms, looking like a little petulant child.

"Mom we need to talk." Emma said seriously as she gestured to the chair in front of them. Snow tentatively took a seat.

"What's going on?" Snow asked.

"This is ridiculous." Regina muttered, lounging back in her own chair.

"It is NOT ridiculous Regina!" Cora yelled out, startling Snow.

"Mother. IT. WASN'T. ACTUALLY. YOU!" Regina stated pointedly.

"WHITE CHOCOLATE MURDERED YOUR MOTHER'S ASS AND YOU ARE OKAY WITH THAT?!"

"I didn't say I was okay with it mother! But it wasn't THIS White Chocolate!" Regina huffed, gesturing to the confused brunette.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU SASSGINA MILLS!"

"Okay just everyone calm the fuck down!" Emma yelled, holding up her hands to both women, "We can discuss this like reasonable adults."

Regina gave a nod of approval as Cora huffed.

"Mom… We need to talk to you about something…"

"Is this about the woodland creatures anonymous meeting that I went to because I swear it was only the one time and I missed them so much and therapy has been really hard and-."

"WOAH! Hold the fuck up." Emma demanded.

"There's a woodland creatures anonymous meeting?" Cora asked in confusion.

Snow squirmed a little before nodding.

"Yes, they hold it once a month and the creatures all gather to discuss their problems and problems concerning them as a community."

"Why is it anonymous?" Regina asked, taking an interest in this turn of conversation.

"Well… the town dogs and cats aren't invited to it because they aren't woodland creatures. They had a big falling out and things are a little tense." Snow explained as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Emma and Cora's mouths were both open, eyes wide as they stared at the woman.

"You… are such an idiot." Cora said after she came to her senses.

"I care about the-."

"I don't care what you care about White Chocolate! I care about the fact that you fucking murdered me!" Cora yelled before lunging at Snow, only to be stopped by Emma grabbing her by the waist.

"Can someone explain to me why Cora is acting this way?" Snow asked, her eyes wide with fear.

"No talking Snow." Cora snapped before she turned around and gave a shrill whistle.

A low rumple echoed on the ground, the sound of tiny paws growing closer and closer to the women, eventually stopping behind Cora as a hundred beady eyes looked at the young brunette.

"Snow… You remember your woodland friends." Cora said with an eerie smile before turning to the creatures, "Squeak squeak squeak squeakin, squeakers."

The woodland creatures all twitched.

"Snow you have a thirty second head start. I suggest you run." Cora said with a smirk.

Snow didn't have to be told twice, she bolted from her seat, only making it to the edge of the property before the woodland creatures chased after her.

"Where did you learn to speak Woodland Creature?" Regina asked in amazement.

"Henry accumulated a little translator book from some of the Lost Boys. I learned what I needed to know, and now I can communicate with Snow's following."

"Snow's following?" Emma asked.

"Mother I think that was a little cruel." Regina stated with a frown.

"Yeah well, so was manipulating my daughter into shoving a cursed fucking heart into my body. But you don't see Snow getting any flack for it now do ya."

* * *

Jefferson sat outside his home, basking in the early morning sun. Grace had another play date with Henry today, leaving the house to himself to do whatever he pleased.

He was surprised to hear that Cora and Regina had returned so quickly, he thought that they would have remained in which ever universe they went to, a little longer. Perhaps it just wasn't to their liking after all.

He gave a contented sigh, not hearing the footsteps that approached.

Suddenly he found himself laying half way across his own lawn, confused blinking eyes looking to the figure that approached.

"Come here mother fucker." Cora demanded, pulling him towards her with magic.

"Cora, glad to see you're back, why are you manhandling me?"

"I thought we were supposed to go to a happy land!" Cora yelled, making Jefferson wince.

"You didn't have fun?"

"Oh yeah, because dying was a fucking blast." Cora grumbled before dropping the man. Jefferson's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry Cora, our world is just so happy that I thought it would be like this everywhere else too."

"Well newsflash, it isn't and it sucks." Cora said with a pout.

"So what are you here for then?"

"Well… We left the other world's Regina all alone in that awful place… Can you believe her and Emma aren't together there?"

Jefferson let out an inhuman shriek.

"RIGHT!? THAT WAS MY REACTION TOO!" Cora yelled, her arms flailing.

"So what do you propose Captain? This could be a ripe opportunity for the armada to expand." Jefferson said seriously.

"That's why I like you Jefferson, always thinking." Cora said with a smirk.

"What can I do to help?"

"Well for one, I am going to need to people that won't be… well missed here, to accompany me."

"I can find them for you."

"I'm also going to need some of that tea of yours."

* * *

Cora peeked around the corner of the convent, her eyes narrowing in on Rachel Tice, sitting in the backyard by herself. Completely unsuspecting.

Cora gave a smirk before her blue magic engulfed her, transforming her into Nova.

"Hello Blue." Corsa said, her voice happy as she approached the now smiling woman.

"Nova. I thought you were off with Leroy?"

"I was but he had to get back to work with the dwarves. I have something for you." Cora said, wanting to get this over quickly.

"What is that?"

"This new kind of tea. I thought you might like it." Cora said with a smile as she held out the cup.

Blue gave her a smile and took the cup, gingerly bringing it to her lips and taking a swig.

"It's quite good." Blue commented.

"Oh yes. Jefferson makes the best." Cora said with a smirk, watching as Blue's eyes widened.

"YOU CAN'T DRINK JEFFERSON'S TEA!" Blue shrieked as the blue cloud of smoke engulfed Cora, returning her to her normal appearance.

"Hello Rachel." Cora said with a smile.

"YOU OLD HAG!"

"ASS GOBLIN!"

"NO GOOD TALLEY WAGGER!"

"BLACK TOOTHED JEZEBEL!" Cora yelled back, smirking in triumph when Blue started to sway on her feet.

"Sweet dreams." Cora said with a smirk before lightly blowing on Blue and watching the woman hit the ground with a thud. Cora gave a whistle while she worked, transporting Blue to Jefferson's property before setting off to find her number two.

* * *

"Alright Jefferson. I'm ready." Cora stated, dragging the two body bags behind her.

"Who's in the bags?"

"Rachel Tice and well… I'm not sure who is in the second. Some homeless man. It's not important." Cora said dismissively.

"How long will you be gone for?"

"It's debatable. But I will try and hurry back before Regina or Emma become suspicious." Cora said seriously before grabbing another bag of the tea leaves that Jefferson had waiting for her.

"Good luck Captain." Jefferson sad seriously before saluting the woman.

Cora gave a nod and returned the salute as the hat began to spin.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Cora cried out.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN CAPTAIN!" Jefferson yelled back over the wind.

Cora pulled the goggles down over her eyes and tossed the first body through.

"Adios Rachel!" Cora yelled as she tossed the second. "Hat trip bitches!"

Cora leaped into the portal and with a pop the hat and Cora disappeared, leaving Jefferson standing in his back yard alone.

"Regina and Emma are gonna be pissed." Jefferson mumbled to himself as he pulled up a chair and began the wait.

* * *

Cora peeked around the corner of a building, making sure that no one was around to spot her. She had stashed the two bodies in the basement of an abandoned house and made sure to cast a knock out curse on them until she could return.

"I need to find Regina." Cora mumbled to herself as she continued to move alongside the building.

"Da do, da do, da do da do da do, da da da DOOOOO, BADADA DAAAAAAA." Cora sang as she crept, the Pink Panther theme playing over and over in her mind.

An idea struck her and she quickly transported herself to Regina's family mausoleum. She hoped that the woman would be there, unsure of how much time had passed since they left.

Cora entered the vault and descended the stairs. She looked around, unsure of which room to check first, instead she settled on the more logical thing.

"REGINA ARE YOU HERE?!" Cora yelled as loud as she could, and patiently waited. About two seconds after she yelled she heard a thud and the sound of frantic steps.

A frazzled Regina rounded the corner, tears in her eyes as she looked at the woman before her.

"Mother?" Regina asked, a choked sob going with it.

"Sort of." Cora said sheepishly, recognition crossed Regina's features and she shifted uncomfortably at her desperation. "Do I not get a hug?"

Regina softened at Cora's words and stepped forward, allowing the older woman to embrace her.

"Shhh there there dear, it's all going to be okay." Cora said seriously as she rubbed soothing circles on the woman's back as she cried.

"I can't keep doing this." Regina muttered brokenly, making Cora's heart ache.

Cora merely nodded, already knowing what the woman was referring too.

"Then don't."

"What?" Regina asked, pulling back slightly.

"Take a vacation."

Regina let out a forced laugh.

"A vacation?"

"Uh huh." Cora said happily, nodding vigorously.

"I can't… I have to avenge you."

"You mean you haven't done that already?" Cora asked, a little disgust in her voice.

"If… If I would ever want a chance with Miss Swan I can't kill her mother." Regina admitted with a blush, making Cora beam.

"OH HALLELUJIAH!" Cora cried happily before doing a little happy dance. "This is perfect!"

"What is?"

"I am going to play Cupid and get you too lovebirds together."

"Mother I don't think you can play Cupid."

"I can too! Cupid taught me a lot."

"You knew Cupid?"

"Well… if fucking Cupid counts for anything then yeah."

Regina paled immediately.

"I did not wish to know that."

"Yeah well now you do, stop being such a prude and be that kinky bitch I know!" Cora said proudly, patting Regina's shoulder.

"What do you propose we do? Everyone in this town hates me… including Miss Swan." Regina mumbled sadly.

Cora just gave a bright smile before she magicked a cup of tea from thin air and handed it to Regina.

"Drink this and we will work on that plan, this will make you feel better."

Regina nodded and took the drink, not bothering to question the woman as she took a sip.

Cora gave a sly smile when Regina began to sway on her feet a little, resulting in Cora catching her and setting the passed out Regina, down gently.

"Well this is going nicely." Cora said to herself before she made the woman comfortable.

She moved her to a nearby lounge chair and stepped back.

"Now to find Emma."

* * *

Cora peeked around the corner of the Sheriff's station, seeing Emma's yellow bug sitting in the normal parking spot, and gave a smirk.

Now she just had to see if she was alone or not. Cora crept to a nearby back window and peered through, just making out four figures. She assumed it was Emma, Charming, and Snow but was unsure of who the other man was, all discussing what to do about Regina.

She cracked the window open and listened in.

"We have to kill her." Charming stated firmly.

"I agree, who knows what kind of damage she can do." Snow said seriously.

"I agree with your parents Em." Neal said firmly.

"This is Henry's other mother we are talking about here. I agree that Regina is a threat but we can't just kill her!" Emma defended.

"Emma she took my heart!" Snow cried out.

Cora's eyes widened in surprise and gave a smirk.

"Serves you right you woodland creature loving, pixie haired, murdering trollop." Cora said aloud, quickly slapping her hand over her mouth.

"Did you hear something?" David asked, turning around and looking around the station.

"Leave it." Emma said seriously, "We can't kill Regina, I know she has your heart but if she wanted you dead she would've done it by now…. Something gave her pause."

"Like what? Mourning for her mother's death?" Neal asked.

"Possibly." Emma mumbled, a pang of sadness crossing her face.

"Henry isn't safe with her." Neal said.

"Henry is all Regina wants Neal." Emma countered.

"Well I am his father, I should have a say in this."

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Cora screeched out, quickly ducking behind the nearest garbage can just in time before the window was flung completely open.

"I swear I heard it too." Neal commented as he looked around.

Cora sat hunched against the can, her hand covering her mouth as she waited, silently fuming.

If Neal and Emma were together in this world… Well she would have to break them up and call in the armada and wage another ship war. This one would be for real though.

Once Neal disappeared from sight Cora went back to the window.

"We should go and get Henry… We can continue this later." Snow said as she gestured for her husband and Neal to follow, "We'll see you at home Emma."

Emma nodded and sat down in her seat with a sigh.

Cora watched them leave before magicking inside the building.

"Emma?" Cora asked tentatively, just as her cloud of smoke disappeared.

Emma's head shot up and she looked at Cora with wide eyes, quickly standing and pulling her gun from her holster and pointed it at the woman.

"SWEET MARY MARGARET PUT THAT FUCKING THING DOWN JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Cora yelled out, hands flailing as she tried to cover her eyes.

Emma stared at the woman in disbelief and slowly lowered the gun.

"You're dead."

"Well… myself from this realm yes." Cora muttered, regaining her composure and earning a confused look from Emma.

"What do you mean, from this realm?"

"I'm not from this world, not even this dimension." Cora explained before she sat herself down in front of the confused blonde.

"So… you aren't the Cora we dealt with before?"

"Correct."

"Okay…" Emma drawled out as she sat, "What're you doing here then?"

"I came to take Regina back with me." Cora answered, making Emma's eyes widen.

"What?"

"You heard Savior."

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't I? Your lovely family has taken everything from her and I think she might be happier in my world."

"Why is that?"

"Because her alternate self is actually happy there and I thought she could try to be as well. She could actually spend time with a son that loves her… and get to see how her alternate self interacts with her love." Cora replied smoothly, eyeing her nails as if the whole situation wasn't really worth her time.

Cora chanced a glance and looked at Emma, a smirk on her face when she saw the tendrils of jealousy in Emma's eyes.

"Who's her love?" Emma asked, her voice a little tight. Cora could practically see the jealousy oozing.

"What do you care? You and your family took everything from her. I merely came to inform you so you wouldn't be shocked when she just disappeared." Cora answered before standing and walking from the room, making Emma run after her.

"Wait!" Emma called, making Cora pause.

"Yes?" Cora asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Can I come with you to say goodbye?" Emma asked, shifting on her feet a little.

Cora kept her back to Emma and gave a big smile.

"Of course dear." Cora replied smoothly, "Would you like some tea? It's from our world and it is just delicious!"

Cora magicked a cup to her hands and held it out to Emma with a warm smile.

Emma felt herself returning the smile, this woman was the polar opposite of the other Cora and she felt… well safe with her.

Emma accepted the drink and took a swig. After a moment her eyebrows creased in confusion and she looked to Cora questioningly before collapsing.

"Aren't they teaching people to NOT take things from strangers anymore? What the fuck kind of world is this?" Cora asked aloud before she magicked Emma and her to the vault.

She smiled as she looked at the two passed out women and gave the hat a spin, grasping both of them she jumped through.

* * *

"Emma what on earth did you do with my-!" Regina trailed off, her eyes fixated on the two tied and gagged women sitting in her living room, her mother standing nearby with a bright childish smile.

"Babe, just because something goes missing doesn't mean that it was me!" Emma huffed, walking into the room and stopping dead when she saw what Regina was staring at.

The other Emma's eyes widened as they stared at each other.

"Mother… WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Regina screeched as she rushed to untie herself and Emma.

"I thought they would like it here better."

"SO YOU KIDNAPPED THEM!? AND GAGGED THEM!?" Regina yelled out, ripping away the gag from them both.

"They wouldn't stop bickering, I had to shut them up somehow. And yes I kidnapped them, if that's how you see it." Cora replied with a shrug.

"You could have just asked!" Gina yelled once she was free.

"You would have said yes?" Cora asked surprised.

"Why wouldn't I? I had nothing for me in that other world." Gina said sadly.

"Regina." The other Emma stated sadly, standing from the chair.

"Yes Miss Swan?" Gina asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You have Henry."

"No I do not. YOU and the three idiots have Henry. I have NO ONE. Why wouldn't I wish to go somewhere else where I have the potential to be happy and not have it ripped away from me?" Gina demanded, tears springing to her eyes.

"Why don't you go and rest." Regina suggested, leading her double away from the scene.

"Cora could you give us a minute?" Emma asked her mother-in-law.

"Am I in trouble?" Cora asked with a pout.

"Oh yeah."

"Does… does this mean no more trampoline?" Cora asked sadly.

"Yes."

"THIS IS BULLSHIT AND SO UNFAIR. YOU TRY AND DO A GOOD THING BUT NOOO BAD CORA BAD. NO ONE APPRECIATES ME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD." Cora fumed before leaving to go to Ruby's.

Emma turned to look at her double and gave a small smile.

"I am so sorry she kidnapped you guys and brought you here." Emma said seriously.

Swan merely looked at her and shrugged.

"It can't be too bad here can it?" She replied with a smirk, "So… You and Regina huh."

"Yeah." Emma replied with a bright smile.

"And… she's happy?"

"Oh yeah… Well aside from the shit that Cora pulls anyways." Emma said with a laugh.

"How long have you guys been dating?" Swan asked with a blush.

Emma gave her a confused look before smirking and holding up her left hand, on which her wedding band sat.

Swan's eyes bulged and a blush rushed to her face.

"Married actually."

"And… it's going good?"

"It's going great. We're really happy. You should give it a try." Emma suggested with a shrug.

"I'm not good at relationships."

"Well trust me. This one, you're definitely good at." Emma said firmly. She gave a small smile when she felt Regina enter the room.

"The best actually." Regina said with a smirk before walking to Emma and placing a light kiss on her lips, "Hungry dear?"

"Oh god yes. Grilled cheese please?" Emma asked with a pout, making Regina laugh.

"Of course." Regina turned to Swan and smiled, "I assume you want the same?"

Swan nodded and watched as the brunette sauntered off to the kitchen, her eyes drifting to her ass.

"Trust me, It looks just as great without the clothes." Emma said with a wink before following her wife.

* * *

Gina lay curled up on the bed that Regina sat her down on. She knew the room well; it was the same room she had offered up to her mother back in her world, even though the Cora of this world was a little closer to Regina and Emma's bedroom.

She gave a sigh and wiped at her tears. She was now in a completely strange yet similar world, and she saw how happy she could be… But Emma would have to fill that hole and she doubted the blonde would want that job.

She heard the door open with a soft click, just assuming it to be her counterpart and wasn't surprised when she smelled food and felt the bed dip a little.

"Hey."

Gina flipped over like a cat in sheer surprise when she heard Emma's voice. For a moment she was unsure if it was her world's Emma or the other, but she quickly realized it was her own. Her breathing slowed as she looked at the blonde.

"What do you want Miss Swan?" Gina asked, a mask of sadness overcoming her face.

"I brought you some food." Swan replied, holding up the plate of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Gina quirked an eyebrow and Swan chuckled.

"Trust me, your other self said you will love it, she makes hers differently for herself." She explained as she held the food to Gina's mouth, urging her to take a bite.

Gina blushed at the fact that Miss Swan was holding it out to feed her, regardless she took a bite and her eyes widened in surprise when she tasted the hot sauce on her tongue, immediately making her enjoy it all the more.

"It's quite good." Gina commented, taking the plate from Swan and beginning to eat.

"I guess you know what you like best." She commented, blushing at how that could be taken and making Gina pause mid bite.

"I suppose so." Gina replied awkwardly before she cleared her throat, "I imagine that you will be going back soon?"

She looked at Gina in confusion for a moment.

"Not until I convince you to go back with me."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Well, for one Henry is gonna need both of his moms. And… well… I'm going to need you too." She admitted softly, making Gina's eyes widen.

"You? Need me?"

"I would like, to maybe attempt to see if we could have what they have." She said softly.

"What about Neal, shouldn't you be playing happy family with him?" Gina asked, her face becoming hard.

"No. Neal was nothing more than a sperm donor who left me pregnant and in jail. If there's anyone that I could play happy family with, it would be you." Swan said honestly.

Gina was speechless for a moment before she gave a nod of agreement, both oblivious to the pair of eyes watching them.

"Okay ease me down." Cora commanded.

"You know, this is sort of hard when YOU ONLY HAVE ONE HAND!"

"Oh shut the hell up, don't be such a drama queen Hook."

"NOW LISTEN HERE LASSIE!"

"SHUT UP YOU FOOL! THEY WILL HEAR US!" Cora yelled, swatting at Hook with her foot. They were currently hanging on to the fence against the house for the tree vines that grew up alongside the house.

Cora was balanced on Hook's shoulders as he held balance on the fence for her to stand and peer into the window.

"Swat at me again and I will drop you right on your ass!" Hook yelled as their balance started to shift.

"THAT'S IT! IT IS ON LIKE DONKY KONG!" Cora yelled before swatting at Hook with her foot once more and causing him to drop them both to the ground.

"BRING IT ON YOU OLD BAT!"

"YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT YOU SMELLY PIRATE!" Cora yelled before diving on Hook and wrestling him to the ground, causing a large commotion outside of the house. They rolled on the ground until they reached the back yard.

Both were oblivious to the four women standing their awestruck by what was happening.

"Are they always like this?" Gina asked, pointing to the two.

"Yes, for the most part." Regina replied with a smirk, watching out of the corner of her eye as the other Emma slipped her hand with Gina's.

"I WILL HAVE YOUR HOOK FOR THIS!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

"SAYS THE MAN THAT GETS BESTED BY INANIMATE OBJECTS!" Cora yelled, springing off Hook and taking a karate pose.

Hook let out a girly gasp.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"NO! AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING ELSE?!" Cora paused and a smirk graced her face. "I never liked your spinach puffs!"

The noise that left Hook's lips sounded like a cross between a dying cat and a pterodactyl.

"But but… I thought.."

"Well you thought wrong."

"Why would you lie to me about them?"

"Hook… you're a pirate… you don't cook. I didn't want to completely squash your dream."

"Well you just did." Hook replied as his bottom lip quivered.

"Yes well, PIRATES SHOULDN'T BE COOKING!"

"What was wrong with them?"

"You put rum over them."

"I like rum."

"I do too Hook but not with spinach puffs."

"Are you two finished yet?" Regina asked, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow.

"Yes. We are." Hook sniffed before whipping his jacket behind him and strutting away.

"You coming to the meeting tonight?" Cora called after him.

"Wouldn't miss it Captain!" Hook called back as he left the property.

"Meeting?" Regina asked.

"Swan Queen business, nothing to worry about dear." Cora replied with a smile.

"Uh huh…. Care to explain why you were spying on our guests?"

Cora's eyes bulged a little and she shuffled her feet hesitantly.

"No reason." Cora mumbled.

"Mhmm." Regina replied, already knowing what Cora was up to and she wasn't about to stop her from continuing to do what she wanted.

"So… I'm going to go. You ladies have a lovely evening." Cora said with a smile before disappearing.

"Tell me dear, when did we have another child?" Regina asked as she pulled Emma against her and held her tight.

"Oh about a year ago when she showed up on our doorstep and we had to take her in." Emma replied with a smirk before planting a light kiss on Regina's nose.

"I wonder if we are always like that." Gina wondered out loud for her Emma to hear.

"We're cute." Swan replied with a small smile, glancing down at her hand laced in with Gina's.

"Yes… I suppose we are." Gina replied with an equally small smile.

* * *

"Alright people, this meeting has been called to order." Granny called out, pounding the gavel and looking to her Captain.

The entire Armada was assembled in Town Hall, instead of Regina's basement because it was too close to home and too tiny for the size of the Armada now.

"I know you all are wondering why I have called you here…" Cora started but was interrupted.

"ARE THEY PREGNANT?!"

Cora's eyes flashed dangerously.

"NO THEY ARE NOT BUT THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH FOR THAT REMINDER. THAT WAS JUST WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR!" Cora yelled angrily before crossing her arms, "As many of you may know Regina and I took a little trip to a different dimension a few days ago and we met with a horrible alternate universe… One in which I died."

A gasp echoed off of the walls.

"Who did it Captain!?"

"None other than White Chocolate."

Another gasp.

"IT WASN'T ME!" Snow yelled out, a pout on her face as she glanced down to all of the hello kitty band aids that covered her scratches from the woodland creatures.

"Anyways, Snow left Regina motherless and she and Emma are not even together in that world."

Another gasp.

"I know it's awful. But my dear Armada, this is our chance to expand! I have brought that world's Emma and Regina to our own in the hopes that we can make this happen. To do that I need your help."

"Anything for you Captain!" Hook called out, standing and saluting.

"Okay, I would like to set up a date for the two of them. Completely romantic."

* * *

"I'm nervous." Swan commented as she watched her counterpart dig through her own outfits before throwing her choice at herself.

Swan caught the outfit and her eyes widened.

"Trust me, Gina will love it." Emma said with a smirk before exiting the room. She watched as Regina emerged from their own bedroom with a pleased smirk on her face.

"How is your charge doing?" Regina asked as they descended the stairs.

"She's nervous."

"Same with mine."

"They'll be fine though."

"They can't fight True Love dear." Regina commented before placing a kiss on her wife's lips.

"Hello girls." Cora said as she appeared before them, startling the women. "Everything is ready for them."

"Sounds perfect. They should be down soon, they just needed to change." Regina commented, still holding onto Emma's waist.

They heard the familiar heels click above them and watched as Gina descended the stairs in a tight black halter dress, her hair fluffed and makeup done.

"Damn." Emma commented, earning a please smirk from her wife.

"My lady, your chariot awaits." Cora said with a smile as she opened the door and ushered Gina outside where a sleek black car was waiting.

Miss Swan descended the stairs next, dressed in a tight green dress that brought out her eyes, her perfect princess curls bouncing.

"Damn." Regina muttered, this time making Emma smirk.

"If you would just step outside and enter the car Miss Swan." Cora said with a bright smile.

As soon as the other Emma exited Cora turned back to Emma and Regina. "You two are on your own tonight. Try not to fuck all the furniture up."

Regina and Emma blushed in unison as Cora shut the door and disappeared to the next location.

Hook was driving the women to the restaurant, which was Granny's. With a little help of magic, Cora was able to whip up a great many ingredients for Granny to use to make a very elegant meal for the women.

Cora managed to get Jefferson to play his violin for the women while they dined, Cora playing waitress with Ruby and rushing back and forth between the two with orders.

She was pleased that by the end of the night they were dancing and clinging to each other like they were the others lifeline.

"Captain are you alright?" Granny asked.

"It's just. It's so beautiful. Chalk another one up for the armada Granny because this shit is just too beautiful." Cora choked out, wiping her eyes.

"Where'd you get the idea for all of this?"

"I fucked Cupid some years back. No big." Cora said with a cocky grin.

"Cupid. Really."

"Yep. That man and his arrow." Cora breathed out with a shudder.

"You know you're dating my granddaughter right?"

"I know Granny geez, calm your tits."

"Are they-?"

"Oh my god they're kissing." Cora squealed happily. Absolutely beaming as she watched the women leave hand in hand to go back to the mansion.

Cora magicked herself back ahead of them

With a wave of her hand she made all the flowers that Mo had dropped off reappear, lining the sidewalk and porch to the mansion.

Cora ducked behind some bushes and watched as the pair entered the mansion after admiring the flowers, Cora following behind.

"So, did you ladies enjoy your evening?" Cora asked with a smile.

"It was perfect. Thank you Cora." Gina replied with a small smile.

"Cora?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Mother." Gina corrected and Cora pulled the woman in for a tight hug.

"Don't ever think of me as anything but that, okay?" Cora whispered in Gina's ear, making tears spring to the brunette's eyes.

She turned to face the other Emma.

"You take good care of her you understand. I am going to be in touch and if I hear anything otherwise, rest assured that an entire Armada will be after you." Cora warned.

The blonde gave a thick swallow and nodded.

Cora was about to continue her rant but heard a loud thump and noises coming from upstairs.

"Did someone break in?" The blonde asked, ready to rush up there.

"Follow me dears." Cora said with a smirk as she led the woman upstairs, they paused outside the bedroom door and Cora magicked them all inside, just in time to see Regina sitting on Emma's face while Emma's hands were handcuffed to the headboard.

"Oh my." Gina murmured.

"Ugh not what I needed to see girls!" Cora yelped before quickly turning her back.

"Mother what the hell!" Regina yelled, quickly hopping off of Emma and grabbing the key, quickly freeing her.

"Woah." The other Emma breathed out, quickly looking to Gina and taking note of how the brunette looked hot and bothered. "We should go, right Regina?"

"Yes yes we should." Gina agreed, allowing the blonde to drag her from the room. They heard a door slam and one of Gina's surprised yelps, followed by a deep moan.

"Ah yes. Kinky bitches are back in business. Job well done Cora." Cora congratulated herself as she strutted from the room, "Emma wipe your chin!" She called as she shut the door.

"What just happened?" Regina asked her wife with a laugh.

"Let's just say the armada aren't the only people that will be happy tomorrow." Emma growled out before pouncing on her wife.

* * *

**A/N: Hope everyone enjoyed this Chapter and I hope that we all survive tonights episode.**

**If you could all take a moment to bow your heads, for a moment of silence for Cora.**

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**Thank you all for reading and please don't forget to review on your way out. I will try and have the next chapter up as soon as I can for all of you.**

**Happy Once Day and**

**Happy Shipping.**


	21. The Cruise

**I thought I would give you guys this Chapter now after that shitty episode.**

**Few things, we've come full circle. This picks up where Chapter 1 left off.**

**Henry is 13 years old, recently turned. I wanted him a little older so I upped his age some. Just roll with it.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I own nothing.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged as always. Please review.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**References to I'm On A Boat and Jack Sparrow by the Lonely Island are mentioned.**

**I suggest you listen to those before reading.**

* * *

"We're here." Regina stated with a smirk as she pulled the SUV into the parking lot.

"Explain this to me again… What is a cruise?" Cora asked from the passenger seat and looked towards her daughter.

"It's a cruise ship. You get on and there are vast amounts of food and drink and a pool and dancing and pretty much anything you could ever imagine." Regina explained to her mother.

"… So does this ship belong to a fandom?" Cora asked with a smirk.

"No mother." Regina replied with a chuckle. "Okay everyone out of the car."

Emma took the sound proofed headphones away from Charming and Henry before the family exited the SUV and Emma began grabbing the bags from the back of the car.

"Ready?" Regina asked in a nervous voice, coming to stand next to Emma and startling the blonde a little.

"Yeah babe. Wait what's wrong?" Emma asked, her voice laced with concern.

"It's nothing." Regina assured quickly, making Emma give her a skeptical look in return. "Okay I may be a little nervous since I have never done anything like this before."

"You'll be fine babe. I'll be right next to you for all of it." Emma reassured before giving Regina a passionate kiss.

"Keep it in your pants ladies!" Cora's voice rang out; startling the women and making them spring apart.

"IT WAS JUST A KISS!" Emma shouted.

"YEAH TELL THAT TO YOUR LADY BITS DOWNSTAIRS! I CAN SEE YOUR LADY BONER FROM HERE!" Cora yelled back with a wink before grabbing her bags and walking ahead with Snow and Charming.

"This is going to be an interesting vacation." Regina muttered before taking Emma's hand and leading her towards the dock where they were to board the cruise ship.

They quickly handed over their boarding passes and moved onto the ship, heading towards their cabins. It was decided, probably against Regina and Emma's better judgment that Henry would bunk in Cora's room.

The newly turned thirteen year old was excited for some bonding time with his grandma. A few things had changed in the past year, Regina smiling to herself as she thought about it.

Cora had moved out of the mansion and got herself an apartment where her and Ruby could have uninterrupted time together… not to mention the woman was notorious for having outrageous house parties.

Snow had finished up her therapy with Archie for her animal obsession… it was still a work in progress and although she was better, she still had her moments. Snow and Cora's relationship was tolerable at best. Cora, still unable to fully forgive Snow for her death in the other world, attempted to be civil but still managed to start an outrageous argument between them.

Emma's advice was that they both just needed to get drunk together and work out their issues that way, to which Regina had rolled her eyes at and told her it was absurd. Now though… she was thinking it might be a good idea.

Cora was overly suspicious of the two women when they had bought the SUV, since the woman was still very adamant about having a magic grandbaby sometime soon. Regina and Emma had just assured her that when the time came they wanted to have already broken in the vehicle and had become accustomed to it so there weren't any surprises whenever they would finally add to the family. Cora bought it… for the most part.

Of course Emma and Regina were both trying to make a baby, which became easier to do since Cora had moved out and wouldn't have been close enough to feel the magical charge in the air that came with their passionate baby making.

"Henry, what do you say you and I get changed and go exploring for a bit?" Cora suggested as they walked towards their cabin, which was a few doors down from Regina and Emma's.

Snow and Charming had just arrived at their own room, which was located just on the other side of Henry and Cora's room.

"I think I might take a walk myself." Snow said hurriedly before rushing into the room. James eyes followed her, a tight frown on his face as he wondered why his wife was acting strangely; he learned to not ask questions though.

"I'm thinking pool?" Emma asked with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"You just want to see me in my bikini." Regina replied saucily before pulling Emma into their cabin.

"Kinky bitches." Henry said with a roll of his eyes, making his grandmother beam down at him with a proud smile.

"That's my boy!" Cora exclaimed happily before they entered the room.

* * *

"Nana… what on earth are you wearing?" Henry asked as he looked at his grandmother.

Cora stood proudly in the room, hands on her hips, displaying her outfit. She had a pair of beige shorts on and a Hawaiian floral print shirt, flip flops, and her captain's hat.

"I'm on a boat." Cora stated simply as she put her shades on over her eyes with a smirk.

"...Whatever makes you happy Nana." Henry replied with a shrug before they exited the cabin and began walking the deck.

"This boat is huge Henry! This would make an excellent addition to the armada." Cora said with a smirk.

"Don't even think about it mother." Regina said sternly as she and Emma approached the pair.

"You can't tell me what to do Regina." Cora said with a pout.

"I paid for your ticket, you'll do what I say. What is with your outfit?" Regina asked.

"Wow, judgey much?" Cora mumbled.

"I'm only judging because you look like Hugh Hefner."

"Ain't nobody got time for your sass Sassgina." Cora snipped.

"Everyone has time for my sass." Regina replied with a flick of her hair before she sauntered by and headed to the pool. "Nice shoes by the way!"

Cora gave a grumble as she looked down at her feet.

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY FLIPPY FLOPPIES!" Cora shouted before pouting and looking to Emma.

Emma was standing back, mouth open as she watched her wife wiggle her ass to the pool.

"She acts like they never see each other in skimpy clothing." Henry mumbled to his Nana and earned an approving slap on the back.

"What do you say we give her a wake up call?" Cora suggested with a wiggle of her eyebrows as they watched Emma approach the pool in a daze.

Cora and Henry crept behind Emma cautiously, stopping just short and giving each other a nod before Cora snatched the towel from Emma and Henry pushed her straight into the pool.

The second the blonde hit the water she started spluttering and flailing, making Cora and Henry bust into a fit of giggles as they watched Emma try to gain her composure.

"Was that really necessary?" Regina asked from the water with a roll of her eyes.

"She was drooling." Henry pointed out with a shrug, not even slightly sorry for what he did.

"I'm beginning to question allowing you to room with your grandmother." Regina replied as Emma finally gained her composure.

The blonde's hair was draped over her eyes, making her look like a drowned rat as she spit a stream of water from her mouth.

"He'll be fine Regina!" Cora huffed out before crossing her arms.

"You're lucky I was in my swim suit." Emma mumbled as she pushed the hair out of her face with a scowl.

"Depends on what you consider lucky dear." Regina replied with a flirtatious wink.

"And that's our cue to leave." Henry said as he turned around and began to walk away.

"Save it for the bedroom girls, the pool has enough wetness as it is." Cora replied before following after her grandson.

* * *

"Here you go Benji." Snow said quietly. She had managed to ditch Charming at the pool with the girls before sneaking off to find some food.

They had finally pulled away from the port and were cruising along in the open ocean.

"Here's some more." Snow whispered hurriedly before handing another piece of meat to the raccoon that sat in front of her.

The raccoon let out a squeak of approval as its little paws took the food and began nibbling away.

"Now remember. No one can see you or else I am going to get into serious trouble." Snow told the raccoon as she adjusted the baby bonnet on the animal's head.

Benji gave another squeak of approval, not wanting to wind up in the water or suffer some other unfortunate event.

"I'm sorry about this outfit, but it's the only thing I could think of." Snow told the raccoon as she tightened the diaper and pushed the tail down in to hide it better.

Snow looked at the raccoon curiously as she watched it's beady black eyes widen and stare at something behind her.

"Benji what's wrong?" Snow asked seriously and the raccoon raised a little paw and pointed.

"The fuck is she doing?" Cora muttered to her grandson as they stared at the woman and her pet raccoon.

"Cora! Henry!" Snow squeaked out before grabbing the raccoon and tucking him against her chest.

"Grandma… what's that?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing." Henry said pointedly, raising an eyebrow just like his brunette mother.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"What's with the fucking raccoon and why is it dressed as a baby?" Cora asked irritably.

"His NAME IS BENJAMIN JAMES WHITE." Snow replied fiercely.

"Regina is so gonna want to ask for her money back." Cora told Henry as she gestured to brunette in front of her.

"Archie is losing his touch." Henry replied with a nod.

"I can hear you!" Snow snapped as she cradled the raccoon.

"GOOD! YOUR CRAZY ASS NEEDS SOME SERIOUS HELP!" Cora shouted.

"Like beyond Archie's expertise." Henry offered with a shrug.

"Because it clearly isn't working."

"Benji really wanted to go on this trip." Snow defended.

"Wait, hold on… That raccoon was in the car with us for the entire ride?" Cora asked as she fiddled with the hat on her head.

"Yes."

"Where was he?" Cora asked in confusion.

"In my suitcase." Snow answered with a smile.

Henry and Cora shared a glance.

"Nope, not doing this today." Henry said before turning and walking off.

Cora gave a sniffle and wiped a tear from her eye.

"You see that White Chocolate? My grandson is growing up." Cora said with a sniffle.

"Yeah into you." Snow mumbled as she looked to Benji, "Isn't that right Benji."

Cora's eyes narrowed in on the two.

"Be glad I don't have magic at my disposal right now Snow… Be glad." Cora said seriously as she pointed two fingers at her eyes and then to Snow's in a 'I'm watching you' motion.

* * *

"Well Henry I believe we have covered the whole ship." Cora said tiredly as her and her grandson leaned over the railing of the ship.

"Pssst." A voice whispered, making Cora and Henry look at each other in confusion.

"Pssstttttt." It said again.

"What on earth?" Cora asked her grandson as they looked around suspiciously.

"Oh for fuck sake woman look down you yellow bellied bastard!"

Cora peered over the side of the ship and a shit-eating grin split across her and Henry's faces.

"HOOK!" Cora yelled as she helped the man up by pulling on the rope he was hanging from, and bringing him on board.

"Ello love." Hook said with a smirk as he kissed Cora's cheek and ruffled Henry's hair, "You and your Nana spending some quality time together?"

"You betcha." Henry replied with a bright smile, making Cora beam.

"And ah, where are our other love's at?" Hook asked in reference to Emma and Regina.

"Last we saw them they were at the pool." Henry supplied before walking off to look over the side of the ship again.

"They're probably in their room going at it by now. I saw Regina smuggle in some toys."

"Kinky bitches." Hook muttered with a smirk before Cora shoved at his chest.

"So what are you doing here?" Cora asked.

"Well love, I heard you were all going on this little vacation and I thought you might want your best pirate at your side for some shenanigans." Hook offered with a smirk.

"How'd you manage to get on board?"

"A wise sea witch once told me to never underestimate the importance of body language." Hook said with a wink before taking a gander at the ship.

"Cora, this is a marvelous vessel." Hook said as he eyed the ship.

"I thought it would make an excellent addition for the armada. We could actually carry the armada on this ship." Cora said matter of factly.

"Then let's do it."

"Do what?"

"Take the ship."

"This ship?"

"Yes this ship!"

"Riiighttt this ship… the ship for the armada… the ship that would be perfect for the armada." Cora said aloud.

Hook just stared at her.

"This ship."

"YES THIS SHIP!" Hook yelled, "Did you eat some pot brownies or something before hand?"

"I may have had a little some some." Cora replied with a flippant wave of her hand, "So how do you propose we go about doing this?"

"It's going to require a specific costume." Hook answered as he stroked his beard.

* * *

"Oh sweet Jesus." Cora muttered as she eyed Hook's outfit.

"Is this necessary?" Henry asked with the same tone as his grandmother.

Hook stood proudly in front of them with a complete Jack Sparrow outfit on his body.

"Why on earth are you dressed as that dread head, bearded pirate man?" Cora asked in confusion.

"It's Jack Sparrow Nana."

"AHEEEEMMMMM!" Hook yelled, "It is CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. And this outfit is completely necessary Henry my boy. You see, I am a pirate… Captain Jack Sparrow is a pirate… we are taking over this ship, the outfit is necessary."

"I see his point though. Jack Sparrow is every shipper on the planet." Cora supplied with a shrug.

"Now all we have to do is get to the top of the ship where the captain resides." Hook said seriously as he stroked the braids on his beard.

"Then what?" Henry asked.

"Sword fight?" Cora asked.

"Possibly, if the man is brave enough to wield one." Hook muttered.

"I don't think they do that here." Henry answered with scrunched eyebrows.

"It doesn't matter. We shall cross that plank when we come to it." Hook answered with a grin. "Now, let's set sail!"

* * *

"Babe?" Emma asked tentatively as she opened the bathroom door a crack to peer in.

"Go away." Regina groaned out as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"Sea sick?" Emma asked as she opened the door more and entered the tiny bathroom.

"Fuck off." Regina growled out making Emma roll her eyes as she squatted behind the woman.

"I love you."

"I hate you."

"Don't be a grumpy gills."

"I will puke on you."

"Yeesh, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?"

"I am going to throw up on you Miss Swan." Regina threatened, lifting her head slightly to glare at her wife.

"Babe you know I love it when you talk dirty." Emma replied with a wink as Regina put her head back in the bowl.

"Don't feel good." Regina whimpered out.

"I know baby." Emma soothed as she rubbed her hand up and down Regina's back.

"Where's Henry?" Regina groaned out.

"Still with your mother I would assume." Emma replied softly as she tucked a strand of hair behind the brunette's ear.

"That's a warm thought."

"I'm sure he's fine babe. Your mom always takes care of Henry."

"I know but I still worry."

"He's in no danger."

**Meanwhile...**

"Little higher Henry!" Hook called as he watched the boy scale the extremely high wall. One foot after another as he climbed the rope to peer into the bridge.

"Can you see anything?" Cora called out, adjusting her captain's hat as she looked on with rapt attention.

Henry peered through the window and saw that it was just the captain in the room.

"It's just him. We're all clear!" Henry called down as he began to lower himself back down from the height.

"Let's not waste any time then." Hook said urgently before grabbing Henry and carrying him around the deck and up the long set of stairs with Cora in tow.

"Swords at the ready lads." Cora said as she pulled out her dagger she insisted on bringing with her.

Hook handed Henry a small dagger and unsheathed his sword.

"On the count of three… 1… 2… 3!" Hook yelled as they kicked the door in and stormed the bridge.

"WHAT THE-!" The captain yelled out but was cut off as Cora karate chopped the man behind the neck and dropped him.

Her and Henry quickly tied the man up and sat him in the closet before moving back to Hook.

"Such a beautiful ship. Isn't she?" Hook asked with tears in his eyes as he took a look at where they were heading, "Oh I don't like this… It's just sailing out in the middle of nowhere and turning around… I say that we sail as far as we can!" Hook cried out as he re-plotted the course.

"Now what?" Henry asked.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Security guards yelled out as they barged into the room, taking the three by surprise.

"Uh oh." Henry muttered.

"Well fuck me." Cora chimed in before looking to Hook, "Do something."

"What the bloody hell do you want me to do?" Hook asked haughtily. "Dress in drag and do the hula?"

Cora gave him a pointed stare before Hook rolled his eyes and ripped open a part of his shirt and gave a bat of his eyelashes.

"If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat, eat my buddy Cora here because she is a treat, come on down and dine, on this tasty swine, all you gotta do is get in line!" Hook began to sing as he did the hula, only stopping when Henry threw something at him.

"Did you just call me a fucking pig?" Cora asked Hook with a huff.

"I think he did." One of the security guards said.

"Was that a fucking fat joke!?" Cora demanded hitting Hook across the top of the head.

"I think he called her a pig." The other guard whispered to his counterpart.

"THEY CALL ME MRS PIG!" Cora shrieked as she tackled one of the guards, Hook and Henry taking the other one.

"RUN!" Hook yelled as they tore from the bridge and ran out onto the main deck of the ship, where most of the guests were.

The entire deck heard the commotion from up top and paused their activities to see what was happening. Silence met the trio as they stopped rapidly and stared at each other. Hook managed to compose himself and stand up straighter and adjust his bandana as he held his hat in his hand.

"Everybody keep calm!" Hook called out, "We are taking over this ship!"

Cora and Hook shared a look and shrugged; quickly turning around when a slew of guards came racing towards them.

"TO THE DEATH!" Cora cried as she clutched her dagger and the three began fighting the approaching guards.

"THIS IS THE TALE! OF CAPTAIN KILLIAN JONES!" Hook began to sing as he sidestepped blows.

"What ARE YOU DOING?!" Cora yelled as she dodged a guard.

"A PIRATE SO BRAVE, ON THE SEVEN SEAS!"

"What!?" Henry called as he scurried away from a guard.

"A MYSTICAL QUEST! TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA!" Hook sang as he deflected a blow and danced along.

"THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Cora cried as she jumped over a barrel and peeked up over it in time to dodge another guard, causing him to land in the pool.

"RAVEN LOCKS SWAY! ON THE OCEAN FREE!" Hook cried out before scurrying along the pool and flinging beach balls at the guards.

"This is getting weird!" Henry called to his grandmother as he pulled her from her hiding spot and they set to dodging more guards.

"FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN! HE YEARNED FOR ADVENTURE!" Hook cried as he jumped on top of a guard and spun around in a circle.

"NOOOO!" Cora yelled out as she football tackled the nearest guard.

"OLD CAPTAIN HOOK! GIVING THEM WHAT FOR!" Hook sang as he kicked a beach ball into the nearest guards face.

"HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE SURF! THE JESTER OF TORTUGA! BUT IS DAVY JONES LOCKER, WHAT LIES IN STORE!" Hook continued on.

"STOOOOOOPPPPPP!" Henry yelled out as he ducked between a security guards leg and fell into a throng of half naked women. "Never mind keep going." Henry replied as the women began to fawn over the little boy.

"GIANT SQUID!" Hook cried out as he batted a guard off of Cora and smirked triumphantly at the slew of unconscious guards that littered the deck.

"Nice show." Cora commented as she readjusted her captain's hat and fixed Hook's before Hook hopped up on a nearby table.

"Now that we have defeated your captain and his cronies. We are taking over this ship for the Swan Queen Armada!" Hook called out triumphantly. "Might I present to you your new captain, Captain Cora Mills!"

Cora hopped up on the table next to Hook and gave a sly grin.

"Swan Queen armada?" One woman asked in confusion.

"Allow us to explain." Hook stated with a smirk.

* * *

"Ugh what is all of that commotion?" Regina groaned as she lifted her head from it's resting place on Emma's chest.

She had finished her bout of sickness around an hour ago, and after some serious mouth cleaning she had put her mouth to better use… namely making her wife scream her name repeatedly.

"Just ignore it. We're on vacation." Emma mumbled as she ran her fingers through Regina's hair.

"What if it's my mother?" Regina asked as she sat up.

"You worry too much." Emma replied as she rubbed her eyes and sat up as well.

"And I have a reason not too?" Regina asked with a quirked eyebrow before standing and beginning to dress.

"True true." Emma agreed before dressing as well, both women linking hands as they exited their cabin and headed towards the commotion.

"We are the Swan Queen Armada, Our ship shall sail and will not sink, We ship Regina Mills and Emma Swan, We sail proud and true, We are not just a ship, or an armada… WE ARE A NATION! SWAN QUEEN NATION!" The crowd said in unison as Cora shut down the PowerPoint projector and saluted the new recruits.

"Mother!" Regina shrieked out, eyes blazing.

"New recruits, meet your babies!" Cora cried happily, hiding her fear at her daughter's reaction as she gestured to the two women.

"They're perfect!"

"So beautiful!"

"Want!"

"CAN WE MARRY THEM?!"

Regina and Emma shared a glance before walking forward hand in hand to confront Cora.

"Where is our son?" Regina demanded, not bothering to ask why Hook was there or why he was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Hey mom!" Henry called from his lounge chair where he was sipping on some juice and being cooed over by a bunch of half naked women.

"Our son has game." Emma stated proudly as Regina's mouth hung open in shock.

"Yeah. My grandson is a player already." Cora said proudly as her and Emma high-fived.

"HENRY SWAN-MILLS YOU GET YOUR BUTT AWAY FROM THOSE FLOOSIES RIGHT NOW!" Regina shrieked before stomping over and pulling him away from the woman and towards their cabin.

"Great now she's pissed." Emma sighed out.

"You seem tired. Too much sex mate?" Hook asked as he pulled the cork out of a bottle of rum and took a swig, handing it to Emma next.

"Yeah. Regina's been a little sick too." Emma stated with a wave of her hand.

"Sick? Sick how?" Cora asked hurriedly with a hint of glee.

"I don't know. She might have a small stomach bug or something. Just throwing up and all that crap. Ah shit here she comes and she looks pissed, guess I'm on damage control." Emma muttered before handing Hook the bottle and walking towards her fuming wife.

"Did you hear that Hook? Regina is sick!" Cora said happily.

"Little low their mate, that's your daughter." Hook stated in confusion.

"No you idiot!" Cora said as she smacked Hook's head, "What if Regina has morning sickness! I might finally get my magic grandbaby!"

Hook's eyes widened and a bright smile broke out on his face as they looked at the two women.

Cora's line of sight trailed upwards and widened when they took in the view that was beginning to come into sight.

"Hook, look! It's a castle!" Cora stated in awe at the sheer size and magnitude of the palace, even though they still had a ways to go yet.

"It's magnificent!" Hook replied.

"I thought there weren't any castles in this world?" Cora asked in confusion as they drew nearer.

"Well we best take a look shan't we love?" Hook said with a smirk before running off to the bridge to slow the ship down and bring it in nice and slow.

"Where are we?" Cora muttered as Hook joined her after docking the ship.

"It seems magical." Hook stated in aw as they looked on.

"_Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Disneyworld."_

* * *

**A/N: Well everyone, let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

**Special thanks to The-White-Tiger-Of-The-West for the idea. I altered it a little bit since I wanted it to flow nice for the next chapter, but the basis of the idea was a prompt from that user.**


	22. Disney Part 1

**Here is Chapter 22**

**Now as you may suspect from the title, we are in Disney people :)**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I and my Beta have.**

**Special Thanks to my lovely Beta SassySaviorSwag who is pretty much the embodiment of my Emma, especially with one particular incident in this chapter involving tea cups. This entire chapter is pretty much exactly what we discussed yesterday when we got breakfast. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Once or the Emperor's New groove, or anything that Disney owns.**

**This will be a two part piece :)**

**Reviews welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

"_Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Disneyworld."_

"Hook… what is Disneyworld?" Cora asked in confusion as the rest of the passengers began to get off of the ship.

"I have absolutely no idea. But I think we should find the rest of your family and take a look." Hook replied as he glanced around.

Shortly after, Cora and Hook were joined by the rest of the family and made their way off of the now docked ship.

"Babe I didn't know that this was a Disney cruise." Emma said with a smile to her wife, who looked just as perplexed as the rest of the family.

"It wasn't. I believe that this was Hook and my mother's doing." Regina replied as she clutched Emma's hand.

"It's still awesome though mom!" Henry called happily as he skipped ahead to walk with his Nana and Hook.

"Hook. Look at that magnificent castle." Cora said in aw as she and Hook eyed the spectacle. "I must have it."

"Come again?"

"I want that castle. This could be our kingdom for the armada."

"You're joking."

"I most certainly am not!"

"You're telling me, that you want to take over this entire land?" Hook asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh huh." Cora replied with a bright smile and nod.

Hook paused a moment before looking at Cora, the internal debate raging within him. Suddenly, a little Angel Hook and Devil Hook appeared on each of his shoulders.

"I do not think that this would be a wise decision Hook. Cora has gotten you into immense trouble before. It can't end well mate." The angel said sternly, making the devil roll his eyes.

"Listen up, big guy. I got three good reasons why you should just go with it. Number one. Look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing." The devil replied with a smirk.

"We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it." The angel replied haughtily, making Hook raise an eyebrow at the two's banter.

"Hook?" Cora asked in confusion as she watched the man look between his two shoulders.

"One moment love." Hook replied as he held a finger up to her.

"Oh, right. That's a harp, and that's a dress." The devil replied sarcastically to the angel.

"Robe!"

"Reason number two. Look what I can do. Ha-ha, ha!" The devil said as he performed a one-armed handstand.

"But what does that have to do with anything?" Hook asked as he watched the devil do his trick.

"No, no. He's got a point." The angel replied as he pointed to the devil and watched with rapt attention.

Hook gave a groan before looking away and catching sight of a Red Sided Eclectus, perched on a nearby tree branch.

"A RED SIDED ECLECTUS!" Hook cried happily before digging out a bingo pad and positioning it on his hook and rushing to the bird.

"Fucking exotic bird bingo." Cora grumbled as she caught up to her family speaking to a greeter.

"Hello, my name is Sam, and welcome to Disneyworld."

"SILENCE PEASANT!" Cora screamed suddenly before grabbing the man by the shirt.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled at the woman as she manhandled the greeter.

"Tell me peasant, whose castle is that?" Cora asked the man as she pointed to the castle in front of them.

"That is Cinderella's castle."

"Cinder-…. No. Do not lie to me peasant. Cinderella is back in Storybrooke. Why would she have need of a castle here?" Cora asked skeptically.

"I- I don't know. It's always been here though."

"SILENCE!" Cora yelled before sending the greeter away.

"Mother that was highly inappropriate." Regina scolded.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!" Cora cried out as she looked around.

"Why hello there." A woman nearby said in an overly chipper voice, making the group turn and Emma give a big smile. "My name is Snow White and I love woodland creatures."

Snow's eyes grew large as saucers as she approached this other chipper woman.

"_My _name is Snow White and _I_ love woodland creatures." Snow said wide-eyed.

"Oh great now there's two White Chocolate's." Cora grumbled in disbelief as she watched.

"I have been awaiting my Prince Charming to come and sweep me off of my feet."

"You have that! You have that! This is my Prince Charming!" Snow shrieked as she grabbed James and pulled him forward, patting over his face as her eyes stayed trained on the other Snow.

"Just remember Emma, you came from _that._" Cora reminded the blonde as Emma rolled her eyes.

"We want to live happily ever after and have children."

"YOU'VE DONE THAT! THAT HAS HAPPENED!" Snow cried before grabbing Emma and pulling her forward, "This is our daughter, Princess Emma."

The other Snow White gave a confused stare as she looked at the blonde.

"Oh don't worry about her age. We actually are older than her even though it doesn't look like it. It is actually a long story but it all started with our evil stepmother, the queen." Snow began before raising her hand to her mouth, "Not so evil anymore."

"Snow!" Regina warned, but the small brunette merely grabbed her and dragged her forward.

"This is our former step-mother, Regina. See, she cast this curse about 30 years back and took all of us from our home in The Enchanted Forest and brought us to Storybrooke, Maine. And our daughter Emma was sent through this wardrobe and on her 28th birthday she would come and break the curse and help us remember who we were before. OH!" Snow exclaimed before grabbing Cora, "And this is Cora, she's the Queen of Hearts, Regina's mother."

The other Snow White looked on in horror but stayed rooted to the spot.

"So anyways, Emma was brought back to Storybrooke by her son Henry who is also Regina's adopted son. They broke the curse and helped everyone remember and now Emma and Regina are married!" Snow concluded with a bright smile.

There was a pregnant pause as the other Snow looked to the group.

Suddenly, other Snow let out a bloody murder shriek and took off across the park screaming and running.

"Glad to know that all the white chocolate's are insane." Cora muttered to her daughter who gave her a smirk in return.

"Come on, let's keep moving, and mom try not to talk." Emma stated before taking Regina's hand and moving her along.

They walked for a bit, ooing and awing at the scenery of the place as Hook trailed behind, looking at the trees with rapt attention for exotic bird bingo.

"Hey Cora look, it's you." Emma stated with a smirk as she pointed ahead to the Queen of Hearts character.

"I beg your pardon!? That looks nothing like me." Cora replied haughtily.

"She's your Disney counterpart Cora. Like Snow just met hers a bit ago." Emma explained.

"She's fat! And she looks like one of those Muppet creatures!" Cora shrieked out before storming off to the character.

"Emma what did you just do." Regina whimpered as they moved forward.

"YOU THERE! IMPOSTER!" Cora yelled as she approached the Queen of Hearts. "I AM THE QUEEN OF HEARTS! WHO ARE YOU!?"

The character stayed silent but recoiled at Cora's close proximity.

"I SAID ANSWER ME YOU IMPOSTER!"

"Cora, the costume characters don't talk." Emma groaned out.

"NOT NOW EMMA! THIS WOMAN IS AN IMPOSTER AND I DEMAND ANSWERS!" Cora yelled, "Tell me, where is your vault? Hmm?"

The character tried to run from Cora but she grabbed the character.

"ANSWER ME! How many hearts have you taken to earn the title of Queen of Hearts!" Cora yelled.

The character managed to wiggle free and took off running.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER! I SHALL FIND YOU AND TAKE YOUR HEART YOU IMPOSTER!"

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled as she grabbed Cora and dragged her away from the scene.

"This is why we don't do family vacations." Emma grumbled as they continued to walk.

"Nana relax." Henry soothed, making the older woman give a sigh as they continued on.

"Hey babe, there's your counterpart." Emma said with a smirk, gesturing to the Evil Queen standing off to the side with a scowl on her face.

"IMPOSTER!" Cora shrieked out as she ran to the Queen. "You there! State your name!"

"Excuse you? I am the Evil Queen Grimhilde." The Queen stated with her head held high.

"Grim… Grimhilde?" Cora asked before busting out into a fit of laughter.

"Mother." Regina warned as she eyed the woman in front of her.

"Regina! This bitches name is Grimhilde!" Cora laughed out, "What an atrocious name!"

"I beg your pardon peasant."

Cora stopped laughing immediately and she straightened, head held high.

"Peasant?"

"Well fuck." Emma grumbled.

"PEASANT! YOU DARE CALL ME A PEASANT!" Cora yelled but Regina grabbed her and tossed her into Emma to keep her at bay.

"I apologize for my mother. She is… unused to this place." Regina replied elegantly, her own head held high as she looked at her counterpart."

"Charming." The Evil Queen replied, making Regina smirk some.

"Why is she wearing that hat/cloak thingy?" Cora asked as she took in the Queen's wardrobe.

"Mother."

"I bet she's bald underneath."

"MOTHER!"

"Why are her eyebrows so high?"

"ENOUGH!" Regina raged out, her voice commanding and making the entire group still.

"You speak with the voice of a Queen." The Evil Queen replied with a smirk.

"That's because I am a Queen. Actually your real life counterpart." Regina replied smoothly, "I am the Evil Queen Regina."

"Not so Evil anymore!" Snow called from the back.

"Is that so?" The Queen asked with a bemused smirk, "And who is this, Snow White?" She asked as she gestured to Snow.

"Fuck, she knows." Cora whispered to Emma with wide-eyes.

"How did you know that?" Regina asked, completely shocked.

"Alright that's enough, let's go." Emma stated firmly before grabbing her wife and dragging her away.

"I'm watching you lady. You and your baldhead and too fucking high eyebrows… I'm watching you." Cora stated in warning as she walked away with her family.

"Hey, has anyone seen Hook?" Charming asked the group as they walked.

Cora gave a sigh before pointing over her shoulder.

"Oh, look. A golden-throated small-winged warbler. Just one more for exotic bird bingo. I am loving this." Hook muttered to himself as he checked off the bird on his list hanging from his hook.

"Wait. Where's mom?" Emma asked as they looked around the group.

"THERE'S AN ANIMAL KINGDOM!" Snow shouted from across the way.

"Found her." Emma groaned as they looked to her flailing around like an idiot near the Animal Kingdom sign.

"CHARMING LET'S GO!" Snow yelled as she grabbed her husband and took off at a run.

"Hello mates." Hook greeted as he walked back to the group.

"Finally done with your Exotic Bird Bingo Hook?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I have one left love. Fear not, it shall be mine." Hook said dramatically.

"He's gonna say it again." Cora muttered to the girls and Henry.

"It. Shall. Be. Mine." Hook stated. "So what's going on?"

"Well, Snow and Charming ran off to Animal Kingdom, which certainly won't go very well." Regina informed, an eye roll accompanying her statement.

Hook gave a nod and looked up, his eyes widening.

"A ship." He muttered, making everyone turn to look. "She's magnificent."

"That's the Pirates of the Caribbean ship." Emma informed the man, but he wasn't listening.

"Hook?" Cora asked, waving a hand in front of the man's face.

"She reminds me of the Jolly Roger." Hook stated sadly.

"Where _is_ the Jolly Roger, Hook?" Regina asked, genuinely curious.

"She's… She's… I DON'T KNOW OKAY?!"

"What the fuck do you mean you don't know? How the fuck do you lose a ship?" Cora asked in disbelief.

"She still has that bloody enchantment on, that _you_ put on her, YOUR MAJESTY!"

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME YOU YELLOW BELLIED SEA LIZARD. IT ISN'T MY FUCKING FAULT YOU CAN'T KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR SHIP!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO KEEP AN EYE ON **WHEN YOU FUCKING MADE HER INVISIBLE **_**CORA!**_" Hook yelled, the two standing a breath apart and seething.

"Let's just calm down." Emma tried to reason as Henry nudged her and offered her some cotton candy.

"She was the best damn ship I ever had the pleasure to sail. Magnificent sails, billowing in the wind." Hook began, making Cora roll her eyes.

"It's just a ship Hook." Cora groaned.

"She isn't JUST a ship mate, she would've made a fine addition to the armada."

"I never thought of that." Cora muttered in shame.

"She was beautiful. Nothing like that fat arse Big Bertha."

"Big Bertha?" The group asked in confusion.

"She was a replacement ship that I stole off of another pirate, named Big Bertha. Fat arse of a ship, too damn wide, doesn't cut the water right, makes for a rocky ride." Hook stated in disgust. "She's nothing like my Jolly."

"I'm so sorry Hook." Cora said as she laid a hand on the man's shoulder.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Hook said as his voice cracked. "I- I'M NOT FINE!" Hook yelled before spinning around and crying on Cora's shoulder.

"This family is so fucked up." Emma muttered to Regina.

"I full heartedly agree dear." Regina replied before looking at her wife and giving her a soft kiss.

"Can I be put up for adoption again?" Henry asked himself before looking around, anywhere but his Nana and Hook sobbing together and his mother's making out in the middle of the park.

"I must go and see this ship, and claim her for the armada." Hook stated firmly as he removed himself from Cora.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Cora yelled loudly.

"_VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" _Came the distant reply from different directions, making Cora and Hook beam while Regina and Emma rolled their eyes.

"Make me proud Hook." Cora called after the pirate.

"So…" Emma began. "Tea cups?"

"Tea cups?" Regina asked in confusion as her wife pulled the group towards the ride.

"There they are. Awesome huh?" Emma asked her wife, immediately taking note of how pale Regina became, "Babe what's wrong?"

"Emma I can't ride those things, you know I haven't been feeling well." Regina reminded her wife, to which Emma pouted.

"Come on blondie, Henry and I will ride with you." Cora said with a smirk before shoving the two forward and turning to face her daughter, "Can't get the little growing baby sick can we."

Cora ran off with the two giddily, leaving Regina perplexed.

The brunette watched as the three climbed into the ride, smirking when she saw Cora's expression of horror as the cups began to spin.

"LET ME OFF OF THIS BLASTED RIDE!"

"Cora it's fun!" Emma yelled happily as they spun faster.

"I FEEL AS IF I AM IN THE TORNADO THAT LANDED DOROTHY IN OZ!"

"Cora you aren't!"

"ELPHABA SAVE ME!" Cora yelled as they continued to spin.

They spun for a few more minutes with Cora's yelling, before the woman decided that she was actually having fun. After the ride stopped, the three exited the ride and walked towards Regina who was lounging on a bench near a trashcan.

"Best ride ever!" Emma yelled happily, pausing for a moment as her face became pale and rushed to the garbage can, unloading her stomach.

"EMMA ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" Cora yelled as she rushed to the blonde, while Regina giggled. She knew how her wife got on spinning rides and was happy that she managed to make it to the garbage can.

"I'm fine!" Emma called as she backed away from the can and paused, "I want a corn dog."

Cora looked at her daughter-in-law in horror.

"What the fuck is a corn dog? Is it a dog rolled in corn?"

"No Cora, here come on, I'll show you." Emma said happily as she grabbed Regina's hand and led them away from the ride.

"Why your parents allow you to eat dogs, let alone eat it themselves, is beyond me. Strange world." Cora told her grandson as they walked.

"This coming from the woman who eats an animal that is half lion, goat and snake." Henry fired back, making Cora grin down at her grandson.

"Touché."

* * *

Snow ran ahead, stopping abruptly in front of the giant tree that sat in the middle of the kingdom, her eyes wide as she looked at it. She felt the tree calling her, a chorus of animals signing The Circle of Life came to mind as she stared at the tree. She took in the carvings of all the animals and felt as though she was home and with her people.

"Charming. I am home." Snow said distantly as she walked ahead and hugged the tree.

"Snow, it's a tree." Charming reasoned as he approached his wife.

"Charming can we move here? I wonder how much a house costs." Snow muttered as she continued to hug the tree.

"Snow we can't live here."

"Yes we can, all of the animals are here, I could live right here even. Think of it Charming, ALL of the animals."

"Snow this isn't good for your therapy."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Snow."

"MY TREE. MINE!" Snow yelled before quickly climbing the tree and reaching the top. She peeked out of the tree and looked down at her husband and let out a primal growl.

"Snow come down here this instant!" Charming yelled up to his wife.

"BE GONE INTRUDER!" Snow growled out, looking like a rabid monkey as she sat in her tree.

"Snow!"

"I LIVE HERE NOW CHARMING. MY TREE. MY HOME." Snow yelled, "THESE ANIMALS HAVE FAMILIES CHARMING. FAMILIES!"

"Snow stop!"

"I AM A PART OF THEIR FAMILY NOW CHARMING!" Snow yelled back before disappearing in the tree.

"Goddamnit." Charming muttered before turning around and stomping off to find the others to help him get Snow down from that blasted tree.

* * *

"Can we do some more rides?" Cora asked the two women and her grandson as they walked.

"Sure Cora. We can do whatever you want." Emma said happily as they walked.

"Hey look, there's gramps!" Henry said pointing ahead.

"Where's your mother?" Regina asked Emma as they approached.

"Charming without White Chocolate, not a good sign." Cora muttered as they approached him.

"Hey dad, where's mom?" Emma asked skeptically.

"Your mother has hauled her ass up in the tree in the Animal Kingdom, claiming that it is now her home and where she lives, not to mention she is acting like a feral animal. I was getting ready to poke her with a stick!" Charming ranted, making Cora snort.

"Yeah you were." Cora said with a wink.

"Mother!" Regina scolded while Henry high fived his Nana.

"We have to go get her down." Charming continued.

"Alright let's go get her crazy, white, animal loving ass down from that tree." Cora grumbled as they walked.

Emma looked around the park as they walked, holding onto Regina's hand firmly. She stopped suddenly, making the whole group pause.

"Emma what is it?" Regina asked curiously, watching her wife's face.

"Pooh."

"Pooh?" Cora asked, "The fuck is a Pooh."

"That is Pooh." Emma said in a daze as she pointed ahead to the fluffy bear, interacting with children.

"It's a bear." Cora muttered.

"Oh my god it's Winnie the Pooh. Regina, I'm losing my shit!" Emma exclaimed, finally regaining her senses.

"Emma, he's a bear, and we have to go get your mother." Regina reasoned as she tugged on Emma's hand.

"Look at all the bothers I give Regina! I don't give a shit about my mom right now. The only thing I care about is that big, fat ass bear over there. HE IS MY FAVORITE!" Emma yelled.

"Why Emma? I don't get it." Regina said with an exasperated sigh.

"HE HAS MY PERFECT LIFE! He sits on his ass all day and eats! I'm a simple girl Regina. I really only need 3 things in life to be happy Regina; sleep, food, and sex with you. Also hanging out with Henry, but that's beside the point. I sat on a boat with your batshit crazy mother and her insanely stupid pirate sidekick, held your hair back while you barfed all over the bathroom and got poked and prodded by your mother's converted fangirls! All I want to do is get a picture with that big chunk of fluff and possibly get a slushie because I deserve it dammit! Then I will happily pull my fucking Dr. Dolittle mother out of a tree. Now, give me your autograph book Henry, I got a date with a giant yellow bear." Emma breathed out heavily as she finished her rant and swiped Henry's autograph book from his hand.

"Emma." Regina stated, making the blonde look at her.

"LOOK AT ALL THE BOTHERS REGINA! LOOK AT THEM!" Emma yelled out before composing herself.

She took a deep breath and took off running screaming, "LET ME LOVE YOU!" at the bear.

Leaving a stunned group standing in the middle of the park.

"What the _fuck_ is a 'bother'?"

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter**

**Happy Easter everyone**

**Don't forget to review, as they are welcomed and encouraged.**

**we are currently at 940 I believe**

**So whoever is my 1,000 review gets to pick prompt for a future chapter, and the entire chapter will be centered around that prompt and not just feature snippets like the others.**


	23. Disney Part 2

**hey guys, sorry the update took a little long. School has been crazy and I don't know when I will be updating again but I will try to as soon as I can.**

**remember, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Here you all go!**

* * *

"Perhaps we should proceed without Emma?" Cora asked the group as they watched Emma hop up and down giddily in front of the hunk of fluff.

Regina gave a sigh and nodded as they turned and headed towards the Animal Kingdom, leaving Emma behind with her beloved Pooh.

"So… Snow's fallen off the wagon again." Cora commented as they walked.

"I don't know what else to do. Therapy was going so well and then all of a sudden it's like she's lost her shit again." Charming replied with a shrug.

"Perhaps we shouldn't have just taken animals away from her all together." Regina began, "Perhaps we should have weaned her off of them."

"White Chocolate is bat shit, but this whole Animal Tree thing can't be that bad." Cora commented as they approached the tree.

"Snow!" Regina called up to the tree, the group watching with rapt attention as a head peaked out of the tree.

"Friend or foe!?" Snow called from the tree.

"The fuck is next to her?" Cora asked as she spotted a baboon lounging next to Snow.

"Oh good Glinda." Regina muttered as a dozen monkeys popped their heads out of the leaves on the tree, "Snow we just want to talk!"

"NO! NO TALKING!" Snow cried loudly before throwing something at the group, Cora and Regina pushing everyone out of the way as they dodged the object.

"What the hell is- WHITE CHOCOLATE YOU CRAZY ASS BITCH! DON'T YOU THROW MONKEY POOP AT ME!" Cora screamed out in anger as she looked at the small woman.

"Snow that is enough!" Charming called out.

"ATTACK MY PRETTIES!" Snow screamed as the monkeys began hurling their feces at the family.

Regina grabbed Henry and dove behind a nearby bench, shielding themselves. Cora ran to the side of the tree and hid in a knot while Charming hid behind a trashcan.

"She has lost her shit." Cora muttered as she peeked out from around the knot, dodging another wave of shit and hiding once more.

* * *

"It's magnificent." Hook muttered to himself as he approached the ship. He examined the title nearby, "Pirates of the Caribbean Ride".

"Pirates of the Caribbean… MY BRETHREN!" Hook cried happily, ignoring the onlookers as he walked around the ship.

Up ahead he spotted another pirate, his dreadlocks hanging past his shoulders, beads holding the locks in place, a beard on his face… and what looked to be eye liner.

"You there mate!" Hook called out as he approached the man.

The man turned and raised an eyebrow as he took in Hook's appearance, his eyes landing on his hook.

"You aren't Captain Hook by any chance, are you?" The man asked in confusion as he pointed to his hook.

"Indeed I am mate, and you are?" Hook asked with a smile.

"The name is Captain Jack Sparrow, and this here is me ship, The Black Pearl." Jack said as he gestured to the ship.

"She's magnificent mate, a true beauty."

"Indeed she is. Where's your Jolly parked?" Jack asked as he gestured to Hook.

"Unfortunately, thanks to the Queen of Hearts, an enchantment was placed on her and I seem to have lost her." Hook said sadly as Jack gave him a slap on the back.

"We can find her mate. Why don't you join me for a drink and we can discuss plans." Jack suggested, pausing as he watched two wenches near them. "Ladies."

The first woman slapped him hard across the face, making Jack wince.

"I deserved that." He muttered before the second slapped him, "I definitely deserve that."

"You bastard!" The one wench cried, the other joining in shortly after with her own slurs and crass comments.

"Ladies, as much as I would love to stand here and listen to your complaints of me and my ways, I have more pressing matters to attend to. My rum is in short supply, small children keep approaching me and insisting on pulling my beard, and now I have you two wenches slapping me and belittling me. Allow me to tell you this, all of this pales in comparison to the fact that my mates ship here has gone missing, savvy?" Jack finished with a pleased smirk, which was quickly replaced with a grimace when both women slapped him and stormed off, leaving Hook wide eyed at the exchange.

"Girlfriends?" Hook asked with a smirk as he watched the women walk off.

"Ex girlfriends." Jack muttered, "Now let's go see about that ship of yours mates, but first! Some rum!" Jack cried happily as the two walked to the ship and hopped on board.

* * *

"Fire in the hole!" Cora cried as she hurled a hotdog up into the tree, hitting Snow's baboon square in the face.

"Mother we need to get her to stop! This is insanity!" Regina yelled as she hurled her own hotdog up into the tree, striking a monkey and making him fall.

"FREDRICK!" Snow screamed as the monkey was knocked from the tree, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!"

"Bring it bitch!" Cora yelled as she prepared another hot dog.

"WITH YOUR LIVES!" Snow screamed as she prepared to throw a mango at Regina.

"What the fuck happened here?" Emma asked as she arrived on the scene. Her eyes landing on her wife and son, both holding fully loaded hotdogs, her father attempting to scale the tree with traces of fruit excess on him, and Cora, mid squeeze of a ketchup bottle as she applied it to her hot dog.

Emma looked at the ground, traces of hotdog, fruit, and…. Shit, littered the ground.

"Why is there shit everywhere?" Emma asked aloud as she took in the sight and took a sip of her slushie.

"Your mother has monkey minions." Regina answered simply.

"And they threw shit at you?" Emma asked.

Henry and Regina nodded in unison as Emma turned her attention back to the tree.

"EMMA DUCK!" Cora screamed as she dove in front of Emma and took a hit to the chest, mango juice running down her front as she hit the ground.

"MOTHER!" Regina cried out as she rushed to the fallen woman, scooping her in her arms and holding her.

"What the actual fuck is happening." Emma muttered as she watched the display.

"Regina. Come closer." Cora whispered, hand clutching her chest.

Regina leaned in closer as Charming and Henry approached.

"What is it mother?" Regina asked softly as she held the woman.

"Okay seriously what the hell?" Emma asked again the two guys as she watched.

Neither answered, too invested in what was happening.

"Closer." Cora whispered hoarsely again.

"Okay seriously it was a fucking mango." Emma countered.

Regina shot her a glare before leaning in close to her mother to listen.

"Kick. Her. Aaaaassssssssss." Cora groaned out before playing dead and going limp in Regina's arms.

"WE SHALL AVENGE HER!" Henry cried as he hurled a hotdog at his other grandma.

Regina grabbed another one and hurled it up into the tree, smacking Snow in the face with an explosion of condiments.

"I'M HIT!" Snow cried as she teetered on the edge of the tree, falling as Charming rushed to catch her in time.

"I got you Snow." Charming soothed as he gently put her on the ground.

"You know what, I don't even wanna fucking know anymore." Emma groaned as she looked to her wife who was currently helping Cora up.

"Well that was interesting." Cora muttered as she stood and fixed herself.

Finally the group turned to face Emma, all of them looking at her strangely while she slurped her slushie.

"What?" Emma demanded as she took another pull on her straw.

"What on earth is on your head?" Regina asked with a cute smirk as she pointed to Emma.

The group suppressed a snicker as they looked at Emma, a Mickey Mouse ear hat sat on her head.

"I got my ears. So what?" Emma replied with a shrug.

"You look like a child." Regina commented with a chuckle as she walked to her wife and embraced her tightly.

"You're just jealous." Emma muttered before placing a kiss on the brunette's lips.

"Of you looking ridiculous?" Regina asked with an arched eyebrow.

"No. That I pull it off better." Emma replied before slapping another pair on Regina's head, making the brunette grumble. "Never mind you totally pull it off better."

Regina smirked as they held hands and ushered the family from that section of the park. They had just made it to the exit when they heard someone from security scream about the mess, making the family double time it.

"Where to now?" Cora asked.

"I could use some food." Snow piped up as Charming nodded in agreement.

"After those hotdogs, no thanks." Henry groaned out as they walked.

"You guys go and grab some food, we may hop on another ride." Emma called as they dragged the family to the nearest ride.

"It's A Small World?" Regina asked as she eyed the entrance to the ride.

"It's annoying, but a classic, everyone has to ride it when they come here." Emma answered as she pulled the brunette along.

"If we must."

"Henry this ride… I feel as if it is calling to me in a strange way." Cora said to her grandson as they followed the two women.

"It's alright Nana. You'll be fine." Henry piped up as he grabbed his Nana's hand and walked in with her.

Emma and Regina had ushered them ahead and decided to take the next cart that came by. They waved their goodbyes to Grandma and grandson, giggling at the perplexed expression on Cora's face as they departed.

The two women took their seats and clasped hands, sitting calmly as the ride began to move.

"This is… strange." Regina commented as they began to move through the ride and the singing started.

"It's a classic."

"There are miniature Dutch people singing an annoying song on repeat." Regina commented dryly.

Suddenly the lights dimmed, leaving the women in the dark.

"Emma?" Regina asked in confusion as her grip on her wife's hand tightened.

"It's alright babe, this ride is super old so it breaks down a lot and takes awhile to fix." Emma commented. Even though Regina could barely make out Emma's features, she knew the blonde wore a mischievous smirk.

"And what exactly do you have in mind dear?" Regina purred, moving closer to her wife and attaching her lips to the blonde's neck.

"I can think of a few things." Emma whimpered as she tilted her head to give her wife more access.

"As can I." Regina muttered before straddling Emma's lap, her hands moving over the front of the blonde's body and palming breasts as she went. A low moan escaped Emma's lips as Regina ground her hips down into Emma's abdomen as she massaged her breasts through her shirt and her lips leaving a trail of kisses down her neck.

**Cora's Plight….**

The ride started out all right at first, Cora was nervous as Henry smirked at his Nana's distress with the ride. Soon the ride was plunged in darkness as they moved and approached a lighted area of small Dutch people singing.

"What is this horror?" Cora demanded with wide eyes as she looked at the people.

"_It's a small world after all." _The little minions sang as Cora felt herself get drawn in to their beady little black eyes.

"FIENDS!"

"Nana calm down it's just a ride."

Cora's eyes bore into the soulless ones of the small Dutch people, as they swayed back and forth as they sang.

"YOU WILL NOT CLAIM MY SOUL YOU LITTLE DOUGH BALLS!" Cora shrieked as she tried to exit the cart.

"_Ma'am, please stay inside of the cart."_ The announcer said over the speaker, making Cora look up at the black ceiling as orange lights danced around her.

"GO AWAY SATAN! YOU SHALL NOT HAVE MY SOUL! NOT YOU OR YOUR LITTLE FUCKING MINIONS!"

"Nana that isn't Satan!"

"I WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE HENRY!" Cora screamed as she tried to protect her grandson. The minions drawing in closer and closer as they sang.

"BE GONE!" Cora shrieked out before standing and kicking a nearby Dutch villager, knocking it clean off of it's resting place.

"_It's a small __**woooorrllddddd**__."_ The singing drawled out as the ride came to a halt, plunging them in darkness.

**Emma and Regina**

"Fuck, right there." Regina growled out as she rocked her hips against her wife's talented fingers, the blonde's lips firmly attached to an olive toned neck.

Regina felt her orgasm fast approaching, she was just about to tip over the edge when bright lights came on and a voice was heard overhead.

"_Ladies if you could please dress yourselves and make your way to the nearest exit, that would be greatly appreciated. Sorry but no sex on the rides."_

Regina sprang off of Emma and landed on the bottom of the cart with a thud, as both women scrambled to make themselves decent.

"FUCK!" Emma yelped as she landed on top of Regina, her mouse ears crooked as she attempted to fix her shirt and bra.

Regina pulled her shirt over her head quickly and buttoned her pants up, quickly grabbing Emma's hand and pulling her from the cart.

"_Ladies you forgot your bra."_

Regina turned red as a tomato as she whipped around and grabbed the bra from the cart, dragging Emma to the nearest exit and going to wait for Cora and Henry.

**Cora…**

The lights came on suddenly, blinding Henry briefly before he could look over to his Nana… who currently looked like she was in a daze. He waved his hand in front of her face but her eyes didn't blink and she didn't register him.

"Nana?" Henry asked softly, poking her cheek to try and get a reaction out of her.

Finally after giving up, the lights went out once more and they continued on the ride. The little Dutch people picked up their singing once more as they progressed on the ride.

"It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all." Cora sang softly with a blank expression as they continued, Henry shooting concerned looks out of the corner of his eye.

By the end of the ride Cora was rocking herself back and forth and Henry started to grow concerned, finally when the ride stopped he could see her clearly and assess the damage.

"Nana?"

"It's a small world Henry… It's such a small world." Cora muttered with a bit of a crazy laugh.

"Woah." Henry muttered as he watched the spectacle. "We should go find Moms."

"We will find them Henry, small world remember?" Cora muttered.

"Okkaaaayyy." Henry gave a nervous laugh as he spotted his mothers up ahead, "Moms! Something is wrong with Nana!"

"Henry what's wrong with her?" Regina asked concerned, forgetting her embarrassment for a moment as she looked at her mother's condition.

"She got totally weird after the ride."

"It's a small world after all." Cora sang softly in a small voice.

"Yeah that happens sometimes." Emma commented idly and moved around to stand next to Cora. "VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" She screamed loudly, startling Cora and making her jump up in the air.

"WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING ARMADA WHERE!?" Cora spazzed, looking around frantically as she tried to get a bearing on her position.

"See she's fine!" Emma said with a smirk as Henry rolled his eyes and muttered about going to find his other grandparents.

"Wait a sec. You two were behind us… How did you beat us?" Cora asked confused as she pointed to the two women. Neither said anything, but a blush crept up both of their faces. "Oh you two didn't-."

Cora trailed off, watching as their faces got even redder.

"We didn't do anything." Emma defended quickly.

"Oh really Emma? Your nipples are doing that thing they do when you're thinking about Regina." Cora countered, making Emma look down at her breasts quickly and blush furiously.

"Oh you two did. Seriously, on the ride? You two decided to fuck like horny teens on a ride." Cora stated with an eye roll.

"It was Emma's idea." Regina muttered.

"Regina initiated it." Emma countered.

"I don't care who started what. You two got kicked off of that creepy ass ride for doing it. You couldn't wait till we were back on the ship?"

Regina mumbled something but Cora didn't catch it. A smirk graced her lips though as she realized that Regina's urges probably had something to do with a bun in the oven.

"Oh I get it. You're preggo so you're horny all the time. Kinky bitches." Cora concluded with a bright smile and shake of her head as she walked away.

"You're pregnant?" Emma asked with raised eyebrows, a hopeful look in her eyes.

"I don't think so dear, I was just sea sick on the boat." Regina stated sadly as they both glanced at her stomach. "I'll take a test when we get back to Storybrooke."

Emma gave a sad nod before a smirk graced her features.

"So you didn't get to finish before." Emma stated with a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Emma we can't ditch the family."

"Yes we can, we're quick, they will hardly miss us." Emma tried again, pulling out her puppy dog eyes.

"Alright alright, fine. Let's go before they see us." Regina ushered as they snuck off and away from the family.

"Has anyone seen Hook lately?" Cora asked the group, when they all shook their heads no Cora gave a sigh, "Perhaps we should go and look for him."

The group nodded their agreement before setting off towards the pirate ship in the distance, no one commented on Emma and Regina sneaking off, considering the fact that they all knew why they were sneaking off in the first place.

"He should be around here somewhere." Cora muttered as she surveyed the area.

"Do you hear that noise?" Snow asked the group, all of them listening closely and then turning their eyes to the sound.

Hook and Jack came barreling around a corner, arms flailing as they ran, with a large group of women chasing after them.

"YOU CAN HOIST MY SAILS ANY DAY CAPTAIN!" One woman called out, making Jack and Hook share a look.

"Who was she talking to?" Hook asked as they ran.

"No idea mate, but there isn't enough rum in this land to get me to sail that ship." Jack countered before ushering Hook onto the ship and hiding out.

"Great. Fucking pirates always getting into trouble." Cora grumbled before walking towards the group. "Alright ladies, back it up, nothing to see here."

Cora yelled out to the group of women, making them turn and look at her.

"Captain Cora!" A woman pointed out, making some of them give collective "ohs".

"She's the captain of our armada!" The woman cried out.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Cora yelled happily.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Came the response.

"This family." Henry muttered with a laugh before he spotted a cute girl that look his age, nearby. He gave a smirk to himself and smoothed his hair back before walking over.

"Hi." Henry said to the girl as he approached, "I'm Henry."

"Emily." The girl responded with a smile, "You're the Swan Queen's kid right?"

Henry gave a chuckle and nodded.

"That's so cute. Your mom's look good together." Emily commented, making Henry smile. "Although I have to say, I think that your blonde mother look pretty good with that Pirate Hook though."

Henry gave a blank stare at the girl in front of him before turning around and slowly walking over to his Nana and her recent armada troops.

"Nana."

"Yes Henry?"

"She ships Captain Swan."

Cora's eyes landed on the young girl, staring at them in confusion.

"Snow." Cora called, not taking her eyes off of the young girl as the brunette approached. "Take care of it."

Snow gave a firm nod before giving a shrill whistle. The area became quiet and the flapping of wings could be heard in the distance, a dozen blue birds flew into view as Snow gave another whistle and pointed to the girl. The birds zeroed in on her and started to chase her as she ran off screaming and jumped into the nearby water.

"Well done Henry. Weeding out the traitors to the cause." Cora gave him a firm pat on the back before retreating inside the ship to get Hook.

When Cora entered, Hook and Jack were sitting at a table with two empty bottles of rum, and playing cards.

"Ah! Here she is mate, this is Cora, the Captain of our cause."

"Pleasure to meet you lass. Hook here has told me quite a lot about you. Sit down, join us in a game." Jack said with a smile as he poured her a drink.

**Some time later…**

"Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!" The trio sang loudly and clanked glasses, downing the rest of their rum.

"I have to say mate, this one here swears like a pirate, and she drinks like one too." Jack said with a smirk as he clanked glasses with her again.

"You aren't so bad yourself Jack. You should come back to Storybrooke with us, we could use a new addition to the cause."

"Can't love, the open sea is it for me." Jack replied.

"Cora?" Snow's voice echoed, "We need to get going, they're ushering the cruise ship passengers back on board."

"Be right there!" Cora called. "Are you sure Captain?"

"Positive love, but I will try and come visit when I can, and Hook. I will help you find your ship yet mate."

Cora bid the man farewell and headed back outside with Hook in tow, their group coming together once more as they began to walk.

"Where's Regina and Emma?" Snow asked as she looked around the group.

"They scampered off to have sex." Cora answered with a shrug.

"Didn't need to know that." Charming piped up.

"Don't be such a prude Charming. Your daughter handles herself well enough."

"Still don't need to know."

"I mean from what I had heard before I moved out, your daughter was really sticking it to mine pretty good."

"Nope."

"But then again, Emma has taking her fair share of pounding too."

"Please stop."

"You should hear them. Dear god. They sound like animals."

"Fuck my life."

"Hey guys!" Emma's voice called out as her and Regina approached, both of them wearing bright smiles of content.

"You two done fucking now?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow, smirking when they both blushed a deep red.

"Let's get back on board shall we?" Regina suggested, her voice going up an octave as they boarded the ship once more.

"Sir I am going to have to examine your jar." The security guard said to Hook, making the group pause and look at the jar they hadn't noticed he was holding.

"No."

"Sir I need to-."

"No." Hook said again, clutching the jar tightly.

"Sir-."

"NO! MY JAR MINE!"

"The fuck?" Cora blurted out as she watched Hook run away from the security guard.

"SIR PUT DOWN THE JAR!"

"HOOK FOR GOD SAKE WHAT IS IN THE DAMN JAR!" Cora called after the men.

"I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, and you don't know what's in it." Hook taunted as he danced and held the jar above his head proudly.

"SIR HAND OVER THE JAR!"

Hook stopped running and turned to the family.

"I will see all of you back home. Until then loves." Hook saluted before jumping overboard with his jar of dirt.

"HOOK!" The group yelled as they ran to the side of the boat, looking over and trying to catch a sign of Hook.

"There!" Snow cried out, pointing ahead.

"Well shit." Cora muttered with a smirk as she watched Captain Jack Sparrow steer the Black Pearl into view as Hook swam to it, climbing on board.

He gave a wave and the group returned it.

"Is that Jack Sparrow?" Charming asked, recalling seeing the movies.

"CAPTAIN!" The group replied tersely as they waved at the departing ship.

"I got you something." Regina whispered in Emma's ear, drawing her attention.

"What?" Emma asked with a smirk as her eyes flickered down to Regina's lips.

"Nothing for that dear." Regina replied, "Close your eyes."

Emma did as instructed and she felt Regina pull her hands forward, she then felt something fluffy being pressed into her hands.

"Open them." Regina instructed, smirking proudly when Emma's eyes widened.

"POOH! HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU BOUGHT ME A STUFFED HUNK OF FLUFF FOR MY VERY OWN!" Emma yelled excitedly before attacking her wife with kisses as Regina giggled.

"They may be kinky bitches Henry, but they are cute kinky bitches." Cora told her grandson with a smirk.

"Yeah they sure are."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you all liked this chapter as well. Don't forget to review! **


	24. SPIT

**Here's the newest chapter everyone.**

**Quick description, **

**Italics represent video **

**Bold represents descriptions**

**Normal is present.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Once or quotes I used from the Tumblr gifset.**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I got the idea off of a post on Tumblr that was created by Bonestrewn. Sorry for any confusion prior! All credit for quotes goes to that Tumblr user :)**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

Cora sat on the couch in her apartment, entranced by the television show that she was currently watching. There was something called a 'marathon' happening in which this show aired all weekend long, morning into the night and then into the morning once more.

Needless to say, Cora had been up for 36 hours straight so far, and she couldn't bear to take her eyes off of the screen. Ruby had called a few times but she hadn't answered, the same went for Regina and Emma but she assumed they would just think she was busy with Ruby and she would get back to them when she wasn't preoccupied.

"No. Don't go in that room!" Cora yelled at the TV, throwing a handle full of popcorn at the screen.

"_If there is anyone here, talk to us. We mean you no harm. Send us a sign." _The man's voice flitted from the screen as Cora watched, unblinking, as she shoved a handful of popcorn into her mouth… rather ungracefully.

A loud noise echoed from the TV, making the man and his crew on the screen jump in fright.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" Cora screamed, flinging her hand out and causing her popcorn bowl to go flying across the room.

"Cora?" She heard Ruby's tentative question from outside her apartment door, followed by some soft knocks.

"JESUS HAVE YOU PEOPLE LEARNED NOTHING FROM THE LAST HOUSE YOU VISITED!? SHIT. GETS. REAL!" Cora yelled at the TV, waving her hands frantically.

Her apartment door opened and Ruby entered, softly shutting the door behind her as she made a beeline for her blinds, quickly opening them and exposing Cora to the bright morning sunlight.

A loud hiss erupted from Cora's mouth as the sunlight hit her, causing her to quickly duck underneath her blanket on the couch.

"For god sakes babe, you've been hauled up in here for like 36 freaking hours! What the hell have you been doing?" Ruby demanded, coming to sit next to her still hissing girlfriend.

"The sun!" Cora called from beneath the blanket, "it burns!"

"Last I checked you weren't a vampire." Ruby said with a chuckle before pouncing on the covered woman, pulling the blanket back to peer at her.

"I've been sitting in total darkness watching Ghost Hunters." Cora answered, her eyes meeting Ruby's.

"This entire time?!"

"Hey! Don't hate the fan, hate the show." Cora replied with a serious expression, "I think doing one of these… Ghost hunts, would be quite entertaining. We could have someone film it and everything! We could make our own show!"

"Cora you are ridiculous." Ruby teased with a smirk.

"Ruby I am serious. We can all go to a haunted house and interview each other. It will be wonderful!"

"Yeah? What's it gonna be called?"

"Storybrooke Paranormal Investigative Team… or S.P.I.T." Cora answered immediately.

"You thought about this didn't you."

"I don't need your hate Lucas."

* * *

"EMMA!" Regina screamed loudly from the bathroom, making her blonde wife groan from their bed.

"Whaaaaaaattt." Emma groaned out, covering her head with a pillow as she heard the bathroom door rip open and hit the wall.

"For fuck sake Emma wake up this is serious!" Regina yelled, ripping the covers off of her wife. Even through Emma's haze she could tell there was a hitch of excitement in the brunette's voice.

"I'm up I'm up, what is it?" Emma groaned as she lifted the pillow from her head.

Something small hit her chest and she looked down, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as she glanced down at the offending object.

"Jesus Regina, it's too early for you to be throwing pregnancy tests at me and jesus YOU FUCKING PEED ON THIS AND NOW IT IS ON MY CHEST AND-" Emma's rant died off quickly as she saw the little positive strip, making her look up at her wife who had a beaming smile and watery eyes.

"I'm pregnant." Regina stated simply, the words practically whispered as she looked to the woman that helped create the tiny life growing inside her.

"You're pregnant." Emma repeated, her eyes blown wide before they shrunk in recognition and a bright smile graced her face. "We're going to have a baby!"

Regina let out a melodious laugh as Emma pulled her down onto her and began smothering her with kisses.

"I love you so much." Emma muttered as she placed kiss after kiss across Regina's face and then down to her stomach, kissing the very slightly bumped surface.

"We are having a magical baby." Regina murmured as she brought Emma's lips back to her own, their kisses becoming heated quickly as they basked in the glow of their love.

Their clothes were discarded quickly as they began to softly grind against each other, the room filled with sounds of their murmured words of love and groans of pleasure.

Until it was interrupted.

"Of for god sakes put some damn clothes on, this isn't a brothel!" Cora huffed out as she entered the room and quickly spun so her back faced the girls.

"MOTHER!"

"DAMNIT CORA!" The women shouted at the same time as they hastily covered their bodies with the sheets, the pregnancy test going flying towards Cora in the process.

"What is this contraption?" Cora asked as she picked up the object, examining it.

Her eyes widened as she realized that it was in fact a pregnancy test, and it did in fact confirm Regina's pregnancy. Cora slowly turned to face the beaming and blushing women, a mask of pure shock on her own face.

"Baby?" Cora asked tentatively, holding up the stick.

"Baby." Regina confirmed with a watery smile.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cora shrieked out, quickly running and jumping on top of the two women.

"MOTHER!"

"A BABY REGINA! YOU FINALLY ARE GIVING ME A MAGICAL BABY GRANDCHILD! THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING DAY EVER!" Cora yelled loudly as she hugged her daughter and daughter-in-law.

"She seems happy." Emma commented with a laugh as Cora calmed down and sat back to regard the two women.

"Mother, what are you doing here exactly? You sort of interrupted myself and Emma's celebration."

"Oh right, well I have this idea-."

"No." Both Regina and Emma answered at the same time.

"You didn't even hear it!"

"We don't need to." Regina replied smoothly.

"It's gonna get me in trouble, whatever it is." Emma mumbled.

"It will not!" Cora replied with a huff. "Anyways my idea is that we round up our friends and go on a haunted house, ghost hunting trip."

Regina just stared blankly at her mother.

"A what now?"

"That. Is. AWESOME!" Emma squealed, "Awww Regina can we do it can we can we pleeeeaaaasseeeee!?"

Emma began begging, resting her head on her wife's shoulder and giving her the best puppy eyes she could muster.

A roll of the brunette's eyes told Emma that they would participate, making the blonde give a fist pump in victory.

"So where are we going?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"The old McDonald farm." Cora answered quickly, making Emma give a confused stare.

"Old McDonald? As in E, I, E, I, O?" Emma asked.

"Precisely. Word is that the man went batshit crazy with all of those animals of his and sang that horrid song until his death." Cora said darkly, making Emma gulp and Regina give an eye roll.

"And who all is participating?" Regina asked.

"I have already spoken to everyone else and they are all in. So we have myself, you, Emma, Ruby, Granny, Snow, and Hook on camera." Cora answered with a smile.

"Camera?" Regina asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes and we will be filmed and we will be known as S.P.I.T. which stands for Storybrooke Paranormal Investigative Team." Cora finished with a proud smirk.

"This is gonna be a shit show." Regina muttered as she fell back on the bed.

* * *

"Alright let's get ready to move out people!" Cora called to her crew as they finished loading the Mystery Machine.

"Cora where did you get this van?" Emma asked in awe as she continued to load.

"Off of the gang, why do you ask?"

"And they just allowed you to borrow it?" Emma asked as she touched the famous van.

"I gave Shaggy some weed, he and Scooby will be preoccupied with their activities." Cora replied flippantly as she walked away.

"That's everything Cora." Granny stated as she and Ruby patted the back of the van doors.

"You got your shit White Chocolate?" Cora asked, turning to the pixie haired brunette.

"Affirmative." Snow replied as she patted her stuffed bunny rabbit hanging from her fanny pack.

"I can't believe I am related to her." Emma muttered to her wife who merely snickered in response.

"Alright gang… Let's move out. Hook in the back of the van?" Cora asked as she hopped into the drivers seat.

"All set love!" Hook called out.

The group made their way towards the Old McDonald farm; it was only seven o'clock, allowing the group to get there in a decent amount of time to set up their equipment and scope out the property.

"This is the place?" Emma asked as she squeezed her wife's hand.

"This place is fucking creepy." Ruby chimed in as she peered out the window.

The group parked outside of the old farmhouse and stepped out of the Mystery Machine, unloading the van quickly and making their way into the abandoned home.

"You can practically smell the death, lingering in the air like a haunting melody, the song starting out nice and soft before it will eventually crest and break, ending in a shattering note that will shake your world and tear you apart, all within a single a night." Granny said darkly, making everyone stop what they were doing to stare at the woman.

"Calm down there Edgar Allen Poe." Cora stated as she held out her hand before moving on to the rooms.

The group split briefly just to check their surroundings before regrouping in the living room to receive their orders.

"Alright. Here's what's up everyone. We need to split into groups. Since we have an odd number and Ruby decided to be a pussy and get out of actually hunting, she will be stationed here in the living room watching over everyone's individual cameras and EMF readers on the computer screens." Cora began, pointing to where Ruby was unpacking her gear.

"Granny and I will be one group, Emma and Regina the other, and Snow and Hook in the last. There are three areas to cover in the house; the upstairs, the basement, and the old barn and field where McDonald lost his E, I, O's." Cora instructed, "Granny and I will take the upstairs, Emma and Regina the basement, and Snow and Hook get the barn. Any questions?"

"I believe we are set." Regina muttered to her mother as she helped Emma with her personal camera that would show both her face and surroundings.

"Perfect. Once Ruby gives us the go ahead we can take our positions. It's best to wait until nightfall though, which is in precisely 15 minutes." Cora told the group, urging everyone forward to put their hands in a circle.

"Is this really necessary?" Regina asked with a sigh.

"WE ARE A TEAM SASSGINA! YES THIS IS FUCKING NECESSARY!" Cora yelled as she urged her daughter to place her hand in with everyone else.

"So are we doing a chant of some sort?" Hook asked his Captain, eyeing the hands in the middle.

"I came up with the perfect thing." Cora answered giddly, "When I say S.P.I.T. you say S.P.I.T.! S.P.I.T.!" Cora chanted, urging everyone to repeat.

"S.P.I.T." The group replied, only Hook and Granny replying enthusiastically.

"S.P.I.T.!" Cora cried before spitting right onto the group of hands, a bright smile on her face.

No one moved for a minute, just allowing this all to sink in.

"You did NOT just spit on our hands." Regina stated with disgust before wrenching her hand from the pile and magicking everyone else's hands clean.

* * *

"I got the popcorn." Ruby stated proudly as she plopped down on the couch next to Cora.

Their hunting excursion went off well enough, and Cora insisted on having every aspect recorded and put on a DVD for them all to enjoy, complete with interviews. Now they settled down to watch their trip.

The room was silent as it began to play, the group watching intently as the S.P.I.T. logo came up on the screen that Ruby created.

"That logo looks like shit." Emma mumbled to her wife, receiving a smack on the back of the head from Ruby.

"_It's really fucking dark." Cora muttered through her mic as she sat in one bedroom, Granny down the hall in the other._

"_Yeah I can't see a damn thing." Granny's reply came through the feed._

**Emma and Regina, Investigators.**

"_I swear to Oz if I trip and fall…" Regina trailed off, sitting down with a huff._

"_Can't trip if you aren't walking." Emma muttered. "OW! What was that for!?"_

"_Hey how about you two bitches shut up, you'll scare the ghosts away!" Cora's voice flitted over the mic, making the women grumble._

**Snow and Hook, Investigators and Camera Person.**

"_Animals used to live here Hook." Snow muttered as they walked towards the barn. Hook's camera trained on Snow in front of him._

"_Yes, well, now they are dead and we are traipsing through an old haunted property!" Hook replied, a waver in his voice. "BLOODY HELL WHAT WAS THAT!?_

_The camera shook quickly, falling to the ground with a thud._

"_It was just a branch!" Snow replied with a huff, making Hook grumble as he picked up the muddy camera._

**Cora and Granny, Investigators.**

"_I can't take anyone anywhere." Cora muttered to herself in the dark room, before pulling out her voice recorder and clicking it on. "Is there anyone in this room with me?"_

_Silence filled the room and the camera paned to Granny._

"_If you can hear us, give us a sign." Granny urged, her eyes glowing in the night vision._

_A scraping noise echoed throughout the hallway._

"_HOLY FUCK DID YOU HEAR THAT!?" Cora screamed into her mic._

"_Maybe it was a mouse." Granny replied, her ears on high alert._

"_Fuck fuck fuck."_

**Emma and Regina, Investigators.**

"_Emma what on earth are you-?"_

"_We didn't get to finish celebrating earlier." Emma murmured as she straddled her wife's lap, planting kisses over her neck._

"Oh for fuck sake you kinky bitches." Cora groaned out as she watched the screen, receiving a slap from her daughter-in-law.

"Shut up." Emma grumbled as she sat back and continued to watch.

"_Wait Emma. What was that?" Regina whispered, pausing Emma's ministrations as they listened._

_Suddenly a shadow moved quickly across the screen._

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Cora yelled in horror as she pointed and watched, the whole room gasping.

"_Did you hear that?" Emma whispered, both women looking around the dark room but their eyes landing on nothingness._

"_I'm sure it was nothing." Regina assured, rubbing soothing circles on Emma's arms._

"_No babe… You don't understand." Emma began, but a loud bang from the room made her scream like a little girl and cling to Regina like a kitten trying to avoid a bath. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" Emma screamed out and the sudden movement caused the girls to topple backwards._

* * *

**Emma Swan-Mills (Investigator and White Knight) Interview.**

"_I guess you could say that I am the leader of the group." Emma began with a cocky smirk. "I am the White Knight after all, and I have to protect my Queen no matter what."_

"Please. She screamed the whole time." Regina scoffed as she watched, earning a pinch from her wife.

* * *

**Snow and Hook, Investigators and Camera Person.**

"_Snow. This is really freaking me out." Hook whispered as they approached the barn, the camera shaking as they opened the doors and entered the abandoned building._

"_Think of all the animals Hook."_

"_Snow will you shut up about the bloody animals?! They are dead!"_

"_THEY HAD FAMILIES HOOK!"_

"_Yes well now they and their family is dead and gone, served them real well that did." Hook replied as the camera scanned the room._

"_Why don't you take the outside field so you don't freak out so much?" Snow suggested, her eyes glowing big and bright in the camera._

"_That sounds good to me, yeah. Less scary out there." Hook muttered as he exited the barn._

"_We're all alone now." Snow sing songed to the room._

"What. The actual. Snickerdoodle." Cora stated blankly as she glanced to Snow. "ARE YOU SOME SORT OF FUCKING DEMON!"

"Cora, shut up!" Ruby scolded, swatting at her girlfriend.

* * *

**Snow White (AKA White Chocolate) Interview.**

"_Why did I join the team? … No idea." Snow stated honestly before looking down and then continuing hesitantly, "Cora can be… very persuasive." Snow finished, holding up her stuffed rabbit and petting it for comfort._

* * *

**Cora and Granny.**

"_This is fucking freaky." Cora whispered through the mic._

"_Probably McDonald's wife." Granny answered, suspicion heavy in her voice._

"_Why do you say that?"_

"_Because you're sitting in her room and that woman was damn possessive. I wouldn't be surprised if she got pissed that you are in there."_

_Silence encased the women._

_Suddenly one of the drawers opened from the dresser near Cora, causing the woman to scream loudly and lash out with magic._

"_Damnit Cora! Mrs. McDonald hated magic!" Granny scolded, making Cora whimper._

"_I'm sorry Mrs. Mc- HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOPE NOPE NOPE I AM DONE!" Cora yelled before dashing from the room._

* * *

**Cora (Captain of the SQ Armada and Pain in the ass) Interview.**

"_I don't know what happened. It just got really cold and clammy and it felt like someone touched me. I just couldn't stay in that room any longer." Cora began, sitting regally in her chair as she reflected on the moment._

"_You know Emma referred to herself as the leader of the group?" Ruby asked, her voice flitting from behind the camera._

"_WHAT?! THAT PESKY BLONDE IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE LEADER OF THIS TEAM! BITCH CAN'T EVEN TWERK!" Cora yelled, huffing and standing from her seat._

* * *

**Emma and Regina.**

"_Babe I'm scared." Emma whimpered as she continued to cling to Regina's form._

"_Emma there is nothing to be afraid of. Ghosts are harmless."_

"_How do you know?"_

"_I had a ghost as a friend when I was four." Regina answered with a small shrug._

"_Who the fuck did I marry?"_

"_Excuse you?"_

"_My wife was friends with a ghost?! How fucked up was that!" Emma exclaimed, hopping off of Regina's lap._

"_Well excuse me for being a lonely child!" Regina huffed out and stormed out of the room, the camera lens following her movement thanks to Ruby._

"_You better not be fucking recording this!" Regina yelled out as she disappeared from sight._

* * *

**Regina Swan-Mills (Former Evil Queen and not a Porn Star) Interview.**

"_I'm not used to have the cameras on me. Emma and I have had disagreements in the past where she's wanted to film us having sex but… I'm camera shy." Regina admitted to Ruby, shooting an anxious glare at the camera._

* * *

**Snow and Hook.**

"_You're fine mate. No ghosts out here. No one can hurt you." Hook mumbled to himself as he walked near the pasture, the camera panning the whole field before he turned the camera towards himself._

"_So I am currently outside of the barn, walking near the field and it is piss dark outside, can't see a bloody thing." Hook told the camera, his eyes briefly flicking up to keep an eye out before moving back to the camera, "Snow is inside the barn, probably bonding with some dead animals or something. I can't believe I let Cora talk me into this." Hook muttered as he continued._

_He paused briefly, getting his bearings._

"_So anyways- OH MY CAPTAIN MORGAN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT THING!?" Hook screamed out before he took off at a run, hopping over the fence and dropping the camera. A shadowy figured closely behind him as he grabbed the camera and continued to run, making a beeline for the house, screaming like a little girl the entire way._

* * *

**Captain Killian Jones (AKA Hook, Pirate extraordinaire and pansy) Interview.**

"_Captain Jack Sparrow never had to put up with this shit." Hook muttered, waving his hook in the air, "Sure he dealt with pirate zombies and what have you but this… this is on a totally different level mate."_

* * *

**Snow.**

"_If there are any animals in here, please make yourselves known to me." Snow asked politely as she took a seat in the center of the barn, her eyes looking around as her personal camera focused on her face._

_Snow's eyes focused on something in the distance, a tiny smile breaking out on her face as she eyed the creature that was near the entrance of the barn._

"_Well hello there little guy." Snow started softly, cooing at the animal. She flipped her camera around so it could focus on the white apparition._

_Suddenly the bunny's head fell off, making Snow give a blood-curdling scream._

**Cora and Granny.**

"_I couldn't sit in there by myself anymore." Cora muttered as she sat on the bed, her eyes seeking out Granny's hidden form._

"_Damn ghosts." Granny mumbled._

"_Are you sure that's what it was?"_

"_No idea. Could've been a demon for all I know." Granny replied suspiciously, her bright eyes searching the room._

"_A demon?"_

"_Yeah a demon. Gotta watch out for those bad boys. If that's the case here we will have to call in the Winchester's and have them take care of it." Granny replied as she leaned back in her chair in the corner._

"_Let's hope it doesn't come to NOT THE DUTCH PEOPLE!" Cora screamed, the camera showing the small dutch people that flashed in and out of view, "IT ISN'T A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!"_

"_It's starting."_

* * *

**Widow Lucas (AKA Granny and First Mate of the SQ armada and badass) Interview.**

"_I've seen some shit." Granny stated bluntly before taking a drag of her cigarette._

* * *

**Emma and Regina.**

"_Baby come back!" Emma cried out as she darted through the dark rooms, eventually running into a body and grasping on to it._

"_There you are I have been looking everywhere down here!" Emma whimpered as she hugged the body tighter, her eyes opening in shock as the camera zoomed in, "You aren't Gina."_

"_No." The voice growled out, making Emma scream like a little girl before she took off running, tripping over various boxes before the camera panned out to show her stumble into Regina's waiting arms._

"_Shhh I have you it's alright." Regina soothed, magicking lights on in the basement so Emma could calm down._

* * *

**Emma Swan-Mills (Traumatized) Interview 2.**

_The camera panned in on Emma's far away gaze, her green orbs slowly meeting the camera lens once more._

"_Never-a fucking-gain. You hear that Cora?" Emma asked the camera before shaking her head._

* * *

**Snow.**

_Snow sat huddled in a corner of the barn; her camera trained on her face as tears streamed down, broken sobs escaping her lips._

"_I'm freaking out." She whimpered. "They took Mr. Carrot."_

_Snow broke into another fit of sobs._

"_What if I never see him again?" She asked the camera as she cried, before her eyes trained on something. "No. Please. No more. NOT AGAIN!"_

_She hit the button for the camera, flipping it to show what she was seeing._

_Mr. Carrot hanging from a rope in the barn._

* * *

**Snow White (Obsessed with animals) Interview 2.**

"_I got him back." Snow said shakily as she held up the worn and torn rabbit._

* * *

**The group.**

"_Well this was exciting. My wife is having a panic attack." Regina stated as she entered the living room, Emma clinging to her arm for dear life._

"_Please. Hook pissed himself." Ruby chimed in._

"_I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!" Hook shrieked, shifting self-consciously on his feet._

"_I change my mind about this whole thing." Cora muttered as she entered the room, walking over to Ruby and falling into her arms._

"_I put a salt circle around this area. We should be safe." Granny said sternly as she eyed the room._

"_Anyone seen Snow?" Ruby asked as she continued to hug Cora._

_Everyone shook their heads no._

"_Aw fuck." _

**Daylight breaks and the group heads out to the barn to find Snow.**

"_Snow?" Regina called out tentatively as she and Granny, being the bravest two, enter the barn._

"_Shhh it's okay Mr. Carrot, mommies here." Snow cooed softly as she cradled the rabbit in her hands._

"_Snow?" Regina repeated as Granny pulled out a bottle of holy water._

"_They got Mr. Carrot Regina." Snow stated, holding up the stuffed rabbit that was now missing his head._

"_Ah damnit." Regina muttered as she looked at the stuffed animal._

* * *

**Dr. Hopper (AKA Archie. Got his PHd from a curse.) Interview.**

"_I have seen everyone who went on this ghost hunting trip. Some handled it better than others." Archie gave a light chuckle and paused, "Snow is still recovering from the loss of Mr. Carrot. The funeral was two days ago, she seems to be handling it all very well but only time will tell… And like I said before, I have seen everyone in the group." _

_Archie glanced down at his hands before looking back to the camera._

"_Cora you're paying the bill."_

* * *

**A/N: So there was the latest chapter. Don't forget to review.**

**Also anyone who reads my other story From Here To Kingdom Come, I don't know when I will be able to update next so just bear with me okay? I'm still swamped with school and stayed up to write this chapter for everyone.**


	25. The Holy Grail

**Here is chapter 25 everyone. I'm sorry about the wait. School was insane. But I am done now so I hope to update more frequently :)**

**This chapter is mainly Cora and Emma with some Swan Queen.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Once OR Monty Python and the Holy Grail. All direct quotes are not mine.**

_**Yes. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you haven't seen this movie please go and watch it prior to reading the story because you will NOT get the jokes.**_

**But most people have seen it.**

**I hope...**

**Also please read the chapter and the ending Author's Note.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

"Emma you look like shit." Cora stated eyeing the blonde up and down. "The fuck happened to you?"

"Your daughter happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I love Regina but these fucking pregnancy hormones are killing me." Emma groaned out, rubbing her exhausted eyes.

"How so?" Cora asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Well one minute she will be all cute and loving and then it spirals into horny Regina, which is fine and I love, but then it spirals into angry Regina if I have literally one thing out of place in the house and she has cravings and gets sad because even though she isn't showing much she thinks she's getting fat which she isn't and I just I CAN'T KEEP HANDLING IT CORA I AM LOSING MY SHIT!" Emma yelled, finishing her rant and waving her hands.

"Why don't you and I have some bonding time again?" Cora asked after thinking for a moment.

"I can't leave Regina on her own." Emma groaned again, banging her head off of the table in front of her.

"You won't have to… I have an idea." Cora replied easily with a smirk.

Emma eyed Cora for a minute, eyebrows creasing together in suspicion.

"Whatchu thinkin bout Cora?" Emma asked suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it. I got it under control."

"Cora."

"Nope."

"Ugh. Fine." Emma groaned out again and leaned back in her chair, swiveling on the spot a little. "Let me know what you have in mind."

"Of course dear." Cora replied easily with a wave of her hand. "Sit back and I will take care of everything."

* * *

"Just take two drops of that and it should clear it right up." Blue told Sneezy, him giving a small grunt of gratitude as he exited the room.

"Hello Rachel." Cora said darkly, entering the room and smirking as Blue gasped and jumped, landing into the wall with a thud.

"C-cora." Blue stuttered out, eyes wide as she looked at the woman, "What're you doing here?"

"I need your assistance."

"And what makes you think I would even want to help you?"

Cora raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Because you won't have a choice." Cora said before preparing to swing. Blue caught the motion and blocked Cora's hit, smacking her in the face and buying her enough time to scamper away.

"FUCKING RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled as she held her nose, watching Blue's retreating figure.

She gave a wave of her hands and disappeared into a puff of smoke, reappearing near Blue and causing the woman to shriek before running off again, Cora hot on her tail.

"COME BACK HERE YOU BLASTED FAIRY!"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Blue yelled out before rounding a corner.

"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED!" Cora yelled back as she tried to pick up her pace, running quicker and making a dive for Blue.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU OLD DERANGED BAT!" Blue shrieked, trying to fight Cora off but instead the woman pinned Blue to the ground.

"Now listen here Rachel, you can either shut up and take this potion or I can sell your organs on the black market. So what's it gonna be?" Cora asked Blue with a smirk.

Blue's eyes widened as she glanced at the potion and gave a groan of acceptance, making Cora smirk triumphantly.

"Why do you need me to take this potion?" Blue asked as she gulped it down.

"I just need to borrow your body for awhile." Cora replied flippantly.

"Wait wha-." Blue began but fell backwards with a thud, unconsciousness claiming her.

"Well that was easy." Cora muttered to herself as she magically poofed a sled behind her, lifting Blue onto it before beginning to pull her down the street.

She whistled as she walked, Blue's unconscious body gliding behind her on the sled.

"Captain?" Granny's voice rang out, a hint of confusion in it as she approached the women.

Cora froze in her tracks, turning to give a sheepish smile to the older woman.

"Oh goddamnit Cora not again!" Granny huffed out, waving her arms at Blue's unconscious form.

"EMMA AND I HAVE PLANS OKAY?!"

"Do these plans involve unconscious fairies?"

"OBVIOUSLY! Why the fuck else would I have fucking Rachel Tice unconscious on a sled?" Cora demanded, a hand on her hip in defiance.

"Alright just don't let Regina find out." Granny warned.

"Let Regina find out what?"

Both women froze where they stood, Cora's eyes bulging to the size of golf balls as she took in the form of her daughter behind Granny.

"She's right behind me isn't she?" Granny asked with a small groan.

"Mother why is Blue unconscious on a sled?" Regina asked, a hint of disapproval in her voice as her hand rested on the slightly protruding baby bump.

"Nothing to concern yourself with darling, Armada business." Cora replied smoothly before walking to her daughter, "Now how is my little cupcake?"

Her attention turned to the magical baby growing in Regina's womb, her hand coming out and resting on a slightly swollen belly.

"Still growing." Regina commented softly, she still couldn't believe that she was pregnant with Emma's child. It seemed so surreal and the thought still brought tears to her eyes.

"Well Nana has to go and deal with the pesky fairy but you keep on growing cupcake." Cora cooed to Regina's stomach, lightly kissing it before giving her daughter a hug.

* * *

"Goddamnit what is this bitch made out of?!" Cora huffed as she hauled Blue's ass from the sled and sat her on the ground.

"Are you sure you want to do this again?" Jefferson asked the woman, eyeing Blue's unconscious form.

"Emma is stressing a little. She wasn't around to take care of Henry as a baby and now that Regina is preggo and has one on the way, Emma is slightly frazzled because she doesn't want to fuck up." Cora explained as she dragged Blue across the ground into the center of the yard.

"And this has to do with Rachel how?"

"Because I need to go through the portal and need a body to take with me. Well actually I need two…" Cora trailed off, looking at Jefferson expectantly.

"Oh no. No. I am not going unconscious through the hat just so you can have your kicks." He stated firmly.

"Don't make me kick your ass Jefferson." Cora replied with a glare, making the man huff before reluctantly agreeing.

"Spin it."

* * *

**The Other World...**

"I did not miss this place." Cora grumbled as she waltzed away from the dock and began taking back alleyways to get to the Mills Mansion.

Cora treaded carefully, not wanting anyone to see her as she headed to her destination. Finally she spotted the manor just ahead, as well as Emma out front having a rather loud yelling match with some man.

"Neal I don't want you! I am with Regina now!" Emma yelled loudly, shoving the man away from her with a snarl.

"Emma we can be together, as a family! You, me, and Henry!" Neal replied, his eyes pleading with her to see reason.

"I'm sorry Neal, but you're about 10 years too late for that." Emma stated firmly.

"Is there a problem here?" Cora asked, her voice dangerous as she came to a stop behind Neal.

The man spun around quickly, a look of fear flashing across his face.

"C-Cora." He spluttered out.

"Why do you seem so… Oh that's right I'm dead." Cora groaned loudly, "This stupid fucking dimension. UGH! It infuriates me so much."

"Cora what are you doing here?" Emma asked, confusion on her face, "Oh my god is everyone in the other world alright? Oh my god is Regina okay? Am I okay? Oh god we aren't dead are we?!"

"Woah." Cora said putting her hands up, "Pump the brakes, put it in reverse, and back it up a little."

Neal raised an eyebrow at the woman.

"You are fine. Regina is fine. Henry is fine. We are all fine." Cora said slowly, "I just came because I require you and Regina's assistance."

"Oh. Sure thing what do you need?"

"Perhaps we should speak inside?" Cora asked, shooting Neal a glare.

"Of course." Emma agreed, turning her back on Neal and gesturing for Cora to follow.

"You say another word to her to try and break her and my daughter up and I will personally cut off that noodle you try to pass off as a dick and feed it to you." Cora threatened, making Neal gulp before backing away slowly.

"Shoo!" Cora spat out, a smirk on her face as she watched the man turn tail and run, "Pussy."

She quickly ran up the stairs of the porch and into the house, following Emma into the living room.

"Baby we have a guest!" Emma called out, dropping into a chair as Cora stood in the middle of the living room.

"Who is it? I certainly hope it isn't that sorry excuse for a man that calls himself-." Regina trailed off as she entered the room, her eyes landing on Cora. "Mother?"

Her voice was small and her eyes began to water slightly.

"Why are you-?... Oh right because I'm fucking dead. GOD I HATE THIS DIMENSION!" Cora fumed slightly before walking to her daughter and embracing her.

"What are you doing here?" Regina asked, her voice cracking with emotion as she returned the embrace.

"Well I thought it would be good to check in on you two and I require your assistance." Cora said as she guided Regina to sit next to her on the loveseat.

"Of course." Regina replied easily.

"Well I have some good news. You're pregnant." Cora said with a bright smile.

Both women stayed silent, their eyes wide as they looked at each other.

"H-How?" Regina stuttered out.

"Well with the amount of sex you two have I'd hardly say it's a surprise… well that and the fact that you have magic and finally gave me a magical baby." Cora replied with a smile.

"I got her pregnant?" Emma asked in surprise as she looked to her girlfriend.

"You sure did you sex fiend."

"Mother." Regina scolded before swallowing, "So what do you need from us?"

"Well Regina, it turns out that when you're eggo is preggo you are a total crazy woman. Apparently you go from lovey to horny to angry to sad so quickly that you would make the flash dizzy." Cora began, "And Emma is stressed out because she does everything for you because she's afraid she's gonna fuck something up big time and she needs a break. So her and I want to have some bonding time."

"What does this have to do with us?" Emma asked, glancing at her girlfriend and giving her a loving stare, which Regina returned.

"Alright, no eye fucking in front of me first of all." Cora started, "I was hoping you two would like to… babysit Regina?"

Regina and Emma stayed silent as they looked at Cora's hopeful smile.

"YOU WANT US TO BABYSIT ME!? I AM NOT A CHILD MOTHER!"

"Well no shit there Sherlock." Cora replied with a wave of her hand, "I just want someone there to keep her company while Emma has some much needed fun."

The two lovers shared a look again before nodding their consent.

"Alright that's settled. Go drop Henry off at White Chocolate's and meet me at the docks. We peacing." Cora said with a smile before poofing away.

* * *

**Back Home...**

"Dear have you seen my mother?" Regina asked as she entered the living room.

Emma stood and walked over to the women and wrapped her arms around her.

"No ma'am." She replied with a grin, eyes raking over her wife's face and stopping at her plump lips.

"Emma not now." Regina said with a giggle as Emma began nipping at her neck.

"Why not? Henry is with my parents, your mom is MIA, we have the house to ourselves…" She trailed off as she continued to kiss down Regina's neck, sucking lightly on the flesh.

"Well when you put it that way." Regina murmured in approval as she brought Emma's face back to hers, latching onto her lips in a passionate kiss.

Emma's hands began wandering over Regina's body; stopping at her ass and giving it a firm squeeze while Regina's groped at her breasts.

"Should we go upstairs?" Regina asked breathlessly as Emma continued her assault on her neck.

"Too far." Emma mumbled as she ripped Regina's shirt off, lips ghosting over the newly exposed flesh.

"I'm assuming they are in- OH FOR FUCK SAKE KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS YOU KINKY ASS BITCHES!" Cora huffed out as Emma and Regina sprang apart.

"MOTHER!" Regina growled out as she turned her back to put her shirt back on.

"Damnit Cora!" Emma grumbled before her eyes landed on their doubles. "Um… baby?"

"Yes dear?" Regina asked, turning around and finishing the last few buttons, still not looking up.

Emma poked her wife's arm and then pointed, Regina's eyes following the trail and stopping on their duplicates.

"Well hello." Regina greeted with a curious look, "Mother, care to explain?"

"Yeaaaaaaaahhh about that… No." Cora dragged out. "Have fun you kids, bye!"

Cora waved her hand, engulfing herself and Emma in a puff of smoke and disappearing, leaving Regina, Gina, and Em in the room together.

"Well how about I make us some tea and you two can fill me in on what shenanigans my mother is planning." Regina said as she gestured to the kitchen and walked off, the other two following behind.

* * *

"Regina is going to be pissed."

"Oh nonsense. She'll be fine." Cora answered before retrieving the hat from Jefferson's closet that she was looking for.

"Oh no. No. No portal hopping Cora."

"Oh will you loosen up you pansy!" Cora scolded, "We are going on an adventure and you are going to fucking like it."

Emma groaned as she followed Cora from the room and out to the backyard.

"Where are we going?"

"No idea. I picked the random hat. You give it a spin and it tosses you somewhere." Cora replied with a shrug before spinning the hat and tossing it away from them.

"What if we get sent somewhere bad?!" Emma called over the roaring wind.

"What if we make the butler mad?" Cora called back, not really hearing Emma.

"NO! What if we go somewhere bad!?"

"What if we get a cat?!"

"GODDAMNIT CORA!"

"CHUCK CHATMAN!?"

"UGH!"

"EMMA THIS IS HARDLY THE TIME FOR ELLEN REFERENCES!"

Emma threw her head back in frustration before pushing Cora into the portal and hopping in right behind her.

* * *

"Ow." Emma groaned as she picked herself up from the ground, just in time to watch Cora effortlessly Mary Poppins float down to the ground.

"Really dear you need to have more grace." Cora reprimanded before touching the ground, she took a look at their surroundings and noted where the portal was.

"Where are we?"

"A forest." Cora stated simply before grabbing onto Emma and pulling her away, "We need to get out of here so we know where we are."

The two began the walk, weaving in and out of trees, not hearing the rustling that was following them.

"Wait did you hear that?" Emma asked, coming to a halt and making Cora pause as well.

"Hear what?"

Another rustle echoed, this time louder, causing both women to spin around and face the empty woods.

"I must just be hearing things." Emma muttered before both women turned back around.

They screamed loudly as their eyes landed on the figures in front of them.

"Oh will you shut up? No need to scream so loudly." The tall figure scolded.

"Who are you?" Emma asked as she let go of Cora's arm.

"We are the Knights who saaaayyy… NI!"

"Well fuck me in the ass." Cora groaned, "WE FUCKING LANDED IN FUCKING CAMELOT!"

"Camelot as in King Arthur?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

"Yes the very same! Ugh fucking Camelot. Such a silly place."

"Well you aren't technically in Camelot." The Knight butted in.

"Well yes not technically. I assume we are on the outskirts of King Arthur's kingdom?" Cora asked.

"Indeed."

"Great jussssstttt great."

"What's so bad about Camelot?" Emma asked.

"You just wait and see. We're technically in the Enchanted Forest but King Arthur's Camelot is in a secluded section of the Forest… for good reason."

"Why's that?"

"…Because everyone here… is an idiot." Cora stated before looking back to the Knight.

"Alright then. Well if you Knights will excuse us we need to get going." Emma began with an uncertain smile.

"We cannot let you pass without receiving payment." The Knight stated.

"Ummmm what?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want for payment?" Cora asked with an eye roll.

"We want… A SHRUBBERY!"

Emma gave Cora a 'are you fucking serious' look as Cora gave another eye roll.

"Very well we will get you your shrubbery."

"A nice one. Not too small. But not too large."

"Okay okay."

"And not too scrawny."

"Okay."

"But not too fat."

"OKAY WE WILL GET YOU YOUR GODDAMN SHRUBBERY!" Cora yelled out in a huff before grabbing Emma and walking off. "Fucking Knights of Ni."

"Cora this is ridiculous."

"No shit Emma." Cora grumbled as they made their way through the forest, finally seeing a small town. "We need to find a shrubbery."

"Where?"

"No idea. We can just ask around." The two women started off for the town, eventually spotting some shrubbery.

"Do you sell the shrubbery?" Emma asked the old man.

"My name is Roger."

"I'm sorry?"

"Roger. My name is Roger." The man stated again.

"Um. Hi Roger… do you sell the shrubbery?"

"Roger the shrubber."

"What?"

"My name is Roger and I am a shrubber, it's my trade."

Emma just stared at the man.

"Listen here Roger the shrubber, we want one of your fucking shrubs for the Knights who say Ni!" Cora huffed out.

"Ahhhh don't say that word!"

"Ni?" Emma asked in confusion.

"Stop. It hurts!"

Emma gave Cora a look as Cora shook her head.

"I'll stop if you give us a shrubbery."

"Fine fine, take which ever you'd like. Just don't say those words again!"

Cora gave a triumphant smirk and picked up a nice shrubbery, whistling as she walked off.

Emma came to a stop next to the man and leaned in to his ear.

"Ni." She whispered and the man cringed before she gave a chuckled and ran after Cora.

They eventually made their way back to the Knights.

"Knights Who Say Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery." Cora called out.

The Knights appeared quickly and circled the women.

"We are now no longer the Knights Who Say Ni."

"Ni." One Knight piped up.

"Shhh." The other hushed.

"We are now the Knights who say… Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG, Zoom-Boing, Z'nourrwringmm."

Cora and Emma shared a look before Cora tossed them the shrubbery.

"There's your damn shrubbery and payment. Now may we have safe passage through these woods?"

"You may." The Knight answered as they went about examining the shrubbery.

"Okay let's get out of here." Cora said to Emma as they began trekking through the forest once more.

"Where are we going?" Emma asked as they walked.

"Not sure. But I hate Camelot. Stupid hat."

"Cora it can't be that bad." Emma reasoned as they finally broke free of the trees and spotted a castle up ahead. "Let's head there."

Cora gave a reluctant nod before they walked towards the castle, spotting a group of men dressed in armor outside of it, looking up to the top.

"Hello." Cora greeted, causing the men to turn around. "Oh fuck."

"Cora?" Arthur asked with a bright smile before engulfing her in a hug.

"You two know each other?" Emma asked in confusion as Arthur released his hold on her mother-in-law.

"Indeed! I knew Cora when I was but a young man, and she a beer wench."

A smirk spread across Emma's face as she slowly turned to face a blushing Cora.

"Is that so?"

"Oh it is! Quite the fine lover too if I might add, she did this thing with her tongue-."

"Okaaaayyyy that's enough Arthur!" Cora interrupted before clearing her throat and directing her attention to the Knights. "Lancelot, Galahad, Benevere, Robin, Bors."

"You know all of them?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

"She took a ride on all of us." Lancelot piped up, making Emma choke on air as Cora groaned.

"Cora!"

"WHAT EMMA, WHAT?! I WAS A WHORE OKAY ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!" Cora cried out, clearly frustrated.

"Was this… before you had Regina?"

"Yes this was long before I had Regina or met Rumple." Cora answered.

"Regina?" Arthur asked.

"My daughter…. The Evil Queen." Cora replied smoothly. All of the men gasped in fear.

"Wait you know of her?" Emma asked curiously.

"All who live here have heard of The Evil Queen and her Dark Curse. How did you survive?"

"It's a long story." Cora answered.

"Wait why didn't they get taken by the curse?" Emma asked pointing to the men.

"Regina got to pick who she wanted to bring… Would you really want these sods in Storybrooke?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"And who is this blonde beauty?" Arthur asked gesturing to Emma.

"This is my daughter-in-law. Emma Swan, daughter of Queen Snow and King Charming. She married Regina."

"No shit." Galahad piped up and gave Emma a high five.

"Oh and not to brag but… I'm a knight as well." Emma pointed out, rubbing her nails on her shirt.

"Are you really?" Robin asked with wide eyes.

"They call me the White Knight."

"Cocky bitch." Cora grumbled. "So what're you idiots doing standing beneath this castle?"

"We are on a quest for the Holy Grail! I have come to this castle filled with Frenchmen seeking the help of their lord." Arthur began before turning back to the castle and looking up at the Frenchman. "But someone is BEING ENTIRELY UNREASONABLE!"

"You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King,' you and all your silly English K-nig-hts." The Frenchman taunted from above.

"Is there someone else up there we can talk to?" Galahad asked, looking up at the castle.

"No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time."

"Pleasant bastard isn't he." Cora muttered.

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"Well that wasn't very nice." Emma called up.

"I merely want to speak to your lord!" Arthur called up once more as the Frenchman disappeared from view.

"FETCHEZ LA VACHE!" Came the cry from above as animals began raining down on the group.

"RUNAWAY!" Arthur called out as the group barreled away from the castle.

"Sir we need to press on away from this dreadful place!" Robin called as they continued to run off.

"Rightly so Sir Robin. Allow us to press on!" Arthur answered before stopping and turning to face Cora and Emma. "Would you ladies like to join us on our quest for the grail?"

"WE SURE WOULD!" Emma yelled, super excited about this idea while Cora gave a groan.

"Fine fine yes we would."

"Here you are Knight Swan." Arthur stated as he handed coconuts to Cora.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding." Cora grumbled as she took the coconuts.

"We ride!" Arthur cried as Patsy began banging the coconuts together, the other knights following suit.

"Well, tally ho Cora!" Emma cried as Cora grumbled and began to bang the coconuts together as they rode off.

"Where are we off to?" Bedevere asked the King as they "rode".

"We must continue the search for the grail, I have heard of a magnificent wizard that knows magic, he might be able to help us in our search." Arthur explained.

"You know that I have magic right Arthur?" Cora asked from behind as she continued to bang the coconuts.

"Indeed I do Cora. But this is a job for a wizard!"

"Don't come crying to me when you blow your balls off." Cora mumbled while Emma gave a snicker, continuing her gallop.

"I believe he can be found just over this ridge!" Arthur called back to his party as they galloped.

Suddenly an explosion of fire happened not fifty feet from them, startling the group, followed by another explosion.

"You who goes there!" Sir Bors called out as the group paused, watching as a man approached the group.

"Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?" Arthur asked as the man continued to approach.

"There are some who call me... Tim." The man answered before examining the group, "Cora?"

"You know him too!?" Emma yelled, looking at her mother-in-law.

"Yes I do and before you ask yes I fucked him too okay!?" Cora growled out before looking back to Tim, "Hello Tim."

"Still as beautiful as ever Cora."

"That's very kind of you Tim. You still look like shit."

"You didn't think so when we took a roll in the hay."

"Yes well I was extremely drunk. I don't remember much from that night."

"I remember everything Cora." Tim said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"How fortunate for you." Cora replied dryly.

"You have magic good sir?" Sir Robin broke in, interrupting the conversation.

"Indeed I do. Why do you ask?"

"We seek the Holy Grail!" Arthur stated proudly.

"Oh and who are you?"

"I am Arthur, King of the Brits and ruler of Camelot and all that is in it's kingdom."

"I never heard of you."

"But… what…"

"See. Idiots, idiots everywhere." Cora muttered to Emma, making the blonde snicker.

"I can see why Regina didn't bring them."

"I am your King!" Arthur stated.

"Yes well that's all good and lovely but I really don't give two shits. So what do you want me to do about your cup problem?"

"It is a grail! And it is Holy to our Lord!" Bedevere defended.

"It's a fucking cup." Tim stated plainly, making Cora chuckle.

"Yes well, think what you will… But do you know where it is?" Arthur asked the man.

"Indeed I do."

"Well that would have been nice to state when we first asked you." Galahad grumbled.

"You told me you seek it, not that you wanted to know if I knew where it was." Tim corrected before looking back at Arthur. "It is in a cave up ahead."

"Excellent. Take us to it." Arthur commanded.

"Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it... and lived! BONES of full fifty men lie _strewn_ about its lair! So! Brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth..." Tim told, making a gesture of the teeth with his hands.

"What an eccentric performance." Arthur replied before gesturing for Tim to lead the way.

The group moved towards the cave and quickly ducked behind the rocks.

"Where is this monster? I see no monster." Bedevere pointed out.

"Yeah Tim, where's your big scary monster?" Cora demanded as she scanned the area.

"There he is!" Time exclaimed, pointing ahead.

"Where?" Arthur asked, looking at the area as a rabbit came into view.

"There!" Time repeated, pointing ahead.

"What? Behind the rabbit?" Arthur asked incredulously.

"It _is_ the rabbit." Tim defended.

The entire group grew quiet.

"You're a fucking idiot." Cora stated plainly as she shook her head.

"You silly sod!" Arthur exclaimed.

"What?" Time asked.

"You got us all worked up!"

"Well that's no ordinary rabbit."

"Ohh."

"That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"

"You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!" Robin exclaimed.

"You slept with pussies Cora." Emma pointed out.

"Yes well… I most certainly am sleeping with one now… if you get what I mean." Cora said with a wink making Emma chuckle.

"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!" Tim exclaimed.

"Get stuffed!" Galahad called.

"He'll do you up a treat, mate." Tim stated.

"Oh, yeah?"

"You manky Scots git!" Robin exclaimed.

"I'm warning you!"

"What's he do? Nibble your bum?"

"He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!" Tim defended.

"Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!" Arthur instructed.

"I'm betting my money on the rabbit." Cora said pointedly.

"Fine. I'll take Bors then." Emma agreed, shaking hands with Cora as they watched.

"Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!" Bors called as he ran out to attack the rabbit.

Suddenly the rabbit leaped and tackled Bors, ripping his face and throat apart in a matter of seconds.

Arthur and his men let out inhuman girl shrieks while Cora and Emma's eyes widened.

"I bet even White Chocolate couldn't tame that shit." Cora muttered as they watched the blood pour from Bors.

"That is one killer rabbit." Emma muttered as Arthur and his men continued to flip out.

"I _warned_ you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you _knew,_ didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little BUNNY isn't it?" Tim mocked as he pointed to Bors lifeless body.

"What do we do now?" Robin asked Arthur.

"Too bad Snow wasn't here. I bet she could talk to that fluff ball." Cora muttered to Emma.

"Use your magic Tim!" Arthur called but Tim merely shook his head.

"No. You arrogant sods wanted to pass it off as a harmless rabbit. I am not helping."

"Please Tim!"

"On one condition."

"Name it!"

"…I get to see Cora's boobs."

"What?" Cora asked, eyebrows raised.

"It's been so long."

"I am not showing you my boobs."

"Then I am not helping."

"Cora just flash him." Arthur said.

"No."

"It's not like we are asking you to sleep with him!" Arthur defended making Cora grown before standing.

"Fine fine." She muttered as she unbuttoned her blouse, followed by yanking her bra down with an eye roll.

"They look just as I remember."

"We done now?" Cora asked as she pulled her bra back up and buttoned her blouse.

"Here. Use these." Time stated as he handed Arthur a box.

"What are these?"

"Are those grenades!?" Emma yelped as she looked at the explosives.

"Only way to take down that monster." Tim said darkly.

Cora and Emma shrugged before grabbing a grenade each, pulling the pin, and letting it fly as they bombed the rabbit.

Five grenades later, and sure they killed the monster, the group marched through the blown up rabbit guts and into the cavern.

"It shouldn't be much farther." Tim stated as they walked through the cavern, eventually seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

"It's so bright." Emma said in awe as they approached.

The group made it through the blinding light and came to a halt outside of the tunnel, only seeing more valleys and a half destroyed castle in the distance.

"Well… where the fuck is this grail?" Cora asked, arms crossed as she examined the area.

"IT SHOULD BE HERE!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Perhaps we made a wrong turn?" Robin asked.

"Well… this has been fun gentlemen." Cora began, "But we should be getting back. Have fun continuing your quest for your cup."

"GRAIL!" Arthur yelled.

"Whatever." Cora said with an eyeroll. "Let's go Emma."

Emma waved farewell to the men as Cora and she poofed from the area, reappearing next to their entrance to the portal.

"Let's get home. I'm sick of this place." Cora muttered as they passed through.

* * *

"So… I take it you and Emma are still doing quite well in the bedroom department?" Gina asked as she took a sip of her wine, making Em blush.

"Absolutely. Trust me, that is one thing that will never change." Regina answered with a chuckle, "That or our love for each other. As sappy as that sounds."

Em gave a bright smile as she looked to her girlfriend next to her.

"We should do this more often." Em stated, receiving a nod from the other two women.

"How is Cora getting you two through the portal?" Regina asked as she took a sip of her tea.

"Well the same number that go through have to come back so…" Gina trailed off, wondering who her mother could have taken through the portal.

"Oh shit." Regina muttered as she realized. "My mother took Blue through."

"Oh? But who else?" Gina asked.

"No idea. But I'll be sure to ask whenever she and my wife get back." Regina vowed with a firm nod.

"Baby we're back!" Emma called as she and Cora entered the house.

"Where did you two go?" Regina asked as she stood and walked to her wife, embracing her, "You smell like shit."

"We were in Camelot."

"With those idiots?" Both Regina's asked at the same time.

"Yeah, and I learned more about your mother than I needed to."

"Now you see why I hate Camelot." Cora grumbled as she took a seat.

"I guess we should be getting back to our dimension." Gina stated as she stood, helping Em up as well, "Henry is probably wondering where we are."

"Yeah, I'll get you two back." Cora said as she rose.

The women said their goodbyes and Cora exited the house with the group in tow, leaving Regina and Emma alone.

Once the door closed Regina pounced, pinning Emma against a nearby wall as she attacked her wife's neck.

"I have been wanting to fuck you all day since you left." Regina muttered as she continued her assault.

"I need a shower babe."

"That's fine. Shower sex it is." Regina panted as she ripped Emma's top off.

"Regina I forgot my HOLY HERA REGINA YOU CAN'T WAIT LIKE 5 GODDAMN MINUTES TO MAKE SURE I AM COMPLETELY GONE!" Cora yelled as she grabbed her keys to her apartment from the hallway table, storming out the door after.

Emma merely chuckled as she kissed her wife.

"Where were we?"

* * *

**A/N: First order of business: I recently received a message here on and was asked to include this in my next update. We have a fellow author in need, tempting faith, who is asking for everyone's help. Short story is that they need braces but the mom can't afford them, so raising money for it is the next option.**

**Help tempting faith out if you would like.**

**/project/16-years-of-pain-gone-in-6-months#/projec t_details**

**That's the link for everyone. **

**Now that's handled...**

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Once again, sorry for the wait. Reviews are welcomed and ****encouraged!**


	26. Down The Rabbit Hole

**A/N: Okay so here is the next chapter everyone. Regina is currently 3 months preggo at this point. :) Special thanks to Winterblazes and theevilqueenscully on Tumblr for the ideas of the next few chapters. A while ago they had been talking and somehow predicted something I was gonna do with the story, so here's to the! (They also RP Regina and Granny from AWCM on tumblr, respectively.)**

**Also, awhitefairytale, I put a lil some some in here for you too dear.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

**One month later…**

Cora sat in the Rabbit Hole; finishing off the drink she had as she looked about the bar. She gave a sigh as she stared into the empty bottom of her glass. Ruby was working more at the diner and acting distant, and of course it was worrying Cora, but being as stubborn as her daughter she failed to say anything to see what was wrong.

So here she sat instead, drinking her whiskey and mumbling under her breath. Regina was three months pregnant at this point, her baby bump showing more now. Regina is tiny as it is, so its no surprise that the baby bump isn't huge, but it is more noticeable now. Emma was handling the pregnancy well, even though most days she just wanted to curl into a ball because of Regina's insane mood swings, which just seemed to get worse each week.

Cora smirked to herself as she thought about the little muffin growing inside her daughter, just pondering if it would be another little boy or a little girl. Regardless that kid was going to have a SQ shipmate hat on the second it popped out if Cora had anything to say about it.

She gave a wave goodbye to the bartender, someone she knew from Wonderland, and headed outside. She didn't feel like stopping at her apartment, so instead she headed to 108 Mifflin Street. A grin spread across her face as she approached the mansion and let herself in.

"Damnit Emma! How many times do I have to tell you to _not_ leave your boots laying about the house!?" Regina yelled from the living room, making Cora give an eye roll.

"Well excuse me for rushing home to attend to your needs Your Majesty! I left helping Pongo just to come home and fuck you with Swan but-." Emma stopped her rant as she reached the foyer, boots in hand, and her eyes landed on Cora.

"Well at least you two are still doing it." Cora replied nonchalantly.

"Mother?" Regina asked entering the room, stopping next to her wife.

"Sorry to just drop in but well… Ruby is working at the diner more and being distant and I just don't wanna sit in my apartment alone." Cora admitted, a pout gracing her face.

"Oh that's just pathetic, put the boo boo lip away, you know you can always come here." Regina supplied, taking her mother by the arm and leading her into the kitchen for some lemonade before heading outside to the patio, a grumbling Emma trudging behind.

"Have you tried to talk to Ruby about it?" Emma asked as she placed a soft kiss on Regina's cheek, making the brunette beam while Emma grabbed herself lemonade and sat next to her wife.

"Ididntwannatalkaboutit." Cora mumbled out quickly.

"Mother you have to talk about it, how else will the problem get fixed?" Regina asked softly, making Emma look at her in confusion.

"You understood that babbling?"

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Well you never were a great listener."

"Seriously?"

"I'm always serious dear."

"HEY!" Cora yelled, startling the women, "We are talking about my problems right now!"

"Sorry mother." Regina replied with a small eye roll and promptly received a glare from Cora.

"I just really like Ruby and I don't wanna lose her." Cora admitted shyly.

"Do you love her?" Emma asked, making Cora's head snap up.

"Of course she does, she's been with her for over a year." Regina defended her mother, looking at her wife like she had three heads.

"Well then, do you tell her enough?" Emma asked instead, watching as Cora started whistling and looking about the yard.

"Oh mother." Regina groaned out.

"DON'T YOU OH MOTHER ME REGINA! YOU KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME WITH FEELINGS!" Cora retaliated.

"Well obviously! No wonder Ruby is distant!"

"I don't know what to do!"

"TELL HER!" Regina hollered back as Emma watched the fight like a volleyball match.

"Excuse me." Emma interrupted, "Tell Ruby what?"

"Mother hasn't told Ruby that she loves her."

"WHAT!? YOU TWO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR LIKE A YEAR!"

"No need to shout bitch, I am well aware."

"Tell her!" Emma yelled.

"Unless you don't." Regina commented.

"I do. I just have a hard time with feelings." Cora pouted, "The last time I felt this strongly I ripped my heart out."

"Well nothing says I love you quite like ripping your heart out." Emma grumbled, making Regina smack her.

"Just tell her mother." Regina commented softly, making Cora nod in agreement.

"Now that that is settled. What do we wanna do today?" Emma asked with a smile as she took Regina's hand in her own.

"I don't know but… I'm not feeling quite like myself." Regina muttered, her eyes drifting down to her swollen belly and staring at it intently.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked quickly as Cora rose and took Regina's other hand.

"I'm not entirely sure. I just feel different." Regina repeated and looked curiously at her stomach. "It feels like magic."

"Magic?" Emma asked as she looked to her wife's stomach.

Suddenly, a sneeze ripped through Regina, taking the group by surprise as they stared wide-eyed at her before erupting into a fit of giggles, which Regina promptly pouted to.

"It isn'-." Regina trailed off, staring ahead with wide eyes.

"What? Funny?" Emma giggled out before catching Cora's wide eyes and following them.

"Holy Mary Margaret mother of Emma." Cora muttered as they all stood quickly, attempting to run from the purple tornado, which followed them and sucked them up.

* * *

"JESUS REGINA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE CONJURING UP FUCKING TORNADOES! ELPHABA TEACHING YOU SOME TRICKS?!" Cora yelled as she rose from her spot on the ground.

"I haven't spoken to Elphaba in ages mother." Regina replied tersely as Emma helped her off of the ground.

Cora stayed silent a moment as she took a look at her surroundings, a loud groan escaping her lips.

"Oh fuck me with a candlestick. I HATE WONDERLAND!" Cora yelled as she looked at the large mushrooms and the caterpillar not 50 feet from them.

"How the fuck." Emma stated as she looked around, as her wife groaned.

"I transported us to Wonderland." Regina groaned out as she looked around.

"Yes I can see that Captian obvious." Cora huffed, "but _how_?"

"How in the hell should I know? I felt strange and sneezed and then there was a fucking tornado sweeping us up." Regina defended as she took Emma's hand in her own as they began to walk.

"WHOOOOO ARREEEEE YOOOOOOOUUUU?" The caterpillar asked as he blew a puff of smoke out in a ring, it floated towards the women and smacked them in the face.

"OH THAT IS IT YOU BLUE FUCKING WORM!" Cora yelled, jumping up and tackling the large caterpillar.

"Cora?" The caterpillar asked as it tried to fight her off.

"BITCH I MIGHT BE!" Cora yelled, standing back some before magicking the caterpillar's hookah away and slapping the caterpillar upside the head. "WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I BE?!"

"We thought you would never return." He said worriedly.

"Well thanks for that wonderful bout of confidence." Cora mumbled as she hopped down from the mushroom.

"Well it's just that…" He trailed off uncertainly, suddenly becoming frightened.

"Just what blue gnocchi?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well with you gone your kingdom was susceptible to attack and you see… The Red Queen sort of took over."

Cora stared at the caterpillar blankly as Regina and Emma cautiously approached the woman.

"Who did what now?" Cora asked, needing it repeated to confirm.

"The Red Queen took your kingdom."

Cora paused a moment before giving a nod.

"IMMA FUCKING KILL THAT LITTLE RED TRAMP!" Cora yelled out, suddenly storming off down the path.

"Mother!"

"Cora!" The women shouted in unison as they ran to catch up.

"Stealing my fucking kingdom. Who the fuck does she think she is. I am in NO mood to deal with this bullshit. I'll show her, fucking Red Queen. She didn't even do anything to earn her title. No. I did everything to earn mine. They don't call me Queen of Hearts for shits and giggles." Cora muttered angrily as the women made their way towards Cora's kingdom just up the way.

"Your Majesty." A guard saluted before the other smacked him.

"Jones, Bart." Cora greeted, cocking an eyebrow to signal she wasn't amused with not allowing her to pass.

"You technically are intruding on The Red Queen's kingdom." Jones said hesitantly.

"I am well aware Jones. So you can either let me through or I will throw you into the fucking hedges."

Both men glanced at each other before stepping aside.

"Fucking guards. Good help is just so hard to find." Cora mumbled as Regina and Emma looked at her with uncertainty.

The women continued ahead, spotting Cora's heart shaped throne up ahead. Her glare intensified as they walked, her eyes taking in all of the changes made and rage boiling up in her.

"It's The Queen of Hearts." People whispered as they walked.

"Regina I'm spooked." Emma admitted as she grabbed her wife's hand.

"Me too dear." Regina confirmed, following her mother.

"YOU THERE! RED BITCH!" Cora hollered out, startling everyone, including the Red Queen.

"Well if it isn't the former Queen of Hearts." The Red Queen mused, swinging her legs down from where they were resting on the armrest of the throne.

Her dress was low-cut, showing off her ample cleavage, and her hair was in an elegant up do. The dress had two cuts down along the sides, showing off her legs as she crossed them and sat, eyeing up Regina and Emma.

"And who are the two gorgeous women behind you?"

"My daughter Regina, The Evil Queen, and her wife the White Knight." Cora supplied.

Regina cocked an eyebrow at the old title, but stood up straighter regardless, exuding her power.

"How… appetizing." The Red Queen drawled, leaning forward and making Cora give an eye roll.

"Okay first of all, the way you just said that makes you seem like a cannibal. And secondly, GET YOUR BARE ASS OFF OF MY THRONE!"

"Oh so testy darling." The Red Queen taunted, her gaze flickering to Emma, making Regina give a protective step in front of her wife. "And a protective daughter of her lover."

"Wife." Regina corrected, head held high.

"Oh my apologies."

"You aren't sorry you tart." Cora growled out, "What makes you think that you can come here and just take over?!"

"You weren't here darling."

"And that just gave you a right to park your ass on my throne?"

"Well yes."

Cora groaned and she looked around the room, staring at her guards.

"And none of you protested?" She asked all of them.

"Oh they did. But I had more forces than they did." The Red Queen commented, her gaze flickering back to Emma once more.

"Okay you look at my daughter-in-law one more goddamn time and I will personally blow your Red ass up, NO ONE WILL SINK MY FUCKING SHIP!"

The Red Queen looked at Cora perplexed before her gaze turned to Regina.

"Well how about your daughter then?"

"You can look at my bare ass you slutty, boobs pushed up to the chin, trying to act like the Evil Queen, harlot." Cora growled out.

"Oh so testy." Her gaze flickered down to Regina's belly, "Oh, it seems your daughter put on a few pounds."

Emma's eyes widened as she looked between her wife and the Red Queen, this was gonna get ugly quick. That was the last thing the Red Queen wanted to say to Regina.

Regina's head was held even higher than before as she strutted forward with all the grace of a Queen.

"For your information I am pregnant you imposter, and the last thing you want to do is piss off the Evil Queen when she's pregnant." Regina seethed out before flinging her hand out to knock the Red Queen from the throne.

Instead, butterflies flew from her hand.

"OH GODDAMNIT!" Regina yelled as she stared at the offending hand.

"Damn pregnancy hormones. They fuck with the magic." Cora commented before turning back to the Red Queen who was laughing hysterically.

"I'm getting really sick of this bitch." Emma growled as she wrapped around her now pouting wife.

"You and me both Swan." Cora growled as her eyes landed on the Red Queen once more.

"Oh Cora. What a lovely little family you have." The Red Queen taunted, "You know, I could allow you to live here, if you'd agree."

"Nope." Cora answered automatically, watching as the Queen's eyes hardened.

"I have been waiting for you to return for years." The Red Queen said pointedly, "And now you return and you refuse me?"

"What the fuck is happening?" Emma whispered to her wife, who was just as confused.

"I have no idea dear." Came the reply.

"Listen. It was fun while it lasted but you just didn't do it for me." Cora stated with a shrug.

"Oh god your mother fucked The Red Queen." Emma grumbled.

"Clearly she was unable to keep it in her pants."

"Oh really? So you felt nothing for me then?" The Red Queen asked with a hard stare.

"Kinda impossible to feel when you DIDN'T HAVE YOUR HEART!"

"What?"

"Bitch I am the Queen of fucking Hearts. That goddamn title didn't come free!" Cora huffed out, "Now get your skinny ass off of my fucking throne."

Cora waved a hand out; throwing The Red Queen off of the throne and into a pile of cushions while Cora marched up and plopped down on her throne.

"Oh yeah, that's nice." Cora mumbled as she sank into the throne.

"Mother!" Regina called as she watched the Red Queen struggle to stand.

"WHAT!?"

"The goddamn hedges were right there and you threw her in cushions instead?" Regina asked with a hard glare.

"Oh. Whoops." Cora replied sheepishly before giving the Red Queen another toss, watching as she screamed and was gobbled up by the hedges, disappearing from sight.

"Wonderland is fucking creepy." Emma muttered.

"Wonderland." Cora scoffed, "Nothing wonderful about this goddamn place."

"Mother we need to figure out a way back home." Regina said pointedly.

"Yeah yeah. In a little while. This is nice." Cora grumbled, sinking further into the throne and signaling a guard, "Get me a drink Carl."

Regina gave a groan as she looked to her wife.

"You wanna take a walk around? I've never been here." Emma asked as she pointed to the road.

"Might as well." Regina agreed as they turned and walked off.

"If you need me just holler!" Cora called after them.

"Your mother." Emma stated with a chuckle, making Regina smirk.

They continued a ways down the path, coming to a secluded clearing just up ahead.

"You know, I'm actually quite hungry." Regina commented wryly as they approached the clearing.

"Is there even anything to eat here?" Emma asked, oblivious to what Regina was getting at.

"Welllll…" She drawled out, stopping in front of Emma and trailing a finger down her wife's chest, "There's you."

Emma's eyes widened and a grin spread across her face.

"I think we can arrange that Your Majesty." Emma commented before pulling her wife flush against her for a kiss.

They continued their make out session for a bit before Regina grew impatient and pulled Emma's shirt off in one fluid motion, unhooking the blonde's bra next.

"Fuck babe." Emma groaned as Regina latched her mouth to a pert nipple.

"That's the idea my love." Regina replied before continuing her ministrations.

* * *

Cora lounged in her pool, sunglasses on her face as well as a sombrero on her head. She took a swig of her drink and sighed contently.

"Your Majesty." Carl spoke, making Cora sigh.

"Yes Carl?"

"We um… well." He started, his voice laced with nerves.

"Oh just spit it out." Cora replied before turning to look at the man, her eyes immediately landing on Regina and Emma, looking quite disheveled.

The two women were avoiding eye contact with her and immediately Cora knew what was up.

"Oh for god sake! You kinky bitches couldn't wait until we got back?!"

"Hormones." Regina mumbled before her gaze drifted down to Emma's hand, her eyes trailing over each finger. She gave a shiver at the memory of those fingers buried within her heat.

"REGINA STOP THINKING ABOUT EMMA FUCKING YOU!" Cora yelled as she hopped out of the pool and came around to the two women.

"I CAN'T HELP IT! DO YOU SEE THE HOT PIECE OF ASS THAT IS MY WIFE!"

"Regina I am well aware of your urges towards your wife!" Cora replied with a huff while Emma grabbed a lemonade and began sipping on the drink, watching the interaction.

"These hormones make it impossible to function properly unless whatever problem I am having gets taken care of immediately." Regina groaned.

Cora shook her head and looked to her daughter-in-law before looking back to her daughter.

"You still having urges?" Cora asked her daughter with a raised eyebrow.

Regina gave a nod before Cora sighed.

"Carl can you show Regina and Emma to one of the guest rooms? I don't need them fucking outside, it's bad for the back." Cora commented as she squeezed her daughter's hand.

"I'm game." Emma replied with a smirk before taking Regina's other hand.

"Oh fuck." Regina said, her eyes widening.

"What?" Both wife and mother asked in unison.

Suddenly another sneeze tore from Regina.

"NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" Cora yelled as she held onto her sombrero as they were swooped up by the tornado once more.

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**A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter!**

**where are they going next I wonder?**

**Don't forget to review. :)**


	27. Welcome To Oz

**Here is Chapter 27 everyone.**

**I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I've been busy with work and the weather here has been so crappy that I just didn't have the urge to write. **

**But thanks to those that are still sticking with this story.**

**I'll try to update again soon, hopefully my schedule slows down a little so I have time to write.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

The purple tornado that had engulfed the three women finished its whirlwind with an unceremonious drop. Emma and Cora landed with a thud and synchronized groans.

They began to peel themselves off of the ground when a sudden weight landed on them.

"Oof." Emma breathed out as her face met the ground once more.

"Jesus Regina!" Cora yelled as she tried to crawl her way out from underneath her daughter.

"Well excuse me for being pregnant and weighing more!" Regina replied with a bite as she stood up and helped her wife up as well.

"You okay baby?" Emma asked as she gave her wife a once over, lingering on her face and tucking a stray strand of hair back in place.

"I'm fine dear." Regina replied softly, smiling as Emma brought her hand up and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

"Well shit." Cora muttered to herself as she eyed the road before them.

"What's wrong mother?" Regina asked, her eyes not leaving her wife's face.

"Your crazy ass tornado dropped us off in Oz!" Cora called out as she angrily began walking down the yellow brick road.

"Mother where are you going?! The Emerald City is the opposite way!" Regina called after the woman as she and Emma followed after Cora.

"I ain't going back there Regina! Everything is too green! I was seeing green for months after I left the last time it messes with your head and I just cannot and will not do it again do you-." Cora's rant abruptly came to a halt as she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes falling on the small man that stood in front of her with rosey cheeks and a bright smile.

"Hello." He greeted, his white teeth showing through his smile.

Cora blinked once. Twice.

"NOT THE LITTLE PEOPLE! IT'S A SMALL WORLD IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!" Cora screamed and turned tail, running and hiding behind her daughter and daughter-in-law.

"Cora it's just a munchkin!" Emma groaned out.

"IT IS THE SMALL DUTCH MAN FROM THAT BLASTED RIDE! HE WILL NOT TAKE ME ALIVE I TELL YOU!" Cora yelled again, peeking around Regina and hissing at the small man.

"Is she okay?" The small man asked the two women, genuine concern on his face.

"She had an unfortunate incident with some people of your…" Regina trailed off as she looked at the munchkin, "Stature."

The small man nodded before walking away, a suspicious look in Cora's eyes as she watched the man go.

"Hey Regina."

"Yes dear?"

"What's that bubble thing?" Emma asked curiously as a large bubble began to close in on their position.

"RUN!" Cora yelled out suddenly before scrambling to her feet. Just as she was about to take off at a sprint the bubble descended on her and landed with a pop.

"MY EYES GODDAMNIT MY EYES! THEY BURN OH THE AGONY!" Cora yelled out as she writhed on the ground.

"Glinda." Regina said with a smile as she greeted the woman, quickly giving a short embrace before she introduced Emma and gave her a short synopsis of their new lives.

"WHAT ARE THOSE BUBBLES MADE OUT OF?! ACID!?" Cora continued to scream as she rolled on the ground clutching her eyes.

"Regina, it's been so long. Elphaba and I haven't seen you in ages, and now you drop in and you're married and expecting!? That is most glorious news!" Glinda said with a bright smile.

"Um baby." Emma tried to interrupt, pointing at the writhing woman.

"MUNCHKIN BLOOD! IT'S MADE FROM MUNCHKIN BLOOD!"

"So tell me, what brings you to Oz?" Glinda asked the brunette.

"Well it's actually quite complicated, since we landed here, perhaps you and Elphaba would be able to shed some light on the situation?" Regina asked.

"Of course we would be happy to help!"

"GLINDA FEEDS ON THE SOULS OF THE MUNCHKINS AND USES THERE BLOOD TO MAKE HER BUBBLES!" Cora cried out again, still rolling on the ground.

"Baby, your mom." Emma interjected, pointing at the older brunette.

"Oh for heaven sake Cora, get up!" Glinda scolded before yanking the woman up with a huff. "And my bubbles are NOT made from Munchkin blood."

Cora grumbled as she stood, causing Glinda to roll her eyes before gesturing the group to follow her.

Small munchkins popped their heads up from behind nearby bushes, eyeing the women curiously as they walked.

"Shoo shoo, nothing to see here people." Glinda stated as they moved through the crowd before they were stopped by a colorful trope of munchkins.

They took a deep breath before beginning.

"Weeeeeeeeee…" they paused, "represent, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, and in the name of, the lollipop guiilllddddd."

"Oh dear." Glinda groaned.

"This won't go well." Regina added.

"YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY YOU LITTLE MUNCHKINS!?" Cora screamed before running towards them and making them scatter.

"I'm sooooo confused." Emma stated as she watched Cora chase the munchkins.

"My mother and the lollipop guild had a rather unfortunate first meeting."

"She landed in Oz and well… the lollipop guild were feeling particularly funny that day and their lollipops were…" Glinda trailed off, a blush covering her face.

"Lollipops were what?" Emma asked curiously.

"They were phallic shaped." Regina finished, trying to suppress her smirk.

"The lollipop guild… greeted Cora with Penis pops?" Emma asked, trying and failing to suppress her laughter.

"She might have landed on one and…" Glinda trailed off again as Regina made an entering motion with her hands.

Emma's eyes widened before she busted out laughing.

"GIVE ME THAT LOLLIPOP! I WILL SHOVE IT UP YOUR TINY MUNCHKIN-!"

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, making the older woman stop, a large lollipop in one hand with a munchkin in the other.

"You're mother got fucked by a penis pop!" Emma laughed out, falling to the ground and curling into a ball, "I can't I can't."

"Emma." Regina scolded, a snicker escaping her lips as well.

"Oh yes lets just laugh about this because it is sooooo funny." Cora mocked as she dropped the munchkin and he scampered off, meanwhile Cora took a lick of the lollipop and shrugged.

"Anyhoo, let's get back to my home shall we?" Glinda asked with a smile.

"Lead the way Bubble Princess." Cora teased as she disappeared in her cloud of smoke and Glinda in her bubble.

"Come dear." Regina called as she helped Emma, who was still laughing, on her feet.

"Penis pops!"

* * *

"Darling we have company!" Glinda called happily as she gestured for the group to have a seat on the couch.

"Company?" Came the velvet reply, a green skinned woman dressed in black with Raven hair flowing down her back, came into view.

"Elphaba." Regina greeted first, eliciting a squeal of delight from the green woman as they embraced.

"Elphaba." Cora greeted next.

Elphaba whipped around from Regina's embrace and her eyes locked on the other brunette.

"Cora Mills, holy Oz, how have you been?!" Elphaba cried as she rushed to the woman and embraced her.

"I've been better."

"Yes I am aware of how much you dislike Oz." Elphaba stated with a smirk.

"She _is_ real." Emma said in awe as she looked at Elphaba.

"And who is this?" Elphaba asked as she took a look at Emma.

"That is my wife."

Elphaba's eyes widened as she looked to Regina and then Emma before a large smile bust across her face.

"Well congratulations!" Elphaba said happily.

"And Regina's pregnant." Glinda chimed in, gesturing to Regina's slightly protruding belly.

"Oh Oz. Well Regina it seems congratulations are in order all around."

Glinda gave a 'humph' and stalked from the room, drawing everyone's attention.

"Did we do something?" Emma asked slowly as she stared in confusion.

Elphaba gave a sigh before speaking, "Glinda wants to have children and we can magically, but I'm afraid the baby would-."

She trailed off.

"Be the same color as broccoli." Cora offered up.

"MOTHER!"

"Well its true!" Cora huffed out, making Elphaba chuckle.

"She's right, I'm afraid the child would share my skin condition." Elphaba confirmed.

"It doesn't matter Elphie!" Glinda huffed out, stalking back into the room, "We manage just fine with yours and the people accept you now. So what if the child would turn out green!"

"Glinda we shouldn't discuss this now." Elphaba tried to reason, just eliciting a huff from Glinda before she continued on with her rant.

Cora watched the scene with amusement, and now Emma and Regina involved themselves in the discussion, allowing Cora proper time to slip away.

She quietly backed up around the nearest corner and engulfed herself with smoke before reappearing in the attic of the castle.

"This place is a mess. I can't believe Glinda doesn't clean up here." Cora muttered to herself as she examined the contents of the room.

Her eyes landed on a broomstick and a sparkle entered her eyes as an idea struck.

* * *

Emma listened to the two brunettes try and reason with the blonde, Emma having drawn herself out of the conversations a few minutes ago. She didn't want to intrude on the topic anymore, so instead she glanced around the room, hoping to strike up a convo with Cora, but found it empty.

Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion as she heard a whizzing sound come from nearby, and she began to walk to the nearest window to take a look.

Everything looked normal except for a semi black trail of smoke that was pooling into the air.

"What the-." Emma trailed off as she made out the figure coming closer.

"EMMA MOVE AWAY!" Cora screeched out as the runaway broom carrying her descended towards the window.

Emma dove out of the way just in time before Cora came whizzing into the room, filling it with black smoke.

"Baby!" Emma yelled out before clamoring to her feet and diving after her wife. "Poof us out, poof us out!"

Regina wrapped her arms snugly around the blonde as they disappeared in a puff of smoke, while Glinda and Elphaba retreated to one of the blonde's bubbles.

They just made it through the window and appeared safe when the broom came charging from the castle and straight towards the bubble.

"CORA CORA NO!" Glinda shrieked out as the broom barreled forward and hit the bubble, causing a resounding pop.

"I CAN'T CONTROL THIS THING!" Cora yelled out as the broom dipped and twisted and turned, while Glinda and Elphaba began falling from the sky.

"Regina catch them!" Emma yelped, watching as her wife attempted to lower the two women, only to be met with butterflies sprouting from her hands once more.

"Fucking butterflies!" Regina growled out as she tried to swat them away. She threw her hands out once more, this time with success as she slowly lowered the two women to the ground.

"OH MY EYES, ELPHIE MY EYES!" Glinda screeched.

"SOMEONE GET ME OFF OF THIS BLASTED THING!" Cora yelled as the broom continued to dip and twist.

"Elphaba do something." Regina began, "She's going to injure herself."

"I FEEL LIKE HARRY POTTER!"

"I don't know what to do exactly." Elphaba admitted with a sheepish smile.

"FUCKING PROFESSOR QUIRRELL! SOMEONE MUTTER A COUNTER CURSE!" Cora shrieked out as the broom began to descend towards the ground.

"Mother pull up!" Regina yelled out.

"I'M HARRY POTTER!" Cora screamed as she pulled up on the broomstick, making it move at the last possible movement.

"Elphaba you need to calm your broom!" Glinda huffed out, finally regaining her vision.

"It's mad at me!" Elphaba defended as Cora continued to scream and whiz by.

"Mad at you? What ever for?" Glinda asked, surprise evident in her voice.

"I demoted it to a cleaning broom once I got my newest one." Elphaba admitted.

"Oh Elphie."

"The blasted thing is billowing black smoke, what was I supposed to do?! Let it continue polluting Oz?!" Elphaba huffed.

"I'M DYING UP HERE!"

"Regina we need to do something." Emma muttered to her wife as they watch Cora continue to struggle with the broom.

"I'M GOING TO GET LUNG CANCER FROM THIS SMOKE!" Cora yelled out angrily before she spotted a rather fluffy object resting on the ground up ahead.

She pushed the broom a little, trying to get it to go for the object and she let out a squeal of glee when it complied.

Once she got close enough she leapt off of the broom and onto the object, rolling off of it and landing with a soft thud on the ground.

"MOTHER!" She heard Regina call out.

"I'M FINE!" Cora shouted out, mumbling the next, "No thanks to you bitches."

"MOTHER LOOK OUT!"

Cora looked to her daughter in confusion before turning around and coming face to face with a very large, and very angry looking Lion.

"Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my." Cora muttered before giving an unsure smile as she looked at the Lion. "Hi."

The Lion gave a loud roar, causing spit to land on Cora's face. She wiped it off and gave a nervous chuckle before turning tail and running away.

"RUN AWAY!" She yelled as she ran as fast as she could with the Lion on her heels.

The Lion and Cora ran straight past the group, the beast not even bothering with the four harmless women that had not landed on him and interrupted his slumber.

"SINCE WHEN DID OZ BECOME THE COLOSSEUM?!" Cora yelled out.

"Oh Elphie please stop this, no wonder Cora hates Oz so much." Glinda begged, watching her wife give a nod before calling to the Lion and halting his progress.

Cora noticed she was no longer being chased and slowed her running, breathing heavily before falling to the ground in a heap.

"We should really try to get back home." Regina muttered to her wife, earning a sound of approval from Emma as they headed towards the fallen Cora.

"Cora you alright?" Emma asked as they approached the heap.

"Am I dead? Did I get eaten?" Cora asked, her eyes shut tight.

"You're fine mother."

"Am I in Hades? Hades are you there old friend?" Cora asked, eyes still shut.

"Mother." Regina gave an exasperated sigh.

"Pain? Panic? Are you there as well?" Cora asked, blinding reaching out.

"God you are so dramatic." Emma chuckled as she grabbed Cora's hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Indeed you are." Regina commented as she laid a hand on her mother's arm, "We should find a way-."

A loud sneeze escaped Regina and her eyes widened in surprise. Suddenly the wind changed and a large purple tornado appeared and began moving towards the women.

"When we get back home, we are getting you on allergy medicine." Emma muttered to her wife as the group held tight to each other.

"Bye Elphie, Bye Glinda!" Cora shouted over the wind, watching as the two women grabbed each other and moved to a safe distance.

The trio shut their eyes and felt themselves being swept up in the wind and taken through the portal.

The tornado died out soon after and left the women gliding gently down to the ground, right in the backyard of the mansion.

"THANK GOD WE ARE HOME!" Emma yelled as they landed.

"Moms! Nana!" Henry's voice rang out as he came barreling through the backyard to the women, Snow and Charming on his heels.

"Henry!" Regina and Emma said in unison, dropping to the boys height to hug him.

"You guys were gone for a week!" Henry pointed out, making his parents eyes widen.

"A week?" Emma asked in disbelief, receiving a nod from Henry.

"Cora you might want to go and speak with Ruby. She's rather upset with you." Snow explained, making Cora whimper like a kicked puppy before muttering and stalking off.

"Okay we can hug this all out later, right now though I need to get Regina to the pharmacist." Emma said urgently before taking her wife's hand.

"Why Emma?" Charming asked.

"Because Regina clearly needs allergy medicine so she doesn't sneeze and poof us to a distant land again! I am NOT riding in Dorothy's tornado anymore! Bitch can keep that!" Emma huffed out as she tugged her wife behind her, leading around the mansion and towards the pharmacy to see Sneezy.

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**A/N: Hopefully you all liked this chapter, as you can see, our land hopping has come to an end. Don't forget to review! **

**Thanks to everyone who stuck with this story :) I love you guys.**


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